Love Shack Live: Helping Couples Rescue Their Relationships

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They said they needed space to figure themselves out. Then you watched them book the trip with their friends, or buy the car, or get on the app. And you thought, that is not what figuring yourself out looks like.

Here's the part nobody says out loud. Sitting down alone with yourself is the most frightening thing a person ever does, so most of us will exhaust every other option first. The acting out isn't the search. It's the avoidance of the search.

This week we're revisiting our conversation about midlife crisis, because it sits underneath a lot of the "I don't know who I am anymore" moments people write to us about. It isn't a diagnosis. It's a reckoning, and it never arrives at a convenient time for anyone.

We get into why somebody pulls away from the life they worked hardest to build, how to understand your partner without excusing what they're doing, and what is still yours to decide while they're deciding.

Brooke also tells a story about a job she stayed in too long, and what she felt in the moment she found out she was okay. I did not see that one coming.

And I'll leave you with a question. Where have you put all of your attention on what they're going to choose, and what would change if some of it came back to you?

One note: if you're here for the second half of the Tom story, that's coming next week. Life had other plans for our week. Today's conversation is a close relative of it anyway.

Resources and links:

Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about 5 minutes, free and private. Only you see your results and your partner is never contacted. https://www.betterlovequiz.com/

Free clarity call with Tom: https://stacibartley.com/apply

Timestamps: 

03:02 Reckoning And Identity
06:45 Signs And Regret
08:59 Millennials Vs Boomers
12:37 Restlessness And Big Changes
14:12 Relationships Under Strain
15:45 Why Acting Out Happens
22:15 Triggers That Spark Crisis
24:39 Brooke’s Wake Up Call
26:31 Why We Stay Stuck
28:22 Hidden Feelings And Shame
29:13 Default Breakdown Warning
31:03 Hope and Upside Stats
32:05 Remodeling Midlife Metaphor
32:38 Core Lessons of Crisis
35:15 Proactive vs Default Correction
38:15 Coping Tools for You
41:13 White Space and Reflection
42:40 Pause Before Impulses
43:05 Supporting a Partner Well
44:44 Invitation Not Condemnation
45:32 Biases and Relationship Risk
48:01 Get Professional Help Faster
48:46 Affirmation and Shared Adventure
51:09 Wrap Up Key Takeaways
52:24 You Cannot Choose for Them

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

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You have a really good weekend. You talk, you laugh, and it feels like the old days. Then Monday comes, they go quiet again, and you’re right back where you started. You can’t tell anymore if this is just a hard stretch or if it’s really over.

I hear some version of this every single week: How long am I supposed to wait? And right behind it is the harder question. Is this just a rough patch, or is my relationship actually ending? We call it the land of maybe. You’re not in, you’re not out, and it’s wearing you down.

In this episode, I share something I’ve barely talked about on the podcast: my second marriage. When I was scared of losing it, I pushed. I pushed hard. Years later, when Tom told me he needed some space, I caught myself about to do the very same thing.

Here’s what I learned the hard way. If someone stays because you pushed them, guilted them or made them feel like they owed you, you don’t really get them back. You get someone who’s just going through the motions. I lived that, and I saw it over and over in my years as a divorce mediator.

We also talk about three things almost all of us do while we wait:

• sending the long text at night
• putting our whole life on hold
• searching for answers everywhere (ChatGPT, every relationship podcast, even checking their location)

It all feels like fighting for the relationship. We talk about why it so often pushes them further away. Brooke also brings up something a lot of us skip over when our partner’s mistakes were bigger than ours.

Just so we’re clear: I’m not saying you’re the problem, and I’m not saying you should be the only one trying. Next week, I’ll share what I did instead when Tom needed space.

You own your part.
You don’t own theirs.

Resources

Better Love Quiz: Not sure if it’s a rough patch or something more? It’s 22 questions, takes about 5 minutes, and it’s free and private.
→ https://www.betterlovequiz.com/

Episode 155: More on the pattern where one person chases and the other pulls away.
→ https://stacibartley.com/space-or-chase-mastering-relationship-dynamics-when-love-needs-breathing-room/

Episode 91: The story of my first marriage.
→ https://stacibartley.com/pregnant-mormon-at-17-in-salt-lake-city-my-journey-to-true-love-relationships/

Love isn’t enough, but skills are.

Timestamps:
02:54 Land Of Maybe
05:38 Second Marriage Pressure
09:34 Bleeding Out Back
13:52 What Was Mine
15:14 Separation And Growth
18:56 Tom Needs Space
21:55 Pause And Choose
25:25 Reclaiming Lost Parts
25:39 Owning Your Role After Betrayal
28:46 Lessons From Divorce Mediation
31:06 Reverse Engineering Relationship Skills
32:08 Building Love Without Marriage
33:05 Obligation Versus Permission
37:25 Three Relationship Saving Traps
38:02 Pressure Play Runner Chaser
39:37 Frozen Wait Putting Life On Hold
41:46 Search Spiral And Certainty Seeking
43:47 Own Your Part Not Theirs
45:24 How To Relax In The Spiral

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

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They say “I’m sorry,” and something in you immediately goes, sorry for what?

You’d never say it out loud. But there it is.

And on the other side of that exact same moment, they’re thinking, I apologized. I meant it. What else do they want from me?

A few months ago, we posted a video about trust that sparked hundreds of conversations. And two very different experiences kept showing up.

They said they were sorry, so why can’t I move on?

And…

I’ve said sorry a hundred times. What more do they want from me?

Both people are stuck waiting for an apology to do something it was never designed to do.

In this episode of Love Shack Live, we’re talking about what happens AFTER “I’m sorry,” and why so many couples keep trying to move forward when the thing that hurt them hasn’t actually been repaired.

One of the biggest pieces involves something most of us overlook. When you’re the person who made the mess, you know what was happening inside you. You know what you meant, what you were thinking, and why you made the choices you did.

Your partner doesn’t have that information. They only know what happened and how it affected them.

And that difference can leave one person feeling like the conversation is finished while the other feels like it hasn’t even begun.

We also get into the things we commonly mistake for repair. The apology with a “but” attached. The enormous promise you have no idea how you’re going to keep. And being extra nice, which Brooke has some pretty strong feelings about when it shows up instead of the accountability you’ve been asking for.

Then I walk you through the six steps of emotional repair I’ve spent nearly two decades teaching couples. From everyday disappointments to the experiences that seriously damage trust, we’ll talk about what it actually takes to clean up the emotional mess and begin creating something different.

And if you’ve been trying to rebuild trust but can’t seem to make yourself feel safe enough to try again, there’s a reason that might have nothing to do with your willingness to forgive. You may be trying to rebuild something before the damage underneath it has been addressed.

Brooke also shares why even the FIRST step can be surprisingly difficult, including what can happen internally when admitting you’ve hurt someone feels like surrendering.

And there’s one important thing I want you to remember before listening: These six steps aren’t a secret checklist your partner is supposed to magically know how to complete.

If you’ve never been taught what repair looks like, there’s a good chance they haven’t either.

Because getting over something isn’t a decision you make.

It’s what becomes possible when something actually changes.

Resources & Links

The Better Love Quiz: Trying to figure out whether what you're in can be repaired? Start here. 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. → https://www.betterlovequiz.com/

Is My Marriage Dead? + The Crisis Communication Scripts: For when you know something needs to change, and for when you know what you want to say and it keeps coming out wrong. → https://stacibartley.com/book

Timestamps: 

03:16 The Messes We Make
05:37 Sweeping It Into the Corner
07:31 Fake Repair Patterns
11:12 Hostage Gifts and Being Nice
14:26 Waiting for Time to Heal
16:46 Two Different Experiences
21:55 What Sorry Needs to Include
26:23 Six Steps to Real Repair
26:42 Step One Name the Mess
31:16 Don’t Deflect to Old Messes
31:53 Step Two Understand Impact
31:58 Intent Versus Impact
33:04 Own Impact Without Defense
35:01 Real Responsibility Language
37:37 Assess Emotional Damage
39:15 New Agreements And Boundaries
41:37 Time And Consistency
44:00 Why Trust Feels Impossible
46:34 No Silent Tests Talk It Out
48:50 Celebrate Small Progress
51:36 Renegotiate Before Breaking
53:27 Building Skills Early
56:10 Six Step Summary

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

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Have you ever looked at your partner and thought, If they would just stop doing THAT, we would be so good?

You can explain exactly why you react the way you do. There’s history behind it. There are things that have happened over and over again. You have evidence.

The frustrating part? So does your partner.

And eventually you can end up in a relationship where two people are absolutely convinced they’re responding reasonably to the other person’s behavior… while both becoming increasingly frustrated, defensive, and disconnected.

So how do you figure out what’s actually happening?

In this episode of Love Shack Live, we’re getting into one of the more challenging conversations we’ve had about relationship conflict. We’re looking at the subtle behavioral patterns that are incredibly easy to recognize in your partner and surprisingly difficult to recognize in yourself.

We’ll explore what happens when you’re both waiting for the other person to change first, why hearing your partner’s side can feel so threatening when you’re already hurt, and how two people can experience the exact same relationship VERY differently without either experience automatically canceling out the other.

We’re also sharing a few stories from our own relationship that made us realize just how difficult this is to see when you’re the one living inside of it. Including the return of the infamous alarm clock fight. 😂

And ultimately, we’re going to help you begin separating three things that may have become completely tangled:

What’s mine? What’s theirs? And what are we creating together?

This one may make you squirm a little. It certainly did for us. But if you keep having some version of the same fight and can’t figure out why neither of you seems to be getting through to the other, this conversation may help you see something you haven’t been able to see before.

Take the Free Better Love Quiz

If you genuinely can’t tell what’s yours, what’s theirs, and what keeps happening between you anymore, the free Better Love Quiz is a good place to start.

It looks at four relationship skill areas and gives you a personalized Better Love Blueprint to help you get clearer about where things are getting difficult and where you may want to begin.

⁠Take the free Better Love Quiz at BetterLoveQuiz.com

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

The Behavioral Nuance Carousel: Brooke mentions a visual in this episode that shows just how much information we have about our own behavior compared with what we can see when we’re looking at our partner’s.

⁠See the Nuance carousel on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/Dd9MBf6Ea-Q/?img_index=1

More on Defensiveness: We’ve talked about defensiveness quite a bit on Love Shack Live. If this episode makes you realize how difficult it is to hear your partner’s experience without immediately explaining, correcting, or defending your own, these are good conversations to listen to next:

#224: The Silent Wedge: How Defensiveness Destroys Emotional Safety
#159: The Hidden Trap: Disarming Defensiveness in Relationships
#138: Defensiveness: The Hidden Barrier to Relationship Growth
#118: 10 Tips to Overcome Defensiveness in Your Relationship (Part Two)
#117: 10 Tips to Overcome Defensiveness in Your Relationship (Part One)
#116: Communication Makeover: The Damaging Effects of Defensiveness on Relationships

Important Note

The framework discussed in this episode is intended for relationship patterns in which both people can safely participate in reflection and repair. It is not a framework for abuse, coercive control, intimidation, threats, or ongoing harm.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse in the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-7233, or you can text BEGIN to 88788.

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

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We’re back. ❤️

After six weeks away from Love Shack Live and three weeks in Italy, we’re finally back behind the microphones. And we came home with a question we haven’t been able to stop thinking about…

“We feel more like roommates than partners.”
“I feel alone, even when they’re right there.”
“We love each other. We’ve just lost the connection we used to have.”

We hear versions of these sentences all the time from people taking the Better Love Quiz.

And after spending three weeks in Italy, we came home wondering about something we hadn’t considered quite this way before:

What if some of the connection we’re missing isn’t something we need to find again? What if our everyday lives simply aren’t giving us enough opportunities to create it?

We expected to miss the castle, the wine, the food, and those ridiculous Tuscan sunsets. Instead, we missed the people. Walking into the kitchen and finding someone there. Sitting around the table long after dinner was over. Hearing laughter from another room. Wandering without a destination. Twelve people with nowhere more important to be.

And then we came home.
Everything was quiet.

It made us realize how incredibly efficient we’ve become at not needing one another. Groceries arrive at the door. Entertainment streams into our homes. We work remotely, text instead of visit, eat while answering emails, and fill nearly every empty space in our day.

It’s convenient. But there may be a relational price we’re paying for all that efficiency.

In this episode, we’re talking about what Tuscany reminded us about how human connection actually grows, why familiarity can make us stop noticing the people we love, and how to bring some of that la dolce vita back into an ordinary Tuesday.

We talk about why connection needs proximity and repetition, the Italian piazza and the disappearing “third places” in our own communities, why humans bond through participation rather than observation, and the surprisingly important art of lingering.

And if you’re thinking, “That sounds lovely, but I don’t have time for any of this,” we talk about that too.

Because rebuilding connection doesn’t have to mean a romantic vacation, a giant relationship conversation, or packing your bags and moving to Tuscany.

Sometimes it starts with dinner lasting twenty minutes longer.

In this episode:

• Why connection needs proximity and repetition
• What Italian piazzas taught us about making room for the unplanned
• The relational price we may be paying for convenience
• Why you can’t observe your way into connection
• Aperitivo, lingering, and il dolce far niente, the sweetness of doing nothing
• What happens when the person you love becomes so familiar that you stop really seeing them
• Simple rituals that create more opportunities for connection at home
• Why “I don’t have time for that” might be exactly where we need to start

Where to Start

• Not sure whether what you’re experiencing is a rough patch or something more? Take the free Better Love Quiz at BetterLoveQuiz.com. In about five minutes, you’ll get your personalized Better Love Blueprint and see which relationship skills could use some attention right now.
• Staci’s new digital book, Is My Marriage Dead?, is $9 and designed to help you get clearer about what’s actually happening in your relationship and what your next honest step might be.
• Want to join us in Tuscany next year? Email [email protected] and let us know. And stay tuned, because we’re also working on opportunities to gather a little closer to home.

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

Ask Us A Question

One night, you’re absolutely done.

You’ve had the entire conversation in your head. You know what you’re going to say in the morning. You may even feel strangely calm because, finally, you’ve made a decision.

Then morning comes.

They hand you your coffee without being asked. They do something small that reminds you of who they used to be. Maybe you laugh together for the first time in weeks.

And suddenly…

• Maybe I’m overreacting.
• Maybe it’s not as bad as I think.
• Maybe we could actually fix this.

Welcome to the Land of Maybe.

It’s the place between staying and leaving where the evidence seems to change every day. One terrible night convinces you it’s over. One good morning makes you question everything.

And people can live here for years.

So how do you know when what you’re experiencing is something worth fighting through… and when you’re holding onto something that simply isn’t working anymore?

That’s the conversation we’re having in this episode.

We’re sharing stories from couples who came frighteningly close to ending their relationships, including one who had already filed for divorce, and what became visible once they stopped trying to answer the stay-or-go question first.

We’re also talking about some of the things that make the Land of Maybe so difficult to escape. The fear that too much has happened. The things other people are telling you about your relationship. The question of whether you’ll ever be able to let go of what happened. And the resistance that can keep you stuck even when part of you desperately wants something to change.

There’s also a very personal story from our own marriage that we haven’t talked much about, including a moment when Tom genuinely wasn’t sure whether we were going to make it.

And before the episode ends, we boil this entire conversation down to three questions.

They’re not “Do you still love each other?”

And they’re not “Are you happy?”

They’re the three questions we’ve learned to listen for when someone comes to us saying:

“I don’t know if this relationship is worth fighting for anymore.”

Your answers may tell you something very different than you expect.

Resources & Links

The Better Love Quiz: If you’re stuck wondering whether this is a rough patch or something more, start here. 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. → https://www.betterlovequiz.com/

Is My Marriage Dead? + The Crisis Communication Scripts: Created for the place where you know something needs to change but you’re not yet sure what that means for your relationship. → https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead

A Quick Note

This is the final episode we brought back while we were away, and I saved this one for last on purpose.

We’re home from Tuscany now, which means brand-new Love Shack Live episodes begin next week. ❤️

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

Ask Us A Question

You know the words by now: anxious and avoidant.

Maybe you’ve taken the quizzes, watched the videos, and gotten pretty good at spotting the pattern in your own relationship.

And you’re still having the same fight.

So what are you actually supposed to do with any of this?

In this episode, we’re talking about how attachment styles can help us understand a relationship without turning into permanent labels for ourselves or our partners. We’ll look at why anxious and avoidant people are often drawn to each other in the first place, what actually happens when one person starts reaching and the other starts pulling away, and why knowing your “style” is only the beginning.

Tom and I are also sharing a story about a season in our own marriage when he pulled away, I chased, and space became a very real conversation between us.

We’re answering your questions about breadcrumbing, meeting an avoidant partner in the middle, and why it can feel like all the responsibility gets handed to the anxious person.

And near the end, I’ll give you four sentences you can use when someone you love has gone quiet on you.

The words are simple.

What you do after you say them is the harder part.

A Quick Note

We’re almost at the end of this run of your most-requested and most-downloaded episodes, brought back with new opens and closes. Brand-new Love Shack Live episodes are right around the corner.

Resources & Links

Attachment Style Questionnaire (ECR-R): The original attachment questionnaire we reference in this episode. → https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/ECR.php

Is My Marriage Dead? + The Crisis Communication Scripts: Two new resources to help you get clearer on what’s happening in your relationship and have the conversations that feel hardest. → https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead/

The Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. Get clearer on whether you’re experiencing a rough patch or real trouble. → https://www.betterlovequiz.com/

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

Ask Us A Question

There's a conversation you and your partner need to have, and it's been sitting under the grocery list and the kids' appointments for a few years now. Not because it doesn't matter. Because you figure they'll be there no matter what, and everything else has a deadline.

So here's what we're after today. How come our marriage is the one thing we're ashamed to get help for? You'd hire somebody for the business. You'd find a specialist for your knee. You'd tell your friends about both over dinner.

There's a phrase in here I want you listening for. Emotional gas. It explains almost everything about why you can't get traction right now no matter how hard you're trying, and it explains what somebody is actually telling you when they say "I just can't do this anymore." It isn't what you think.

Brooke asks the question I get more than any other, what to do when you know you need help and your partner is dead set against it, and she gives you the words. Two sentences. Then she tells the story of her and Jack, which she's never told on this show. She was 18. What she found out at 30 about why he really ended it is the part I wasn't prepared for.

And the thing we've been sitting on for months. Both books are out. Is My Marriage Dead? is for the person who can't tell whether this is a rough stretch or the real thing. I was a divorce mediator for thirteen years, and there's a pattern in there I have never seen anybody else name. The Crisis Communication Scripts is the other half, because changing a pattern takes two parts and most of us only ever get handed the first one.

If you've been telling yourself you'll deal with this once things settle down, listen to this now rather than later. Later is the whole problem.

Resources & Links

The books are out. Is My Marriage Dead? A Divorce Mediator's Guide to Finding Out What's True, and What to Do About It The Crisis Communication Scripts: Exact Words for Our Most Challenging Moments: https://stacibartley.mysamcart.com/is-your-marriage-dead/

Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about five minutes, free and completely private. An honest answer to whether this is a rough patch or real trouble. https://betterlovequiz.com

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

Ask Us A Question

You already said you were sorry. You meant every word of it. And they're still sitting there closed up like you never opened your mouth.

I get this question constantly. I've made a mess, it's my fault, and I can't get my person to turn around and hear me. So today I'm not answering how to apologize, or even how to apologize better. You already know how to say I'm sorry. What I want to answer is why it doesn't land, and the reason is specific. Most of us apologize for the wrong thing entirely. Not the wrong words. The wrong thing.

I'll walk you through the six steps I take my private clients through, the same ones Tom and I use on each other. I snapped at him in the car over nothing and we had it cleaned up in about 20 seconds. In my previous marriage that same moment would have cost us the whole weekend. Tom tells on himself in here too, about a dinner he said he'd come to and didn't.

Two things to listen for. There's one sentence that opens the door before you apologize at all, and it ends with a one-word question that decides whether they can even hear the rest. And there's a last step almost everybody skips, the one that takes an apology from finished to actually over. If you've heard this episode before, that's the part to stay for.

Press play before the next round of that same fight.

A Quick Note

We're a few weeks into bringing back the episodes you've downloaded the most while we're in Tuscany, Italy, leading our very first international relationship retreat. Brand-new episodes are back mid-September.

Resources & Links

Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about 5 minutes, free and completely private. Find out which skill is missing. https://betterlovequiz.com

Private session with Staci: real help cleaning up a mess that's bigger than a car ride. https://stacibartley.com/private-sessions

Clarity call: not sure where to start? The average couple waits six years to get help. Don't do that. https://stacibartley.com/apply

Enjoying Love Shack Live? Please leave a review and share this episode with someone you care about.

Love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today.

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.

Ask Us A Question

Your partner finally tells you that something you do hurts them. And before they even finish, you're already explaining. "That's not what happened." "That's not what I meant." "I never meant it that way." "Well, you do it too."

That's defensiveness. But, it never feels like defensiveness from the inside. It feels like telling the truth, which is why it can chew through a relationship for years before anyone catches it. And nobody gets a hall pass here. Staci does it. Tom does it. Brooke does it. You do too, probably in a way you'd never think to call defensive.

So here's what we're after today: if defensiveness is supposed to protect us from getting hurt, how come everybody who leans on it ends up hurting more?

We get into how fast this stuff moves. Staci says the emotional safety in your relationship doesn't wear down over years, it's gone in a nanosecond, and there's a balloon analogy in here you won't be able to unsee. Also why "that was never my intent" might be the most defensive thing you can say, even when it's true.

And the part we'd stay for: there's one sentence that gets you out. Three words. It works mid-argument, it works when you're wrong, and it works when you're dead certain you're not. Not spoiling it here.

Brooke tells the story of what her partner said to her about six years ago, the thing that rattled her more than anything else in their relationship. Including the part where she still couldn't admit he was right for months after. She's not the hero of that one and she tells it anyway.

Fair warning: you might get a little defensive listening to a whole episode about defensiveness. Happens all the time. That's usually the good part.

Press play before the next round of that same fight.

A Quick Note: For the next several weeks we're bringing back the episodes you've asked for and downloaded the most. Our family is heads down on two things we can't wait to share with you: two brand-new resources we're putting the finishing touches on, and our very first international retreat in Tuscany, Italy. Brand-new episodes are back mid-September.

Take the Better Love Quiz: If you can feel that something is off and you can't tell how serious it is, this is where to start. 22 questions, about five minutes, and you get an honest answer to the question you've been carrying around at 2:00 in the morning. You also get your skill score, so you know where to begin instead of guessing. Completely private. Only you see the results, and your partner is never contacted.

betterlovequiz.com

Work With Staci: If you know you need more support than a quiz right now, book a private session. This is exactly what we do with couples: helping them get better at emotional weightlifting so the same fight stops running the relationship.

stacibartley.com/private-sessions

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble? If you’ve ever wondered that, Is My Marriage Dead? is for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today.