Let's Talk Polyamory Podcast

Long-distance relationships can be hard. Non-monogamous relationships can be complicated. So what happens when you combine the two?

In this episode of the Let’s Talk Polyamory Podcast, we’re talking about what it really takes to make long-distance love work when non-monogamy is part of the equation. And as two people who love each other while living five and a half hours apart, we have some personal experience with this one and share that throughout!

But what actually makes a relationship “long-distance”? Is it really about kilometres, or is access a better measure?

We explore the surprising benefits of loving from afar, including autonomy, intentionality, anticipation and space for other relationships. We also get into some of the harder stuff: time and travel logistics, jealousy and FOMO, navigating nesting partners and family responsibilities, and what happens when your limited time together starts to feel more like a romantic vacation than everyday life.

We talk about how to stay connected when you’re apart without trying to recreate living together through your phone, why sharing the mundane parts of life can matter just as much as date nights, and why reunions AND goodbyes deserve more attention than we often give them.

And perhaps most importantly, we ask a question that goes beyond whether long-distance relationships can work:

Does THIS version of a long-distance relationship work for YOU?

Because success doesn’t have to mean eventually living in the same city, moving in together or following the traditional relationship escalator. In non-monogamy, we get to think more intentionally about what we want our relationships to look like.

So whether you’re already loving someone from afar, considering a long-distance relationship, or simply curious about whether you could ever make one work, this episode will give you plenty to think and talk about.

🎧 Listen in and then come tell us: Could YOU do long-distance love?

Show Resources:

• Andy Morollo - Connecting here and there: A model of long-distance relationship maintenance - https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2011.01392.x

• We love travelling using Home Exchange as it allows us to stay in amazing places in exchange for our home - use this link to get 250 bonus points when you sign up (that's a 2 night stay in most places)- ⁠⁠https://www.homeexchange.com/?sponsorkey=taraandandre-cbef0 ⁠⁠

• Looking for community? Join our Let's Talk Polyamory private Facebook group - ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠⁠
• New and looking to build a secure foundation? Our Poly Newbies Digital Course is for you! Get it for only $97 for a limited time for our listeners- ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠ 
• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠⁠ 
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠⁠

“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” — Mark Twain

How often do we create an entire story about what might happen and then experience the anxiety as though it’s already happening?

We’re back with another carversation. 🚗 These are unscripted conversations we record while travelling the world!

This is one of two episodes we recorded while road-tripping through Morocco in June 2026. We had some mic issues and have done our best to correct the audio, however there are some spots where it isn’t perfect. We hope the conversation will make it worthwhile for you!  

We start with a real-life moment from our trip. Tara thought she’d put the wrong location into the GPS and, with only 15 minutes left to our destination, suddenly thought we might have another two hours of driving ahead of us instead. Spoiler: we didn’t. But the anxiety she felt in that moment was very real, and André’s response was exactly what she needed.

That gets us talking about what happens when anxiety takes over, what we can do to manage it in the moment, and how we can respond when we notice it showing up in our partners. What actually helps? What doesn’t? And why doesn’t reassurance always land the way we intend it to?

And yes, even as a coach and a therapist who help other people navigate this stuff, sometimes we still have to figure out how to coach our damn selves through it.

From there, we bring the conversation into relationships, particularly the anxiety and jealousy that can surface when opening a relationship or navigating consensual non-monogamy.

What happens when our brains take uncertainty and turn it into “If my partner meets someone else, they might leave me”? And what if we could shift that story to “My partner can connect with other people and continue to choose me”?

We talk about the stories underneath jealousy, strategies for managing anxiety when it shows up, and how clear relationship agreements based on our values, using our Values-Based Relationship Agreement Model™, can help create security without trying to control every possible outcome.

In this episode, we also cover:

• Practical strategies for managing anxiety in the moment
• How to respond when you sense your partner is feeling anxious

• Jealousy and anxiety when opening a relationship
• Future forecasting and imagining worst-case scenarios
• Reframing what it means to be chosen by a partner

Because knowing the tools doesn’t mean we don’t struggle with this stuff too. Sometimes we just have to remember to use them on ourselves.

Show Resources:

• We love travelling using Home Exchange as it allows us to stay in amazing places in exchange for our home - use this link to get 250 bonus points when you sign up (that's a 2 night stay in most places)- ⁠https://www.homeexchange.com/?sponsorkey=taraandandre-cbef0 ⁠
• Check out our episode we recorded while on our East Coast road trip in the Summer of 2025 -  Carversations: Travelling When Polyamorous or Open - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5KIL4RSyr4T7sZymJLjxbD?si=mZsxR5oiSyCE2iZRSIcTNA 
• Addressing Worry - The Worry Tree and Other Methods - https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/tackling-your-worries/ 
• The Thought Model / Life Coaching Model - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnWfkWaNQuA

• Another Thought Model article with examples - https://simplysquaredaway.com/the-model/
• Looking for community? Join our Let's Talk Polyamory private Facebook group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠

• New and looking to build a secure foundation? Our Poly Newbies Digital Course is for you! Get it for only $97 for a limited time for our listeners- https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer 

• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠ 
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠

Most people don’t realize how easily they derail the conversations that matter most, until they learn what to look for.

In Part 2 of this series, we unpack the hidden patterns that quietly sabotage connection, like kitchen sinking, labeling, interrupting, blaming, mind reading, layering, and passive-aggressive habits. More importantly, we show you how to recognize these patterns in real time and shift them into clear, grounded, and effective communication.

We also explore how outside influences, like stress, emotional triggers, and past experiences can take over your conversations without you even noticing. From there, we guide you back to presence, empathy, and solution-focused dialogue using practical, easy-to-apply tools.

You’ll learn frameworks like Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and our Attunement Communication Method™, designed to help you move from conflict to connection, without losing your voice.

If you’re tired of feeling unheard, misunderstood, or stuck in the same arguments, this episode offers a clear path forward. Honest, effective communication isn’t just a “nice to have”, it’s the foundation of strong, thriving relationships, especially in non-monogamous dynamics where trust and transparency matter deeply.

Whether you have a partner, dating or single, this episode will help you break negative cycles and build more authentic, connected conversations.

And if you want to go deeper, join T&A live for Deep Dive Thursdays at the Mermaid Lounge on May 14 at 8PM for a special talk: The Other Sexy Talk: More Foreplay for Better Sex. Details and tickets available at: https://thexclub.net/event_description.php?event=697

Resources:

• Get our free How to Shift From Destructive to Effective Communication Worksheet - https://worksheet.letstalkpolyamory.com/communicationworksheet 
• Looking for community? Join our Let's Talk Polyamory private Facebook group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠
• New and looking to build a secure foundation including how to effectively communicate with your partners? Our Poly Newbies Digital Course is for you! Get it for only $97 for a limited time for our listeners- https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer 
• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠ 
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

It’s a quickie, but a good one! An unfiltered special episode recorded from our bed!

In it, we break down a real-life situation where things built up, our communication took a nosedive, and it felt like our communication went completely off the rails.

We take full ownership of the destructive patterns we fell into - practicing responses, layering/stacking, “yes, but”-ing, and how HALTA (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired & Anxious) was impacting us.

We walk you through exactly what happened, how it unfolded, and what we did to repair, pausing, resetting, and coming back to the conversation with intention.

And in Part 2, we go deeper into these patterns and show you how to shift them into more effective, connected communication + we'll share the worksheet we refer to at the end!

Show Resources:

• Looking for community? Join our Let's Talk Polyamory private Facebook group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠

• New and looking to build a secure foundation including how to effectively communicate with your partners? Our Poly Newbies Digital Course is for you! Get it for only $97 for a limited time for our listeners- https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer 

• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠ 

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

Planning a trip and your'e non-monogamous?

Traveling comes with its own unique dynamics and things to plan for, whether you're heading out on a solo adventure or exploring with a partner or partners.

In this episode, we dive into what that really looks like, and how those experiences can expand not just your world, but your relationships too.

We talk about:

• Traveling together vs. taking solo vacations

• How (and where) you might meet people while away

• What happens when you do meet someone you like

• The conversations and agreements that matter, before and during your trip

• How boundaries, expectations, and connection can shift when you're out of your normal environment

We also share our personal experiences and practical insights around communication, honesty, safety, and staying grounded in your relationships, no matter where you are in the world.

And of course, how we make traveling fun—because yes, you can have adventure and emotional security.

✈️ Your action list if you're planning travel:

• Practice honest communication about travel plans and personal boundaries

• Get clear on agreements, especially if they may shift while you're away

• Prioritize safety and STI testing when meeting new partners

• Stay open to spontaneity while staying aligned with your values

• Make space for both connection and independence

Show Resources:

• We love travelling using Home Exchange as it allows us to travel economically and stay in amazing places in exchange for our home - use this link to get 250 bonus points when you sign up (that's a 2 night stay in most places - ⁠https://www.homeexchange.com/?sponsorkey=taraandandre-cbef0 ⁠

• Looking for community? Join our Let's Talk Polyamory private Facebook group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly⁠

• New and looking to build a secure foundation? Our Poly Newbies Digital Course is for you! Get it for only $97 for a limited time for our listeners- https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer 
• Want to learn more about travel - Check out our episode we recorded while on our East Coast road trip: Carversations: Travelling When Polyamorous or Open - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5KIL4RSyr4T7sZymJLjxbD?si=mZsxR5oiSyCE2iZRSIcTNA 

Ever feel like the lifestyle has its own language? Well… you’re not wrong.

In this bonus T&A Alphabet Series episode, we’re breaking down some of the most common and less common terms used in swinging and the lifestyle, including:

• What “the lifestyle” actually means—and the different names people use (like libertine)
• Common roles and dynamics (hotwife, stag/vixen, unicorn, bull, OPP)
• Types of play and what they involve (soft swap, hard swap, same room play)
• Events, parties, and how people connect
• Consent, communication, and safety language (hard & soft limits, full consent culture, aftercare)
• Sexual and other terms (voyeur, DP, bukkake, “take one for the team”)

All of this is designed to help you feel more confident and informed as you explore—whether you’re brand new or already have some experience.

And as we’ve said throughout this series, it’s always important to ask people what their definitions are—because these terms can mean different things to different people.

Show Resources:

• Contribute to our T&A Sex Clubs, Lifestyle Destinations & Communities Around the World List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1t8DzYsOJSQ0g1cboAuBl_ibFYQGwpHoiEO-JdriKUjA/edit?usp=sharing
• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠ 
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer -  ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠⁠
• Episode 69: Consent is Sexy: Why Enthusiastic Consent is so Important - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2RzCDuhK9yMM3GgkU5ebPg?si=ObHEGONiTCyFgCF6Q-oo7g  

• Episode 64: K is for KINK, Kitchen Table Polyamory & Kissing - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7FOrTjvfhxOB2Il9BLoNwc?si=GdwcjFa1Sn-qWcg2Ikspgw
• Unicorns & Unicorn Hunting: Can it be Ethical? https://open.spotify.com/episode/5TI3NNE3H5JxlwzopWqM1Z?si=hRQsZ47bQASGDRf3KDCnFg

We are back with another instalment of our T&A Alphabet Series and this one is all about the letter S!

We give you: S is For Everything You Wanted to Know About Sexual Issues But Were Afraid to Ask!

Sexual issues are something so many people experience—but few people actually talk about.

In this episode, we open up the conversation around sex, desire, identity, and connection—sharing both insights and our own real-life experiences along the way.

We cover:

✨ What sexual apathy actually is—and why low desire isn’t always a problem ✨ The many emotional, physical, and relational factors that can impact sex drive ✨ Desire discrepancies in relationships and how to navigate them collaboratively ✨ The spectrum of sexual identity, orientation, and expression ✨ Why sexual health matters ✨ Common causes of sexual anxiety and how communication can shift everything

Sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all—it exists on a spectrum, and what feels right will look different for everyone.

As always, we come back to one of the most powerful tools in any relationship:

💬 Talk about it.

Open, honest communication—with your partners and with professionals—can change everything.

If something in this episode resonates with you and you want support navigating it, you’re always welcome to reach out. We’re here to help you take your next step. Links below to connect.

Show Resources:

• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠⁠ 
• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠⁠
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation.  ⁠https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre⁠ - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - ⁠https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre⁠
• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer -  ⁠https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer⁠
• The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Salt-N-Pepa had it right in 1990…
“Let’s talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be…”

It’s also important to talk about sex when we’re not having it — or not having enough of it.

This episode explores the complexities of mismatched sex drives in relationships, and why the difference itself is often less of a problem than the meaning couples attach to it. From our own experiences and the work we’ve done with clients, we share three things we know to be true:

• People have different sex drives and desires for intimacy

• The difference itself usually isn’t the problem — it’s how couples interpret it

• Talking about it gives the relationship a much better chance

When partners want different amounts of sex, it can quickly lead to resentment, pressure, and painful assumptions about attraction, love, and unmet needs.

In this conversation, we explore how these dynamics develop and why communication, understanding, and creative solutions are essential for maintaining intimacy and connection.

We also get personal, sharing how differences in desire show up in our own relationship — including how menopause and pain have impacted Tara’s desire and what she’s been exploring to navigate that.

Along the way, we discuss concepts like responsive desire and how understanding different desire styles can shift the conversation.

We also share practical tools and conversation approaches couples can use to move away from the blame game and toward solutions that honour both partners’ needs — whether they’re in monogamous or non-monogamous relationships.

Chapters:

00:00 - Understanding Different Sex Drives

02:42 - Navigating Relationship Dynamics

05:29 - The Importance of Communication

08:22 - Resentment and Its Roots

11:12 - The Role of Internal Narratives

13:59 - Breaking the Silence on Sex

16:44 - Building Trust Through Open Dialogue

22:52 - Exploring Non-Monogamy as a Solution

25:14 - The Importance of Communication in Relationships

26:18 - Redefining Intimacy Beyond Sex

28:04 - Tools for Reestablishing Intimacy

30:35 - Understanding Desire Styles

34:29 - Finding Solutions Together

38:47 - Final Thoughts on Navigating Desire Differences

Show Resources:

• Episode: Can an Open Relationship Save My Marriage - https://open.spotify.com/episode/7o3meUcbbNdcfb4S1I7vbq?si=vT-9MhXkSDGgS-0mnbgFQw 
• The Cervix Wand - for vaginal de-armoring and anal massage, cervical and g-spot stimulation.  https://waands.com/products/cervix-wand?ref=taraandandre - use code TARALYNNEFRANCO to get 10% off or use this link for any item in the store - https://waands.com/discount/TARALYNNEFRANCO?ref=taraandandre
• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠ 

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer -  https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer

We’re back with another episode of our T&A Alphabet Series!

This is an all-new episode on the letter R — and you’re REALLY going to REVEL in this jam-packed conversation.

We’re covering a range of relationship, sex and polyamory/non-monogamy terms grouped into three themes:

1. Relationships & relationship structures
2. Sexual and erotic terms
3. Emotional and psychological terms

It’s a truly robust episode filled with really helpful R words like:

• Relationship Anarchy (RA)
• Relationship Escalator
• Reciprocity
• Rimming
• Radical Honesty
• Reassurance
• Repair
• Resentment

We cover over 20 different words — with deeper dives into topics like relationship agreements and relationship reviews using the RAADAR method, rope play (Shibari), and responsive desire.

Get ready for a rich, reflective, and maybe even a little risqué ride through the Rs.

Many of the words we explore here (and throughout our T&A Alphabet Series) are also part of our upcoming project, The Little Book of Poly Love 💖 Join the waitlist to be the first to know when it’s published and pops into the world: ⁠https://go.letstalkpolyamory.com/polylovebook-waitlist⁠

Show Resources:

• Rich Relationships: Building Your Million Dollar Network. Book by Selena Soo - 

• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠ 

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer -  https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer

We’re back with another episode of our T&A Alphabet Series! Many earlier episodes were originally delivered as live trainings inside our Let’s Talk Polyamory Podcast private Facebook community.

In this episode, recorded in 2021, we dive into the letter Q — Queer — exploring identity, fluidity, heteronormativity, mononormativity, intersectionality, visibility, mental health, and the intersection of queerness and consensual non-monogamy.

We talk about definitions of queer, how marginalization can impact mental health, and common misconceptions about being queer and polyamorous. We also share some statistics—though at the time of recording, specific data on people identifying as “queer” was limited.

We share our personal experiences with queerness: what it was like growing up, coming to queer identity later in life, and how our relationship has opened us to limitless sexual and emotional expression. Tara shares her journey coming out to family as queer and dating a woman before embracing polyamory, and André shares his experiences with family and how the reactions varied.

We also invite your reflections in the comments:

• Is queer a term you identify with?
• What does being queer mean to you?
• Why is it important to identify as queer?
• If you identify as queer or another non-heterosexual or non-monogamous identity, are you out and open about it?

Note: We did our best with the video and audio quality, but it isn’t perfect. As we felt the content is worth sharing, we're sharing it anyway!

Chapters

00:00 - Introduction

00:35 - Exploring the Term 'Queer'

02:37 - Personal Identities and Experiences with Queerness

07:10 - Definitions and Understanding of Queerness

10:48 - Navigating Heteronormativity and Mononormativity

15:04 - Reflections on Coming Out and Self-Identification

19:21 - Redefining Queerness: Beyond Labels

26:42 - Intersectionality and Mental Health in the LGBTQ+ Community

30:08 - Navigating Polyamory and Queerness

31:00 - Coming Out Stories: Personal Experiences and Family Dynamics

Resources:

• Looking for therapy?  Arrange a complimentary therapy consultation with André at ⁠https://book.a-psych-online.com/therapyconsultation⁠ 

• Book a complimentary coaching consultation call with Tara at: ⁠⁠https://go.taraandandre.com/relationshiprescue⁠⁠
• Book: Bi Notes for a Bisexual Revolution by Shiri Eisner - https://www.amazon.ca/Bi-Bisexual-Revolution-Shiri-Eisner/dp/1580054749
• Coming out as polyamorous video - our initial talk in preparing for the conversation - How to talk to parents about being polyamorous or in an open relationship - https://youtu.be/UxYecGOZ3WY?si=OaNmNcBea2bA27sH 
• Let's Talk Polyamory Facebook Community - https://www.facebook.com/groups/letstalkpoly

• Poly Newbies Digital Course Listener Offer -  https://courses.letstalkpolyamory.com/polynewbiesspecialoffer