Mbaacha

Today I learned that I need to keep the faith. With deciding to take my love life seriously and trying to court the most attractive women I’ve been experiencing more rejection than I would have if I never set this goal. I notice this consistent rejection is effecting my performance. I don’t go all in. After I hit my quota of shooting my shot one time a day I call it in. Even if I see a shorty that I’d want I don’t bother. This is a recipe for failure. If I don’t have faith in myself that I’m able enough to fix this part of my life than I’m just wasting my time. I won’t go all in if that’s the case. I have to have solid belief that I’m willing to do whatever reasonable to fix this part of my life. I have to solid belief that I’m not gonna stop until this problem is solved. I’m not gonna stop shooting my shots. I’m not gonna stop trying to make myself more appealing to the girls that I want. And I’m not gonna stop critically thinking about better ways to solve this problem. Doing this with a 50% conviction or even 75% conviction will not get me what I want. When I ask myself why is this so important to me? Why do I have to get the most attractive girl? Why aren’t I applying my time and energy somewhere else? I think about a potential future we’re I’m in my senior years without wife or children. I think about a potential future we’re I have all the success my heart desires but no one to share it with. I think about how easy it is for me to end up locked in a passionless relationship to someone I never really wanted to be with. I’m not gonna let that happen to my son. All the answers are all ready inside me. By keeping a strong unshakeable faith I’ll have the strength to dig deep and do whatever is nevessary.

Today I learned that I have to exceed my standard. I use to hold the belief that maybe I shouldn’t have standards. I don’t have as much relationship experience as I’d like and that’s majorly because I didn’t act on the options that were available to me. Realizing that I began to just take what I could get. Any girl that looked at me twice I would go after them. That led me to date girls that I wasn’t romantically interested in. They were cool, nice, and smart chicks but they weren’t chicks that really motivated me to bring my A-game. They weren’t chicks I could see myself with in the long haul. But for awhile I stuck in their because I was partly frustrated that I couldn’t get the girls that I wanted. It was only after achieving my goal of paying off my lofty tuition bill did I gain the confidence to set my eyes on bettering my love life. I really feel like if I put the same amount of effort and critical thinking to achieving a meaningful romantic relationship with a girl I could see myself with i have a good chance at hitting my target. I’ve come to realize from being more involved in the dating market that people want want more for less. People want certain qualities in a mate that they don’t possess or don’t posses enough of to make the difference. But all that means is that I have to define what qualities that I want in my next girlfriend and then work to develop those qualities in myself to a higher than average degree. This will make me more of a magnet to the type of girl I want. It will also give me the peace of mind that I’m putting in the work to get what I want in return. So today I learned that I have to exceed my standard. The qualities that I want in my next girlfriend first have to be developed in myself to a high degree.

Today I learned that I have to embrace growing pains. A couple days ago I was really bummed that I was about to move out. Yesterday I went to see the place where I will probably be renting and I still feel the same way. The place wasn’t bad at all. It was clean, quiet, and orderly. But it wasn’t home. My brother or my mom wasn’t there. My comfortable bed wasn’t there. The neighborhood I grew up in and the people I knew weren’t there. It felt hallow and isolated. I kinda get nervous thinking about how I will live there. I moved out before but only a couple blocks down the street. I could always just walk home if there was any issue. But now the place where I will be living is not so close to home. I can’t just walk back home if there is a problem I can’t solve. I can understand my behavior now when I was younger. I was just too terrified to man up and ship out. I was afraid that the world wouldn’t accept me and I would be isolated. That scared me so much that I decided to better stay at home and pursue something with a high proabability for failure. If I failed I failed but if I succeed then the world would accept me and their would be a nice place for me outside my mom’s house. Because I choose to be childish and impractical I grew weaker and maladjusted for the world. This started a downward slope of poor decisions. I can’t make that same mistake again. I have an opportunity right now to really become stronger. To really man up. To really get out as much as possible from within. Even though I’m a bit nervous that’s okay. I’m suppose to be a bit nervous. I can’t back out now. I have to do this.

Today I Learned that I just have to control what I can control. It’s been difficult trying to attract the type of girl that I want. I seem to get half way there. The latest pattern I’m in is shorty flirts with me, I get the digits, I text shorty a couple days later and she doesn’t respond. It’s confusing? I’m don’t even take it personal anymore. The reason that comes to mind when I ask myself “Why would they do this?” The answer that comes to mind is they just wanted to see if they could get me or they maybe just lost interest. Even though being stuck in this pattern is discouraging. The only thing I can do is control what I can control. I can’t control whether or not this specific girl likes me. But I can control how attractive I can be. I can get a shape up, do the push ups, and wear the cologne. The thing that bothers me though is that this is a lot of effort being exerted. There is a part of me that says “Is it really that serious?” But the answer is always an affirmative yes. I’ve been in past relationships were there was no mutual passion at all. The relationship was really a thinly veiled friendship. Beauty and attractiveness matter more to people than they’d like to admit. It sounds superficial and silly but it’s a timeless truth. I’ve accepted that having an attractive girlfriend is something that is necessary for a long term relationship. So even though it’s more difficult to attract one of the beautiful ones I’m just gonna thug it out. I’m just gonna control what I can control. I can continually improve my attractiveness and I can consistently keep sweet talking random good looking girls. I think that will be enough but I’m not exactly sure. We’ll see.

Today I learned that I have to keep my cool. I’ve always had difficulty with utilizing restrain and self control. As far as I could remember I always had trouble sitting still and focusing in class. Whatever was on my mind had to be expressed in someway. This made me the class clown a lot. This type of behavior also made me the object of contempt in the eyes of far more people than necessary. I realized that at a young age. I recognized that my behavior was making a good number of my peers and teachers angry at me. I shirked it off because I was so sold on the idea that you shouldn’t care what people think of you. I even became more obnoxious and less self aware as the years rolled on. But now that I’m taking my love life just as seriously as my aspirations to be a successful entrepreneur I understand now that I have to dead the part of me who flagerantly behaves poorly. I can’t sell myself on the idea that I shouldn’t care what people think of me. My opinions about myself come first and foremost but I have to see myself through the eyes of others. I have to keep my cool. Not only to get the best looking girls but to work effectively in a group and fully insert myself into society. People get put off when I show to much enthusiasm. The best looking girls might think “Why is this nigga so excited? He’s probably not use to dealing with very pretty girls. Well I don’t want anything to do with him.” That’s not an unreasonable train of thought. When I talk to other people and I see that they completely loss self control and are openly showing their excitement I get uncomfortable. I get nervous. I just want to get as far away from them as quick as possible because I don’t want to run the risk of any altercation because of misunderstandment. When I’m in an excited state I’m hyper-reactive and open to suggestion. I also lose my sense of self awareness. That’s why I want to do more things behind the scenes. I don’t want to be in front of the camera like I use. With somebody like me it’s just a matter of time before I make a fool of myself. So today I learned that I have to keep my cool. I have to use restrain. I have to keep my opinions, jokes, and silliness to myself when in public. And especially in the presence of girls that I want to be with. You say too many stupid things, act to silly, or become too much of a motor mouth people will start to deeply resent you. In their eyes they will see you as a symbol of poor self-control and in a way they will be right. Keeping my cool is going to increase my chances of bettering my love life and social life. I wouldn’t want my son to be a social outcast who doesn’t know how to properly conduct himself amoungst his peers. So why am I allowing that for myself? It’s not rocket science. All it takes is meditating consistently and being mindful of how I act in public. That’s all it takes so that’s what I’m going to do.

Today I Learned profits are better than wages. I was walking home the other day and I realized how much effort I was putting in towards earning such little amount of money. I got myself up early, I walked to work for an hour and 15 minutes, I then exertered 5 hours of mental and physical energy, then I walked back home for another hour and 15 minutes. Only to make an estimated $65 after tax. The effort was gigantic. Though the pay is so meager. I thought about how much money I was able to just instantly get by selling things on eBay. I thought about how within one sale I would make a 30 hour work week’s paycheck. I was just recently watching a Jim Rohn video and he was describing how profits can be exponential yet wages are fixed. This summer I worked a lot. I would happily do it all again but it’s so obvious to me that the employee/employer transaction is far too lopsided. The value that I brought to work against the annoyances and stresses I exerperienced is not in my favor. I’ve proven to myself that I’m willing to work as hard as I possibly need to. But just working very hard is not enough to craft the best life for myself. More people are willing to work hard than critically think. And with critically thinking I can devise different ideas of bring value to the market place. I’ve been on this entrepreneurial kick before. The reason why I stopped was because I saw little growth. I was impatient. But now patience is my strength. My plan is to combine my high level of work ethic and my critical thinking skills to make additional cash. With time I’d like that additional cash to overlap my mainstream of income. I think utilizing my work ethic and critical thinking skills to make additional cash is better than just accepting the fair trade I’m in.

Today I Learned I have to roll with the punches. I’ve been searching for a place to stay near the Univeristy that I’ll be attending for months now. I’ve spent time, money, and energy scouring Craigslist and social media to find roommates. I’ve been running into the same pattern. I find a person who is looking for a roommate, we exchange information, and then usually they flake days later. It’s frustrating. It almost leads me to believe that their isn’t a place for me outside my mom’s house. But that’s bullshit. It’s difficult finding people who want to rent a room to me but that doesn’t mean those people are out there. The best thing I can do is roll with the punches. Even though it’s discouraging being flaked on at the last minute I can’t let it kill my spirit. I can’t take it personally. I just gotta understand that this is the nature of the game. Not only of trying to find a place to stay but of life. Sometimes you put your best foot forward and it doesn’t work out. Sometimes you walk the straight and narrow path and you end up behind. Sometimes you put everything you’ve got into the relationship and it still fails. That’s just how it is. But that’s okay. I’m strong enought to deal with the dissapointments. I’m smart enough to know that I can’t use inevitable dissapointments as an excuse to not go all in. It’s okay if it doesn’t work exactly as planned. The most significant thing that matters is that I roll with the punches. That even though I experience dissapointments I still continue to give everything I’ve got towards going we’re I want to go.

Today I learned sometimes you have to finesses. Last week I called my school to see if I everything was good to go because I was finally about to finishing paying my tuition. I asked the gent if I needed to come up there to send my transcript. I gave him my student id number and he took a look at my account. He then proceeded to tell me that there was an issue. He said even though there was an additional $200 left on the balance. He said I needed to pay an additional $320 because my bill was forwarded to Collections and becuase of that I was charged an extra 10%. I told him that I didn’t understand why I needed to pay collections when I was paying the school directly but he held firm and basically said that’s just the way it is. I was momentarily angered but I realized that it just meant that I would have to wait one more week to reach my goal. Before I got off the phone with the guy he said something that got me thinking. He told me to make sure that when I did gather the money together to tell the student accounting department that my bill was sent to collections and that I needed to pay additional charges. When he said that at first I didn’t think much of it. But I got the idea of what would happen if I didn’t tell them? What would happen if I simply just pay the remaining balance and ask them to remove the hold on my transcript? So just a few days ago I called up the accounting department and told them I didn’t understand why their was a hold on my accounting when I had just paid everything off. The lady said hold on, checked my account and then unlocked the financial hold. I went online as quickly as I could and placed an order for my transcripts to be sent to Morgan State. And boom the goal for the summer had been reached. All the hours I laboured away was now proven to be meaningful. I was happy finally completing this chapter momentarily. But I shortly realized that now this meant that I now had no valid reason to live at home. Now this meant that the best thing for me to do is move out away from my mom and my brother. Which is something that apart of me doesn’t want to do. But anaways today I learned sometimes you have to finesse. Sometimes you have to to tell a little white lie for the greater good. I saved myself $320 just by pretending why I didn’t know the reason their was a hold on my account after I payed the principal. Be good 100% of the time is impractical and only leads to being taken advantage of. Sometimes you have to break the rules. Sometimes you have to finesse.

Today I Learned it’s more effective to attract. Being at work and watching how my boss was eyeing me and how another other women was flirting with me it was obvious that they were attracted to me by some level of degree. It got me thinking of something I heard Gary Vaynerchuk say. He said something similar like “It’s easier when it comes to you.” That got me thinking of past relationships and how the most fruitful ones were the ones were the the female initiated the first move. I’ve come to realize anytime I’ve tried to force a relationship I’ve ended up frustrated. Anytime I’ve tried to force anything I’ve always ended up dissapointed because I felt like my effort wasn’t matching the result. I think my energy in the past was applied incorrectly. Instead of expending all that energy presenting myself to different chicks I should of spent that energy improving upon myself. I’ve come to learn that everybody wants more than what they deliver to the table. Everybody wants a mate better looking than them, smarter than them, and even kinder than them. The frustration comes in finding more but not becoming more. That’s when it seems like nobody you want, wants you. That’s when I asked myself what’s the point in all this rejection. But nothing is fixed. Theirs an opportunity each day to become more than enough were I can attract what I want. It’s difficult but that’s the point. Digging deap and getting the best of myself out is going to actract best the world has to offer. I just believe that so much. I believe I have an opportunity in front of me to be an even more unique and interesting person. If I take this opportunity seriously, there a high chance that the reward will be just what I’m looking for.

Today I Learned it’s all about the journey. I was at work and shit and I came across this problem I couldn’t solve. I was having an issue with running this ladies perscriotion through a coupon she gave me. I tried resubmitting it with different codes that were provided by the rejection. After a couple minutes I called the help desk. After a long period of time I had to let the lady at the help desk go because we were both at our wits end. I then asked a coworker for help and she tried her hand but wasn’t able to succeed as well. I tried one last time to see if I could get the coupon to work. At that point it became more about solving a difficult problem than about helping this lady save $15. Only because I had complied all that information from dealing with the problem from my persepective, from the lady at the help desk perspective, and from my coworkers perspective I was able to try a new approach and consequently solved the problem. The burst of serotonin I felt after getting the coupon to go through taught me that it’s all about the journey. The more difficult the journey the more satisfying it is. Being persistent and calling in help with that problem at work brought out a patient and cooperative side of me. Seeing myself try to hack at it from different angles proved to myself how creative I can be when motivated. It’s all about the journey for real. Without going through that difficult lengthy process solving that problem would of meant nothing. I could only imagine how it’s going to feel when I graduate college, or find success in music, or finally find somebody that I actually want to be with for the long haul. The hardship and the large amount of patience required makes the accomplishment sweeter. Also the person I become from wrestling with a problem until it gets solved is somebody I like.