No Crying In Baseball

Patti and the Pottymouth check in with a bonus show on the first World Series travel day. The Boston Ballet rates Andrew Benintendi’s Game 2 grand jeté a 9 out of 10, while Mookie Betts gives new meaning to Taco Tuesday. Patti’s Dodger BF Matt Kemp hits his team’s only WS home run so far, and Pottymouth really almost wants to see Kike Hernandez do well. Ish. The Red Sox are killing it with two strikes, and also with two outs. Dave Roberts is taking heat for not starting his lefty bats, but the Dodger problems are so much bigger. It’s not just the rainbows over Fenway that make Outsports call this the gayest World Series ever. And f*ck Machado.

Patti and the Pottymouth play the mom card over Jose Altuve’s “bravery” in playing while seriously hurt, falling for Chris Sale’s belly button ring diagnosis, and wanting to keep that nice Cody Bellinger away from bad influences disguised as the cool kids in the Dodger dugout. Fingers crossed that our Dodger boyfriends Matt Kemp and Kiké Hernandez get some playing time in the Series. We are all in for Craig Counsell and Christian Yelich throwing shade at Manny Machado who will NEVER be our boyfriend. Alex Cora is all in for Craig Kimbrel despite the heart attacks. We talk fan interference and That Call, plus the history of cheating in baseball from telescopes to electric shocks, mascots, and cellphones. And just in time for Game 1, our World Series Predictions. No really, who thinks Pottymouth picks the Red Sox?

Patti and the Pottymouth bring the strategery this week. Patti explains how lefty/righty matchups and situational pitching are key to the Brewers strategy against the Dodgers. Pottymouth explains Chris Sale’s no-sleeve strategy and how that may play out in the Red Sox/Astros series.

We catch you up on our postseason boyfriends including the movement to Let Kiké Hernandez Catch, and how Mike Moustakas is Mr. Reliable and George Springer is the new Mr. October. Astros reliever Ryan Pressley makes the Dickhead list by swearing at a Cleveland fan heckling Roberto Osuna over his domestic abuse charges.

Pottymouth offers some alternatives to watching the MLB postseason games like the Arizona Fall League and Mexico’s Winter League. And Patti hates the reason she gets to talk about hockey this week.

Patti and the Pottymouth run the remaining postseason contenders through the boyfriend filter, judging the pros and cons of each team, the quality of their postseason motto, and wagers of note, to help you decide who to root for if you don’t have a dog in the fight. Pottymouth takes a look at some player demographics (100% of Arubans in major league baseball are in the playoffs). Patti addresses Addison Frickin’ Russell’s token suspension and the baby steps commentators are making to note the status of domestic abuse investigations when discussing involved players during a game. And we lament the lack of barware remaining on the wedding registry of Team Canada captain Gillian Apps and Team USA captain Meghan Duggan, because we are all in for stories of happy sports relationships, and we are willing to go to women’s hockey to find them.

El Jefe ditches Patti and Pottymouth on his birthday but somehow they manage to press the right buttons. Jay Sharman of La Vida Baseball stops by for a chat. We send our best wishes to Met’s captain David Wright, and identify his daughter Olivia Shea as a future all-star. Pottymouth’s BF Miguel Andújar ties that dreamy DiMaggio for most doubles by a Yankees rookie. Patti runs down the contenders for AL MVP, Mookie Betts vs. Mike Trout, J.D. Martinez, Jose Ramirez, and Alex Bregman. There is nothing heroic about C.C. Sabathia drilling batters, despite what a boatload of male sportswriters think. Addison Frickin’ Russell’s ex-wife Melisa steps up. Roberto Osuna is off the hook for domestic battery and the Astros are now dead to Patti and Pottymouth after the response by GM Jeff Luhnow. Welcome, October baseball.

Patti and the Pottymouth sit in the greatest ballpark seats of their lives and see the historic (Max Scherzer breaking his all-time season strikeout record) and the hilarious (Baltimore’s DJ Stewart scoring a run off his first major league hit, which was a single). Pottymouth’s Piña BFs Yuli and Lourdes Gurriel have a smackdown of sorts. Patti thanks Christian Yelich for allowing her to legitimately bring up the Cleveland Browns in an NL MVP rundown, which also includes her BFs Javier Baez and Trevor Story. In the week of #whyididntreport, we bring you Addison frickin' Russell. Baseball For All’s regional tourney tells us the story of Maria Pepe, the first girl to play Little League. Baseball math and 538 show how loveable basement-dwellers Royals and Os would fare in AAA. And St. Michael looks a lot like Wonder Woman on Bartolo Colon’s forearm.

Patti can’t stop saying “clinch,” and Pottymouth can’t stop saying “Red Sox.” Mookie Betts, Jose Ramirez, and Francisco Lindor all make history with their bats and their speed. Carlos Asuaje and Wil Myers get twitchy. Patti has one nice thing to say about the Braves, and Alex Cora has fewer nice things to say about President Trump. Innings pitched may be the key to the AL Cy Young Award. Pottymouth puts Zoom Zoom Stadium on her wish list. And possible dead heats in the NL Central and West races bring game theory into playoff tie-breakers.

Pottymouth proposes a school district-like snow day contingency plan for MLB rainouts. She nominates Yadier Molina, and Patti picks Cookie Carrasco, as their Roberto Clemente Award favorites. Patti’s shortstop boyfriends Francisco Lindor and Trevor Story are making history. Pottymouth questions MLB policy that allows Roberto Osuna, but not Robinson Cano, to play in the postseason. Jacob DeGrom, Max Scherzer, and Aaron Nola are in a dead heat for the NL Cy Young, possibles for the NL MVP, and yet none may make the playoffs. Can filmmaker and winery owner Francis Ford Coppola make women in baseball really happen? Patti relates some teaching moments from Section 408, and she and Pottymouth promise NO INFIGHTING a la Mariners and Tigers broadcasters.

There is great rejoicing when Pottymouth utters the magic words, “Ohtani Watch.” Less so when she calls Patti out for telling everyone not to panic about trades last week. Andrew McCutchen shaved and became a Yankee! Josh Donaldson is a Fightin’ Francona! Gio Gonzalez is a Brewer. Sigh. This week’s vocabulary words, “expanded roster,” lead to a strategy discussion about interchangeable player positions in the land of fewer balls in play. Does Team USA’s failure to medal in the Women’s Baseball World Cup count if nobody saw it happen? Let’s email MLB and find out. Daniel Murphy gets trolled by the Brave’s ballpark organist, and the Orioles are either cursed or blessed by the raccoon. Depending.

Patti and the Pottymouth share the joy of Player’s Weekend, from Mike “Moose” Moustakas homering off of Joe “Moose” Musgrove, to the ultra style-y cleats of Adam Jones, CC Sabathia, and Francisco Lindor. Ronald Acuna, Jr. takes a chunk out of Marlin’s park, and a suitcase takes a whack at Aaron Sanchez’s dignity. It’s not Moneyball this time around, but the Oakland A’s are on a tear. Today’s vocabulary lesson is on revocable waivers and free agency, with the bonus tip of Don’t Panic. There’s so much great baseball to watch in the Women’s World Cup, and almost nowhere to watch it. But you can’t change a channel without coming across the Little League World Series.