Making Polyamory Work

Maybe you know the joke, maybe you don't, but showing up for a second date with a uhaul can be risky. In this episode, Libby goes over why she thinks cohabiting during the new relationship energy (NRE) phase might not be the best idea, and what to do instead.

We all carry stories with us about who we are, our place in the world, how others will see us, and what's possible for our lives. Some of these stories are stories we like, some are stories we want to write a new ending to. But did you know that try as you might to change the story, there's an invisible force that may be acting on you that might sabotage your efforts? In this episode, Libby talks about how your very own brain can stop you from changing your story, and some ideas for what you can do about that.

Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9780358645597

Juliane Taylor Shore: https://www.cleariskind.com/

Implicit memory and memory reconsolidation: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10615-020-00754-z

Do you sometimes use doing "the right" or "good' things as an excuse to then turn around and do "bad" or "selfish" things? There's a name for this - it's called moral licensing, and it may not just be messing up your goals, but possibly your relationships.

The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonagal: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781583335086

Article on Moral Licensing: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-moral-licensing-means-2017-11

In Part 2, Polysecure author, Jessica Fern and Libby talk about a very specific arrangement that relates to privacy/secrecy: the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) relationship. Together they discuss why you might want a DADT arrangement, when it can work, and when it might not.

Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933 

Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023

Polysecure author, Jessica Fern joins Libby to talk about a much-asked for topic, Privacy, Secrecy and Transparency. Together they share their own experiences, what they've learned, and how they advise people to handle sharing information. It can be tricky, but there are ways to make it easier!

Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933 

Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023

Libby shares one of her favorite tools for owning your ish when you mess up with someone you care about.

Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023

Chaneè and Libby answer a question from a listener who identifies as asexual who asked about non-sexual polyamorous relationships. Chaneè identifies as almost-megasexual, Libby identifies as greyace/demisexual, so you can imagine that it is a RICH conversation. They talk about nonsexual partnerships, chosen family, grief, vulnerability and choosing the love that you want for your life. This one is not to be missed!

Amatonormativity: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity 

Relationship Smorgasbord: https://www.instagram.com/p/CS9n8mqL4ys/?hl=en 

Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off):  

Find Chaneè on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaneespeaks/ 

The Intentional Polyamory Cohort: https://intentionalpolyamory.netlify.app/ 

Schedule time with Chaneè: https://calendly.com/ChaneeSpeaks

In part 2 of Libby's conversation with Akilah Riley-Richardson, Akilah shares her PRIDE model for supporting couples who are working to create safety and resilience in their relationships.

Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/ 

Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/

Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227 

Eduardo Duran: Healing the Soul Wound: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1200619

Southwest Love Fest (use code "goslow" for 10% off!): https://www.swlovefest.com/

In this episode, Libby talks with couples therapist and trauma specialist Akilah Riley-Richardson about relational privilege and how essential it is to create safety in order to find intimacy. (Part 1 of 2)

Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/ 

Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ 

Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending-our-hearts-and-bodies-resmaa-menakem/6454227 

Southwest Love Fest (use code "goslow" for 10% off!): https://www.swlovefest.com/

In Part 2 of this episode, Libby shares her journey to getting clear on her values, figuring out how to act within her integrity and how that led her to find her way to true belonging.

Braving the WIlderness by Brene Brown

Southwest Love Fest (Use code "GOSLOW" for a 10% discount)