Men, Sex & Pleasure with Cam Fraser

From episode #81 with Jazmin Wu.

More from that episode:

- Jazmin shares about her journey with BDSM

- The spectrum of kink

- Holding space for submissives

- The submissive mentality

- Letting go of performance anxiety

- Reframing sexual validation

- Sexual symbols and rituals

- Boundaries, exploration, and safewords

- Sub-space and trance states

On this episode, I chat with Ari Tuckman, PsyD. Ari is a psychologist, international presenter, author, and ADHD thought leader. He has given more than 650 presentations and podcast interviews and routinely earns excellent reviews for his ability to make complicated information understandable and useful. He is the author of four books, including his most recent, “ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship”, "Understand Your Brain, Get More Done”, “More Attention, Less Deficit” and “Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD”. He is a co-chair of CHADD’s conference committee and was awarded the 2023 Hall of Fame award for his significant contributions to the field. He is in private practice in West Chester, PA.

Key points

Ari's background and focus on ADHD in relationships

Ari Tuckman is a psychologist who has specialized in ADHD, particularly in adults, for over 25 years. He has become increasingly interested in the impact of ADHD on relationships and couples, as he felt this was an important but under-discussed aspect of the condition.

Prevalence and diagnosis of ADHD

Ari discusses the prevalence of ADHD, noting that it affects around 4-5% of adults. He explains that ADHD is often underdiagnosed in adults, as clinicians tend to focus more on identifying it in children. Ari also notes that there can be a "two-for-one" diagnosis, where a child's ADHD diagnosis leads a parent to realize they also have the condition.

Differences in ADHD symptoms between genders

Ari explains that the core ADHD symptoms are similar across genders, but the way ADHD manifests can differ due to societal expectations and gender roles. Women and girls may be more inclined to try to hide or compensate for their ADHD symptoms, while boys and men may have more "permission" to be openly disruptive.

Levels of ADHD severity and associated factors

Ari discusses how ADHD can vary in severity, and how other factors like anxiety, depression, substance use, and personal strengths/protective factors can impact the experience of ADHD. He notes that ADHD is not a one-size-fits-all condition.

ADHD and occupational/recreational interests

Ari shares that while there are some common occupational and recreational interests associated with ADHD (like sales), people with ADHD can thrive in a wide variety of fields if they find work that engages their interests and strengths.

ADHD and intimacy

Ari explains how ADHD can impact intimacy and , such as difficulty transitioning into a mindset or getting distracted during intimate moments. He emphasizes the importance of being intentional, flexible, and focused on the process rather than performance.

Strategies for managing ADHD in relationships

Ari provides several recommendations for partners of those with ADHD, including educating themselves on the condition, being intentional about scheduling and communication, and focusing on the positives and complementary strengths in the relationship rather than just the challenges.

Recap and closing thoughts

Ari and Cam conclude the discussion by emphasizing the importance of flexibility, creativity, and appreciating the unique strengths each partner brings to the relationship, even when there are significant differences like ADHD.

Relevant links:

Ari's website: ⁠https://adultadhdbook.com/speaking/⁠

From episode #80 with Brad Gage.

More from that episode:

- Brad shares about his upbringing

- How do media images of men affect our lives?

- Toxic vs positive masculinity

- Stereotypical portrayals of men

- Representations that challenge stereotypes

- Critically thinking about media

- The importance of diverse representation

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Melissa Hadley Barrett. Melissa is a Nurse Practitioner and Sexologist from Western Australia with over 20 years of experience. She is the Principal, Director and lead clinician of Restoring Men’s Intimate Health (RMIH) Pty and Restorative Sexual Health Clinic (RSHC) Pty Ltd. Melissa is an advocate for sexual health and regularly engages in public speaking and education regarding sexual health, particularly prostate cancer for both health professions and community members. Melissa has co-founded the Penis Project Podcast, which shares real-life stories to support learning and offer support, gaining a worldwide audience.

Key points:

Melissa's background and expertise

Melissa introduced herself as a nurse practitioner and sexologist who runs the Restorative Health Clinic. She specializes in helping couples and men navigate intimacy, relationships, and sexual function, taking a holistic approach that addresses both the physical and psychological aspects.

Treating dysfunction in cancer patients

Melissa explained that about two-thirds of her clients are prostate or bladder cancer patients, as the treatments for these cancers can significantly impact sexual function. She described how the nerves that control erections can be damaged, leading to issues like erectile dysfunction and Peyronie's disease. Melissa emphasized the importance of rehabilitation to maintain penile health and function during this recovery period.

Overcoming stigma and shame around sexual health

Melissa discussed how many cancer patients feel guilty or ashamed about wanting to maintain their sex life, believing they should just be grateful to be alive. She works to reframe this mindset, emphasizing that quality of life and intimacy are important, and that positive outcomes can come from adversity. Melissa also highlighted the need to involve partners in these conversations to address misconceptions and provide support.

Educating healthcare providers

Melissa shared how she works to upskill other healthcare providers, like GPs and urologists, to have open conversations about sexual health with their patients. Even if they don't have the expertise to provide comprehensive treatment, she encourages them to at least ask about it and provide referrals to appropriate specialists.

Melissa's resources and programs

Melissa described the various online programs and resources she offers, including rehabilitation programs for issues like erectile dysfunction, Peyronie's disease, and premature ejaculation. She also highlighted her podcast, The Penis Project, which features real stories from clients about their experiences.

Relevant links:

Melissa's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melissahadleybarrett/

Melissa's website: https://melissahadleybarrett.com/

From episode #79 with Jordan Hackett.

More from that episode:

- Jordan shares some of his story

- There is nothing wrong with male sexuality

- The importance of rites of passage

- Unintentional sexual initiations

- Elements of initiation ceremonies

- Challenges, choice, and agency

- Liberation and shame

- Tantrikas, Dakinis, and Sex Goddesses

- Initiations for young people and societal barriers

- Sexual debuts and ongoing exploration

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Katia Schwartz. Katia is a disability and sex worker rights activist, with a career in the sex industry spanning over 16 years. As a profoundly deaf, queer sex worker, Katia navigates unique intersections and is passionate about advocating for the destigmatisation and inclusion of marginalised groups.

Episode transcript: CLICK HERE

Key points:

Introductions and background

Katia introduces herself as a deaf, disabled sex worker who lives on Gadigal land in Sydney and does advocacy work for the disabled and sex worker communities. Cam shares that he previously wrote a blog post about the appropriation of sex worker aesthetics, in which he quoted Katia.

Katia's experience on SBS Insight

Katia describes being approached by the producers of the SBS Insight TV show to appear on an episode about "Convenient Relationships" and transactional relationships. She made her access needs clear, including requiring an Auslan interpreter and accurate closed captions, which the producers agreed to. However, when the episode aired, the captions were poor quality and not synced properly, making it inaccessible for Katia. She tried to resolve the issue with the network but faced dismissive responses.

Misconceptions about disability and sex work

Katia discusses common misconceptions people have about disabled people and sex workers, including the assumption that disabled people cannot or should not engage in sexual activity. She shares examples of inappropriate questions she's received, like "How do you have sex if you're deaf?" Katia explains how her disability informs and enhances her sex work in positive ways, like her heightened sensory awareness and communication skills.

Advice for allies and advocates

Katia provides advice for allies and advocates, emphasizing the importance of listening to marginalized voices, being open to feedback, and amplifying the perspectives of those with lived experiences. She encourages people to diversify their social media feeds and be mindful of the representation and narratives they consume.

Wrap-up and resources

Katia shares how to find and connect with her online, including her Instagram handle and website. Cam thanks Katia for the insightful conversation and the opportunity to learn.

Relevant links:

Katia's website: www.thegingerdoll.com
Katia's Instagram: www.instagram.com/katiaschwartz

From episode #79 with David Chambers.

More from that episode:

- David shares about his work and passions

- Purpose vs passion

- Co-creating attraction and intimacy

- Overthinking and anxiety

- Treating dating like a video game

- Invitations vs expectations

- British masculinity and being a Black man

- Race and the white spirituality community

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Danielle Bezalel, MPH, aka DB (she/her/hers). Danielle is the Creator, Executive Producer, and Host of the ⁠Sex Ed with DB⁠ podcast, a feminist podcast bringing you all the sex ed you never got, centering LGBTQ+ and BIPOC experts. Danielle earned a Master of Public Health with expertise in sexuality, sexual, and reproductive health from Columbia University. Danielle lives in Oakland, CA. Go to⁠ www.sexedwithdb.com⁠ to learn more about the podcast and get discounts on DB’s faves ⁠here⁠. You can listen to the podcast on ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠,⁠ Spotify⁠, ⁠Soundcloud⁠, or wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Sex Ed with DB on⁠ TikTok⁠,⁠ Instagram⁠,⁠ Twitter⁠, and ⁠YouTube⁠.

Key points:

Introductions and background

Danielle introduces herself as a sex educator and podcast host, sharing her passion for providing medically accurate, pleasure-centered sex education. Cam shares that his wife is also a musician and has done work related to birth and postpartum.

Defining pleasure-centered sex education

Danielle and Cam discuss what it means to have a "pleasure-centered" approach to sex education, focusing on topics like birth control, STIs, LGBTQIA+ health, consent, and the physical and emotional aspects of sex. They emphasize the importance of using scientifically-backed, non-judgmental, and inclusive language.

Danielle's "Magic Wand" self-pleasure experiment

Danielle shares details about a self-experiment she conducted using a Magic Wand vibrator, tracking the impact on her health, mood, and sexual experience over three weeks. The results showed decreased stress and anxiety, more positive moods, and increased libido when using the Magic Wand daily.

Navigating public discussions about and intimacy

Cam and Danielle discuss the challenges of having public conversations about sex, particularly for men. They explore the differences in how men and women are typically portrayed when discussing their masturbation habits, and the importance of creating safe spaces for open, non-judgmental dialogue.

Closing thoughts and resources

Danielle shares some final wisdom about the importance of self-love and appreciation, and provides information about how to connect with her through her podcast, social media, and an upcoming workshop on building a profitable online education business.

From episode #76 with Melanie Curtin.

More from that episode:

- Melanie shares about her work and research

- Healing from religious trauma

- Creating safety for men to explore sexuality

- 70% of men are not good in bed

- “Too much, too fast”

- Expectations of male sexuality

- Teasing and touching a woman

- Creating safety for women to explore sexuality

- Communication skills

On this episode of #mensexpleasure, I chat with Jimanekia Eborn. Jimanekia Eborn is a Queer Sexual Assault & Trauma Expert, Trauma Media Consultant, and Comprehensive Sex Educator. She is the host of Trauma Queen - a podcast working to normalize conversations about life's most challenging experiences, from sexual assault to mental health and beyond. Jimanekia is the Founder of Tending The Garden- a nonprofit in service of sexual assault survivors who have been marginalized; offering retreats, online summits, community and education. She is also the co-founder of Cintima, bringing increased representation to the field of Intimacy Coordination in the film industry.