We talk a lot about honesty in open relationships and non-monogamy.
Tell the truth. Name the jealousy. Share your feelings.

But what happens when you open up and your partner tries to fix it, explain it away, or tells you you shouldn’t feel that way?

In this episode, Ellecia Paine breaks down why honesty alone doesn’t create emotional safety, how emotional invalidation quietly shuts people down in non-monogamous relationships, and what real validation actually looks like. We explore jealousy, insecurity, nervous system safety, and why being corrected instead of received makes it harder to open up over time.

If you’ve ever felt shut down after sharing your feelings, or noticed yourself fixing instead of listening, this episode is for you.

💜 Want support navigating non-monogamy with more safety and clarity?
 Book a Clarity Chat using the link below.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I slow that moment way down.

Dating separately can be incredibly powerful, but only when your relationship has the foundation to support it. When there’s unresolved hurt, shaky communication, nervous system overwhelm, or fear being managed through control, opening up tends to magnify those issues instead of solving them.

I walk you through five signs it might be worth pausing before opening, not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because building capacity first can save a lot of pain later.

This episode is about honesty, safety, and learning how to go deep before you go wide. Healthy non-monogamy isn’t built by rushing. It’s built by trust, self-awareness, and emotional skill.

🎧 This episode pairs with Episode 138, Dating Separately: The Secret to Actually Surviving Polyamory as a Couple.

If you want support building a solid foundation before opening, you can learn more about my one-on-one coaching program, Breaking Free From Monogamy.

And if this episode resonated, please subscribe, rate, or leave a review. It helps more people find the show and tells me this work is landing.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What do you do when your partner says they are open to non monogamy, but only under very specific rules?

Only dating women.

Only forming a triad.

Only dating together as a couple.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, non monogamous relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what’s really underneath rules like the One Penis Policy and forced triads, and how to talk about them without turning the conversation into a power struggle.

This episode is a continuation of Episode 138, where we explored why dating separately is such an important growth tool in polyamory. Episode 139 focuses on the communication skills needed when a partner feels scared of autonomy and uses structure to manage fear.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why OPP and “only triads” are usually rooted in fear and comparison
• How monogamous conditioning shapes control-based relationship rules
• How to talk about autonomy without shaming or self abandoning
• The difference between care based boundaries and restrictive rules
• How to stay compassionate while still honoring your own needs

This episode is for anyone navigating ethical non monogamy, polyamory, or opening a relationship and feeling stuck around rules, jealousy, or control.

🎧 Listen now and continue the conversation started in Episode 138.

If you want deeper support, learn more about Ellecia’s one-on-one coaching program Breaking Free From Monogamy using the link in the show notes.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Dating separately is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in non-monogamy.

For many couples, the idea of a partner dating someone without them involved brings up fear, jealousy, panic, and a deep sense of threat. So it makes sense that a lot of people try to avoid that discomfort by insisting on dating together, only pursuing triads, or creating rules that keep everything tightly controlled.

In this episode, I break down why dating separately is about building autonomy, emotional maturity, and real trust rather than abandoning your partner or weakening your relationship, 

You’ll hear why dating together often feels safer at first, how monogamous conditioning shapes those instincts, and why avoiding separate dating can actually keep couples stuck in fear-based patterns that undermine connection over time.

This episode lays the foundation for understanding why autonomy matters in ethical non-monogamy, and why learning to handle discomfort is a necessary part of building sustainable, healthy relationships.

If you’ve ever thought “dating separately feels like too much” or “we’ll just do this together so it’s safer,” this conversation is for you.

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look?

In this intimate conversation, I sit down with Sharon Marie Scott, Erotic Mystic, author of Forbidden Alchemy, and longtime educator in kink, conscious relating, and ethical non-monogamy. Sharon’s work bridges mysticism, sensual embodiment, psychology, and the sacred-erotic arts… and this episode goes deep in the best possible ways.

We explore the intersections of taboo, desire, jealousy, sovereignty, trauma healing, and erotic awakening, especially within the context of non-monogamy. Sharon shares her journey from early monogamy to swinging, polyamory, kink, and ultimately a full spiritual and sensual awakening. She brings a level of clarity, honesty, and grounded erotic wisdom that you can feel in your body while listening.

If you’ve ever wrestled with jealousy, judged your own desires, struggled with people-pleasing, or felt confused about what pleasure even looks like when you’ve lived most of your life in survival mode… this episode is going to be a revelation.

 Find Sharon’s work, writing, and upcoming events at:
 sharonmariescott.com  or https://substack.com/@sharonmariescott

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive.

Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety.

We get into the skills that truly make the biggest difference, including:

• How to communicate without spiraling

• How to know when you’re going too fast

• How to tell old baggage from a real relationship issue

• The 5 to 1 positivity ratio and why it matters

• What emotional safety feels like in your body

• How to navigate the sex and feelings part of non-monogamy without gaslighting each other

• Why “go slow to go fast” works every single time

Whether you’re opening up, rebuilding trust, or trying to deepen connection, this episode gives you practical, usable tools you can apply right away.

📍 Work with Dr. Dan: intimacyshift.com

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling?

You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.”

This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn’t feel safe.

In this solo episode, I share my own “self-help fails,” the moment I realized you can’t out-think a trauma response, and what actually does help when jealousy, anxiety, or insecurity hit hard in non-monogamous relationships.

We’ll talk about what it means to stop fixing and start feeling, to breathe, laugh, and build emotional safety in real time, one micro-moment at a time.

What You’ll Learn

• Why jealousy in polyamory is a nervous system response, not a logic problem.
• How overthinking and self-help spirals fuel relationship anxiety in non-monogamy.
• The mind-body disconnect that happens during triggers in open relationships.
• Simple nervous system regulation tools that actually help with jealousy and insecurity.
• How laughter and self-compassion reduce emotional overwhelm in polyamorous dynamics.
• How to use body-based honesty to communicate needs and build trust with partners.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever?

Yeah… hard pass.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default.

Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way she talks about relationship design will blow your mind a little (and soothe your inner overthinker a lot).

We dig into:

→ What it means to be a solo polyamorous relationship anarchist with a nesting partner (and how to deconstruct couple’s privilege without losing connection)

→ Why assumptions, not agreements, are usually what trip us up

→ How a “relationship user manual” can transform communication, accountability, and self-awareness

→ And why success in love isn’t about forever, it’s about authenticity, gratitude, and the courage to keep showing up

→ We also talk about aging, community care, and how to stop outsourcing all your emotional needs to one person (spoiler: your friends deserve a spot on your living will).

This conversation is funny, honest, and deeply human, the kind that leaves you breathing a little deeper and feeling less alone in how messy and beautiful relationships can be.

Connect with Jessica Morgenthaler, LICSWA, CCTP-I → ICU Transformative Consulting LLC www.icutransform.org

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor?

This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for every body.

We talk about the 14 muscles that literally make or break pleasure, why so many people struggle with tension or numbness “down there,” and how breathwork, movement, and curiosity can completely transform your sensual life.

Whether you’re poly, monogamous, or somewhere beautifully in-between, this conversation will help you reconnect with your body, your desire, and your pleasure—because honestly, you deserve to feel amazing in your skin.

💎 In this episode:
• The science of the pelvic floor and why it matters for everyone
• How stress and tension affect orgasm and desire
• What the Cooch Ball actually does (and why you’ll love it)
• Simple daily practices to boost blood flow, confidence, and turn-on

💖 Learn more about Jana or get the Cooch Ball at  https://bloombetter.life/ellecia

🌀 Support the show for just $3/month at patreon.com/notmonogamous
— it makes a huge difference and keeps these real, open-hearted conversations flowing.

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory.

If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion.

You’ll learn how to:

→ Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet

→ Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy (rejection, loss, shame)

→ Speak your truth without exploding or shutting down

→ Create emotional safety for hard conversations with partners or metamours

→ Reconnect to your own inner honesty and nervous system safety

Because pretending your desires don’t exist won’t protect your relationship, it’ll rot it from the inside.

Your truth might hurt for a moment, but hiding it will hurt forever.

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237