Mbaacha

Today I learned I have to use time as an asset. I was doing homework for my CompSci class and I was just having a difficult time with it. But I’ve come across a problem like this before. I was reading the instructions and thinking up of ways as to how to go about completing the assignment. The numerous ways I thought up kept giving me error messages. Right before I got to frustrated and not want to continue with the homework I pulled myself out and took a 5 minute break. This break alloweded my to refresh and give my mind a chance to think about other things. When I completed my break I was willing to hold on further and find the reason why I was getting an error message. And it was just that simple. Simply sticking with it and not lying to myself that I would figure it out tomorrow was the most important thing that helped me solve the problem. It was a mini win but a win regardless. Having that resolve of I’ll do it until I get it right is very rare. Having that dedication that says I’ll keep pushing until I’ll get to where I want to go is something I’m embedding into my my personality everyday. I really feel like I would of been a success in every other field had I just held on and kept thinking. The brain is that incredible. But it’s just so easy to quit. It’s just so easy to say I’m done with this shit. I can’t figure it out. I’ve done everything I can think of. Luckily I’ve seen with my years what happens when you hold on for as long as you possibly can. There was a point in my life we’re I would set a deadline for something and I didn’t meet the deadline I would abandon the project. The smarter thing to do was set a new deadline. But there was a part of me that was just happy that I could use the fact that I hadn’t met the deadline as an indicator that the project wouldn’t work. I think this concept of using time as an asset is going to help me signicantly.

Today I learned everything makes a difference. It is kind of easy to think that the small things I do to attract the girls I want make no difference. It’s kind of easy for me to believe that I put in all this work and yet still have little to show for it. But I don’t think it’s that simple. It’s my understanding that everything makes a difference. The small things as well as the big things. I think this is the case for one becuase the act itself of doing small things towards a particular goal draws you closer to that goal. It feeds the fire and spurs more ideas which increase your chances of achieving the overall aim. That’s been my experience. I’ve been coming up with ideas as to how to make myself more appealing to the girls I want and me testing out those ideas spurs other ideas. Some seem to have more of a dramatic effect than others but still the act of carrying out each one gives birth to more. Another reason why I think everything makes a difference is because human beings are very perceptive creatures. Our brains are always anyalzing our surroundings. Even when we aren’t consciously aware of a change a person has made to themselves our brains let us know.

Our brains gives a feeling that something is off pattern which then leads us to figure out what is different. Lastly I think everything makes a difference because a small number of changes made everyday can have a compounding effect of a span of time. A small number of changes made everyday can really change the direction of anything. I was going in a very bad direction for sometime. My life is better because I made that small change consistently. It’s just easy to think that not everything makes a difference. It leaves room to not do or not do as much one would if they believed the otherwise. But I know the work I’m doing is making a difference. I know I’m getting closer to my goal. I notice how better looking girls are more drawn to me now than would of been otherwise. It’s just about me being patient. And continually putting in the work and thinking critically. Especially with time as an asset I’m bound to get what I want.

Today I learned that I have to routinely suffocate negativity. With me trying to find a high quality braud to lock-down. I’ve been experiencing the most rejection I ever had in my life. It’s kinda wild. I’m looking at the mirror now more these days asking myself “Am I really that ugly?😂” the thing is that I don’t look much different from what I did when I was in high school and back then I had pretty girlfriends. So I’m just kind of confused? But luckily not deterred. With all this consistent rejection it’s hard for me to shoot another shot. I pick myself up after every rejection sure that I’ll try again tomorrow. Now I’ve come to learn that faith is something that isn’t static. I just can’t say Keep The Faith. Faith has to be continually restored and reemphasized. Faith either grows or dies each day. And each time I get rejected my faith crumbles away a little. My belief that I will find that female that I actually want to be with in the long term dwindles. With each rejection that faith is slowly replaced with the cynical thoughts. Thoughts that tell me that somebody like me is meant to be single forever. That I just wasn’t born with enough height to get the girls I want. Thoughts that tell me that for whatever reason girls just don’t like me. These are all loser thoughts. Negative thoughts. Thoughts that if I entertain I can kiss a good future for myself goodbye. Even though they are rational they are incorrect. The dating market is a tough place for most. A lot of people choose to not even participate in the dating market out of simple fear of rejection. Just the fact that I’m willing to continually face rejection shows a rare quality that will increase my chance of getting the female that I want. But I can only power through so much. I have to maintain the morale. I have to maintain the mindset. For each rejection I have to buttress my self against the negative thoughts that spur. Whether by either watching motivational content or just by writing that the girl I want Who wants me is out there, I’m going to find her, and it’s going to be worth the while. It’s not easy. But finally tidying up this area of my life is something that I will be most proud of.

Today I learned the value of thinking on paper. Not so long ago I was sitting in class and utterly confused as to how to proceed with the problem presented. Even though the professor had given us a lecture I was still foggy about how to apply the concepts. But from my experience with doing this podcast I’ve found that the best way to get an answer to something is to write out the question on a peice of paper. Everytime I sit down to do these podcast I ask myself “What did I learn today?” And miraculously an answer always comes to mind. So after a few minutes of being perplexed I got out a peice of paper and asked myself “What am I suppose to do?” After a few seconds the answer came to mind. Then I asked myself “How do I do that?” And after a few seconds the answer of how to start to came to mind. After going down a logical train of thought I was able to then solve the problem presented in class. This little moment really showed me the value of thinking on paper. This moment showed me how you can direct your focus by simply asking yourself questions. It also showed me that you know more than you think. Sitting in that class facing that problem I was really unsure of how to make the first step. But after putting my mental energy towards digging within myself for the question “How do I do this?” The answer about how to take the first step came to mind. It’s not thinking specifically on paper either because I type out all of these podcast. But it’s more so about separating yourself from the question. Doing this makes it’s a bit easier to solve it. When you have a question in your head it’s going to be difficult to think of all the answers simultaneously. But with writing it down you can go down a train of thought for each answer for however time it takes. I think this is going to be one of the keys to my success.

Today I learned that I need to cut down. I was literally just watching a video about Warren Buffett and how he was trying to help his employee achieve his goals. By doing so he encouraged his employee to write down 25 of his goals and then prioritize them. He then instructed his employee to strongly avoid working on the bottom 20 goals and strictly focus on the top 5 goals. The video went on to explain how most people never achieve any of their goals because they are constantly working on numerous things at the same time. That is me to the T. I looked at my set of goals for the day and saw 15 different things for 7 different areas of my life. When I was working on paying off my tuition that was my only primary objective. I understand that life doesn’t happen in a vacuum. There are a lot of different things happening at once. One can’t only solely focus on their career. One can’t only focus on their love life. But their has to be a partitioning of resources. My time, energy, and money are fixed. In order to take my life in the direction I want it to go I have to apply these to the most important areas. For me the most important areas are my career, my love life, and my intellectual life. I want to have the best career I can have. I like working hard and achieving things and a career is a great vehicle for that. I want to have the best love life I can have. Obtaining that is going to give my life an amazing comforting warmth. Lastly I want to learn as much as I can. I want to see how smart I can be. I want to try out new ideas and see the results from doing so. With that being said I have to take the time, energy, and money I was putting towards improving social life, improving my sense of style, and improving my relationships within my family (at this moment in time) and put them towards the top 3 areas of my life.

Today I learned that women are fronters. They bluff just for the sake of bluffing. That’s the type of behavior that kills the morale of good men. I was on the bus heading home from class and I notice this girl was all in my face. I kept my cool until it was obvious that shorty was eying me up. So me being me I wrote my name and number on a peice of paper and attempted to hand it to her before she got up off the bus. But as I handed her the number shorty turned her body and swayed her hips. She had a satchel on so I could of jammed the piece of paper in her bag but that would of been desperate. Having being embarrassed in front of all the individuals who were riding the bus I really couldn’t understand what happened? Shorty was flirting with me first of all. So me shooting my shot just seemed like the logical thing for me to do. But upon analyzing that moment as well as other moments it’s mad obvious that roughly speaking women are fronters. They want to test boundaries and poke and prod. All because it amuses them. I think this is why a serious manner is necessary whenever women are present. Being a goof ball in general is asking to be played with but being a goofball in the presence of women is just setting yourself up. Anothee thing this taught me is that sometimes a girl is rejecting you because she wants to test you. Theirs a fine line but a lot of times me just accepting the rejection and moving on is what ruined my chances. So today I learned that women are fronters. She’s gonna poke and prod you. She’s gonna play games and confuse you. And this is gonna make you wonder why am I even putting up with this?

Today I learned that everybody is just passing by. I was a little bent out of shape to be leaving my job and transferring to a new store. I grew to like the people I worked with. Even though though things were shaky at first and I was unsure if I was gonna even be able to hold down this job. Me and both the pharmacist would fight all the time. Sometimes when it got busy they would get rude and passive aggressive. I would only take so much of that and hammer down on them way much more than I needed to. I would challenge them openly and most of the time they would yield. Though they would always find a way to humiliate me or disrespect me in an artfully subtle way. Their was always a constant wrestle for respect. I would really be annoyed by this and seriously contemplate leaving but over time I just got use to it. My last couple days I began to feel sad because even though I told them that I would return for the holidays I knew deep down I wouldn’t. My last couple days I began to realize how much I would miss working with them. When I think about it more it just obvious that this is just the way it is. Everybody is just passing by. Nobody is really tethered to anybody. Sooner or later everybody has to move. Even though I’ll miss my former coworkers I’ll get over it and just move on. That’s what I did with all my other places of work. I left, and eventually got used to not seeing their faces. Not talking to them. Not working alongside them. Even though it’s gonna be rough to be away from my mom and my brother I’ll just get use to it. And now that I know that everybody is just passing by I’ll appreciate the people in my life even greater. I’ll look at relationships with a more long term perspective. I won’t get petty and resentful because I’ll know that everything comes to an end. Sooner or later everybody will have to change location. It sucks but that’s just the way it is.

Today I learned I have to start small. With deciding to take my love life seriously my goal was to shoot my shot three times a day. I’ve found success with applying for jobs in that everytime I send out 3 applications a day I would always get a call to come in for an interview. So logically I believed that all I had to do was shoot my shot 3 times a day and I would find that special someone. But I’ve been coming up against a problem when I try to fulfill this strategy. I always get neverous and overwhelmed. This anxiety prohibits me from getting passed shooting my shot more than once on the second day. I could go smack three times in one day but the day after not so much. I’ve had this problem before when I tried to start other disciplines. I would always get too excited and tire myself out in the short run. I do this with almost everything. The best way I’ve found to overcome this problem is too start small and add over time. But the major thing is for me to be consistent and do it with a long term mindset. I think I’ll add one shot per day with every week that passes. So this week it will be 2 shots per day and the following week I’ll will be at 3 shots per day. Going smack is something that I use to be good at. It was something that I use to practice frequently. But I don’t think I had the right formula. I only just want smack. I didn’t put enough effort into making myself more appealing to the girls that I do want. So hopefully with this combo of going smack as well as working on myself to increase my level of appeal I’ll get the quality of women that I want.

Today I Learned that I have to focus on the positive. It’s been a rough road with dealing with my school shit. It’s been a rough road with foraging for a high quality female. A lot of micro wins though a lot of losses. To get specific I’ve been going back and forth with the University I’ll be going to over financial aide and registration issues. It’s kind of ironic for me to be starting the semester a week or two late when I have been carefully planning for this moment for a few months now. And yet even though I’ve spruced myself up I’ve yet to lockdown somebody I could honestly see myself with in the long term. With so many step forwards and so many step backwards it makes one question the value of the intended destination. Why suffer so much to obtain this thing anyway? Why open myself up to be played with by strangers? Why aren’t I just pursuing my grandest dreams with the hope of overriding these tedious aggravating experiences? But there’s too much on the line for me to say to hell with it and fall back into my boyish ways. I’ve come to learn that my success is going to positively effect so many people. Not only just through the money that I’ll give away but just the simple fact that I started my adulthood out poorly but turned it around and did well for myself. That story is timeless. That story will be proof that no matter what people can change. That people can realize their mistakes and correct themselves. I really want to live up to a story like that. I really want to be symbol for something like that. The small but numerous losses are annoying as hell but by focusing on the positive I’ll be able to move forward. I’ll be able to keep motivated. I’ll be able to justify that my actions are yielding something positive in return. Even though I’m not meeting my goals in the exact time spand I initially set my actions are taking me closer and closer. By focusing on the positive I’ll be more inclined to perform on a long term basis.

Today I Learned that there is evil in the best of us. I was in my neighborhood walking home this afternoon and I saw one of my neighbors. This was one of my neighbors who I sent a letter to humbly asking for a donation for school. I didn’t get a response from this neighbor or any neighbor at all so I was on guard just waiting for him to make some mockery of me. He first tried to bait me into a conversation but I kept quiet and just nodded my head to say wassup. He then tried to compliment my grind by hinting at the progress I had made from sending that letter. I was already sharp and knew that he was trying to set up the joke coming and sure enough he gave me a big laugh and cowardly hopped in his car and drove away. Usually I would of felt insulted and want to take revenge. But for whatever reason I didn’t feel any type of way about that situation. Maybe it was because I was expecting that. I was expecting to be diminished by some people who read the letter and be happy about my current struggles. But what surprised me is how I recognized that behavior so much. That same behavior of diminishing others and being happy about their life struggles is present in me. I have another neighbor who for sometime I was happy that he hadn’t found his way yet. I was happy that he hadn’t grown and realized the errors he made in the previous years. I was happy about this because cuz owed me money for sometime and showed no motivation to pay it back. I found that as an insult becuase I had looked out for the young man. But after sometime the joy I had in seeing this guy slip further and further into his own bad habits turned into disgust with myself for being pleased that someone who wronged me wasn’t doing well for themselves. Even though the guy didn’t pay me back it’s kinda of gross and immature for me to be happy that he hadn’t advanced in life yet. To feed that resentful evil side of me would one day spoil the entirety of my character and thus the entirety of my life. After realizing that I put my copy of Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life in the neighbor who owes me money mailbox. That book really gave me more understanding and more fire so hopefully it does the same for him. But gifting him that book was more about me than him. It was about sharing some of my resources with somebody I had wronged. It was about surpressing my evil resentful side by acting the exact opposite way it would want me to. So today I learned that there is evil in the best of us.