Normalizing Non-Monogamy - Personal Stories of Polyamory, Swinging, and Beyond

In this episode, we speak with Steve about life after a 25-year marriage and how seven years of dating and exploring relationships have changed the way he thinks about connection. He shares stories of friendships that became romantic and then returned to friendship, relationships that moved between exclusivity and openness, and the lessons he’s learned about being clear and intentional about what he wants. We talk about the possibilities, and challenges, of fluid relationships, including his current long-distance, non-monogamous relationship and his experience of briefly trying monogamy again before realizing how much pressure it placed on the relationship to become “everything.” Steve also reflects on his belief that relationships are kind of a “final frontier” for learning about ourselves, and his desire to explore that possibility without feeling bound by the societal scripts and expectations of the relationship escalator.

Check out the full show notes here.

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This week we talk with Victoria about her relationship history and the different paths that led her to non-monogamy, from early experiences with infidelity to exploring swinging and an open marriage with her ex-husband. She takes us through the complicated evolution of that relationship, including the challenges of secrecy, boundary-setting, and discovering her needs for affection, desire, and connection that weren’t being met. Since her marriage ended two years ago, Victoria has been on a journey of figuring out what kind of polyamory works best for her, learning new communication tools, and becoming more comfortable exploring relationships without feeling the need to seek permission. We also talk about her current solo poly life, non-hierarchical polyamory, anchor partners, jealousy, and the many things she continues to learn about herself along the way.

Check out the full show notes here.

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Forrest has been together with his wife, Joanne, for over 25 years, and about six years ago they decided to open their relationship after navigating mismatched libidos for much of their partnership. Throughout our conversation Forrest discusses how they’ve maintained a deep connection and intimacy throughout their relationship regardless of this mismatch. He also shares the impact of menopause on Joanne’s mental and physical health, along with the changes it brought to their sexual relationship, and the vulnerability and shame they both experienced as they explored non-monogamy while remaining deeply committed to their marriage.

We also talk about how Forrest’s partners, Kathy and Annie, have grown to become an important part of their shared life and sources of love and support, particularly following Joanne’s diagnosis with a progressive neurodegenerative disease. This is a beautiful and incredibly moving conversation about love, commitment, chosen family, and what it means to keep showing up for each other through life’s biggest challenges.

Check out the full show notes here.

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This fascinating interview with Amanda is a bit kinkier than usual and it comes with a twist… Amanda and her partner are actually monogamous at the moment. Gasp! We have a wonderful conversation about her current 24/7 D/s relationship, how she and her partner practice bringing jealousy and possessiveness into the light, and their ongoing conversations about possibly opening their relationship. She also takes us through her journey of slowly and intentionally opening up previous relationships, how shame and secrecy around her kink shaped these early relationships, and she reflects on how our relationships can be exactly what we need at a certain point in our lives—and how even painful endings can create room for something new.

Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant, is a sexologist, Somatica® Certified Sex and Relationship Coach, podcast host, and former NYC Dominatrix specializing in kink, intimacy, and communication. Through coaching, education, media appearances, and her podcast The Kink Consultant, Amanda helps people explore desire without shame while making kink feel approachable, empowering, and rooted in consent, confidence, and connection.

Check out the full show notes here.

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In this lovely episode, Bekki shares their journey of embracing non-monogamy and how, for them, it extends far beyond romantic relationships to include community, career, parenting, and the many meaningful commitments that make up life. We also discuss legal protections for unmarried partners, including cohabitation agreements, parenting arrangements, medical decision-making, and challenges that can arise for polycules and mixed family structures. Along the way, we cover collaborative divorce, intentional conversations about needs and boundaries, and the power of building supportive community around non-traditional families. Please note that although Bekki is an attorney, nothing in this interview should be considered legal advice.

Bekki Callaway (they/them) is an attorney and mediator in the San Francisco Bay Area. Their legal practice, New Horizons Family Law, is focused on creating collaborative solutions for family transitions that take into account the unique needs of each family while treating all individuals with respect, compassion, and kindness. Bekki works with LGBTQ+, non-monogamous, and other non-traditional families and allies. They are passionate about creating community and chosen family. Bekki co-founded the Poly Alt Parenting group, which holds regular potlucks and discussions for non-monogamous families and allies, and also runs a meditation and support group for sex positive women.

Bekki graduated from Berkeley Law in 2010. Prior to starting New Horizons, Bekki worked as a Branch Chief in the Refugee, Asylum, and International Operations Directorate of U.S. Customs and Immigration Services. Bekki also practiced civil litigation and white collar criminal defense at Freshfields in New York. Bekki is a member of Collaborative Practice East Bay, Bay Area Lawyers for Individual Freedom, and the LGBTQ Bar, as well as the Alameda and Contra Costa bar associations.

Bekki publishes articles about non-traditional families, alternative parenting styles, and the intersection of non-traditional families and the law at the New Horizons Newsletter.

Check out the full show notes here.

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This week we’ve got our fourth and final (for now) interview with the team from the Kink Collective! In this conversation we bring together the two founders, Joshua and Cat from Episodes 451 and 452, along with Natalie from last week, on Episode 453, for a beautiful look into how they run a business, live together, and are all romantically and sexually intertwined in various ways. It's a fabulous chat and we hope you enjoy it!

The Kink Collective is a community and educational organization dedicated to helping successful people build successful relationships built on the philosophy of “people before kink” and the idea that who we are comes before what we do. You can learn more about The Kink Collective on their website!

Check out the full show notes here.

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Natalie shares a ton of incredible insights about her sexuality, relationships, power exchange, and personal growth in this beautiful conversation. She’s been kinky her whole life and “officially” entered the kink scene when she went to college at age 18. She’s also been exploring various relationship models including polyamory for the last few years and is currently 25 years old and in a triad with multiple significant age gaps. 

We’re blown away by Natalie’s intentionality, insight, and curiosity and we love how she sees life as one big experiment—and how embracing that mindset has helped her build fulfilling relationships and a deeper understanding of herself.

As the Organizational Manager for the Kink Collective, Natalie fuels the mission of “People Before Kink” through strategic communication and community leadership. As a 2025 Northeast Regional Power Exchange titleholder, she works alongside co-founders Cat and Joshua to promote intentional exploration of sexuality and BDSM education worldwide.

Professionally, she amplifies the collective's voice through dynamic social media content, event promotion, and ensuring every message is both approachable and community-centered. As a professional dominatrix and aspiring educator, Natalie combines integrity, clear communication, and confident leadership to expand the collective's reach while cultivating her own powerful footprint in the lifestyle.

Check out the full show notes here.

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The mid-nineties were a time of powerful transformation, self-discovery, and healing for Cat. After getting sober, she had a bit of a reckoning with her sexuality, first thinking she was a lesbian before realizing she was pansexual while at the same time discovering the world of kink and BDSM. She's now been exploring some form of non-monogamy for over 30 years and today she shares her incredible journey with us.

Cat is a transformative leader in the kink, BDSM, and leather communities, with 30+ years of experience, mentorship and advocacy. Alongside partners Joshua and Natalie, she earned the 2025 Northeast Power Exchange Educational Title, celebrating her innovative approach to power dynamics as a tool for empowerment.

Her journey began in San Francisco’s leather scene, where early mentorship ignited her passion for community building and personal growth. As co-founder of the Kink Collective, educator, and counselor, she bridges kink with personal development, healing around trauma and grief, and sexual wellness.

Rooted in honesty, integrity, and transparency, Cat creates spaces where people are seen, valued, and empowered—whether exploring identity, grief, recovery or desire. Her work proves that profound healing happens when we dare to own our stories.

Check out the full show notes here.

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In this beautiful interview with Joshua he shares how his family, culture, and upbringing helped shape his ideas and approach to masculinity, sex, power, and intimacy. As he describes it, he was a habitual cheater who was seeking "power over" in his partnerships and the pattern was subconscious until he met his partner Cat, and everything started to change. Joshua’s story is a powerful reminder that our pasts don't define who we are today, and that we all hold the power to heal and repair ourselves, and our relationships.

Joshua is a facilitator, educator, and advocate empowering individuals through self-discovery and intentional relationships. With 15+ years of experience, he guides people—especially men—in navigating modern masculinity, sexuality, and personal growth.

As co-founder of the Kink Collective with his partner Cat, he designs programming that fosters confidence and authentic connection. In 2025, their work with partner Mistress Natalie earned them the Northeast Power Exchange Educational Title, honoring their innovative use of power dynamics for empowerment.

Based in East Harlem, Joshua curates transformative experiences at The Sanctuary, a community space in his childhood neighborhood dedicated to identity, relationships, and conscious evolution. Their philosophy, “People Before Kink” drives his mission: equipping individuals with the tools to build self-authored, fulfilling lives.

Check out the full show notes here.

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We'll be back soon! 😘