How do we fix our desire for relationships with people that will inevitably become broken. And how do we stop ourselves from aligning healthy with boring? That’s what we’re talking about on this episode of Lovers and Friends. 

Attraction, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a complex process. It can be influenced by numerous factors, from biology to personal history. If someone finds themselves repeatedly attracted to individuals with certain undesirable characteristics (like the makeup of a fuckboy: charismatic but not reliable, fun to be around but not fun to be apart from because communication is not stable or when out of sight they’re unpredictable, they make big plans but don’t consistently make the small actions to move towards that goal especially when it comes to you, etc…), understanding the underlying causes and taking conscious steps to modify patterns of attraction can be beneficial. Here's a scientific, step-by-step approach:

Self-awareness and reflection 

Next, Examine past patterns

Understand the biology

Cognitive-behavioral techniques 

Increase self-worth

Expand your social circle

Educate yourself

Avoid idealization

practice mindfulness

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Extras in this episode

The Art of Manipulation: Influence Human Behavior, Understand the Psychology of Manipulation, Effectively Manage People, and Get What You (Really) Want! 

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Have you ever been told that relationships require hard work? Well, it's time for a reality check with therapist Nina Westbrook who is married to NBA All Star Russel Westbrook! Nina shares their experiences and insights on relationships and even addresses people who say that Russel could do better than her- her response will inspire you.

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in this episode I reference Naval Ravikant

And used a clip from Esther Perel’s videos https://youtu.be/ejTBjX4Cu6Y?si=uy7tyOEeYAZnxs5Q

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Here’s what men don't tell you about how to be a better intimate partner…How do you get your man to go from bland to blazing in bed? Why should men stop watching porn? How do you encourage your man to ask for what he wants in bed? Are you missing out on pleasure by not using breathwork? Alex Grendi is a certified men’s sex coach who specializes in performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. He’s here to talk about the importance of asking for what you want in the bedroom AND the struggle (especially for men) of figuring out what that REALLY is. Some of you have mentioned that you like the longer solo interview episodes and that’s what this is. 

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The Kama Sutra, a renowned ancient Indian Sanskrit text, often perceived as a guide to sexual positions and techniques, is in fact a comprehensive guide to virtuous and gracious living. Written between 400 BCE and 200 CE by a sage named Vatsyayana, this text covers various aspects of life, including family, relationships, and personal conduct, amongst others. The Kama Sutra is a profound ancient text that offers wisdom not only on intimacy but on many facets of life. Its holistic approach to love and relationships makes it a rich resource for understanding ancient Indian society's perspectives on love, life, and morality. By exploring it in depth, you may find a plethora of wisdom that goes beyond the bedroom and offers insights into a virtuous and gracious life.

On this episode we have Seema Anand guides us through what we missed while looking at the pictures of sex positions in the kama Sutra. Seema Anand is a London-based story-teller, mythologist, and narrative practitioner, known for her expertise in the field of ancient Asian narratives and their relevance in contemporary times. She is particularly well-recognized for her works in bringing to light the narratives surrounding female sexuality and empowerment that are deeply embedded in ancient texts, including the Kama Sutra.

She has also authored several books where she delves into narratives of love, desire, and female beauty from an Asian perspective, enabling a deeper understanding and appreciation of these age-old philosophies.

Seema holds a PhD in Narrative practices, positioning her as an authority in her field, which allows her to skilfully weave the ancient wisdom with modern narratives to foster understanding and empathy in today's society.

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This week I needed some breathing room so I brought in my ventilator aka husband Jared Brady.

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What does it take to get you in the mood? Maybe like some it’s strawberries and silk. Or maybe like many others, it’s a little more … nuanced than that. Jonathan Singletary and my husband Jared Brady teamed up to make a sexy song devoted to the women who do a lot and consequently, need a little more to get…there. When it comes to being horny aka getting in the mood, this conversation is often about what you can do to get there, but in this episode we go into what has to first be done, OR in some cases undone for it to become feasible for all parties. Getting horny seems simple when we look at it through a Super Bad lens, but when we insert real people with real lives we can appreciate this complex process that relies on an interplay of neurological, hormonal, emotional, and physiological cooperation.

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Finding the one is a life quest, one that many people never complete.

Some people don’t pick anyone, some people pick the wrong one, and some give up hope looking for the one and start considering the two, three, four or five…

There’s no shame in this, especially when you both acknowledge this choice not to settle, but to secure the future you want by selecting a partner who may not tick all of your boxes, but you know that in time and when you’re both ready to make a mutual commitment - you just might be able make it work with them. This acknowledgement that I’m talking about often comes in the form of a marriage pact. A marriage pact is an agreement made by two people that states that if we are both still single by a certain due date, we will marry each other. People make these pacts for a number of reasons: fear of commitment or because the connection is right, but the timing isn’t. However in most cases, it’s an all-else fails backup plan. But, what happens when that fails to? Or perhaps even scarier - when the plan actually succeeds? Now what? That is what we are exploring on this episode of Lovers and Friends with the cast of The Marriage Pact streaming now on The Roku Channel.

You can stream #TheMarriagePact FREE on a Roku, the Roku mobile app and http://therokuchannel.com. It’s also available on Samsung Smart TVs and Amazon Fire Sticks.

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Would you consider yourself a freak? Being freaky means you are open and willing to experiment and experience a variety of sexual activities. 

That's what we are getting into this episode. Where do you scale on the levels of freaky?

I’m joined by Andrea Lewis whom you may recognize from Degrassi or if you are a 90s baby then you may remember her for role in Cadet Kelly on the Disney Channel. Andrea’s latest starring role is “Three Ways”  which you can watch now on Hulu. 

I am also joined by Tyomi,  a sexologist and sex therapist with over 12 years of experience.  She specializes in unlocking pleasure for clients and has over 140 million views on her youtube channel and she’s here to tell us about her definition of a freak.

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What if I told you that the biggest turn off for partners can be your own self deprecating comments? The times you’ve said “oh no I haven’t shaved”  

Have you ever wondered how your insecurities can affect your relationships? Self deprecating comments and insecurities play a vital role in how we interact with others, especially when it comes to intimacy. Remember that one time you excused yourself with your partner because you hadn’t shaved? Chances are you pointed out the elephant in the room that was only existent to you. 

In this week’s episode, I am joined by Jessie Paege, a YouTube personality, actress, author, and entrepreneur. Through her comedic and relatable content, she has built an audience of over 2 million followers across her social channels. Jessie uses her platform to crush stereotypes and raise awareness of mental health issues and LGBTQ+ issues. Her debut book is called, Hey, It's Okay to Be You, which fits perfectly with our conversation about how insecurities play a role in our relationships. 

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