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When separation comes up, most couples split into two roles fast:

One becomes the Fixer. You want to talk, solve, repair, and close the gap now because the silence feels unbearable.

The other becomes the Escaper. You shut down, pull back, and hope the pressure stops, not because you don’t care, but because you feel emotionally overwhelmed and unsafe in the conversations.

And here’s the trap: both responses make sense… and both make separation harder. The Fixer reaches for connection to feel safe. The Escaper reaches for distance to feel safe. So the more one pursues, the more the other withdraws, and what could have been a reset starts turning into panic on one side and deafening silence on the other.

In today’s episode of Love Shack Live, we're unpacking what’s really happening underneath these two survival patterns and how to interrupt the cycle before “space” quietly becomes distance, drift, or a slow exit.

You’ll learn:

• Why a request for space doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over
• The most common misconceptions that make separation feel even more terrifying
• How anxiety and depression spike during separation (and why that doesn’t mean you’re “crazy”)
• The difference between space for space’s sake and space with a plan
• Why unstructured space often leads to break-up/make-up cycles
• How to create simple agreements that reduce panic and rebuild trust
• What it actually means to “be okay either way” without shutting down or giving up
• How to become a safer place for the truth, so real repair becomes possible

This episode is for you if you’re in that brutal in-between: wanting connection, needing breathing room, and not knowing how to move forward without making things worse.

And yes, we’ll also remind you of something important: space can be a do-over, not a death sentence, but only if you use it intentionally.

Want help figuring out your next step?

If space or separation has entered your relationship and you don’t know what to do next, Tom is offering a free clarity call to help you get oriented, calm the noise, and map your next best steps, whether that’s together, apart, or somewhere in-between.

Book your call at stacibartley.com/apply.

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Are you stuck in the question that never seems to get answered: Should I stay or should I go?

Some days your relationship feels warm enough to keep trying. Other days it feels so lonely you can’t believe you’re still sharing the same space. If you’re in that place right now, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.

In this special rebroadcast of one of our most impactful episodes, we dive into what we call the Land of Maybe: the exhausting in-between where couples linger for years, hoping things will change, while quietly running out of emotional gas.

Here’s the truth most people don’t hear soon enough: couples wait an average of six years to get help. By the time they do, it’s not just about conflict anymore, it’s about exhaustion, disconnection, and not knowing what to do next.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What the Land of Maybe actually looks and feels like inside a relationship
• Why “some days yes, some days no” is emotionally unsustainable
• How blame, avoidance, and waiting it out keep couples stuck
• Why relationship struggles are almost always skills problems, not love problems
• How to slow down instead of making fear-based decisions
• Simple ways to “switch it up” so you can get new information and clarity
• How one person can begin changing the dynamic, even if the other is hesitant

If you’re navigating space or separation, this episode is especially important. Space can be a reset, or it can quietly become a slow exit, depending on what you do during it. We’ll help you understand the difference and show you how to move through this season with intention instead of panic.

Whether you’ve listened to this episode before or you’re brand new to Love Shack Live, we invite you to listen with fresh ears. You’re not the same person you were the first time you questioned your relationship, and your relationship isn’t the same either.

This conversation is about clarity. About skills. And about helping you stop spinning so you can start moving forward in a way that honors you, your partner, and what you truly want next.

Need Support?

If this episode stirred something in you and you’re tired of carrying the “maybe” alone, you don’t have to figure out your next step by yourself.

Tom offers a free clarity call to help you slow things down, get grounded, and see your situation more clearly, without pressure or pushing you in any direction. Whether you’re trying to repair, navigating space, or simply need help deciding what you can’t keep carrying, this call is designed to bring calm, perspective, and direction.

Couples wait an average of six years to get support. If you’re already here, questioning and exhausted, the time is now.

You can book your clarity call at stacibartley.com/apply.

Clarity comes before big decisions. Support comes before repair.

Timestamps: 

02:03 Navigating the Land of Maybe
06:34 Client Story: Janet and Rich
09:07 Understanding and Changing Behavior
16:27 The Importance of Practice and Support
28:23 Convincing a Resistant Partner
28:55 Blame and Guilt in Relationships
29:35 The Impact of Physical Attraction
31:13 Effective Communication Strategies
31:58 Personal Experience and Real-Life Examples
34:32 Navigating Conflicted Feelings
36:43 The Importance of Slowing Down
38:31 Switching Things Up in Relationships
40:00 The Catalyst Effect in Relationships
45:04 The Power of Humor and Fun
51:32 Final Thoughts and Resources

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You were told that love would be enough.

That if you just cared more, tried harder, stayed patient, and didn’t give up, your relationship would work itself out. So when the distance crept in, when conversations started going sideways, when you felt lonely sitting right next to the person you love, you told yourself to love harder.

But love isn’t what translates your emotions into words.

Love doesn’t create emotional safety when conversations get tense.

And love alone can’t bridge the gap between two people living in very different emotional worlds.

Skills do.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, we sit down to break down the three core relationship skills that most couples are missing when they feel disconnected, misunderstood, or stuck in the same painful patterns.

You’ll learn:

• Why loving each other deeply still isn’t enough to prevent conflict and emotional distance
• The #1 skill couples need to stop reacting and start understanding each other
• How emotional safety actually works (and why most couples don’t have it)
• Why differences in perspective create so much conflict and how to stop taking everything personally
• How unresolved emotional “messy dishes” pile up and quietly erode connection over time

Through real client stories and honest conversation, this episode shows why relationships don’t fail because of a lack of love. They struggle because no one taught us the skills required to communicate, regulate emotions, and truly understand one another.

If you’ve been asking yourself:

• “Why do we keep having the same fight?”
• “Why do I feel so misunderstood?”
• “Why does love feel harder than it should?”

This episode will give you clarity, relief, and a different way forward.

Love is real. It matters.

But skills are what make love safe, lasting, and livable.

Love Isn’t Enough. Skills Get You Through the Holidays.

If the holidays already feel heavy and you’re trying not to spiral, you don’t need more information. You need tools you can use in the moment.

That’s why I created the Holiday Survival Bundle: the Holiday Stress Test + 3 micro-skill programs to help you calm the tension, communicate more clearly, and stay connected when things get stressful.

$97 or 2 payments of $55: https://stacibartley.com/holiday-bundle-nc

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Have you ever walked into a holiday gathering with a smile on your face and a knot in your stomach? You’re passing the potatoes, making small talk, and meanwhile you’re sitting on years of unspoken hurt, unresolved conversations, and roles you never quite chose but still end up playing.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, we’re talking directly to you if your relationship (or family dynamics) already feel shaky and the holidays crank everything up to a ten. We’ll unpack why this season doesn’t create conflict, it magnifies what’s been left unresolved... old wounds, family roles, people pleasing, anxious attachment, and the “keep the peace at all costs” habits that quietly erode connection.

Inside, we explore:

• What conflict actually is: the collision between our expectations and reality
• How people pleasing and staying “nice” often keeps you stuck in illusion instead of reality
• Why unresolved tension turns tiny comments into huge reactions around the table
• What it really means to emotionally regulate (and why it’s more like holding a plank than being perfectly calm)
• How to see conflict as information, not danger, so you can respond instead of explode or shut down
• Our “holiday decoder” for common one-liners (“Let’s just keep it simple this year,” “Let’s not talk about politics,” etc.) and what’s really being said underneath

If you’re tired of dreading gatherings, biting your tongue, or blowing up and then regretting it, this conversation will help you start seeing conflict differently – as a doorway to clarity instead of a sign that everything’s falling apart.

Want extra support this holiday season?

If things already feel tense or overwhelming, the Holiday Survival Bundle gives you the tools to steady yourself fast.

For $97 or 2 payments of $55, you’ll get:

• The Holiday Stress Test to pinpoint your exact pressure points
• Three core relationship skill programs to help you:
  • regulate your emotions
  • communicate without blowups
  • stay connected during the hardest weeks of the year

These tools are simple, fast to use, and made for real-life holiday chaos.

Get the bundle here: https://stacibartley.com/holiday-bundle-nc

Timestamps: 

02:09 Unresolved History and Family Roles
06:18 Understanding Conflict: Expectations vs. Reality
10:08 The Illusion of People Pleasing
12:36 Emotional Regulation and Communication
14:54 Practical Examples and Skills for Conflict Resolution
21:08 The Importance of Emotional Tension
25:33 Recognizing the Precipice: Taking a Pause
25:52 The Power of Movement: Shake a Bush
26:11 Emotional Regulation in Relationships
28:49 Understanding Conflict and Chaos
33:25 Navigating Holiday Stress
35:37 Introducing the Holiday Survival Bundle
38:20 Fan Mail and Listener Questions
41:20 Holiday Conversation Decoder Challenge
45:13 Final Thoughts and Resources

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When your relationship is already on the rocks, the holidays don’t feel magical. They feel brittle. One sharp comment in the kitchen, one loaded question at the dinner table, and suddenly everyone is walking on eggshells just trying to “get through it.”

In this episode of Love Shack Live, Staci, Tom, and Brooke talk honestly about why the holidays hit struggling couples so hard. They unpack the collision between Hallmark expectations and real-life pressure: money stress, family dynamics, political tension, old wounds, and the silent agreements to “just make it good for the kids” and deal with the relationship later.

You’ll hear real stories from their own family table, along with the emotional patterns they see every year in their work with couples. And instead of white-knuckling your way to January, Staci shares the exact skills that help you steady yourself when things get tense:

• How to set realistic expectations so you don’t collapse under pressure
• How to slow your nervous system when you’re spinning up
• How to create tiny rituals of connection, even if you’re separated
• How to set agreements with your partner before you walk into the holiday chaos
• How to repair quickly when something goes sideways

And because so many listeners have asked what they can do right now to avoid another painful, disconnected holiday season, Staci created something special for this moment:

🎁 The Holiday Survival Bundle: a limited-release set of relationship skills for navigating the season with more calm, clarity, and connection. It includes:

✓ 3 proven skills programs

✓ The Holiday Stress Test (your personal roadmap of where tension will hit)

✓ A private mini-session with Staci (only 20 available)

If the holidays already feel heavy, or you know you don’t want to repeat last year’s patterns, this is your next best step. It’s simple, practical, and designed to help you feel steadier fast.

✨ Grab your Holiday Survival Bundle while the 1:1 spots are still open:

stacibartley.com/holiday-bundle

Timestamps: 

04:17 The Pressure of Expectations
06:37 The Importance of Relationship Skills
19:38 Realistic Expectations for the Holidays
21:18 The Power of Slowing Down
26:12 Communication and Emotional Regulation Skills
30:32 Understanding Emotional Motivators
34:05 Family Dynamics and Religion
34:39 The Power of Understanding
36:15 Modeling Behavior for the Next Generation
37:12 The Gift of Listening
39:00 Managing Family Interactions
39:46 Setting Realistic Expectations
42:32 Handling Difficult Conversations
44:27 Creating a Supportive Environment
46:38 Navigating Separation During Holidays
50:34 Bringing Joy to the Holidays
52:42 Introducing the Holiday Survival Bundle
56:49 Fan Mail and Practical Tips
01:00:50 Closing Thoughts and Resources

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Have you ever looked around your life and thought, “I didn’t plan to end up here”? Maybe you’re standing in that uneasy space between what was and what’s next, holding on, letting go, or trying to begin again.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, Staci, Tom, and Brooke open a deeply honest conversation about what it means to rebuild, heal, and love again. They share the emotional skills that transform heartbreak into growth, awareness, emotional regulation, communication that actually works, and connection that feels safe instead of scary.

You’ll also hear a major announcement: The Dating Rebellion, a new community inside the Better Love Club created for people who are ready to date differently. It’s not a dating app or matchmaking service; it’s a movement for those tired of ghosting, games, and performance. It’s for anyone ready to meet others with courage, self-awareness, and genuine presence.

Throughout the episode, we unpack the real reason most relationships end (it’s not lack of love), why emotional burnout destroys connection, and how to build capacity again, not just to survive, but to show up fully in love. They remind us that the relationship cycle doesn’t really end. Whether you’re in space and separation, trying to save your marriage, or dipping your toes back into dating, the skills are the same.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why love fails when emotional “gas tanks” run dry, and how to refill them
• The difference between communication tips and true emotional skill
• How to regulate your nervous system before you try to reconnect
• What the Dating Rebellion is (and what it’s not)
• How to move from heartbreak to healing, and then into healthy new love

Because love doesn’t end when a relationship does. It transforms.

And when we learn the real skills of love, the human kind, we discover that we are the algorithm.

Timestamps:
02:32 The Importance of Emotional Awareness
05:01 Facing Ourselves: The Courage to Seek Help
09:10 Emotional Weightlifting: Building Resilience
17:54 Communication Mastery: Expressing Needs and Cleaning Up Messes
22:22 The Importance of Relationship Skills
23:04 The Disney Fairytale Myth
25:28 Emotional Capacity and Burnout
27:56 The Man Who Kept Showing Up
30:56 Introducing The Dating Rebellion
37:18 Upcoming Events and Retreats
41:21 Fan Mail and Final Thoughts

💞 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

1. Join The Dating Rebellion: https://dating-rebellion.scoreapp.com/
2. The Better Love Club: https://stacibartley.com/better-love-club
3. Episode 247: From Roommates to Lovers Again: The Skills That Bring You Back Together: https://stacibartley.com/from-roommates-to-lovers-again-the-skills-that-bring-you-back-together/
4. Couples Retreat (Tuscany 2026): Save your spot this Monday, Nov 10

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You’re not fighting. You’re just… quiet. The kind of quiet that hums with tension instead of peace. Conversations stay about the calendar, the kids, and dinner, but not each other. You can feel the gap growing even while you sit side by side, and you catch yourself wondering, when did we stop being best friends?

If you’re tired of “fine,” tired of feeling like roommates, and unsure how to turn things around without starting another argument, this episode is for you.

In this week’s conversation, Staci, Tom, and Brooke unpack what really causes emotional drift in long-term relationships (and why it doesn’t mean your love is gone). They’ll walk you through how to:

• Recognize the early signs of disconnection before it becomes distance
• Talk about what’s missing without triggering defensiveness
• Create real connection even when space has crept in
• Handle the panic that comes with silence and mixed signals
• And rebuild that sense of us, even after years of slow drift

You’ll also hear Staci’s response to a powerful listener question from a father navigating space with his wife while raising kids under the same roof.

This episode will help you see that the solution isn’t trying harder, it’s learning a new skill set for love.

Timestamps: 

03:04 Listener's Question: Navigating Parenting & Space in Relationships
04:26 Effective Communication: Addressing Concerns with Empathy
09:03 Understanding Defensiveness in Relationships
12:35 The Natural Decline: Why Relationships Drift Apart
16:35 Emotional Nuances: The Key to Genuine Connection
20:48 The Illusion of Connection: When Reality Hits
26:14 The Emotional Landscape: Beyond Physical Logistics
31:12 The Power of Co-Creation: Building Stronger Bonds
33:25 Understanding Emotional Nuances
34:18 The Genius of Love Languages
35:52 The Danger of Labels
37:16 Reflective Assessments
39:24 The Importance of Emotional Skills
42:27 Rich and Janet's Story
46:58 Paths to Save Your Marriage
56:55 Creating a Calm Kit
01:00:36 Conclusion and Resources

Mentioned in this episode

Love in Limbo: 30-Day Roadmap (Self-Paced): https://stacibartley.com/30-day-roadmap

Surviving Space Self-Assessment Quiz: https://space-assessment.scoreapp.com/

Save Your Marriage: VIP Program: https://stacibartley.com/vip-program

Save Your Marriage: A Blueprint for Avoiding Divorce: https://stacibartley.com/save-your-marriage-blueprint-to-avoid-divorcce

Have a question about love and relationships? We’re featuring one listener question or story each week. Send yours through the “Send us a text” link at the top of this episode description. Add your email if you’d like a reply.

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Living together but feeling miles apart.

You still share a home. Maybe even a bed. But the real stuff, the fears, the wants, the touch, has gone quiet. You keep telling yourself, “It’s just a phase.” But deep down, you know the distance isn’t shrinking.

This episode is for that moment.

I’m Staci Bartley, here with my partner Tom and our daughter Brooke. Inside Love Shack Live, we help people who are stuck between holding on and letting go. People who are trying to give space without losing themselves and still hoping for a way back to connection.

Today we’re answering real questions from people who took The Surviving Space Self-Assessment. These are the questions that come up when love feels uncertain but not over.

We’ll talk about:

• What a healthy amount of space looks like when you’re still living together
• Why people say they’ll change but almost never follow through
• How to talk about what you want without pushing your partner away
• How to express your feelings without it turning into a fight
• How to keep moving forward when everything feels upside down
• And whether a relationship can really survive after infidelity

The truth

Space isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is.

And you can rebuild connection, even in the middle of the mess, if you learn to speak in ways that feel safe instead of reactive.

Want more support?

Our live 30-Day Roadmap has closed, but the Self-Paced version is open. You’ll get the same daily lessons plus four Monday night Better Love Club calls where you can get live help while you move through the program at your own pace.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Start anytime at stacibartley.com/30-day-roadmap.

Want a starting point first? Take The Surviving Space Self-Assessment to see where you are and what to work on next here: https://space-assessment.scoreapp.com/

Timestamps:
03:35 Navigating In-Home Separation
10:11 The Challenge of Follow-Through
17:31 Personal Struggles and Emotional Safety
26:06 Creating Internal Motivation
27:12 Discussing Desires Without Pushing Away
29:16 Expressing Feelings Positively
31:36 Taking Steps Forward in Tough Times
35:45 Surviving Infidelity
38:15 The Importance of Relationship Skills
47:58 Humor and Creativity in Emotional Regulation
50:53 Conclusion and Resources

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If your partner asked for space and your whole body has been bracing ever since, you are not broken. You’re in survival mode.

On this episode of Love Shack Live, we’re speaking directly to you, the partner who’s been asked for space.

You know that feeling of walking around with your stomach in knots, checking your phone every few minutes, wondering if reaching out will make things worse? You’re not crazy for feeling this way. When someone you love pulls away, your nervous system sounds the alarm. To your body, space feels like danger.

In this episode, we’ll start right where you are, in the middle of the panic and confusion, and show you the first skill that can help you find steady ground again. It’s a simple practice we call Sit Your Butt Down and Breathe, and it’s how we begin every single day inside the Love in Limbo: 30-Day Roadmap.

Before you can repair a relationship, you have to repair your sense of safety. Before you can communicate clearly, you have to calm the noise inside your own body. Until you do, every text, every silence, and every shift in tone will feel like proof that it’s either saved or over.

The question we’ll answer today: How do you give someone space without losing yourself, or the relationship, in the process?

You’ll learn how to tell the difference between giving space and abandoning yourself, how to quiet the inner chaos, and how to start responding from calm instead of reacting from fear.

Episode Resources: 

• If you’re ready to stop spinning and start finding your calm again, join us inside the Love in Limbo: 30-Day Roadmap, the step-by-step journey for rebuilding clarity, confidence, and connection during space: https://stacibartley.com/30-day-roadmap
• Not sure where to start? Take the free Relationship Space Assessment to discover how this space is impacting you, and what to do next: https://space-assessment.scoreapp.com/

Timestamps: 

01:34 Sit Your Butt Down and Breathe: A Guided Practice
04:05 The Importance of Self-Regulation
10:31 Emotional Safety and the Roadmap
12:19 The Dynamics of Space in Relationships
22:05 Anxious vs. Avoidant: Different Coping Mechanisms
31:51 Real Questions from Listeners
36:47 Addressing Confusion in Daily Activities
37:38 Understanding Relationship Drift
39:28 The Importance of Relationship Skills
39:47 Admitting Wrong and Apologizing
41:14 Becoming the Best Version of Yourself
42:40 The Lease Option Contract for Love
43:28 The Reality of Relationship Entropy
45:22 Handling Separation and Emotional Capacity
55:19 Deciding on Divorce or Fighting for Marriage
58:47 Learning to Let Go and Self-Preservation
01:00:07 The Love and Limbo Roadmap
01:04:01 Breathe Like a Badass
01:06:34 Final Thoughts and Resources

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Have you ever said yes just to avoid an argument? You take it on, you promise you’ll change, you nod along. Even though inside you’re thinking, “I can’t keep doing this.” That’s not weakness. That’s an agreement that needs a closer look.

Last week we shared part one of this two-part series from The Better Love Club on how real connection is created. In part two, we’re looking at what blocks it: unhealthy agreements. We’re sharing these replays while Tom and I are in Italy checking out the venue for our 2026 couples retreat.

A quick note for our Better Love Club community: all student voices have been removed to protect privacy.

This is Love Shack Live, the podcast for people at a relationship crossroads. If daily fights are wearing you down, if the gap keeps growing, and you still want a bond that feels real and lasting, you’re in the right place.

Think about it. Maybe you promised to stop bringing up money. Or to be the one who always texts first. Or to say yes to intimacy when you don’t feel close. On the outside, it looks fine. Inside, it feels heavy and exhausting. Today I’ll show you how to tell when an agreement isn’t serving you and how to shift it without turning it into a blowup.

Today’s question: What happens when you stop saying a tired yes and start speaking one true sentence instead?

We’ll explore:

• The difference between talking and true connection (and why “performing” closeness backfires)
• How to spot the hidden cost of people-pleasing: resentment, shutdown, and that “I’m disappearing” feeling
• Why flexibility in agreements creates safety instead of chaos
• A simple reveal/witness framework to help you change a deal without lighting a match
• Language you can borrow to own your part, name what’s changed, and propose something better

Try this while you listen: Notice where your body says “no” while your mouth says “okay.” That’s your cue to test a more true sentence.

By the end, you’ll have one sentence to replace an exhausted yes. What shifts when you say it out loud?

Ready to Learn What to Say (and Not Say) During Space?

If your partner has asked for space, communication can feel like walking a tightrope. What you say (or don’t say) can make the difference between rebuilding connection or widening the gap.

You have two ways to join me for my “What to Say (and Not Say) During Space” masterclass:

🎥 Watch On Demand Anytime

Get instant access to the 90-minute replay, plus scripts and tools you can use right away.

👉 Watch On Demand ($39): https://stacibartley.com/on-demand-masterclass

📅 Join Me Live: October 18 at 12:00 PM PT

Experience the masterclass live and ask your questions directly. You’ll also get lifetime replay access.

👉 Save Your Seat for the Live Session: https://stacibartley.com/live-masterclass

And if you’re ready to go deeper, check out the 30-Day Love in Limbo Roadmap: a guided journey to help you regulate emotions, rebuild self-trust, and reconnect with clarity during separation. Join here: https://stacibartley.com/30-day-roadmap

Timestamps:

01:39 The Impact of Broken Agreements
05:39 Self-Reflection and Personal Integrity
09:01 The Fear of Flexibility in Relationships
11:50 Commitment vs. Flexibility: Finding Balance
19:13 The Illusion of Stability: Challenging Assumptions
24:13 The Illusion of Logic in Relationships
26:13 Facing Conflict and Disappointment
27:35 The Importance of Revealing and Witnessing
29:37 Creating a Safe Space for Emotional Exchang