Mormon Marriages

In part 1 of our LIVE recording, we hear what inspired Jennifer to put her life’s work into helping LDS women and couples develop healthy sexuality in their lives and marriages.

We also delve into questions asked by two of our lady listeners!

#1: I live in Utah and I feel like there is a lot of pressure from my ward and surroundings suppressing my sexuality. When I'm on vacation or trips alone with my husband I feel so able to claim my sexuality but when I come back from trips or vacations, I feel like it gets stripped away with motherhood, the sense of what it is to be a female and then I feel like an object to be managed sexually. I recognize a perfect mormon women is a made up cultural myth. But I feel that owning my sexuality is possible. I also find that I resent my husband's sexuality and I'm judgemental of it and I need help. How do I become a whole women and stay solid in my sexuality. The shame force is strong in Utah! Can you paint me a picture of what a whole sexual LDS women looks like? Honestly when I try to paint or describe a whole women it ends up looking like a hot mess woman with holes to be used and objectified not the whole women I find on vacation.

#2: I have been married for fifteen years and have never had an orgasm. We have tried and tried, but I just can’t do it. How do you do it? My husband and I fit the Mormon mold when it comes to the fact that we were never talked to about sex in any way other than it was bad. What would be your suggestion for me to do?

“I am in a place with my significant other where he is really struggling... life is just stressful and I think he is getting a little depressed. Do you have advice on how I can be there for him and support him? I know it’s not my place to fix his situation but I want to help him.”

Always go to the funeral. They may not notice if you don’t, but they will always remember if you do.

— Sister Debi Wilcox

Dani was widowed by suicide in March of 2019. Soon after, she began writing about her late husband, Denny, and about her experiences in real time as she and her two daughters go through life after a traumatic loss.

She has become an advocate for mental wellness and stopping the stigma against suicide. You can read more on her blog at danibates.com or listen to her podcast “Make It Awkward” on any major listening app. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for the latest.

“Optimism looks like crying in my bed and having my husband hold me and comfort me for hours as I cry myself to sleep, but waking up the next day and still moving forward. It’s acknowledging the bad and the hard things that happen in life, but then to go on and choose to look for the good... That’s true optimism for me.”

— Brittany Fisher Frank

QUESTION #1

“Before my husband and I got married, I always heard the comment, “He’s going to want sex ALL the time.” Well, here we are a couple years in and I feel I want initiate sex way more than my husband does. It doesn’t matter how many times I bring up my concerns, nothing changes. Recently, we decided to start trying to start a family & my husband has had a hard time ejaculating. It has been insanely hard to not take it personally. My question is - what is the best way for me to navigate my negative experiences with my sexual relationship with my husband and move forward in a positive light?”

QUESTION #2

“I have struggled with premature ejaculation for years. Kegels do nothing. Trying to “calm down” doesn’t work very well, but maybe I haven’t done it right? If I try to reach climax a few hours before it sort of works, but isn’t ideal, especially for spontaneous stuff. What can I do?”

Choose to love, and choose to do it all the way.

— Brooke Romney

Without such a love map, you can’t really know your spouse. And if you don’t really know someone, how can you truly love them?

— Dr. John Gottman

The absence of trauma, the healing from betrayal, does not equal wellness. You can heal and be in a stable place and still feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. True sexual and relational wellness comes from moving towards a healthier place in your relationship - the vision beyond repair.

— Kristin Hodson

We came from two different marriages, with two sets of children, two different lifestyles and careers... It was doing something difficult, and dangerous and emotionally challenging together that gave us something uniquely ours.

— Georgia Anderson

How often have you let yourself hope for something?

How often have you been disappointed?

How often have you built a sturdy fortress around your heart, guarding it from feeling any ounce of excitement - protecting it from shattering into a million pieces?

For those who are experiencing infertility in their marriage, “hope” can feel like a dirty word.

How much devastation, disappointment, and anguish can your heart truly handle?

After 6 years of trying to start their own family, Tyler and Danelle Beckstrand are all too familiar with this dilemma.

As they shared with us their journey, they explained that hope is on a pendulum. If you’re only a little bit excited for something, then you’re only a little bit disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

It’s terrifying to let yourself hope! It’s scary to allow the unknown to have a permanent spot at your table. It takes an intense amount of vulnerability to let yourself feel.

The only problem is, if you downplay your emotions, guard your heart, or protect yourself from feeling, you won’t experience the intense amount of joy, happiness and excitement that is waiting on the other side of uncertainty.

Danelle and Tyler are all in.

They made the conscious decision to be over-the-moon excited for the family they will one day have.

They understand that you must risk it all to have it all.