LOVE IS FEARLESS

The holidays are over--and for some of us, we're wondering what happened. We had great expectations!  Family time was going to be special.  Relationships were going to be close.  And some of the time was special, but--if we're honest--we're moving into 2019 wondering if there's something missing in our relationships with our children.

In this episode, Janet and Doug share quotes from three great books--that offer a BRAVE LOVE perspective for parenting in the new year.

And this episode offers these three steps to take with yourself--and your family--in 2019:

• Start with yourself.  Trust who God says you are.  Our children need to see us trusting someone bigger than ourselves.
• Build a relationship of trust with your children.  Talk about identity and integrity.  Put away the tools of control and manipulation.
• Together--there is great hope.  Join a community that is talking about identity and integrity, too.  We are created to do the hard work of parenting in community.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope.

You can find the three books discussed in this episode on this link:  https://janetnewberry.com/my-favorite-things/

Janet and Doug welcome Tim Chalas to the BRAVE LOVE podcast this week.  Tim is a husband and father of three.  He is also the lead pastor at Grace Life Fellowship in Baton Rouge, LA.

In their conversation, Janet, Doug, and Tim wrestle honestly with some of the ways unforgiveness can get in the way of our families experiencing life to the fullest.   If your family struggles with anger, bitterness, anxiety, or distance--instead of intimacy in key relationships--this episode offers great hope!

Join us on this sometimes funny--and certainly helpful--episode that offers these three take aways:

• How do you know?  Unforgiveness is keeping us from family life to the fullest when we regularly deal with bitterness, shame, anger, or judgement.
• Forgiveness opens the door to experiencing love--from God and others.
• "Forgiveness is the pathway upon which love freely flows.  Without it, intimacy is impossible and distance is inevitable."  (Tim Chalas)

Linger in this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope!

The free resource mentioned in this episode can be found on janetnewberry.com

Life can be different when we recognize what motivates our behavior and guides our decision making.  We survive (at best) when shame or fear is our motivator.  We thrive when love is our guide.  

The previous BRAVE LOVE episode offered 15 indicators for recognizing shame.  This episode offers 15 indicators for recognizing love.  In an environment of love, we experience a full and free life. There is great hope for this life in your home.

Join Janet and Doug as they offer these next steps, motivated by love:

• Love is a gift, not an investment.  Love generously!
• Declare your home to be a "Shame Free" zone.  Be intentional about discovering ways to behave, parent, and lead others that are not manipulative.
• Information is not transformation.  Transformation happens in relationships of trust.  

Join us on this episode--and subscribe now.  
Find out more about our online classes and free resources at https://janetnewberry.com/

Merry Christmas, friends!

In America, our homes are equipped with smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors.  Carbon monoxide is a silent killer.  Smoke detectors wake us up before we feel the heat of a fire.  Our homes need SHAME DETECTORS, too, because SHAME is a silent killer of a different sort.  Shame can destroy our relationships.  Shame can kill our dreams. And there is great hope.

Join Janet and Doug as they offer 15 symptoms of "shame-sickness" to watch for in your family, and find strength in these transformational truths:

• Shame is an unseen force, whose motive is to convince us to hide from God and others--especially when we struggle.
• Shame comes in the shadow of misbehavior or struggle.  Shame offers us an invalid identity, and names us by our struggle.
• Love is an unseen force, too--more powerful than shame.  Recognizing shame is an invitation to run towards love.  Love is our only hope.

Listen now--and to subscribe.  Share this episode with your friends who need BRAVE LOVE, too.  There is great hope.

Zach (24) and Grace (19) join us on this episode to share how they are enjoying their relationship, trusting all the practical realities that grace offers.   When performance-obsessed cultures offer shame, grace offers freedom--even to fail.  Only in this freedom can we experience the fullness of God's love--and each other's love, too.

Enjoy this life-giving conversation and linger in these BRAVE LOVE truths:

• When I know that failure is an option--I'm not caught off guard.  I can remember the truth of my identity--and live from that truth.
• Knowing my identity in Christ isn't a ticket to being perfect, but it is a safety net when I'm not.
• I can be intentional about finding one or two key relationships that will remind me that it is safe to fail.

Join us on this episode and subscribe.  There is great hope.

Sibling rivalry is a drain on our patience and our relationships.  Most often, sibling rivalry is not a behavior problem.  What we misdiagnose, we will mistreat.

BRAVE LOVE offers these new ideas to begin to cure sibling rivalry:

• Help children untangle thoughts and feelings.  Sort lies from truth, and behavior will come untangled, too.  Behavior is the echo of belief.
• Help children find the real pain points in the stories they're telling themselves.  Find shame--and trust love to do what love does.  Love heals.
• Trade "be good" for "be loved and be loving" as the mantra in your home.  GOOD takes growing into, and often requires LOVE.  LOVE can happen now--and create GOOD.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope.

Behavior is a fruit. We can't fix a bad apple, and we can't fix bad behavior, either. And we can impact and influence our children in ways that help them mature--and that support integrity. Love is the fuel of maturity. Love reminds us who we are.

In this episode, BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas about loving our kids:

• Caterpillars can't fly.  We get to offer the love that transforms them from caterpillars to butterflies.
• Let's trade behavior modification for connecting with our children in their struggle and walking with them through their struggle.
• Ignore the lie that "I don't have time."  Hold onto the truth that building trust matters.

There is great hope!

Have you ever seen a "Please Don't Feed The Wildlife" sign?  When we feed the wildlife, we change their natural behaviors--and it's not a helpful change.  We can do the same thing with children when we try to conform their behavior, instead of transform them in love.

Here's what BRAVE LOVE says about aiming at the target of maturity instead of good behavior:

• Requiring our children to "be good," our relationship with them will focus on measuring, comparing, controlling, fixing, or manipulating--and their relationship with us will focus on striving, hiding, rebelling, complaining, or blaming.
• Helping our children grow up means teaching them who they are, who we are, and who God is.  Our relationship with them gets to focus on building trust, loving them well, and staying connected in relationship.
• If I get older without knowing my true identity, I will be tempted to:  work for love, go it alone, or I'll live a life less than I was created to enjoy because I'm not experiencing love.

 There is great hope.

We had dinner last night with good friends who are parents of young children. When we asked them what one question we could talk about on the BRAVE LOVE podcast that would be the most helpful, Mark instantly blurted out: "Why can't my boys just put on their shoes in the morning?!" We've all been there. This series offers to untangle the ways we parent our children "by default" or "by design."

BRAVE LOVE offers these truths about behavior:

• Behavior is a fruit.  Bad fruit can't be fixed.  Bad behavior can't be fixed either.
• Behavior is the combined result of our beliefs, habits, values, affections, relationships, unresolved issues, and maturity.
• Behavior that is controlled today will need to be controlled again tomorrow.  Control doesn't build trust or maturity.  Let's be tired because we're building trust and maturity--instead of damaging those we care about.

There is great hope.

What an honor to welcome Caleb Lynch as a special guest on the BRAVE LOVE podcast.  He shares a powerful message with us about "seeing each other" --even and especially when we're struggling.  We need the strength that encouragement offers.  So do our children.

BRAVE LOVE offers the strength of these truths:

• Struggle is normal and to be expected.  Let's tell our children.
• Struggling in safe relationships offers the love that helps us grow.  Struggling in fear hijacks maturity.
• Who sees YOU?  Not who measures you? or who evaluates you?  Who gets to love you?  We need each other--by design.

Join us on this episode and subscribe. There is great hope.