In this episode the Zints share about 4 ways to move away from "Roommate mode" and back to intimate connection with your spouse. These include:

1. Sharing openly what you're experiencing without blaming (use emotion language and share about yourself, not the other person).
2. Be intentional with your connection time.
3. Express affection: small gestures of affection like holding, hands, hugging or complimenting each other
4. Get help. Your marriage shouldn't be lived in isolation. Bring others in for perspective, encouragement and even advice.

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Don't be overwhelmed by your summer!
You can balance all that's on your plate- while still hitting your hopes. 
Grab Jenna's mini course as your guide to: Set-Up Your Summer

In this episode- Jenna & Aaron talk about how you can do the same thing but with a different motivation- and it can shift everything. 

What is your motivation? 
Are you telling yourself you are powerless & "have to do XYZ" because of your spouse? 
That's your sign your feeding resentment.

What if you simply switched your self talk & looked at all the ways it was an investment? You'd then be empowering yourself to make a choice to do it vs feeling forced.

Choosing your motivation- is a key to maturity. 
So what's your motivation? 
Are you doing this out of feeling forced? That'll feed resentment.
Are you choosing to do this? That'll feed investment. 

The choice is yours.
Only you can control yourself. 

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Buy Jenna's  mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer.


Dr. Gary Chapman's Love Languages concept and consequent books revolutionized our understanding of how we communicate, hear and receive love, especially in marriage. It became a tool we used constantly to better understand ourselves and our spouse. 

And, we commonly misused this tool as a way to better serve ourselves rather than its original intent: to love others better.

This is what we'd call a user error. When the concept of love languages gets weaponized as a measuring stick for how your spouse is failing you, you invite bitterness and resentment in. 

At the end of our life, we don't give an account for how well our spouse loved us. We give an account for how well WE learned to love. 

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Buy Jenna's  mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer.


Aaron and Jenna begin a series titled "What I wish I knew" sharing what they wish they'd learned early in marriage. This first part dives into the topic of "urgency." Most conflicts in the early stages of relationships feel urgent. They become very high stakes when they don't need to be. Why? Because it's possible to be connected even when there is no resolution to the problem. 

This brings us to the scripture from Ephesians 4:26 "...Do not let the sun go down on your anger..." or more commonly stated, "Don't go to bed angry." This scripture has been used as fuel for the sense of urgency, causing many couples to stay up well into the night attempting to hash out their problems. And yet, we're well aware that two sleepy, dysregulated people are not effective communicators. 

You might ask, "Are you saying that we should go ahead and go to bed angry?" 

We're saying that going to bed without a solution is not the same thing as going to bed angry. We believe that that scripture is more about not letting resentment and bitterness continue to fester, than it is about feeling an emotion at a certain time of day. 

It's possible to go to bed not having a solution and to be connected at the same time. Being connected is what pushes out bitterness and resentment and it's not synonymous with having resolution in conflict.

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Link to online small group interest form: HERE

Laughter echoes through even our most challenging times, and this episode kicks off with a tale from a men's retreat that'll have you chuckling along with us. But as our conversation turns, we confront the shadows within marriage—specifically, the silent struggle of porn addiction. We open up about the emotional toll this addiction takes on the non-addicted spouse, illustrating the journey through feelings of betrayal to finding a path towards healing and understanding within the relationship.

Navigating the murky waters of shame and betrayal requires a delicate touch, and this episode doesn't shy away from the tough discussions. We explore the necessity of validating a hurt partner's feelings and the potential harm in concealing pain. Sharing our perspective, we stress the importance of choosing confidants wisely—those who can offer wisdom and hope—while avoiding the pitfalls of codependency and learning to let go of the illusion of control, allowing for true healing to begin.

Wrapping up, we impart strategies for coping with addiction within a marriage, focusing on the need for personal accountability and external support systems rather than relying solely on a partner for recovery. We dissect the complexities of the recovery journey, advocating for realistic expectations and personal peace regardless of a partner's progress. This episode isn't just about sharing our own experiences—it's about offering hope and practical advice for those walking this tough road alongside us.

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Needing support in walking out of a porn addiction? Join Aaron's Online Small Group which is set up to help men struggling with porn to get connected and begin to bring attention to the areas in their life that makes porn feel like the best and only option.

You can also check out Aaron's book, Numb to Known: the surprising path away from porn. 

In this episode, Aaron talks about how most porn addictions start at a young age and are sustained through adulthood through cycles of isolation, passivity and pain. This episode is mostly geared towards those who don't have a porn addiction themselves but may be in relationship with someone who is.

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

3 Unpopular Opinions About Porn

1. Your porn use is not a reflection on your spouse. That is, it's not their fault
2. Porn is not your problem. Porn is the solution you've chosen to the real problem
3. You and God cannot fix this. It must be you and God and other people. 

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Have you ever said, "We got in a big fight about something so small and stupid!" It happens in every marriage when there is emotional pain behind a "small and stupid" logistical problem. 

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron reverse engineer their fight about a toothbrusher charger and how something so small and stupid had the potential to create a lot of disconnection but didn't. 

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Do you know what prolongs most conflict? The thing that keeps people stuck in disconnect? The pursuit of fairness.

Why? Because it hinders love itself. Jesus didn't model fairness in His life or sacrifice. He modeled sacrificial love. 

Love, as Jesus modeled it, will transform your marriage. 

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

In this episode, our friends Megan and Dalen Philp (not Philips...woops sorry guys) share the hope they found in their marriage of 20 years after they began to deconstruct the gender roles that they'd held onto so inflexibly for so many years. 

Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!

Support the show

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>> Become a sponor of our shows <<<
This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much.

Simply click on this link & you'll support both of the Zints' podcasts!!
patreon.com/TheHabitLab

Check out our website ZintSquad.com for coaching individual and couple's coaching appointments, Online Small Groups, Aaron's book, Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course and more.

Please review, subscribe and share your favorite episodes with a friend!

Links:

• Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course
• Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching
• Book: Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn