Struggle is a part of real life--by design.  But it has no "good" place in a performance-obsessed culture.  Our homes can be places where it's safe to struggle well--and grow up.

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas in this episode:

• By design, we are created to find our deepest satisfaction by contributing, rather than consuming.
• By design, struggle is a place we're created to connect and find love, instead of disconnect because we are afraid.
• By design, our homes are created to be safe places of work, struggle, leisure, rest, & fun!

There is great hope!

Entitlement becomes the reality when demands and expectations define relationships, instead of my true identity and personal responsibility.  "I want to do less to get more."  "I want to pay less and get more."

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas for untangling these default relationships at home:

• By design, we are contributors.  By default, we are consumers.  We are created to respond, not earn in relationships.
• Disconnect struggle from shame, not from personal responsibility.  Real responsibility is a part of living in our true identity.
• Transactional relationships put joy/happiness/contentment in the future--when I get.  Transformational relationships remind me that I have what I need--right now. 

 Follow this link to join us for this episode.  There is great hope!

When relationships are transactional -- parents and children are at risk of getting tangled up in entitlement.  This part 1 "Untangling Entitlement" episode offers a bit of history, and helps parents find the root of the struggle.

BRAVE LOVE offers these truths:

• Seek out relationships for yourself as a parent that are not transactional.  In transformational relationships we get because we need, not because we do.
• As a parent, your identity is not at stake when your children struggle.  Love disconnects struggle from shame.
• Relationships at home are toxic when they are transactional and healthy when they are transformational.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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When unpleasant emotions combine with oxytocin (the love hormone) our children learn to process and digest their feelings--and return to joy.  When unpleasant emotions combine with cortisol (the fear hormone) our children experience "fight or flight"--and relationships get messy.  

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas to share with our children:

1. Emotions are very real, and they don't always tell us the truth.  They are important "passengers," and poor "drivers."
2. It's not good to be alone with our emotions.  We need trusting relationships to protect us.
3. "Get it out, don't live it out."  Our children need safe, mature relationships--not just echo chambers.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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The Cure and Parents offers this powerful quote:  "When your children are young, being the parent carries enough control to handle them.  But if you don't grow up as they grow older, your immaturity will stunt their maturity at the level of your own.  And no measure of control can handle that."  This episode offers practical help for parents navigating their own emotions.

BRAVE LOVE offers these key ideas as we navigate emotions at home:

• The decision to hide or deny an uncomfortable emotion is a decision to miss out on good feelings, too.
• Joy is not happiness.  When we are relationally healthy, joy is our normal state.
• Maybe losing it is really finding it in mature safe relationships.  Let's tell our children!

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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Every family has to crawl through a small window of time on school days.  Because time is a hard boundary, families have an opportuntity to navigate mornings together in a way that sends kids to school with their real needs met, instead of just with their clothes on and their teeth brushed. A new FREE RESOURCE is available to help you experience Good Mornings! at your house.  https://janetnewberry.com/free-resources/

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• Behavior is always the mirror of belief.  Your child’s behavior tells you what they are believing to be true about themselves and about their place in the family.  Parents can provide kids a culture at home based on truth, rather than emotions or cultural norms.
• We are all in the process of growing up—and we all wake up every day with real needs for love.  Our children can’t mature beyond our level of immaturity.  Love helps us grow up, too!  Love is the fuel of maturity.
• Love gives us the strength to do the thing that is true about us.  When we know who we are as a family, love helps us act like our true selves.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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Mornings are hard — especially when school starts and everyone needs to get ready on time. This episode offers new ideas to help families establish a culture of caring, instead of chaos, at home.  A new FREE RESOURCE is available to help you experience Good Mornings! at your house.  https://janetnewberry.com/free-resources/ 

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• Set the culture rather than just deal with it.  Peaceful mornings are possible when parents establish a culture of caring.  
• Aim at relationship rather than outcome.  Relationships will take care of outcome, but outcomes will not take care of relationships.
• Make family about belonging instead of just being good.  Love is always good, but good is not always love. Dependable is more valuable than independent.   

BRAVE LOVE is our great hope to help our children develop the habits of a mature young adult — able to care for themselves, and care for others, too.

Use this link to join us on today's episode, or you can subscribe using one of these options.

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This episode responds to a question from a listener who wants to help her son learn to sleep in his own bed, and she admits that he has a need to sometimes sleep with her, too.  Listen in to a different BRAVE LOVE perspective.

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• When "right" or "wrong" is blurry, ask "Am I choosing out of fear or love?  Love lends strength and builds capacity.
• Meet real needs first; trying to satisfy wants drains capacity.  Meeting real needs helps our children grow up.
• Make intentional decisions, rather than emotional ones.  Share this key difference with your child and help him learn to make decisions based on values and convictions, instead of fear or emotions.

BRAVE LOVE is our great hope.  

Use this link to join us on today's episode, or you can subscribe using one of these options.

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A different idea to help our children grow up and share the work of the home, and also experience a responsible relationship with money.  BRAVE LOVE offers transformational relationships, instead of just transactional ones.

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• Love is messy and law gets ugly.  Only love gives life in the long run.
• Invest in maturity instead of being satisfied with compliance.  Help your child grow up to be caring instead of just "good."
• Take the option of being a rebel off the table.  She's your daughter; he's your son.  Your child is not an employee.  Love can speak from a tender place and remind our children who they are, and lend them strength to trust and obey.

If our children don't trust us, they will not experience our love -- no matter how much love we have for them.  We can fight for control, or we can build trust.  BRAVE LOVE is our great hope.  

This episode offers families a different, shame-free conversation about Fortnite and Minecraft.  Find new hope for helping your child navigate their relationship with gaming.   Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• We are dependent creatures.  Are we depending on something that is for us?  Is Fortnite meeting my child's real needs?
• Let's tell our children about toxic relationships. In a healthy relationship, the strong meet the needs of the weak, and the weak become strong. In a toxic relationship, the weak meet the needs of the strong, and the weak get weaker.  Which one is happening in a relationship to Fortnite?
• How do we define living?  Is life about growing in maturity? Or is life about getting what I want?  As a family, let's experience the freedom of mutually satisfying relationships. 

Episode 4 offers some new and different ideas about the power and practicality of BRAVE LOVE as we help our children untangle their relationships with gaming.  There is great hope!