LOVE IS FEARLESS

Join us in this episode as we dig deep into a new conversation about The Connected Life, by Todd W. Hall. This week, we're talking about the power of love that changes everything, especially when we begin to experience God as a safe and secure Father, rather than a distant and threatening judge. In his book, Todd Hall tells about a man diagnosed with schizophrenia who is now functioning well and has a fulfilling life, due in large part to the power of loving connection to overcome genetic vulnerabilities. "Though genetics and medication certainly play a role, they are not the only factors that contribute to our well-being. Connection is also a major factor because we are born to connect." (p. 84) Does this amazing story offer us a fresh perspective on Romans 12:2? What if being conformed to the patterns of this world happens when we're disconnected in our relationships, and being transformed by the renewing of your mind happens when we trust that we have a secure connection with a good, good Father? Join us in this transformative new conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

1. When we live in a world with fewer and fewer face-to-face connections, we lose the norms of reciprocity and trustworthiness - so we lose the ability to influence and impact each other with the power of love, even though we can still make people do what we want by manipulating them or shaming them. Receiving love requires a relationship of trust. Being pushed around by fear happens without trustworthiness.
2. Walking on a healing journey with a spouse or a few close friends is not always easy, but it is deep and life-giving. Belonging, meaning, and creating real value in the world together is more satisfying than individualism, materialism, or another attempt at rebellion.
3. "It turns out that social disconnection has a profound impact on our experiences with God and spiritual community. The connection crisis we're experiencing at a broader societal level reverberates throughout our spiritual lives." p. 21, The Connected Life

Do you need encouragement to live a fearless story, not a perfect life? Enjoy LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts, posters, kitchen towels, canvas bags, and stickers to inspire yourself and those you love. Visit the Janet Newberry collection at dicksonthreads.com Stay inspired by signing up for THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take on Living Loved. You'll receive Janet's newsletter delivered to your inbox twice a month. Find daily inspiration on social media - janet_newberry on IG and Janet Newberry, Author on Facebook. Together, there is great hope.

The connection crisis in our culture is running parallel to the mental illness epidemic in our world - for us and for our children. The crisis is more than what we see when we notice families sharing a table while all staring at their phones. Connection is not a personal preference or a check off on our to-do list. It's a human need. Without it, we get sick. The real crisis started more than a generation before smartphones kidnapped our attention and we didn't bother to fight our captors. For all of us, the challenge to connect in healthy relationships began before we were born. By the time we learned to talk, we'd already been following a blueprint for relationships, for better or worse. Psychologists call these blueprints "attachment styles." Insecure attachment styles have more power over what we choose to ignore or obey than the rules we know but don't follow. There's not enough behavior modification or willpower to revise an insecure attachment style, but love can do what hard work and self-effort can't. Love can help us find the limiting beliefs hidden in our earliest stories and teach us to tell ourselves truer stories - of freedom, not captivity. Listen in as Doug and Janet start a new conversation about Todd W. Hall's book, The Connected Life - The Art and Science of Relational Spirituality. TAKEAWAYS:

• Are we offering our children a life Jesus set them free from? What is the impact on their stories?
• Love is the stuff of connection, growth, healing, and transformation. Fear is the stuff of disconnection, prolonged immaturity, mental and physical illness, and conformity. A "Love Is Fearless Home" is a goal worthy to be your family's rallying cry.
• Connect with us to plan a John 15 Academy retreat for your small group. We'll sit with you in new conversations about the connection crisis in our culture and the healing love offers in your home. We'll balance comfort and challenge in new conversations that help you find the limiting beliefs standing in the way of your family's healing story. Email us at [email protected] or [email protected].

We mention these resources in this episode: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry The Gift In You - Discovering New Life Through Hidden Gifts In Your Mind by Dr. Caroline Leaf Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

LOVE IS FEARLESS is having a birthday! Born on July 4, 2018, LIF has been downloaded in over 60 countries and is transforming families worldwide. Share this episode to help us celebrate! In this Season 4 episode sharing new conversations about transformational books, Doug and Janet talk about Education by Design, Not Default - and the power of connection in childhood. As parents, we teach our children how they should be treated - for better or worse. Then our children teach others how to treat them, using the blueprint we've given them. If we teach our children we don't have time or energy for their emotions, they will learn that lesson in relation to themselves - and teach others their emotions are not worthy of time and energy. When children experience secure, transformational relationships, it's possible to develop a healthy brain and nervous system. But when children experience disconnected, transactional relationships, children are required to cope, simply to succeed. Coping causes adaptations that, long term, can lead to mental illness. Janet's book gives parents and educators practical ideas about how to enjoy transformational relationships and where to start with both younger and older children. Doug and Janet leave listeners with many inspirational ideas and these TAKEAWAYS:

• Transformation is not the same as success, measured by traditional standards. Transformation is internal and success is external.
• "If those we trust meet our real needs, we'll grow strong because we trust their direction and correction. If those we trust don't meet our real needs, we'll grow older, but not more satisfied." (p. 52, Education by Design)
• Our children's primary need is to experience love, not success. Love will mature them, and can help them be successful - in healthy relationships, not at the expense of them." (p. 12, Education by Design)

We mention these resources:

• Visit one of the parent paths on john15academy.com to download a free book study guide for you and your spouse or small group.
• LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
• John 15 Academy - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our financial support team.
• THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

Dan Herod is known for starting conversations we didn't know we needed to have. Gifted with an uncommon path in life, he writes and speaks to empower. Born to a deaf father and surviving the aching wake of his parent's divorce prepared him for the most crushing loss a parent can meet. He knows that a soul that screams heavenward in frustration about their situation can discover how hope sometimes lives between the lines. His newest release, The Three Mile Valley is a book and video series that equips the reader to live better by thinking better - with God's help. Join us in this new conversation about life and loss. Learn more about Youth Alive and connect with Dan on IG and FB. Doug and I offer these TAKEAWAYS from today's conversation-

• What you see is not what you get. What you see is what you get through. Now is not forever.
• Create a strategy for tragedy. Start with a strategy for everyday challenges. Be sure to start with God when creating your strategy.
• Your tragedy is not your identity.

We mention these resources:

• LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
• John 15 Academy - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our financial support team.
• THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

The LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast is a safe place to have conversations about painful and difficult stories. If you experienced childhood in a dysfunctional family story and you're staggering through your own healing journey, this episode is for you. If your children are experiencing their childhood in a dysfunctional family story, this episode is for you, too. David Zailer is our guest in this conversation about the painful family of origin stories and the addictions that often become our ways of coping. David is an author, speaker, and founder of Operation Integrity. He is also on the faculty of the Leadership Institute, championing faith-based recovery internationally. His current book is Death of a Fisherman: A Memoir of Family, Faith, and Forgiveness. His previous books include Our Journey Home, When Lost Men Come Home, and Starting Point for Recovery. David lives in Laguna Niguel, California where he is active in his community and enjoys running and cycling. Death of a Fisherman is a torrent of truthful courage and defiant hope. Join us in this conversation with David to help illuminate your own courageous path toward healing. Doug and I offer these TAKEAWAYS -

• The process of answering hard but healing questions begins to peel away the subconscious blindness we've used to protect ourselves since we were children. We need to face our scars. We need to face the music - so our songs of bondage and fear can become choruses of freedom and love.
• "To my astonishment, not giving up on myself was the road that led me home." (A quote from Death of a Fisherman.)

We mention these resources in this episode:

• LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
• John 15 Academy - We help adults love children well so children can thrive instead of simply succeed.
• THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

Janet was invited to share the commencement speech with a graduating class in Stephenville, TX and the message was so powerful and well-received, we promised some friends we'd share it on a podcast episode. If you have a 2023 graduate in your family, please tell them about this episode as our gift of congratulations and encouragement for their future. If it's been a while since you graduated, this gift is for you, especially if you're dreading Mondays in a fear story instead of living inspired with purpose, safety, and impact in a love story. Doug chose these takeaways from Janet's commencement speech:

• We can't put JESUS in a fear story. We can try, but that's inviting disintegration instead of abiding. When CHRIST is our LIFE, we are destined to live a love story because we are CONNECTED to the very power that casts out fear.
• Our physical bodies get sick when we live anxiously or constantly on high alert. "Peace be with you" was not just a kind greeting from Jesus to His disciples after His resurrection. Jesus knew what kind of mental dis-ease could grow from worry and overthinking.
• "Pursue a fearless story, not a perfect life. There's nothing at stake here, friends. Together, there is great hope."

We mention these resources in this episode:

• LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
• John 15 Academy - We help adults love children well so children can thrive instead of simply succeed.
• THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available in her newsletter!

Together, there is great hope.

A safe relationship is different from a good relationship because a safe person is different from a good person. When we experience good relationships with good people, we are influenced by their goodness, but often it is the kind of "good" that's evident because of their success. They have good jobs, make a good salary, drive a good car, and wear the latest "good" shoes. When we experience safe relationships with safe people, we are influenced by the way they care for themselves and others and the way they let others care for them, too. Safe people help us grow. They can help us heal and mature. Mature people don't struggle to be good, but immature people who make good money sometimes struggle to show they care for themselves or others. If you're a child in a home with good parents who aren't well equipped to care, your maturity is going to be stunted at the level of their immaturity, no matter how good your grades are or how many points you score in your next tournament. Join us for a conversation about THE CURE & Parents, a great book about the power of safe relationships in our own homes. Linger in these takeaways -

1. "Whether we are reacting to our parents, planning to be parents, overwhelmed at being parents, or learning to stand with our kids as they now parent, we need to know there is a way home. A way to be convinced God is in the middle of every stage of our family."
2. Maturity happens when we abide in secure relationships, not by trying to be good all the time. In the moments when shame is most painful for our children, we get the opportunity to show up as their ally instead of their enemy.
3. "When your children are young, being the parent carries enough control to handle them. But if you don't grow up as they grow older, your immaturity will stunt their maturity at the level of your own. And no measure of control can handle that."

We mention these resources in this episode -

• Big news!!! LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts are now available on dicksonthreads.com. Thank you to our new friends who are donating a portion of their profits from the merch on the Love Is Fearless page of their website to help support John 15 Academy. Go check it out, y'all!
• THE CURE and Parents by John and Stacey Lynch, Grace and Bill Thrall, and Bruce and Janet McNicol.
• Support John 15 Academy by visiting john15academy.com/support

The Cure is undoubtedly the book that's changed our lives the most. Truly! If you're wondering where the Bible fits in our stories, it is the most important book for us, hands down. But The Cure changed how we read the Bible, and is helping us live loved by God instead of afraid of Him. The back cover of the book is a great intro to this episode. It says, "We thought we were cured. But eventually, most of us unwittingly carry an old, dead outlook into our new life. We couldn't measure up to a standard we created, so we convinced ourselves it was God's. We read His words through a grid of shame and felt ourselves fall farther and farther behind. We took it out on each other; judging, comparing, splintering. Some of us retreated from the whole charade, becoming cynical, mistrusting, jaded from hope. Our marriages, churches, families, friendships, our marketplaces, our culture... they all need the cure. But God's cures rarely come in the form we expect. What if, indeed, God is not who we think he is... and neither are we?" This conversation offers these takeaways:

1. Whenever we're trying to move ourselves or others from a place of immaturity to maturity, we can use the tools of fear, shame, and manipulation, or we can build trust and lend strength. Fear teaches us to cope. Love offers real hope.
2. "Pleasing God is a good desire. It just can't be our primary motivation, or it'll imprison our hearts." "Until you trust God, nothing you do will please God." (The Cure)
3. When our goal is to try to behave better, we'll never discover that we're loving more. But when our goal is to trust God's love for us...and rest in His love...and try our best to love others the way He loves us, we cannot help but discover that our behavior is evidence of our healing.

We also talk about these additional resources:

• John Lynch's Two Roads message and John Lynch Speaks
• Trueface.org
• John15Academy.com
• JanetNewberry.com

This is our first-ever BONUS episode! As we launch Season Four we're promising great conversations about books and authors that love us well. We're admitting that books are some of our best friends and we're excited about introducing you to some of the best. We're also committing to at least one new episode every month. While we're fundraising for John 15 Academy and Doug is still working full-time, we know we can be true to that commitment. Maybe you never thought about it much, but podcasting takes a lot of time. And it can be expensive, too. So we're balancing our real needs with our passion to offer you episodes that are not just good, but good FOR you! We'd rather underpromise and over-deliver than the other way around. If you've been with us for over 100 episodes, you know us very well. But you still may have some questions about what's going on in our story right now. And, if you haven't been with us since the beginning, you may be really confused when we talk about our Airstream journey, my book, or John 15 Academy. So thanks for listening to our bonus episode. We're telling some great stories about all the twists and turns we've experienced on this trusting God road. We can either laugh about all the mistakes and celebrate the miracles, or we can feel ashamed. But ashamed is what we learned in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Together, there is great hope. This bonus episode offers two takeaways and lots of resources:

1. Do you need help? Over the past 10 years, we've developed great resources to help families, marriages, and educators connect and reconnect in their most sacred relationships. Visit john15academy.com and janetnewberry.com to find access to these resources at no charge.
2. Will you help us? Redeeming childhood in our country and in our world is our passion and our destiny. We can't do it alone and we're excited about you getting excited about redeeming childhood, too. Here are 5 simple ways you can contribute in a significant way: (1) Share this episode. Help us share the hope that love brings to children's stories. (2) Invite Janet to speak. (3) Plan a retreat. Contact us at [email protected] or [email protected] and we'll share some amazing transformation stories from retreats we've hosted and start planning yours. (4) Talk to your pastor and your mission committee at your church. Invite us to share how we can create a hunger for the love of God in children's lives by changing the way they're experiencing childhood. It's easier than you may think! (5) Pray about joining our financial support team. We're excited about how God will lead you to be a part of making "love one another" practical in our world.

One more resource that may be helpful to you: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry Together, there is great hope.

Welcome to Season Four! We're excited to share meaningful conversations about great books and maybe a few great movies, too. :) What do great books have to do with living loved instead of afraid? That's a good question. This season is all about building relationships with great authors and letting the ideas in books love us well. That means great books are good FOR US, not simply good. Powerful ideas are nutritious food for the mind, and abiding in them long enough to have a conversation is transformational. The short way to answer that question is that great books offer us love because they meet our real needs for wisdom, direction, correction, and inspiration. So Season Four offers to love you well by inviting you to let love meet your need to be inspired with us. We may even offer a bit of wisdom, too. This episode is a conversation about The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen. Listen in as we tell how a copy of Rembrandt's famous painting found a prominent place in our home and we share a few of our favorite quotes from the book. Email us* with your takeaways from this episode and linger in these ideas that inspired us -

• Love isn't love if you have to earn it.
• Many of us have lived a relationship as hired servants with God and today is a great day to come home as His child.
• Yesterday doesn't predict tomorrow when we let love happen in our relationships today.

Doug's email address is [email protected] Janet's email address is [email protected] We mention these resources: The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry John 15 Academy - resources for parents and teachers Join our financial support team at John 15 Academy and help us provide resources for parents and teachers.