Trigger Warning: This conversation includes a deeply personal story shared by André Holland, including a moment when someone he had affections for used a racial slur toward him. Listener discretion is advised.

What happens when a core memory rewrites the story of how we see ourselves in love? In this week’s LOVERS episode, Shan sits down with actor André Holland to explore the pivotal memory that shaped his belief that he was never “good enough” as himself—and that he had to become someone “better” to be loved.

They unpack how these deeply rooted emotional imprints steer our relationships—sometimes helping us, but often holding us back. André’s story reveals how early wounds can guide not just who we choose, but how we let love in.

Whether you’re single, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is a powerful guide to:

🎬 About Love, Brooklyn
Want more from André Holland? Be sure to check out his new film, Love, Brooklyn now playing in theaters. It will be available for streaming too!  

Stay up-to-date and follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovebrooklynmovie/

For more on André be sure to follow him on Instagram: http://instagram.com/andreholland

Want more Lover?
Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com
Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

To get 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp, visit http://betterhelp.com/loversbyshan. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode!
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This week, I interview Lilly Singh, actor and history-making content creator, with a new movie RIGHT up our alley: Doin’ It (yes it’s a movie about sex, specifically what happens when a South Asian virgin is assigned to teach sex ed). In this episode Lilly opens up about growing up in a world where emotional chaos felt familiar, why she kept gravitating toward toxic partners who gave her the bare minimum, and how she’s now doing the inner work (therapy, inner child healing, setting boundaries) to protect “little Lilly.”

In this conversation, we explore how past wounds shaped her romantic choices, and how she’s rewriting that story one day at a time.

🎬 About Doin’ It

You can catch “Doin’ It” in select theaters or pre-order the film on Apple, Amazon, and Fandango to watch it at home as of October 7.

For more information visit doinitmovie.com 


🔗 Follow Lilly Singh
 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lilly
Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/Lilly
Grab her bestselling book Be a Triangle → https://www.lillysinghbook.com

Want more Lover?
 Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com
Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Thank you to Ro for sponsoring this video. Connect with a provider at https://ro.co/lovers to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you.
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What happens when you realize the best sex of your marriage only shows up on vacation?

Award-winning journalist, author, and podcaster Jemele Hill joins Shan for a conversation about how she uncovered the connection between stress, rest, and desire in her own marriage. She shares why her husband seems to get luckier when they’re away, how that awareness has deepened their relationship, and what it taught her about the balance between ambition, partnership, and intimacy.

This episode is for my overachievers who struggle to “do it all,” for the happily partnered (or hoping-to-be), and for anyone who’s ever wondered how to bring that vacation spark back home.

Together, Jemele and Shan break down:
- Why “having it all” is a myth (and the price women pay for chasing it)
- How silence around stress robs intimacy, and what to do instead
- What “fair trade” in the home has to do with mutually desirable sex
- Practical ways to bring vacation sex energy into everyday life

🔗 Follow Jemele Hill
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jemelehill/
Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/jemelehill

Want more Lover?
Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com
Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Thank you to Function Health for sponsoring this episode! Visit https://functionhealth.com/loversbyshan or use code LOVERS100 at sign-up to own your health. The first 1000 get a $100 credit toward their membership.
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What does it mean to choose love on your own terms? How do our values, self-worth, and cultural expectations shape the way we show up in relationships?

In this conversation, entrepreneur, fitness model, and actress Rosa Acosta shares her perspective on redefining what relationships can look like when you step away from society’s scripts. She reflects on leaving behind relationships that don’t serve both partners, questioning inherited scripts about men and women, and what it takes to create intimacy outside of convention.

This is a dialogue about love as partnership, the courage to release what no longer fits, and the art of rewriting our own story.

🔗 Follow Rosa Acosta
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosaacosta/
Cossa Mia: https://www.instagram.com/cossamia/

Want more Lover?
Shan’s AI trained to give you her advice → http://loversbyshan.com
Get a free weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Watch what happens when you ask for a performance review in your relationship. Do the hard and awkward questions lead to more intimacy or new resentments?

In this week’s episode of Lovers, Shan sits down with her husband, Jared Brady, for their quarterly relationship check-in — on camera. Together, they ask the tough but necessary questions: Am I still who you want? Are you becoming who I need?

This raw and real conversation reveals how couples can stay aligned, navigate change, and keep intimacy thriving over time. Plus, Shan and Jared share a free Relationship Check-In Guide so you and your partner can try this practice at home.

Whether you’re dating, married, or somewhere in between, this episode is a roadmap for honest communication, vulnerability, and keeping love strong.

The full conversation of Jared and I lives in my community in the premium tier.

Resource - Interactive Guide
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/relationship-checkin 

🔗 Follow Jared Brady
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady/?hl=en 
https://www.youtube.com/@MusicMondayEnjoy

Want more Lover?
Check out Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.com 
Sign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter 
💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community 
Check out free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes 

What does it mean to be ready for motherhood? How do love, faith, and our relationship with our maternal figures shape our parenting?

In this honest and grounded conversation, educator, author, and activist Blair Imani shares her perspective on family planning, pregnancy loss, and the role of sexual education in real life. She opens up about having conversations with her partner around abortion as part of sexual health, and how her conversion to Islam continues to guide her through questions of timing, family, and faith.

We also dive into Blair’s relationship with her mom, and how that connection influences her hopes for becoming a parent herself. It’s a conversation about the choices we face when planning for a baby, the loss and love that come with it, and the bigger role faith, values, and family play in planning our future. 

🔗 Follow Blair
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blairimani
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@blairimani
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@blairimani
Website: https://www.blairimani.com/ 

Want more Lover?
Check out Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.com
Sign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Check out free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

What holds a relationship together when life falls apart? Most of us picture the happiest moments when we think about our partner, but what happens when tragedy hits? In this intimate conversation, Dr. Laura Berman shares how she and her husband weathered some of life’s hardest storms together. 

From dating him while she was caring for her young son with cancer, to the unimaginable loss of their son Sammy during the pandemic, Laura takes us inside the moments that tested their love, and the choices that kept them connected.

Days after the death of their first child together, Sam pulled Laura close and said, “Most couples don’t get through tragedies like this, but we will.” 
It’s a reminder that the strength of a relationship isn’t just built in joy, it’s forged in the fire of what you survive together.

Want more Lover?
Checkout Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.com

Sign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Checkout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
________________________
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This week on Lovers, Shan sits down with The Pink Parley, a sex worker pulling back the curtain on what men secretly crave but rarely admit—even to their wives. With 98% of her clients being married men who have no desire to leave their marriages, Parley reveals the surprising request that keeps them coming back: ass worship.
Yes, you read that right. These men don’t just want to “eat the groceries”—they want to be consumed by, suffocated by, and utterly surrounded by the booty. For them, it’s not just an act of pleasure; it’s a full-body, sensory experience.

Together, Shan and Parley unpack what this hidden desire tells us about:
- The gap between fantasy and communication in long-term relationships
- The role of body positivity in sexual confidence and desire
- How unspoken cravings can complicate fidelity inside marriage


This episode is provocative, eye-opening, and an important reminder that what we don’t say in the bedroom can be just as impactful as what we do.
🔗 Follow The Pink Parley
Website: https://thepinkparley.com/
Instagram: http://instagram.com/thepinkparley
Want more Lover?
Checkout Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.com
Sign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Checkout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
________________________
Advertising & Other Inquiries: [email protected]

What does it really mean to build a relationship outside the rules you were taught? Is it still polyamory if only one person has other lovers? And most importantly, what happens when that dynamic actually works for you?

In this honest and eye-opening conversation, multi-disciplinary entertainer, author, and founder of Movement Genius, Alyson Stoner, shares their experience in their polyamorous journey. We dive into the importance of knowing your own capacity for connection, and Alyson’s go-to communication tool: Frequency, Duration, and Intensity. It’s a simple yet powerful way to check in about how often you connect, for how long, and with what level of emotional depth.

Even if you’re monogamous, this framework can change the way you relate, helping you set boundaries, stay aligned, and make sure your relationships feel balanced and intentional. Whether you’re curious about polyamory or simply want tools for building healthier, more intentional partnerships, this episode will leave you thinking about love in a whole new way.

🔗 Follow Alyson
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alysonstoner
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alysonstoner
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@alysonstoner
📚 Preorder Alyson’s new book Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything (Out August 12, 2025) → https://static.macmillan.com/static/smp/semi-well-adjusted-9781250353498/ 
🧠 Learn more about Movement Genius → https://www.movementgenius.com/

Want more Lover?
Checkout Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you http://loversbyshan.com
Sign up to get a free weekly Love Letter from me http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter
💞 Join the Lovers Community: https://www.loversbyshan.com/community
Checkout free quizzes and worksheets designed to help you deepen your relationships http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

What if “happily ever after” starts and ends with just you?

In this bold and expansive episode, Shan dives into The Eartha Kitt Effect—a cultural and emotional awakening inspired by the legendary performer Eartha Kitt, whose unapologetic views on love, compromise, and individuality continue to resonate decades later. This “effect” refers to the growing movement of people, especially women, who are choosing the single life on purpose, not by default.

Joining Shan is Dr. Bella DePaulo, renowned social psychologist and author of Single at Heart, to unpack why some of the most fulfilled people are not in romantic relationships—and never want to be.

Together, they explore:

Eartha’s now-iconic 1982 interview, where she laughs at the idea of compromising for a man, has become a symbol for self-honoring love. Her words echo across social media as more people step into identities that aren’t centered on romantic validation but on personal wholeness.

Whether you're single by choice, rethinking long-term relationships, or simply seeking permission to define love your way—this episode is your affirmation.

✨ The Eartha Kitt Effect is here so listen now and ask yourself: What if “happily ever after” starts and ends with you?


🔗 Follow Bella DePaulo:
 Website: belladepaulo.com
Books: Single at Heart, How We Live Now, and more – Amazon


💞 Want more from Lover?
 → Meet Shan’s AI trained to give only her advice to you: loversbyshan.com
→ Get a free weekly Love Letter straight to your inbox: Join the newsletter
→ Join the Lovers Community: loversbyshan.com/community
→ Try free quizzes + worksheets: Deepen your relationships


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