If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive.

Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both monogamous and non-monogamous partners and brings a grounded, compassionate, very human approach to communication, trust, and emotional safety.

We get into the skills that truly make the biggest difference, including:

• How to communicate without spiraling

• How to know when you’re going too fast

• How to tell old baggage from a real relationship issue

• The 5 to 1 positivity ratio and why it matters

• What emotional safety feels like in your body

• How to navigate the sex and feelings part of non-monogamy without gaslighting each other

• Why “go slow to go fast” works every single time

Whether you’re opening up, rebuilding trust, or trying to deepen connection, this episode gives you practical, usable tools you can apply right away.

📍 Work with Dr. Dan: intimacyshift.com

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling?

You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.”

This week on Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m getting real about the hilarious (and exhausting) ways we try to outsmart our emotions, and why logic doesn’t work when your body doesn’t feel safe.

In this solo episode, I share my own “self-help fails,” the moment I realized you can’t out-think a trauma response, and what actually does help when jealousy, anxiety, or insecurity hit hard in non-monogamous relationships.

We’ll talk about what it means to stop fixing and start feeling, to breathe, laugh, and build emotional safety in real time, one micro-moment at a time.

What You’ll Learn

• Why jealousy in polyamory is a nervous system response, not a logic problem.
• How overthinking and self-help spirals fuel relationship anxiety in non-monogamy.
• The mind-body disconnect that happens during triggers in open relationships.
• Simple nervous system regulation tools that actually help with jealousy and insecurity.
• How laughter and self-compassion reduce emotional overwhelm in polyamorous dynamics.
• How to use body-based honesty to communicate needs and build trust with partners.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever?

Yeah… hard pass.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthaler to talk about what it actually means to do relationships on purpose, not just by default.

Jessica’s been practicing and teaching ethical non-monogamy for over a decade, and the way she talks about relationship design will blow your mind a little (and soothe your inner overthinker a lot).

We dig into:

→ What it means to be a solo polyamorous relationship anarchist with a nesting partner (and how to deconstruct couple’s privilege without losing connection)

→ Why assumptions, not agreements, are usually what trip us up

→ How a “relationship user manual” can transform communication, accountability, and self-awareness

→ And why success in love isn’t about forever, it’s about authenticity, gratitude, and the courage to keep showing up

→ We also talk about aging, community care, and how to stop outsourcing all your emotional needs to one person (spoiler: your friends deserve a spot on your living will).

This conversation is funny, honest, and deeply human, the kind that leaves you breathing a little deeper and feeling less alone in how messy and beautiful relationships can be.

Connect with Jessica Morgenthaler, LICSWA, CCTP-I → ICU Transformative Consulting LLC www.icutransform.org

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor?

This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master instructor, and creator of the Cooch Ball (yes, that’s really what it’s called). Jana and I met in a group for sex-positive professionals, and even though she’s delightfully monogamous—we don’t discriminate against the monogamous here—her work is pure gold for every body.

We talk about the 14 muscles that literally make or break pleasure, why so many people struggle with tension or numbness “down there,” and how breathwork, movement, and curiosity can completely transform your sensual life.

Whether you’re poly, monogamous, or somewhere beautifully in-between, this conversation will help you reconnect with your body, your desire, and your pleasure—because honestly, you deserve to feel amazing in your skin.

💎 In this episode:
• The science of the pelvic floor and why it matters for everyone
• How stress and tension affect orgasm and desire
• What the Cooch Ball actually does (and why you’ll love it)
• Simple daily practices to boost blood flow, confidence, and turn-on

💖 Learn more about Jana or get the Cooch Ball at  https://bloombetter.life/ellecia

🌀 Support the show for just $3/month at patreon.com/notmonogamous
— it makes a huge difference and keeps these real, open-hearted conversations flowing.

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach Ellecia Paine dives into the emotional cost of silence in open relationships and polyamory.

If you’ve ever swallowed your truth to keep the peace, or stayed quiet because you were scared of rocking the boat, this conversation will help you find the courage to speak up with honesty and compassion.

You’ll learn how to:

→ Recognize when you’re betraying yourself by staying quiet

→ Understand the fears that keep you silent in non-monogamy (rejection, loss, shame)

→ Speak your truth without exploding or shutting down

→ Create emotional safety for hard conversations with partners or metamours

→ Reconnect to your own inner honesty and nervous system safety

Because pretending your desires don’t exist won’t protect your relationship, it’ll rot it from the inside.

Your truth might hurt for a moment, but hiding it will hurt forever.

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

You’ve read the books. You’ve had the conversations. You’ve tried to journal your way into compersion.

So why does your stomach still drop the moment your partner says they’re heading to someone else’s house?

In this episode, I’m unpacking the real reason jealousy sticks around in polyamory — even when you've “done the work.” Spoiler alert: it’s not about logic, it’s about your nervous system.

We’ll explore:

• Why jealousy is a felt experience, not a failure
• The toxic pressure to be the “chill poly person”
• What actually helps (hint: it’s not another script)
• Real-life signs you’re stuck in a jealousy loop
• A breathwork practice you can use mid-spiral
• Listener Q&A on compersion, insecurity, and nervous system care

If your brain says “I’m fine” but your body says “I’m not safe,” this one’s for you.

💨 Free breathwork tool mentioned in the episode: https://www.elleciapaine.com/bliss

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you stuck running relationship patterns you never consciously chose? In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m breaking down how to identify the default “rules” you inherited about love, sex, and partnership, and how to rewrite them so your relationships actually work for YOU.

So many of us grew up believing myths like:

• “If you’re really in love, you won’t be attracted to anyone else.”
• “To be a good partner, you have to want everything your partner wants.”
• “Jealousy means love.”

The problem? These defaults often create shame, confusion, and conflict in non-monogamous and polyamorous relationships.

In this episode, you’ll learn the 5 steps to rewriting your relationship code so you can experience real freedom:

1. Identify the beliefs you inherited.
2. Question what’s actually true for YOU.
3. Create new agreements with intention.
4. Practice new habits until they stick.
5. Celebrate every time you choose yourself.

By the end, you’ll see how rewriting your defaults allows you to show up with more confidence, clarity, and joy in every connection.

What you’ll take away from this episode:

• Why inherited relationship beliefs hold us back in non-monogamy.
• The surprising truths about love, attraction, and jealousy.
• Practical tools to create new agreements with your partners.
• How gratitude and celebration make new patterns stick.
• Why freedom is a daily practice, not a one-time decision.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Are you polyamorous and anxious? Does your chest tighten every time your partner mentions a new crush? Are you constantly asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way if I chose non-monogamy?” You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, relationship coach and recovering bathroom-floor-cryer Ellecia Paine (that’s me 👋) breaks down:

• Why relationship anxiety is so common in non-monogamy
• The real roots of jealousy (hint: it’s not just about your partner’s date night)
• Tools to regulate your nervous system without pretending to be chill when you're not
• How to build emotional safety that doesn’t rely on external reassurance

If you're tired of people telling you to “just be secure,” and ready for practical, compassionate tools instead… this one's for you.

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Have you ever thought, “If my partner can’t meet all my needs, maybe another partner will”?
In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why that belief is one of the biggest traps in polyamory and open relationships.

We hear it all the time in the ENM community: “No one person can meet all your needs.” That’s true, but when we take it as a free pass to collect partners to fill every emotional gap, it backfires. Instead of feeling fulfilled, we multiply our insecurities, create pressure on new relationships, and leave our existing partners feeling like they’re not enough.

👉 In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why seeking new partners to fill emotional needs can backfire
• How to stop jealousy in polyamory and open relationships
• Practical self-care tools to create wholeness within yourself
• Why community and friendships are just as vital as romantic partners
• How to build healthier, more joyful non monogamous connections

Polyamory isn’t about finding enough people to complete you. It’s about cultivating wholeness within yourself so every relationship becomes a choice — not a patch for what’s missing.

✨ Listen now and start creating the kind of polyamorous relationships that feel sustainable, nourishing, and fun.

Send us a text

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237

Most people think the toughest part of polyamory is jealousy. But according to Richie, it’s actually… logistics. Yep, the calendar.

After a life-changing cancer journey with his partner, Richie realized that the hardest part of opening their relationship wasn’t emotions, it was managing schedules, consent, and privacy across multiple partners. With his background in software product management, he decided to do something about it, and created PYE, a scheduling and consent management app designed specifically for the polyamorous community.

In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Richie and I dig into:

• Why scheduling is considered an “unsolvable math problem” (and why we need more self-compassion when we feel polyunsaturated).
• How misunderstandings about dates, boundaries, and consent are quietly breaking relationships.
• The creative ways poly folks use calendars as safety tools.
• Why color coding, structure, and intentional planning actually free us up for more intimacy and fun.
• Richie’s vision for cutting down burnout and building more trusting, joyful relationships with better tools.

If you’ve ever juggled multiple Google Calendars, forgotten to communicate a boundary, or lost a relationship to logistics overwhelm — this one’s for you.

👉 Learn more about PYE and grab one of the free-for-life beta spots at www.lovepye.com

Send us a text

FLOW Nitric Oxide Booster
FLOW brings blood where you want it to go — your brain, your heart, and your pleasure zones. Try your first bottle of FLOW FREE — just pay shipping. Experience the results yourself and cancel anytime. We’re confident FLOW will reignite your spark! 

Support the show

📰 Subscribe to Not A Monogamous Newsletter to stay up to date with new episodes and offerings from Ellecia. https://elleciapaine.podia.com/newsletter

❤️ Enjoying the show? The best way to thank us is by following and leaving a review or a note. And if you want more, join our Patreon! http://www.patreon.com/notmonogamous

👀 Find Us Online
🌍 Website: https://www.elleciapaine.com
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elleciapaine
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elleciapaine/

Music: Composer/Author (CA): Oscar Lindstein
STIM IPI: 572 393 237