Midnight Crisis

"Drive boy, dive boy, dirty numb angel boy."

- Ben doesn’t understand baby oil.

- Nobody recounts the glow in the dark lube escapades from her honeymoon.

- Ben wonders if Nobody is okay after a few too many questionable incidents lately.

- Ben has yet another run in with his old nemesis, traffic lights on his way to a concert.

- A recent article about a man with three penis’s makes us wonder if there could be some truth to our historical figure cinematic universe.

- Ben discovers an escalating prank war in the Tropical Judge’s courtroom.

- Nobody asks would you take ten extra years of life in exchange for getting hit in the nuts every day?

- We discuss the worst day to relive over and over and how we would spend our days in a time loop.

- Nobody poses a question about imaginary hat’s, designed to give you insight into someone’s psyche.

- Ben is intrigued by the choice of Katy Perry’s ‘Hot N Cold’ as the theme song to MasterChef.

"You gotta keep 'em separated"

- Ben gets judged for using bar soap.

- Nobody is left without toilet paper in the work bathroom.

- Ben previews the videogame Squat Ops.

- We get asked a direct question and immediately go blank.

- Ben gives Nobody a lesson in urinal etiquette.

- Nobody discovers her views on bathroom windows are not shared by those around her.

- We’re conflicted about the appropriate way to appreciate a sexy dance routine.

- We discuss the perils of answering a phone call in an echoey room.

- Nobody had the best weekend of her life at PAX and is still chasing that high.

- Lana Del Rey married an alligator tour guide and Ben feels mislead.

"I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed"

- Ben is perplexed by the settings on his dryer.

- We still haven’t forgiven our friend Alex for shooting an unarmed man in the head, fourteen years ago (in a videogame).

- We discuss ending a relationship and immediately regretting it.

- Ben feels closer to Nobody after their recent apartment inspection.

- Ben needs an impartial judge for his competition conundrum.

- Ben wants to find the best way to eat spaghetti and meatballs.

- Ben attends a cheese experience where his family puts the chef in an awkward position.

- We discuss old people who don’t realise they’re old and people who live to work.

"I guess you didn't know it, but I am a fiddle player too..."

- Ben has a life hack for a free a margarita.

- Ben requires arbitration on his mum’s birthday text.

- We discuss safe words and staying clear of people with clipboards.

- We reminisce about the lost art of squeezing a text into 160 characters.

- Nobody proposes post-wedding ‘f you’ cards for the worst guests.

- We discuss Nobody’s husbands boarding school experience.

- Nobody asks what sports shouldn’t be sports?

- We discuss Michael Phelps’ incredible medal tally and speculate wildly about how he’d kill you.

- Nobody wants grocery packing in the Olympics and an expert flyer lane at airports.

"F-f-f-f-f-freestyler. Rock the microphone."

- Ben has a business idea for Zooey Deschanel.

- Kirsty faces a kiwi conundrum.

- We reflect on the many dead wives of Henry VIII.

- Nobody thinks that kids these days have too much entertainment to learn pub trivia.

- Ben is stuck waiting in the shower for the babes to show up.

- Nobody reinvents the justice system in her dreams.

- Nobody reflects on her idea of ‘the drug Olympics’.

- Nobody goes on a deep dive of Ian Thorpe versus Michael Phelps.

-Nobody is still upset that Michael Phelps didn’t actually race a shark.

"Hot damn, hot water, hot shower"

- Ben reviews Belle’s Spicy Chicken.

- We revisit the concept of the best way to wear a towel after a shower.

- We discuss crappy bathrooms, falling through the floor, Alfa Romeo accidents, door to door battery salesmen and patting strange dogs.

- Nobody hates shower curtains and immovable screws.

- Nobody’s latest Japanese trip makes her question her anatomy.

- Nobody reveals the two things that reduced her husband to tears on their holiday.

- Ben provides a dating app update as we discuss his new first date line and being offered the consolation prize of dating a friend.

- We help a redditor who’s asking ‘where the hoes at?’

- We discuss Where’s Wally kinks and Wally’s nemesis Odlaw.

- Zac Efron isn’t a fan of his Spanish dub voice actor.

- Ben’s parents watch Sophie’s Choice in German and miss the entire point of the movie.

- Ben judges people who say they ‘read’ a book but later reveal they listened to the audiobook.

"You see, me and my homies like to play this game"

- We debate what qualifies as ‘walking distance’ and discuss waking up the car.

- Nobody’s dad refuses to backtrack when travelling.

- Ben makes his annual Active Your Read Receipts Day PSA.

- Emoji audit: Hot face and pussy emoji’s.

- Ben provides a dating app update as he gets stuck with the bill again.

- Nobody proposes a follow up question service after visiting the doctor.

- Nobody’s energy provider accuses her of being confused.

- Ben’s vegan shower gel makes him reflect on every other shower gel he’s ever used.

"Blackpink in your area"

- We name a dead person.

- Ben’s new TV has kicked off an obsession with Korean television.

- We answer Blackpink's hypothetical questions about death and zombies.

- Nobody wants to establish some public bathroom etiquette.

- Nobody awkwardly smiles at couples.

"My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea"

- We discuss great taglines and getting heated playing board games.

- Ben’s annoyed that overalls don’t actually go ‘over all’.

- Nobody analyses the misheard song lyrics of My Bonnie lies over the ocean.

- Ben visits Emporium and gets trapped in Rebel Sport.

- Nobody has a rare but disappointing experience inhaling mouthwash.

- Ben finds himself in a compromising scenario during an evacuation.

- We discuss the etiquette of passing along a hello.

- We go over our history of pet names and Ben makes a pilgrimage to Big Ben.

- We celebrate Nobody’s amazing catch at the supermarket.

"Bounce"

- We want sweat proof headphones and devise a bouncy new gym playlist.

- Ben reveals his million-dollar idea for the OCD light switch.

- Nobody invents an app that shames people for not replying to her texts.

- Nobody has been binging Monk and her viewing habits still infuriate Ben.

- Nobody’s husband takes a flight with a man does nothing for an entire nine-hour flight.