Mormon Marriages

Think about some of your favorite Heroes and the amazing feats they accomplished.

Harry Potter conquered Voldemort and saved the wizarding world.

Luke Skywalker destroyed the Death Star and saved entire planets from complete destruction.

Rapunzel escaped from the evil witch and found her parents again.

Frodo destroyed “the ring to rule them all” allowing middle earth to finally live in peace.

The Sons of Mosiah succeeded in converting thousands of Lamanites to the gospel.

We love these stories! The characters teach us so many things about bravery and strength. They are courageous when the way seems hopeless, and they continue forward even when it’s hard. In the end, they accomplish things they never imagine they would!

Though each of their stories and journeys were different, every one of these characters had a specific thing in common:

They all left home.

Harry left the Dursley’s.

Luke left Tatooine.

Rapunzel left her tower.

Frodo left the shire.

The Sons of Mosiah left their kingdom.

Each of them had to take a step away from comfort and familiarity and embark into the unknown. They had to leave behind certain parts of themselves in order to being their hero’s journey.

“Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment.”

- Brené Brown

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

That’s the phrase everyone used to refer to the villain, Voldemort in the popular Harry Potter book series.

They used the title “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” instead of saying his actual name because they were afraid of him. You might even argue that they were trying to avoid any association with him… or as we’d say in our community, they were “avoiding the appearance of evil.”

But in the first book of the series, Professor Dumbledore teaches Harry something powerfully important.

“Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”

Just like in the wizarding world, there are things in the Latter-Day Saint community that many of us avoid talking about. They are words and topics that make us feel uncomfortable and awkward.

If you’re like most people raised in a conservative home, your family had “Voldemorts” that you simply did not talk about. Doing so would result in shame, guilt, and judgement. These topics were just too difficult, too nuanced, or too emotionally charged to address directly. It was much easier to just avoid them all together and pretend they didn’t exist.

The problem is, when you refuse to talk about something, you just give that thing power over you. You never develop the skills to talk about it, to wrestle with it, and to truly understand it.

Think about your wedding day.

What were some of the feelings and emotions you were experiencing?

If you’re anything like me, I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Getting married was the day I had looked forward to ever since I was a little girl. Everything I did in life somehow related to this goal of finding my one true love and sealing our lives together for time and all eternity.

In my mind, August 19th, 2016 would forever go down as the moment I had finally arrived. I made it! I reached my ultimate goal!

Though it’s only been two short years since that day, it didn’t take me long to realize how wrong I was.

MARRIAGE IS NOT A DESTINATION.

It’s not about the wedding rings, the venue or the photographer. It’s not about what song you had your first dance to, or the flavor of the cake you smooshed in his face.

That stuff is only the beginning. It’s only the first step.

Marriage is everything that comes after all that!

Spare it a little longer.

A simple phrase that teaches a profound lesson.

Though the branches have gone wild and the fruit is good for nothing, the roots are still good. They are not too far gone.

They can still be saved.

No matter what point we are at on our journey, no matter what fruit we are currently producing, deep down our roots are good.

Our current state does not define who we are. The Lord and his servant continue to tirelessly work on us, little by little, until the bad has been eradicated and we reach our divine potential of goodness.

Do not judge someone for where they are at in their journey. Do not give up if you are not yet where you want to be. Your failures can become your greatest life lessons.

Keep going. Keep trying. Allow the Lord to work in your life. It is never too late.

Whenever you’re tempted to throw in the towel and stop trying, whether in your life or in your marriage, remember those five powerful words:

Spare it a little longer.

CONSCIOUS

adjective con·scious \ ˈkän(t)-shəs \

done or acting with critical awareness; a conscious effort to do better

LIVING

adjective liv·ing \ ˈli-viŋ \

exhibiting the life or motion of nature

• • • • •

It's being "critically aware" of the way you exhibit (or present) your life.

Think about your day today...

How many of the choices you made - the morning routine you went through, the way you said goodbye to those you love in the morning, the way you planned your day, the food you put in your body, the music you listened to, the time you spent on your phone, the attitude you had when you greeted your beloved at the end of the day - were made with critical awareness?

How many were made out of habit, necessity, or because they were easiest?

Though I could pick sides and choose who to love, it’s such a relief knowing I don’t have to. I get to love God. I get to love my husband. I get to love others independent of where they find themselves on their mortal journey.

Unrighteous dominion is when someone attempts to control or manipulate  another using their “power and authority” as an excuse to do so.

In a marriage, it is things like making financial decisions without consulting a spouse, using authority as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, holding others to their unrealistic expectations and then shaming or belittling them when they don’t.

Unrighteous dominion can be as extreme as using physical violence to enforce authority, to something as simple as assuming that your way is always the right way - no exceptions.

D&C 121:41 says, “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;”

As we continued to investigate the term “preside,” we found something super interesting. The origin of this word comes from the latin term praesidere which means to “stand guard” or literally to “sit in front of.”

This is so profound!

Those who are responsible of presiding over others are not meant to control or exercise authority over them, but rather to protect and to guard them.

In the church, we talk a lot about preparing to go get married in the temple one day... but what happens after we go to the temple? What happens when we go back to living our normal lives? What happens when kids come into the picture? How do I ensure that my marriage is actually Celestial?

Why aren’t we talking more about what it takes to make marriage work once we exit the temple doors!?

In this week’s episode of the podcast, we sit down with Merrilee Boyack to talk about what it really takes to create a Celestial Marriage. The great news is that it isn’t terribly difficult to do. In fact, it is beautifully simple! All it takes is a willingness to learn the tools and skills necessary and a dedication to the practice.

It’s not something that happens overnight. After 38 years of marriage, Merrilee is still learning new things to enhance and cultivate her relationship with her spouse. It’s a life-long, eternal process.

It's hard to go a Sunday in church without hearing about the importance of the family. We talk about temple work, Family Home Evening, and family prayer. We talk about honoring our parents, having a Christ-centered marriage, Heavenly Parents, and the Proclamation to the Family.

The family unit is the central point of the gospel. Everything revolves around it, including our idea of heaven – spending eternity together with those we love the most.

“This goal is glorious. All Church activities, advancements, quorums, and classes are means to the end of an exalted family.1"

-Russell M. Nelson

The hope is that everything we do will get us one step closer to our singular goal of having an Eternal Family.

Angilyn and I love this doctrine.

We love the idea that if we work hard in this life, and stay committed, we can take our most cherished relationships with us after this life is over.

Our love for this piece of our theology is exactly why we started the Mormon Marriages podcast.

We believe the best way to "prepare to meet God" and enjoy eternity in God's presence with our family is to have the strongest possible family. We can't do this unless the backbone of our family - our marriage - is incredibly strong and vibrant and, well, Celestial.

We don't talk about it much, but when local leaders serve in the church, it can put a strain on their most intimate relationships. It takes a toll. It comes with a cost.

In today's interview, we sit down with the Francom's and among other things, we talk about the reality of serving in a leadership calling. Yes you get to experience miracles and blessings... but these leaders also struggle in a quite and often unnoticed way.

When you see your bishop or his wife this Sunday, or maybe a counselor, or a Relief Society president... give them a hug and say, "Thank you."