Does making friends get harder as you get older?  How the hell do I make friends? This episode is a rerun, and it's STILL very accurate. 

According to the American Perspective Survey, May 2021, many people are not satisfied with the size of their friendship group. About half of Americans (51 percent) report they are very satisfied or completely satisfied with the number of friends they have. 30 percent say they are only somewhat satisfied, and 17 percent say they are not too or not at all satisfied with the number of friends they have.

If you fall in that range of little to no satisfaction in friendships, here’s what you need to know about creating a bond. 

So, how long does it take to make a new friend?

- 50 hours before you consider them a casual friend 

- 90 hours before becoming real friends 

- 200hours- before becoming close friends 

source: 'Journal of Social and Personal Relationships' 

As the New York Times reported in 2012, there are “three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” Cultivating emotionally intimate relationships, in other words, takes more work than just compliments.

In this episode, I sit down with my friends Krista and Tabia, and we talk about our friendships, the ups, downs, and the work it takes to make them work. 

A special thank you to Kamil Lewis, LMF,T, and Danielle Bayard-Jacskon, Bumble Friendship Expert, for lending their expertise on forming friendships. 

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What if the love story you were chasing… was never really yours?

In this episode, actress Miranda Rae Mayo joins Shan to explore the journey of finding love by letting go of the fantasy. Known for her role on Chicago Fire, Miranda opens up about her current relationship and how she had to release the pressure to be “perfect” to experience a real connection.

Together, they explore how love doesn’t always look the way we expected, and why exploring non-monogamy challenged (and expanded) her thoughts around love, security, and partnership.

Miranda https://www.instagram.com/mrmayo

Follow her exclusive project https://www.instagram.com/hereshecomestv/

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Checkout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

What does it mean to date and be in relationships in a trauma-informed way? Are you dating from a place of fear instead of self-worth? In this powerful episode, certified dating and relationship coach Anwar White opens up about his personal journey and why emotional safety is the foundation of any healthy relationship. We explore the crucial question: Can you really date men if you're scared of them, or if deep down, you don't even like them?

Whether you're recovering from toxic relationships, navigating dating anxiety, or looking to build confidence and emotional security in love, this episode will give you the tools to understand and honor your safety needs.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, dating coach Anwar White joins Shan to talk about what it means to date with emotional and relational safety at the center. Anwar shares his personal story of leaving an unsafe environment as a child alongside his mother, and how that shaped his deep understanding of safety, trust, and partnership. Now, as a coach helping Black and Brown women find aligned, lasting love, Anwar breaks down the realities of trauma-informed dating, co-regulation, and building standards rooted in self-worth.

This conversation also explores the ways our early relationships model love for us, and how watching his mother now thrive in a healthy partnership has become part of Anwar’s full-circle healing and success story.

🔗 Follow Anwar

https://www.instagram.com/datingcoachanwar

Listen to his podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/1PTRAwfi9ZPDF6h4BOWXvj

Checkout his services https://getyourguycoaching.com/

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💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Checkout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

In this episode, Weezy and Mandii B get real about shedding the pressure to “find the one” and embracing what feels good instead of what looks good on paper, how we need to reverse engineer the way we have casual sex, and how to set yourself up for success while dating and having casual sex.

WeezyWTF expands on how sexual liberation goes hand in hand with how you approach and manifest casual sex. Mandii B & Binx open up about surviving sexual assault, and how that experience reshaped their relationships with men in their community.

Follow Weezy: @weezywtf

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Tour Dates: https://nhbtour.com/

Get their book: https://a.co/d/8VY8Tje 

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Learn more about him: http://www.handsoffurey.com/

Join the community at: loversbyshan.com/community

What if numbness is the hidden wound of high-functioning depression?

In this episode, Shan sits down with Dr. Judith Joseph, a board-certified psychiatrist, clinical researcher, and internationally recognized mental health advocate.

They dive deep into anhedonia, the loss of pleasure or interest in things that once brought you joy, and how it shows up, especially for those living with high-functioning depression. Dr. Joseph expands on how joy is our birthright and how it connects to our biopsychosocial blueprint.

Expect insights on:

✨ How high-functioning depression operates

✨ Why anhedonia is so often overlooked

✨ The three-part psycho-socio-biological model that explains it

✨ How to begin reconnecting with your desire and vitality

👑 Follow Dr. Judith Joseph on Instagram: instagram.com/drjudithjoseph

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What if the key to better sex isn’t new, but rooted in ancestral knowledge?

In this episode, Shan sits down with storyteller, mythologist, and ancient erotica expert Seema Anand to explore the rich, and yes, deeply sexy, history of sexual liberation, and why it's never really been a modern idea.

Together, they unpack what it means to reconnect with your desire through ancestry, ritual, and unapologetic self-expression. We talk sex positions (yes, the Kama Sutra makes an appearance), the role of storytelling in the bedroom, and how wearing your desire, literally, can be one of the boldest, most freeing things you do.

This conversation even inspired a whole jewelry line. The Kama Collection is a tribute to sensuality, intention, and the art of not hiding your hunger.

👑 Follow Seema Anand on Instagram: @seemaanandstorytelling

🔥 Shop the Kama Collection: surmeyi.com/kama

The waist chain designed for being on top

The anklet designed for when your legs are in the air

The necklace designed for yab yum

The earrings designed for riding

The choker designed for lotus position

The spine chain designed for doggystyle 

👥 Join the community: loversbyshan.com/community

Why do fuckboys… fuckboy? In this episode, we dig into the root of it.

Just ahead of the release of his new single Permanent Vacation (dropping June 18), genre-bending artist Duckwrth joins Shan for a raw and revealing conversation on why some men detach, ghost, and repeat the cycle. Together, they unpack how fear of commitment, cultural conditioning, and childhood wounds can all contribute to the “Certified Loverboy” identity.

Duckwrth opens up about his own evolution—from polyamory and emotional avoidance to developing a deeper sense of self-awareness and desire for real connection.

If you’ve ever dated a fuckboy, been affected by one, or are reflecting on your own relationship patterns, this one’s for you.

🎧 Watch the video for Permanent Vacation

💫 Follow Duckwrth on Instagram: @duckwrth

👥 Join the community at: loversbyshan.com/community

Have you ever wondered where your libido went? In this episode we do a deep dive on sexual slumps, low libido and lack of sexual desire that is frustrating (lack of desire that is not frustrating is not a problem!). We get to have this conversation first from the lens of Emmy-winning journalist Tamsen Fadal whose journey with low libido started in perimenopause and peaked on her honeymoon! From hot flashes and brain fog in the newsroom to bedroom low sex drive, Tamsen has become treasured for pulling back the curtain on midlife like never before. In this honest and empowering episode, menopause advocate Tamsen joins Shan for a conversation about menopause, sex drive and embracing life’s shifts.

Tamsen shares how a one-word note from her doctor "menopause...?" set off a journey she wasn’t prepared for, and how that diagnosis impacted her body, her identity, and her intimacy. From tough talks with her husband to the quiet shame so many women carry through midlife transitions, Tamsen reminds us that getting older isn’t the end of our sensual selves, it can actually be the beginning.

In part two of this episode we are giving you a MasterClass on low libido led by three doctors: OBGYN Dr. Mickey, lifestyle medical physician Dr Lean AND Pelvic Floor expert Dr. Janelle Frederick aka the Vagina Rehab Doctor.

This is a highlight of our hour and fifteen convo if you’d like to listen to the rest go to

Loversbyshan.com/community 

Follow Tamsen on Instagram

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Get her book How to Menopause

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Checkout her website https://www.tamsenfadal.com/ 

From fatphobia to racism to ageism and ableism, Kennedy challenges the norms around love, desirability, and who gets to be the “main character.” This one’s for anyone who's ever felt left out of the story — and is ready to take the pen back.

Bestselling romance author Kennedy Ryan (Before I Let Go, Reel) sits down with Shan to talk about what happens when women stop shrinking themselves to be chosen. From rewriting the stories we’ve inherited about sex, love, and partnership — to questioning why women with standards get labeled as “too much”

Kennedy opens up about what radical self-worth actually looks like, and why romance should always center women’s pleasure. This episode is a love letter to anyone who’s ever been made to feel like they’re asking for too much. Kennedy shares her love story of being married to Sam for over 20 years while raising their autistic son. 

This episode is sponsored by Lovers by Shan. Join the community today:

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What kind of stories do we pass down through the way we love?

Actor and mom Xosha Roquemore sits down with Shan to talk about sex, self-worth, and how becoming a mother shifted everything. It starts with one question she asked that stopped us both: “Have the kind of sex you’d be proud to tell your daughter about.”

We talk about the early messages she got about sex, how sexual coercion showed up in her past, and why that experience still needs more language. She shares a fun one-night stand story and how even casual sex can feel good when it comes from choice, not pressure.

Xosha also talks about single motherhood, not as a hardship, but as a privilege. Being a mom has made her sharper, clearer, and way more intentional about who gets access to her.

This episode is sponsored by Lovers by Shan. Join the community today!

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