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Ever find yourself saying things you don’t mean… or going completely silent because it feels like nothing will help?

You’re not alone. When emotions run high, we don’t default to communication, we default to survival.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, we’re pulling back the curtain on one of the most important (and overlooked) relationship skills: how to regulate your emotional state before you try to “fix” the conversation.

You’ll learn:

• The two emotional survival modes we all fall into, Control and Collapse, and how to recognize yours
• Why communication tips don’t work when your nervous system is in overdrive
• What the “Window of Neutrality” is, and how to stay inside it
• The real reason your conversations keep going sideways (it’s not what you think)

🧠 This is a full-length video training pulled directly from our Love in Limbo: 30-Day Roadmap. If you want to see the slides and visuals Staci references, you can watch the video version in the Spotify app or on our website here: https://stacibartley.com/emotional-survival-mode-relationship/

🎯 Want to go deeper?

• Take the $9 Self-Assessment here: https://stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook/
• Start the 30-Day Roadmap and stop spiraling: https://stacibartley.com/self-paced/30-day-roadmap
• Get community support inside the Better Love Club (available as an add-on with the roadmap)

This episode is your first emotional pushup rep toward better communication. It starts here, with you.

Timestamps: 

04:39 Control Survival Mode Explained
06:33 Collapse Survival Mode Explained
07:48 Personal Story: From Collapse to Control
10:43 Balancing Control and Collapse in Relationships
20:33 The Window of Neutrality
24:10 Practical Tips for Emotional Regulation
31:54 Conclusion: Building Better Relationships
34:50 Final Thoughts and Resources

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You say you want deep connection, but your walls won’t let anyone all the way in.

You crave peace, but find yourself pulled back into conflict. You long to be loved, but still feel alone, even when someone’s lying right beside you.

Here’s the truth: You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

And your relationship isn’t just happening to you, it’s teaching you.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, we’re peeling back the curtain on how every fight, trigger, and disappointment might actually be emotional weightlifting in disguise. Staci, Tom, and Brooke explore the concept of relational self-awareness, emotional gravity, and how to stop outsourcing your healing to your partner.

What if the intimacy, safety, and truth you’re longing for won’t show up outside of you… until it’s alive within you?

You’ll walk away with a new lens on your past patterns, practical insights on becoming who you most want to be in love, and a powerful reframe that turns even your biggest relationship challenges into the classroom where real change begins.

Timestamps:
04:31 The Classroom of Life: Learning from Relationships
05:39 The Impact of Our Actions in Relationships
07:37 The Importance of Relational Self-Awareness
10:49 Navigating Relationship Dynamics
11:08 The Role of Tension and Conflict
13:48 The Feedback Loop in Relationships
15:00 The Journey of Personal Growth in Relationships
23:51 Relational Awareness and Emotional Pushups
26:08 The Superwoman Persona and Its Challenges
27:30 Understanding Polarization in Relationships
28:32 Understanding Relationship Polarity
29:41 Emotional Triggers and Self-Reflection
30:39 Discharging Emotions Effectively
31:55 Real-Life Examples of Relationship Dynamics
34:49 The Power of Perspective in Relationships
42:02 Cultivating Desired Qualities in Yourself
51:03 The Importance of Community Support
53:03 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

🛠️ Need help identifying your own defensive patterns? Grab the Space & Separation Communication Playbook, it includes a self-assessment quiz and the exact language to use instead.

This isn’t just a quiz. It’s your roadmap out of confusion and into clarity, with real scripts and next steps to help you reconnect without pushing them away.

🎯 Don’t wait. Most couples spend years stuck in the same painful loop. Let’s break yours today.

Grab your copy here → stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook

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You say one thing. They hear another. And somehow, the more you try to explain, the worse it gets.

Sound familiar?

This is what defensiveness does. It scrambles your message, distorts your intentions, and quietly chips away at emotional safety, until even love starts to feel like a battleground.

According to renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, defensiveness is one of the top predictors of divorce. And not because you’re broken, but because it’s the armor we all reach for when emotions get big and uncomfortable.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, the podcast for anyone standing at a relationship crossroads, we’re breaking down the truth about defensiveness: why we all do it, what it looks like (even when it’s subtle), and how to take off the armor without losing yourself.

You’ll hear:

• Real-life examples of common defensive moves (yes, we all have a favorite!)
• How defensiveness kills emotional safety, and how to rebuild it
• A simple tool you can use to recognize when you’re getting defensive in real time

And we’ll ask the question that could shift everything:

What if the thing you’re doing to protect your heart… is actually keeping real love out?

Whether you’re navigating space, dating again, or trying to save something that still matters, this one’s for you. It’s time to slow things down, get honest about “that thing you do,” and start building connection from the inside out.

Timestamps:
03:39 Flavors of Defensiveness
06:44 The Impact of Defensiveness
17:14 Personal Stories and Examples
25:49 Building Emotional Safety
27:26 Understanding Defensiveness
28:34 Common Defensive Mechanisms
31:26 Personal Stories of Defensiveness
34:01 Managing Emotional Capacity
35:41 Practical Tips for Handling Defensiveness
44:07 Defensiveness in Relationships
47:31 Conclusion and Resources

🛠️ Need help identifying your own defensive patterns? Grab the Space & Separation Communication Playbook —it includes a self-assessment quiz and the exact language to use instead.

This isn’t just a quiz. It’s your roadmap out of confusion and into clarity, with real scripts and next steps to help you reconnect without pushing them away.

🎯 Don’t wait. Most couples spend years stuck in the same painful loop. Let’s break yours today.

Grab your copy here → stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook

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Have you ever had that moment in the kitchen?

You’re just standing there, maybe making dinner, maybe scrolling your phone, and the weight of everything unsaid between you and your partner fills the room like smoke.

You want to say something.

You really do.

But the words feel like landmines.

“I’m still hurt.”

“I don’t know how to forgive you.”

“I hate that I can’t let this go.”

So, once again… you say nothing.

And in that silence, something unspoken begins to slowly unravel what once felt unbreakable.

If this sounds like your relationship lately, you’re not alone. And you’re in the right place.

Welcome to Love Shack Live, a podcast for couples standing at a relationship crossroads. For those feeling the strain of daily conflict or emotional distance… but who still believe that love is worth fighting for.

In this most-loved rebroadcast, we’re revisiting a conversation that struck such a deep chord with our community, we had to bring it back:

How do you move forward after the past has hurt you both?

Is it even possible to rebuild trust, connection, and momentum, especially when the wounds are still raw?

Inside, we’ll unpack:

• Why most couples get stuck using the past as a weapon (even when they don’t mean to)
• How shame, not the mistake itself, keeps us emotionally paralyzed
• A radically compassionate way to stop reliving the same pain—without pretending it never happened
• And practical steps to finally begin healing

Whether this is your first listen or your fifth, this episode will meet you in a new way. Because you’re not the same person you were last time you heard it. Growth is sneaky like that.

So… can you really let go of the past without losing yourself or your love?

Press play, and find out.

Timestamps:
02:18 Navigating Relationship Challenges
07:14 The Illusion of a Perfect Relationship
08:51 The Emotional Toll of Reliving the Past
10:09 The Journey of Healing and Forgiveness
19:41 The Role of Shame in Relationships
29:48 Practical Steps for Moving Forward
32:30 Understanding Regret in Relationships
33:11 Minimizing Emotional Pain
33:40 Avoiding Regret by Showing Up
34:57 The Boomerang Effect of Negative Behavior
37:30 The Importance of Affirming a Vision
43:40 Radical Acceptance and Moving Forward
53:22 Turning Negative Thoughts into Positive Actions
58:00 Celebrating Dreams and Creating New Ones
01:01:23 Final Thoughts and Resources

👉 Ready to stop making things worse during space and finally understand what’s actually going on?

Get the Space & Separation Communication Playbook for just $9 and discover which of the 3 emotional survival patterns: The Controller, The Collapser, or The Drifter, is quietly hijacking your connection.

This isn’t just a quiz. It’s your roadmap out of confusion and into clarity, with real scripts and next steps to help you reconnect without pushing them away.

🎯 Don’t wait. Most couples spend years stuck in the same painful loop. Let’s break yours today.

Grab your copy here → stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook

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Are you tired of knowing what to do, but still finding yourself stuck in old patterns? You’re not alone.

If you’ve ever felt the frustration of knowing exactly what could help your relationship but still falling back into old habits, this episode is for you. We’re diving into a common struggle: why knowing what to do isn’t the same as being able to actually do it. In this episode of Love Shack Live, we’ll explore the gap between knowledge and action, and why real change comes not just from learning new things, but from practicing and integrating the skills that love requires.

Join me, Staci Bartley, along with my co-hosts, Tom and Brooke, as we break down the emotional hurdles, the practice required, and why love itself can be the best teacher we have.

We’ll answer the tough questions:

• Why is it so hard to do what I know is right?
• What’s missing in all the relationship advice out there?
• How do I actually put these lessons into practice?

If you’re ready to move beyond just “knowing better” and start doing better, this episode will show you how. Don’t miss out, let’s get into the real work of love.

👉 Ready to stop making things worse during space and finally understand what’s actually going on?

Get the Space & Separation Communication Playbook for just $9 and discover which of the 3 emotional survival patterns: The Controller, The Collapser, or The Drifter, is quietly hijacking your connection.

This isn’t just a quiz. It’s your roadmap out of confusion and into clarity, with real scripts and next steps to help you reconnect without pushing them away.

🎯 Don’t wait. Most couples spend years stuck in the same painful loop. Let’s break yours today.

Grab your copy here → stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook

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You’re giving them space… but it’s starting to feel like emotional quicksand. You don’t know what to say, so you say nothing. Or maybe you say everything and still feel unheard. You reread old texts. Obsess over their social media. Wonder if reaching out will push them away, or if staying silent makes it seem like you’ve stopped caring.

Sound familiar?

This is Love Shack Live, the podcast for anyone standing at a relationship crossroads, where every conversation feels like walking on eggshells, and the dream of closeness feels more out of reach by the day. If you want to stop guessing and start rebuilding something real, you’re in the right place.

In this episode, we’re unpacking the 3 emotional survival patterns that silently wreck communication during space and separation, even when you’re trying to do everything right.

So ask yourself:

Are you a Controller, a Collapser, or a Drifter?

And once you know… what should you do differently?

You’ll learn how these patterns show up in your texts, your silences, your attempts to reconnect, and most importantly, how to shift into conversations that actually heal instead of hurt.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re losing them and losing yourself at the same time, this one’s for you.

🎧 Press play, your clarity starts here.

Timestamps:
01:24 The Three Communication Patterns
03:40 Pattern 1: The Controller
13:31 Pattern 2: The Collapser
20:56 Pattern 3: The Drifter
24:07 Embracing Your Pattern and Moving Forward
29:21 Separation Communication Playbook
31:58 Tantrum Tamer 3000
33:40 Closing Thoughts and Resources

👉 Ready to stop making things worse during space and finally understand what’s actually going on?

Get the Space & Separation Communication Playbook for just $9 and discover which of the 3 emotional survival patterns: The Controller, The Collapser, or The Drifter, is quietly hijacking your connection.

This isn’t just a quiz. It’s your roadmap out of confusion and into clarity, with real scripts and next steps to help you reconnect without pushing them away.

🎯 Don’t wait. Most couples spend years stuck in the same painful loop. Let’s break yours today.

Grab your copy here → stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook

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Infidelity cracks everything open. The trust you relied on? Shattered. The future you imagined? Uncertain. And now, you’re left asking the question no one ever wants to face: Can we actually survive this?

In this week’s episode of Love Shack Live, we’re stepping into one of the most painful, and misunderstood, relationship challenges: what happens after betrayal. If your partner has cheated and you’re trying to figure out whether to stay, how to heal, or even just how to breathe again, this conversation is for you.

We’ll answer the tough questions, like:

• What’s reasonable to expect from your partner in the early days of reconciliation?
• How do you begin to rebuild trust when everything inside you wants to protect yourself?
• What conversations actually matter after infidelity, and which ones will just make things worse?

You’ll also hear a deeply personal story from Staci about her own experience of betrayal, and how understanding, not blame, became the key to finding her footing again.

This isn’t a conversation about blame, shame, or quick fixes. It’s about anchoring yourself when the ground disappears beneath you. It’s about discovering what’s underneath the choice to betray. And it’s about giving yourself permission to not know what comes next.

Because the truth is: what you don’t say in your relationship matters just as much as what you do.

Whether you stay or walk away, this episode will help you begin the process of making sense of the mess, and finding your next step forward.

Timestamps: 

01:34 Listener Questions on Infidelity
02:40 Personal Story of Betrayal
06:50 Coping with the Shock
10:43 Understanding Emotional Drivers
13:39 Navigating Relationship Ruts
20:29 Key Conversations to Have
25:42 Common Misunderstandings
28:06 Reflecting on Personal Responsibility
30:58 Understanding Emotional Drivers
31:12 Gender Dynamics in Relationships
39:58 Building Emotional Safety
47:11 Practical Steps for Healing
47:33 The Power of Play
51:41 Musical Reflection
52:57 Final Thoughts and Resources

💡 Want to go deeper? If you’re navigating space, separation, or emotional distance, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, it can be the start of a transformative journey toward clarity, confidence, and connection.

✨ Start Your Self-Paced 30-Day Roadmap: This flexible, step-by-step guide helps you move from obligation and anxiety to self-focus and strength, so you can navigate emotional distance with clarity and purpose. Learn more & start today: https://stacibartley.com/self-paced/30-day-roadmap

✨ Download the Separation Survival Kit: Your must-have resource for staying grounded, managing emotions, and regaining clarity during this uncertain time. Get your free guide here: https://stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/optin

✨ Explore All Our Programs: From expert mentorship to proven strategies, find the support you need to navigate this chapter of your relationship. https://stacibartley.com/programs/index/

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Right now, it feels like the world, and maybe even your own home, is pulling apart at the seams. Conversations that once felt effortless now feel loaded. The people we love can start to feel like strangers. And sometimes, shutting down or avoiding the tough talks just seems easier. But at what cost?

Welcome to Love Shack Live, the podcast for people at a relationship crossroads, where daily conflicts, growing emotional distance, and a longing for real connection collide. I’m Staci Bartley, a relationship mentor, joined by my husband and co-host Tom, and our daughter Brooke. Together, we’re here to help you navigate love’s toughest seasons.

Today, we’re picking up where we left off with Topaz Adizes, a master of human connection and the creator of the Emmy-winning project The And. He’s spent years facilitating raw, unfiltered conversations between people from all walks of life, proving that the right questions can dissolve fear and bring people back together.

But here’s the question: What’s really at the root of division, in our relationships and in the world? And what’s the one shift that could change everything about how we relate to each other?

If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing someone, not because they’ve left, but because you just can’t seem to reach them anymore, stick with us. This episode isn’t just about understanding connection. It’s about learning how to create it, even when it feels impossible.

🔹 Listen now and discover the power of the right questions.

Timestamps:

02:36 The Impact of Social Media on Connection
03:37 The Art of Active Listening
07:25 The Challenge of Disagreement
10:30 Echo Chambers and Identity
16:46 The Importance of Vulnerability
21:41 Navigating Change and Conflict
36:22 The Power of Vulnerability in Holding Space
36:47 Fear and Fury in Media Content
37:53 The Impact of Algorithms on Human Behavior
38:08 Content Creation with a Purpose
39:10 The Role of Fear in Control
39:54 The Importance of Listening and Understanding
43:42 Creating Safe Spaces Through Questions
53:44 The Value of Owning Your Actions

🌟 Learn more about Topaz and his incredible work:

🔗 Visit The Skin Deep: https://www.theskindeep.com

📖 Get Topaz’s Book: 12 Questions for Love: https://www.theskindeep.com/products/12-questions-for-love-book

💡 Want to go deeper? If you’re navigating space, separation, or emotional distance, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, it can be the start of a transformative journey toward clarity, confidence, and connection.

✨ Start Your Self-Paced 30-Day Roadmap: This flexible, step-by-step guide helps you move from obligation and anxiety to self-focus and strength, so you can navigate emotional distance with clarity and purpose. Learn more & start today: https://stacibartley.com/self-paced/30-day-roadmap

✨ Download the Separation Survival Kit: Your must-have resource for staying grounded, managing emotions, and regaining clarity during this uncertain time. Get your free guide here: https://stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/optin

✨ Explore All Our Programs: From expert mentorship to proven strategies, find the support you need to navigate this chapter of your relationship. https://stacibartley.com/programs/index/

Send us a text

Do you feel like you and your partner are growing apart? Like no matter how much you try, the connection you once had is slipping through your fingers? Maybe conversations feel repetitive, like you’re stuck in the same arguments, or worse, like you’re just roommates, living parallel lives under the same roof.

If you’ve ever wondered:

• Why does my partner seem distant?
• How do I bring back the spark in my relationship?
• What should I do if my partner won’t open up?
• Is emotional intimacy something we can rebuild, or is it too late?

Then this episode is for you.

Welcome to Love Shack Live, the podcast for people at a relationship crossroads, where emotional distance, conflict, and uncertainty don’t have to mean the end, but an opportunity to create something new. I’m Staci Bartley, a relationship mentor who’s spent over a decade helping couples navigate the hardest moments of love, alongside my husband and co-host, Tom, and our daughter, Brooke.

Today, we’re joined by Topaz Adizes, creator of The And, an Emmy Award-winning project that has helped thousands of couples reconnect by asking the right questions, the ones that cut through the tension and lead to real, vulnerable conversations.

Could the secret to saving your relationship lie not in fighting harder for answers, but in learning how to ask better questions?

If you’re desperate to reconnect but don’t know where to start, this episode will show you the simple but powerful way to rebuild trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness, starting today.

🎧 Tune in now and discover how the right questions could change everything.

Timestamps: 

01:19 Meet Topaz Adias: Master of Human Connection

02:59 Discovering a Passion for Intimate Conversations

04:34 The Essence of Teamwork and Connection

07:09 Navigating Relationship Challenges

12:47 The Importance of Emotional Weightlifting

16:37 Identifying and Addressing Toxic Relationships

21:50 Making the Decision to Let Go

24:26 Embracing Completion in Relationships

27:20 Crafting Quality Questions

29:14 The Science of Constructive Questions

39:59 Exploring Anger and Emotional Management

43:43 Resources and Final Thoughts

🌟 Learn more about Topaz and his incredible work:

🔗 Visit The Skin Deep: https://www.theskindeep.com

📖 Get Topaz’s Book: 12 Questions for Love: https://www.theskindeep.com/products/12-questions-for-love-book

💡 Want to go deeper? If you’re navigating space, separation, or emotional distance, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, it can be the start of a transformative journey toward clarity, confidence, and connection.

✨ Start Your Self-Paced 30-Day Roadmap: This flexible, step-by-step guide helps you move from obligation and anxiety to self-focus and strength, so you can navigate emotional distance with clarity and purpose. Learn more & start today: https://stacibartley.com/self-paced/30-day-roadmap

✨ Download the Separation Survival Kit: Your must-have resource for staying grounded, managing emotions, and regaining clarity during this uncertain time. Get your free guide here: https://stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/optin

✨ Explore All Our Programs: From expert mentorship to proven strategies, find the support you need to navigate this chapter of your relationship. Browse

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Are you stuck in the endless loop of waiting for your partner to return, hoping things will magically go back to normal? Waiting isn’t the solution, and it’s costing you more than you realize. In this episode, we explore the high price of holding on too tightly while standing still, and why it’s time to stop waiting and start living again.

Welcome to Love Shack Live, the podcast for those at a relationship crossroads, where daily conflicts feel heavier, the emotional gap is growing, and the future feels uncertain. I’m your host, Stacey Bartley, along with my co-hosts Tom and Brooke, here to help you navigate the toughest moments in love and give you real, actionable strategies to turn things around.

So, how long should you wait? And more importantly, what is waiting actually costing you?

This episode dives into the emotional and psychological toll of waiting for your partner to make a decision. We’ll uncover how waiting keeps you stuck, drains your confidence, and erodes your self-worth, all while your partner remains unaware of the damage being done. We’ll also share why waiting doesn’t heal the relationship, and instead, leads to a cycle of emotional burnout and uncertainty.

Get ready to shift your perspective. You don’t have to wait for your partner’s decisions to take control of your own life again. Tune in for practical, transformative tips to regain your power, rebuild your confidence, and stop letting uncertainty define your future. It’s time to make space for yourself, even while waiting.

Curious about how to move forward even when you’re unsure of what’s next? We’ll reveal exactly how small shifts can create meaningful change that will help you thrive, no matter what happens with your relationship.

Listen now, and learn why waiting is never the answer, and how you can start taking steps to live again.

Timestamps: 

01:36 The Psychological Toll of Waiting
02:46 The Cost of Waiting: Mental and Physical Health
04:12 Space Without a Plan: A Path to Degradation
15:24 Taking Back Your Power: Active Healing
29:29 Small Daily Shifts to Move Forward
37:57 Conclusion: Living with Purpose

💡 Want to go deeper? If you’re navigating space, separation, or emotional distance, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, it can be the start of a transformative journey toward clarity, confidence, and connection.

✨ Start Your Self-Paced 30-Day Roadmap: This flexible, step-by-step guide helps you move from obligation and anxiety to self-focus and strength, so you can navigate emotional distance with clarity and purpose. Learn more & start today: https://stacibartley.com/self-paced/30-day-roadmap

✨ Download the Separation Survival Kit: Your must-have resource for staying grounded, managing emotions, and regaining clarity during this uncertain time. Get your free guide here: https://stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/optin

✨ Explore All Our Programs: From expert mentorship to proven strategies, find the support you need to navigate this chapter of your relationship. Browse here: https://stacibartley.com/programs/index/

🎉 Podcast Listener Exclusive: Use the code LOVESHACK15 at checkout for a special discount on the Self-Paced 30-Day Roadmap!