LOVERS by Shan

Shaun Ross was the first professional male model with albinism, and in this conversation he tells Shan about the breakup he refuses to call a breakup, because he was never in the room for it. Two hours into an 11-hour flight home from Europe, he watched his partner leave on the home camera, and he later learned that plenty of people had known how his partner felt (everyone except him). Shan explains why the person who leaves has often finished grieving long before the other person finds out.

Follow Shaun

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/shaunross/

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@shaunross

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwiHoKUsczyGJYmUOAV8Hw

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I'm answering your comments on Via G's episode.

Via G is a New Orleans creator (yes, the baby bangs) who spent her twenties moving from one 18-month relationship to the next, and the last one looked perfect on paper: he cooked, he could match her financially, and he carried the fatherly energy of a man who already knew how everything should be done. Her body figured it out before she did. Her cycle unraveled over the year they were together, and not long after she ended it (20 minutes and six seconds, start to finish) her hormone test came back with perfect scores.

Via walks Shan through the slow disappearing act in between (the gray sweatpants, the running commentary on how she cut onions, a moment of coercion she didn't have language for until a friend named it), and then the year of saying yes to herself that followed: cutting her own bangs on camera, walking into pool parties alone to make girlfriends, and buying the Bronco she'd been talked out of. Shan offers a frame for why "daddy knows best" can feel like love when you grew up without one.

This one is for anyone who has shrunk to fit someone and is ready to be loud again.

Follow Via G

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mylifeasvia/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@_mylifeasvia_

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MyLifeAsVia

X: https://x.com/mylifeasvia

All links: https://link.me/mylifeasvia

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get free Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Via G is a New Orleans creator (yes, the baby bangs) who spent her twenties moving from one 18-month relationship to the next, and the last one looked perfect on paper: he cooked, he could match her financially, and he carried the fatherly energy of a man who already knew how everything should be done. Her body figured it out before she did. Her cycle unraveled over the year they were together, and not long after she ended it (20 minutes and six seconds, start to finish) her hormone test came back with perfect scores.

Via walks Shan through the slow disappearing act in between (the gray sweatpants, the running commentary on how she cut onions, a moment of coercion she didn't have language for until a friend named it), and then the year of saying yes to herself that followed: cutting her own bangs on camera, walking into pool parties alone to make girlfriends, and buying the Bronco she'd been talked out of. Shan offers a frame for why "daddy knows best" can feel like love when you grew up without one.

This one is for anyone who has shrunk to fit someone and is ready to be loud again.

_______ 

Showing some love to the sponsor of this episode Hollyood Ending. It is the book everyone will be talking about this fall. Buy Hollywood, Ending now wherever books are sold.

Big shoutout to the sponsor of this episode Beducated. Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you — all it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2640-boody to learn more! 

Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Follow Via G

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mylifeasvia/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@_mylifeasvia_

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MyLifeAsVia

X: https://x.com/mylifeasvia

All links: https://link.me/mylifeasvia

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get free Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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I'm answering your comments on Kendrick Sampson choosing freedom over romance, and you did not agree.

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Kendrick Sampson (founder of the racial justice nonprofit BLD PWR, actor best known as Nathan in Insecure and Quincy Jones in Michael Jackson's biopic) sits down with Shan to talk about loving widely.

Kendrick grew up in a house where nobody said "I love you" after his parents divorced, so love turned into something you did instead of something you said. Love is choosing someone else's needs over your own wants. It's why he has no plan for a romantic relationship, why he separates sex, pleasure, and love into three completely different things, and why he'll tell you flat out that romantic love is actually the smallest, most narrow kind there is.

His 25 nieces and nephews come first. If he ever has kids, he wants to raise them with a homegirl, no romance required, because the village already exists. This is a conversation about what happens when you stop assuming a partner is the endpoint, and start asking who you're actually accountable to.

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Showing some love to the sponsor of this episode Hollyood Ending. It is the book everyone will be talking about this fall. Buy Hollywood, Ending now wherever books are sold.

Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Follow Kendrick Sampson

Instagram: http://instagram.com/kendrick38

Follow BLD PWR

Instagram: http://instagram.com/bldpwrYouTube: youtube.com/@buildpowertv 

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on

Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Every couple of years, after a stretch that tested us, Jared and I climb onto the roof in the same outfit and talk honestly about what it did to our relationship. We did it in 2022 and again in 2024, and the second time a lot of people watched two exhausted parents be imperfect and decided that was the verdict on the whole thing. We're doing it anyway, because the hard years reach your love life whether you film it or not.

This summer the kids were home for six weeks, the business didn't pause, several of my longest relationships shifted at once, and somewhere in there we had our worst argument in six years. It looked like it was about one day. It was actually about neither of us having the room to feel anything, and what happens when one person finally does. Jared explains why he didn't come over and hold me (an honest answer, not a flattering one), I explain why a voucher I printed him for exactly this moment stayed in his closet, and we get into how sex has changed as the kids have gotten older, including the 25-minute challenge he almost survived.

This is a conversation about staying kind to the person closest to you when you have nothing left. If you've ever been graded on your worst week, this one is for you.

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Thanks to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit ARTICLE.COM/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS

Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Stay hydrated every single day with Ultima Replenisher: Head to https://ultima.yt.link/cIC3aOP and use the code LOVERSBYSHAN20 for 20% off your order!

_______

Follow Jared Brady

Instagram: http://instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady

YouTube: youtube.com/@enjoyovereverything 

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan

Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Brandi and Lawrence aren't a couple. He's a gay man, she's a lesbian, and they were best friends first, until they decided, in their twenties, to build a family together on purpose, with a legal parental agreement in place before they ever tried to conceive.

They walk Shan through what that intentionality actually looked like. But underneath the logistics is the part nobody warned either of them about, the isolation Lawrence carried as the only man in his friend group building a family this way, and the year their living situation and their respective romantic relationships pulled the friendship apart so hard that Brandi had to tell Lawrence something she still calls one of the biggest heartbreaks of her life: that she could stay his co-parent, but she couldn't stay his friend.

____________

Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/lovers

Follow Parental Agreement

Resource → https://u42luyhpb6f.typeform.com/agreement

Website → http://theparentalagreement.com/

Follow Lawrence

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/lawrenceccarroll/

Majestic Art Gallery → https://majesticartgallery.org/

Donate to LA Pride → https://lapride.org/donate-to-la-pride/

Follow Brandi

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/brandijandrews/?hl=en

Youth Dealer, skincare for melanated people → https://www.instagram.com/youthdealerco/?hl=en

Want more Lover?

Receive my Lovers Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

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Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman have followed 3,000 couples, some of them for twenty years, second by second, and in this conversation Shan brings them something that research was never designed to answer: what happens to a generation that has decided love isn't available to them, and has built community around that belief instead? 

Julie's answer is that those groups are writing each other a prescription for how to stay alone, and she says it with a tenderness that's hard to argue with. From there the three of them get into why criticism sabotages the exact thing you were trying to be heard about, why listening to a woman's anger is one of the strongest predictors of a relationship improving over time, and what John pulls out of his back pocket every time Julie says the four most terrifying words in the English language. 

This one is for anyone who has started to suspect that being right about dating and being loved are not the same project.

____________

Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/lovers

____________

Follow The Gottmans

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gottmaninstitute

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/thegottmaninstitute

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thegottmaninstitute

The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com

Courses and Books: https://www.gottman.com/shop/

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

________________________

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Kamie Crawford (former co-host of MTV's Catfish: The TV Show, now host of Relationsht*) sits down with Shan to unpack what actually keeps a catfishing scheme alive long after the story stops adding up. 

The conversation centers on Troi, who spent years believing he was in an email and phone relationship with a woman named Belly. His brother's boo, Tatiana, introduced him to her sister, Belly. Then came the car accident. Belly lost her memory entirely, Troi included. When the call finally came, it wasn't from Belly. It was Tatiana, breathless, saying Belly finally remembered him.

Troi thought that was the end of the strange part, but it wasn't. Months later, his brother's choir competition landed in Orlando on the one day that mattered most to Troi: his own birthday. Tatiana and her sisters were finally coming to meet him in person. Years of phone calls and near-misses, about to become an IRL meetup. But you know how this goes by now...

They never showed. What arrived instead was a video, of someone filming him from the crowd, sent as proof they'd been there all along. No Belly. No Tatiana. What happens after is even more shocking.

That's the story I sat down with Kamie Crawford to unpack this week: not just how a lie like this gets built, but who is behind those lies and the psychology behind why.

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A huge thank you to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit ARTICLE.COM/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. 

A personal fave, OneSkin! Get 15% off OneSkin with the code LOVERSBYSHAN at https://www.oneskin.co/LOVERSBYSHAN  #oneskinpod

My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS

Special shoutout to Beducated! Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you! All it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2635-boody to learn more! 

Thanks to For Hers. Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Stay hydrated every single day with Ultima Replenisher: Head to ⁠https://ultima.yt.link/aNAX4cg⁠ and use the code LOVERSBYSHAN20 for 20% off your order! 

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Follow Kamie CrawfordInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/kamiecrawford/Watch her podcast Relationshipshit → https://www.youtube.com/@relationshitpodWebsite → https://www.kamiecrawford.com/ 

Follow Troi Breeze

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/troibreeze/ 

Stream his music → https://lnk.to/themotion

Website → https://troibreeze.com/ 

Want more Lover?

Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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In this deeply personal episode presented by Bumble, singer Mario opens up about the profound impact of unresolved trauma stemming from his relationship with his mother. He shares how this pain shaped his early behavior towards women, leading to manipulation and broken connections. Mario takes us on his journey of self-reflection, healing, and ultimately embracing his inner feminine energy, a process that not only reshaped his relationships but also elevated his personal growth and artistry.

As Mario gets real about accountability, self-love, and the power of healing, he also introduces us to his latest album, "Glad You Came", a soulful and vulnerable collection of music inspired by his life experiences and growth. Tune in for an honest, thought-provoking conversation that dives into the intersections of trauma, love, and creativity.

Follow Mario

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/marioworldwide/

Live Tour Dates → https://www.vipnation.com/tour/the-r-b-tour-mario

Stream Mood Swings EP → https://music.empi.re/moodswingsmario

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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