My number one goal in the work I do is to help you feel more confident in your sexual life and in your relationships. This conversation I’m having with you today will be revolving around my Relationship Regroup.
When my coach, Alexa, introduced the Relationship Board Meeting to me, it was something that I thought was really cool, and something Danny and I could sit down and do in our relationship and map out what was important to us. When I sat back and looked at her Relationship Board Meeting , there were some really powerful pieces to it, and some things I wanted to include on it. So I was able to adapt her Relationship Board Meeting  into what I call my Relationship Regroup. 

What is the Relationship Regroup?
It’s a free resource for you to use. I have seen it make such a difference in our marriage, and the way that we’re communicating with each other, and showing up for each other, and the way that we’re connecting.   

What is the purpose of the Relationship Regroup?
This is going to provide you with an open space to talk about the things you prioritize in your relationship and you're going to do that on a regular basis.
It's going to allow you to create healthy routine for reflection and connection and also the opportunity to strengthen your relationship.
The ultimate goal is to consistently check in with your partner in a way that is going to serve both of you.

What basically does the Regroup look like?
Checking in and setting intentions
You’re going to create a space where you have no distractions, you’re going to leave everything at the door and allow yourself to really drop into this moment and be present with each other.

The first thing you’re going to start off asking is “How are you feeling right now?”
If you’re someone that struggles to answer that question, maybe try using one of these:
Green - Energized, present, creative
Yellow - Tired, neutral, cautious
Red - Exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated
The next question you’re going to ask is “What is your intention for today’s regroup?”

Then you're going to move into the recap section. You're going to take a moment to review the last week. Some questions you can ask for this part are:
How did you feel loved by me last week?
What did we succeed at last week?
What can we focus to do better this week? 

Then you will move into the gratitude piece. Gratitude is one of the most effective tools for creating more love and intention in your life. Take the time to show gratitude now. Face each other, look each other in the eyes and share these four things:
Show love for:
Yourself
Your partner 
Your current relationship
Your future relationship

Your Weekly Overview
You're going to go through:
Commitments
Her (or your) cycle
Your relationship things
Weather

Your foundation or the four pillars of your relationship:
Intimacy -Scheduling these things give you something to look forward to during your week
Finances -  If needed, schedule a money night for this week to discuss these. 
Social -  What friends do we want to connect with? Which family members need our attention? What kids activities are there this week? 
Home -  How can we improve our morning/night routine? When can we meditate? Which household things need to get done?

I can't wait to hear everyone's feedback on this amazing tool!
Tell me what your favorite parts are, or what parts you think need tooling around a bit.

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Email: [email protected]

This episode is inspired by someone who reached out to me on social media. We’re talking about something I can’t believe I haven’t already done an episode on, the 5 love languages. Love languages are basically how you want to receive love from your partner, and also how you give love. If all you want is to be held, or be cuddling, or a back rub, maybe your love language is physical touch. If your partner is constantly gift giving, it might not feel as meaningful because that’s not how you’re designed to be loved, or how you feel the most loved. 

The average person in the world is only having sex 4-6 times a month, you don’t want to only feel loved 4-6 times a month. You want to feel all of the time, most of the time. Taking the love language quiz with your partner can really strengthen your connection and create a more powerful experience in your relationship.

What are the 5 love languages?
Words of Affirmation - Verbal acknowledgements of affection.  Examples : lots of ‘I love you”s and compliments words of appreciation,  and verbal encouragement. They love to get texts throughout the day, especially when it comes out of nowhere. 

Quality Time - Feel most loved and adored when their partner wants to spend time with them.  Examples: active listening, eye contact, undivided attention, no distractions,  and 100% quality time. 

Acts of Service - Value your partner when they make your life easier. Examples:  bringing soup when you’re sick, making a cup of coffee in the morning, picking up the dry cleaning, especially if they have a busy day, picking up around the house, making sure the kids are taken care of, and taking care of dinner. For people who believe that actions speak louder than words.

Gifts - You feel love when people give to you. This is a visual symbol of love. It’s not about the monetary value, it is about the symbolic thought behind the gift. 

Physical Touch - Feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection. Examples: Kissing, hand holding, cuddling on the couch, and sex. Can be traced back to childhood, some people only felt deep love and affection from their parents when they were held, kissed, or touched.

In general people are going to have one of these be their priority, although, most people will have and feel love a little bit from each of the 5 categories. Often times if our partners don’t know our love language, or are doing something that doesn’t necessarily align with our love language it’s just not as effective. So, for couples that are really trying to establish more intimacy in their lives, really knowing the love language and loving based on that is really a game changer.

Gift Ideas
For a words of affirmations person -  Create something, like a poster, that has all the words of affirmation from their favorite book, movie, or podcast.
For a quality time person - Plan a staycation with them. This doesn't have to be an extravagant thing, get some take out, play a game.
For a physical touch person - Get them a personalized blanket or pillow, something that when you are engaging in the physical touch, you can wrap up in it.
For a gifts person - Customized gifts, customize anything.
For an acts of service person - A meal prep plan, or maybe even get them an oil change

Resources:
Love Language Quiz
Languages Explained

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This week I’m having  Steve and Shannon Hamaker on to share their experience as a married couple of 16 years with healing and working through depression.

What were the conversations around sex that the two of you had growing up?
Even though Shannon grew up Irish-Catholic, she always knew she could go to her parents with questions, but didn’t always know the questions to ask. In California she had a very comprehensive sex education course, but when she moved to Tennessee, that changed drastically.
Steve’s parents did the best with the knowledge that they had, but mostly they just didn’t talk about sex. He grew up in a small protestant farming town in Kansas, that was very set up around religion. If you’ve seen Footloose, it’s basically that. We talked more about sex in his high school youth group than he did in his own home. And a lot of that talk was centered around God, and waiting until you’re married, because of that Steve felt a lot of unintentional shame around sex.

How did the depression really start with Steve?
Shortly after having their first son, there was this shift in Steve and how he was showing up, he shut down because he was in emotional overload. When he had to show up as a father and a husband, it was too overwhelming and he could not shake the feeling he had of not having a lust for life.  The relationship as they knew it was maybe not over, but definitely in survival mode. They knew there was love and connection for each other deep down, they just didn’t know where it was. 

How did Shannon react?
She started really working on herself. If she can’t make him do things, what can she do to be the best person she can be? If he follows, great, but if not their kids are going to have at least one healthy parent.  She also started using her work as a distraction, "gotta go to a training!" Just anything to get out of the house. She realized she couldn't be the person that was doing all of it for Steve. And Steve knew it was his shit and he needed to do it on his own.
"You can't be the everything for your spouse, you just can't"
You have to take ownership of your own shit, because no one else can do the work for you.

What were the turning points?
Shannon started to mourn what she thought was, and she had to shift her perspective to figure out where she was going. She decided that she needed to figure some stuff out and give Steve space and figure himself out, and take the burden of having to worry about her off of him.  Which really allowed Steve the permission to find himself. She told him it would suck if they weren't together, but she would be okay, she just wanted him to try to do the work first.

What are the things you did that helped the most?
Finding a community, and finding like minded people, reading, and researching, an online program, went on a retreat, found the right therapist, got together with each other for frequent check-ins, quit drinking, got into ultra running.
"If you seek the right people, they will open doors for you that you didn't even know existed"

After doing all this work, how would Steve describe their marriage as a whole?
It's opened up a sense of trust.  It's okay to feel physically good,  to orgasm, or to even want to sexually explore. He can physically feel sex, and isn't stuck in his head. He can look Shannon in the eye while being intimate and see into her.

Resources:
Training Camp For the Soul
Alexa Marti

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Email: [email protected]

Today I’m super excited to have Dr. Renee Flores here! Renee is an AASECT certified doctor working primarily with older adults. She’s helping open the door and normalizing that it’s okay to have sex no matter what age we are. And making sure everyone knows that there are definitely people and things to do to make sure that that can still happen for you.
Older adults come to her for many reasons, some are there to figure out how to navigate a new partner, or how to have sex in places like retirement homes. Sometimes they’re afraid of the pain after not having had sex in a long time.

What does she tell people worried about the pain?
Moisturize, stretch, and lubricate.
Moisturizing - “Is for me” to help the lubrication and normal biome of the body. You should moisturize 2-3 times a week.
Lubricating - for when you want extra wetness, for things like foreplay or when you’re going to be involving something being inserted.
Stretching - stretching can be the moisturizing taking care of the inside of the vagina, and can help with maintenance with the vaginal wall. Stretching will help prepare you for a more pleasurable experience if you haven't had intercourse in a while. You can use a high quality pelvic wand or a dilator set for this.

What are common things people see Renee for?
Relationship discrepancy is huge. She sees both sides of the spectrum, women who come in and wants to have more sex but unfortunately her partner is having erectile dysfunction. In most of those cases they are not treatable without surgery so she works with them on reaching new means of intimacy and connecting with a partner. The other side of the spectrum is women who come in and don’t want to have sex, and how she’s able to open up that communication with a partner who does want and is able to have sex. The most important thing in relationships and especially in older adults is having that communication, because things are changing and things have changed. Trying to establish new norms can be so hard for older adults because they are grieving the lack of having the younger sex that they remember.

Are there ever times where you have to have these conversations with patients and their adult children?
Only once has she had a son join his father in the appointment and that was because of a language barrier. Even though he was very uncomfortable with the conversation around his parent having sex, she was still able to figure out how to help the patient. Often times though, she has other patients come in and say that their children don’t want them to have sex at all or that they have to keep their relationships hidden.

Do you have any opinion on if there’s a certain age that sex should stop for somebody?
Absolutely not.  Sex is so important even if you’re in a palliative condition or even at the end of life. She's had older adults that have been in hospice ask about how to have sex at the end of their life.  Even on a deathbed people still want to have sex, and she definitely strongly encourages it. Intimacy also doesn’t just have to be sex. There’s so much of a connection just with hand holding or laying next to each other. The simple caress of a hand or hugging and embracing releases so many endorphins that can show similar benefits to actual orgams or sex itself.  

Connect with Renee!
Email: [email protected]
Recommended Resource: https://www.aasect.org/

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Instagram: @The_Ra

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Email: [email protected]

We’re talking about exploring all things non-monogamous with Erin Kaley. Erin is a sex, love and PLAY coach who helps women SPICE UP their sex lives, explore fantasies, threesomes, and more with their partner.  If you don’t know, monogamy basically means that you’re committing to one person in the timeframe that you’re committing to that person. I’m having Erin on to educate us on exactly what non-monogamous relationships can look like and how to figure out if they’re the right thing for you and your relationship.

How did Erin get started in non-monogamy?
About three months into her relationship her and her partner started talking about non-monogamy, it came up by him talking about his friend who had gone to a hotel takeover lifestyle sex party with 1,000 plus people. All she had known of swingers at the time was the 1906’s put your keys in a bowl stereotype. As a self proclaimed nerd in lingerie, she has to know everything about everything. So she knew she had to learn everything she could about this too, it’s just so fascinating. There are so many questions and stereotypes in your head at the beginning, but once you get through those, it’s such a cool diverse community. 

How did you know your relationship was at a point where you could withstand a lifestyle like this?
One of her biggest mottos is “following curiosity” so honestly she didn’t really think too much into it, and didn’t think her relationship was at risk. When she met her fiance, everything was so easy, she just felt so comfortable talking about everything with him, felt comfortable expressing her sexuality, playing with him, and telling him what she wanted. She went in with a lot of questions, but knew she could trust him, she knew if she felt uncomfortable that he would honor that and not push past that.

When is maybe not a good time to enter into this lifestyle?
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship, when you have couples going through or had just gone through some infidelity and then a partner brings up opening up the marriage or becoming a polyamorous couple, it wasn’t coming from a trustworthy place, it was almost coming from a call for help. I feel like that's not the right space to explore non-monogamy. 
Saying “I want to fix our relationship, so we’re opening up our marriage” Just puts up a lot of red flags for Erin. She believes from a core value that you have to have security in yourself and your relationship before ever exploring something like this, and if you don’t you will very quickly realize that you don’t. With that safety in your foundation, you have that freedom to play, and gives you the trust that you can come back to the safe place that is your relationship.

What resources would you recommend for people who want to explore this lifestyle?
The Ethical Slut is my go-to book recommendation. The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable.
@remodledlove on Instagram she’s hilarious and gives her own perspective on love, and non-monogamy.

Connect with Erin!
IG: @turnonwitherin
Website: ErinKaley.com

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Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
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Email: [email protected]

This week we’re back for round two with my handsome husband Danny. We wanted to come back and talk about the vasectomy process, as people who don’t already have children.
I’ve done some research about other couples who chose to not have children, and have found out the difference between being childless, and childfree.
Childless- are people that are wanting and or trying to have children and can’t.
Childfree - are people that have chosen the route to not go forward with having children.
Even though we fall into the childfree category, we’re not the people who will openly talk badly about people who choose to have kids.
We are people who have chosen not to have kids, but we are also kind people.

What fears did Danny have around Vasectomy?
His initial thought was just “no”. But then he talked to his father and step father about the process, and they were not fully understanding why we wanted it. So when he had to explain why this is the best option, and why we don’t want kids, it really cleared up his mind.
His biggest fear was just getting it done, and the pain, the needle specifically, was embedded in his brain. "Shots are shots, but shots in your nutsack are a whole nother fear."

How did he know that he was going to have to get a shot?
Most of what Danny found out was from his consultation and the doctor told him how it was going to go, and what to do to prepare, and exactly what was going to happen.

What was the process beforehand?
Danny did have to talk to his primary care doctor for a referral. Then you have to go into the consultation, and the earliest appointment to actually get it done was three months away, but it ended up only being a month wait. Which was great because Danny just wanted to get it done. If this is something that you’re trying to get in and get done in a week, that’s probably not going to happen, there’s definitely a process.

During the consultation, the doctor asked if Danny had kids, but Rachel didn’t have to sign anything?
The doctor was surprised when Danny said he didn’t have kids yet, but still wanted a vasectomy, but he absolutely approved and called Danny a hero. 
On the other side of the spectrum, if I had gone in to get my tubes tied, with the same exact medical background, there’s no way they would have approved it, I would have 1,000% been declined to get my tubes tied.

What is the day of the procedure like?
I had to drop off and pick up Danny, but couldn’t come into the building at all, probably because of covid, but definitely would have otherwise. I totally nerded out about the process, and would have loved being there for the whole thing. The Doctor explained it was going to be a shot on both sides one at a time, which numbs the entire testicle. He then cuts a small incision and finds the tube, pulls it out, and then cuts it with a laser, but you can’t feel a single thing besides the initial shot. They send you out with a cup, for a three month post surgery deposit to test after three months to check if there’s still sperm. They tell you tylenol and ice, and that’s it.  There was discomfort, it felt like squeezing, not in a nice way, constantly, for about a week. There was still some very slight pain for about a week after that.

Anything else Danny wants to tell anyone who’s thinking about getting a vasectomy?
Don’t go in freaking out about the needle being the worst thing. Really, it’s nothing. It’s the slightest uncomfortability.
The most important part of all of this is that you’re advocating for

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I’ve heard of no shave November, but then I came across NNN, or No Nut November, and I knew I had to do an episode about it.
What is No Nut November?
According to urban dictionary, No Nut November, or NNN, is where “For the whole month of November guys won’t jack off because other guys aren’t jacking off. This is a challenge to show true manliness.”  There aren’t a whole lot of people really participating in NNN, there’s no trophy, there’s no certificate, no real recognition, the benefits will be more internal. It is more about the  internet memes, and funny jokes, it’s just become a running joke since 2011. 

I do believe there are some benefits to both sides of this. Abstaining from ejaculation for a period of time, can actually benefit some people, but also not benefit some people. This is not a black and white type of topic, there’s a very long, linear scale on where you might fall on for No Nut November, and we’re going through that in this episode.

A little about No Nut November
Rules:
No ejaculation is allowed by any means
Pornography is allowed
Must complete the full month of November

History:
NNN involves an antiporn movement inspired by various groups online. The term was first coined by Urban Dictionary in 2011. Certain groups believe that abstaining from masturbation is a way to combat addiction to porn or sex.
People in these groups claimed that they were occupying too much time masturbating when they could be spending that time doing more beneficial activities like working out, or learning a new language, or spending time with friends. 

Why should someone participate in NNN?
Let’s think about this in a scientific way, there are some benefits for people who choose to abstain from ejaculations, there are  claims that it can increase your energy level, improve your self confidence, boost mental clarity, increase your testosterone, or increase physical output in the gym.
For men that are dealing with erectile dysfunction, sex or masturbation can become really stressful for them and they start to withdraw from their partner. Taking a break from sex or mastuation can tremendously help reduce some of that pressure around performance.
Abstaining from sex and masturbtion can also allow couples to find other alternatives to being intimate besides physical contact, and connect on a deeper intimate level.
I do believe that abstaining from ejculation for some people can be beneficial. Do I think that you need to do it for a whole month on purpose? No. I think that if you’re feeling that urge, and you want to have sex, you want to have an orgasm, you want to provide yourself or partner with pleasure, you want your partner to provide you with pleasure, I feel strongly that you should act on that as long as you're not harming yourself or anyone else.

Why wouldn’t someone participate in NNN?
On the other side of this movement, there are scientific, medically proven things out there that prove that we know ejaculation can have a positive mental and physical benefit to you. It can include stress reduction,  boost your heart health, your erectile health, and even help prevent the risk of prostate cancer. 
Masturbation is not unhealthy, mastubation is healthy. If you’re satisfied with your current routine, and you feel like sex and masturbation are healthy parts of your life, keep on doing it.
In closing;
I support you masturbating as much, as frequently, as long as you possibly want to as long as it’s not interfering with

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Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
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Email: [email protected]

Today we’re talking to my friend and fellow sex therapist Danielle Crotty. We went through the sex therapy and sexual education program at U of M together and we’re sharing our experiences with private practice therapy,  the reality of sexual health concerns, and the lack of education.

How did Danielle land in this field?
She started her undergrad in nursing, but realized quickly that was not for her.  She ended up taking a sex and gender course and that was where she really felt like that was something she wanted to do. After about 2 years she got her masters in marriage and family therapy.  Then she worked for nonprofit agency for over 5 years working general mental health.  After going through the for the UofM program, she ultimately moved to a private practice for sex and relationship therapy in Cincinnati.

What are the Primary things Danielle works on with people in her practice?
The practice as a whole sees a variety of people, but she tends to see more couples, traditional and nontraditional, because of her licence in marriage therapy. They also partner with a sexual health practice called HerMD  because a lot of women are coming in with sexual health concerns, so we want to make sure we cover the physical side of things as well.

What would the physical side encompass?
A lot of women experience pain during intercourse and they don’t recognize that that’s not normal, your body is meant to experience pleasure not pain. They could be experiencing different physical health dysfunctions that not a lot of women are aware of that are causing this pain.  Daniele loves being able to provide education and see the spark in women's eyes when they’re given hope and realize they don’t have to live the rest of their lives like this.
Our goal as sex therapists, or any doctor specializing in sexual health is to create pleasure.

What does she recommend to someone who’s struggling with desire?
There’s a book she recommends called Come as You Are, because we often neglect to recognize the external factors that influence our desire. The book does a great job of explaining external factors or external stressors that are creating a lack of desire for you. It could be something as simple as clothes on the floor or the dogs are barking.  Once we know those things, then we know we can do something about them, we can adjust our lifestyle around them or adapt when we’re going to be sexually intimate.
A huge component for a lot of women who have a lack of desire is recognizing that it has nothing to do with you, it has so much more to do with everything going on around you.

In your practice and the clients you’re working with, is there anything that you see people do to get quicker or better results in their work?
Talk about it. So many people are truly shocked about just how much normalizing the conversation and talking about sex can go a really long way. The biggest thing or the first thing people notice when coming to therapy is this is the first time I’ve talked about this, or told my partner about this. Once you start talking about it, the hesitation goes away, and you’re able to talk about sex more freely.

Resources for someone looking to learn more about sexual health education
That Feminist Chick
The Vagina Blog
AASECT
Gottman Cards

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Connect with Rachel!
Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
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Email: [email protected]

All the way from Cali, today we’re talking to Stephanie Boyd, a breathwork facilitator and pleasure mentor!
Breathwork is a powerful way for us to release trapped emotions that have been stuck inside of our bodies. It allows us to literally let the body do whatever it’s meant to do through the power of breath. You can experience many different things through a breathwork session; you can have an orgasm, you can cry, you can laugh, there are so many different releases that can happen.

How did Stephanie get into this kind of work?
After her own herpes diagnosis, she started working though her traumas and then advocating for other people who had been diagnosed with herpes. She realized it was time for her to own the kinky freaky side of herself that’s always been there but had been shoved down after her diagnosis.  When she was 19, she really loved yoga, and connecting with her body. So once she started her feeling journey, a mentor of hers got certified in breathwork and allowed her to experience it and it became one of her favorite things.

How does breathwork mix with sexuality?
Stephanie thought these two things would be so beautiful together, so why not be the one to bring them together. She knows how powerful breathwork can be, and encourages people, when doing it, to feel the sensations that are going to their genital region, to feel the sensations on their body, including the sensual feelings, instead of being in their heads.

How would you walk someone through using breathwork during masturbation?
When we’re masturbating and on the verge of an orgasm, we tend to hold our breath and curl our toes instead of unleashing everything and becoming more relaxed. The more we’re breathing into our orgams, the deeper they are. The more you unclench and allow the sensations to move through your body, the longer the orgasms will last. Being constricted is not allowing the nervous system and your orgasms to fully explode through you. Even after your climax, breathing into that sensation, and letting it continuously fill up your body for a few minutes after.  Allow yourself to connect inwards after an orgasm, centering yourself on the feeling of the euphoria that the orgasm provides, and bringing yourself back to that feeling throughout the day.

With breathwork and self pleasure, would you recommend people do it every time they self pleasure?
It depends on the person, there’s no right or wrong for what feels good for you.
You need to allow yourself to in whatever way feels good to connect with yourself.
If you want to do it every day, or once a week, it’s whatever feels good for you.

When women start to practice this does it come easy to them or take them a while to get used to it?
Because of the shame attached to self pleasure or sex in general, it does tend to take a bit longer for people to get used to it because we’re so disconnected from our bodies.

“If it feels good for you and your body, then by all means whatever feels good for you”

There can be so much pressure on us to achieve orgasm quickly, and we feel like we don’t want to take time away from our partner’s pleasure, but we need to start enjoying this time, and enjoying the foreplay, and the connection with each other. Breathwork will help you slow that down and connect with your body, and connect with your partner. You’re worthy of taking as much time as you need to receive the pleasure or the intimacy that you want. Pleasure isn’t always achieving an orgasm, just connecting with someone else that feels good for you is pleasure

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Instagram: @The_Rachel_Maine
Website: https://linktr.ee/WellnessSexpertise
YouTube: YouTube.com/@OwningYourSexualSelf
Facebook: Rachel Maine
Email: [email protected]

It’s the best day of the year, my birthday! So obviously we’re talking about birthday sex!
Birthday sex is a mood, it’s a vibe, and something so many people look forward to. But I’m here to tell you birthday sex doesn’t just have happen on your birthday, and how to make it happen all year round.
There’s a saying I’ve heard before about blowjobs or other fun, fancy things that they're going to go sexually with their partner only happen on the ABC days, which stands for anniversaries, birthdays, or Christmas/coach purses (if you don’t celebrate Christmas). I just feel like there’s so many things you can do throughout the year on non-special days that you can get this birthday sex type vibe into your life. 

I want to share how to incorporate this birthday sex like feeling into your everyday life.
It really does come down to having that connection with yourself and having that connection with your partner. Being able to communicate with each other and share with each other what those wants and needs are.

3 Minute Game - it’s such a great tool for couples that are looking for a more intentional deeper connection with each other. You’re going into this sexual experience with intentions, you have intentions for how you want it to look, how you want it to feel, and specifically how you want it to feel after it’s over. 
All you need is 12 minutes total that you can carve out for that very deep connected intimacy with each other. Once you start engaging in these 12 minutes, I’m going to bet that some curiosity starts to happen, pleasure starts to set in, some reactive desire starts to set in, or some sensations start to set in. When you take that time, that 12 minutes and fall into that connection with each other, that 12 minutes tends to last just a little bit longer.
You and your partner will be sitting down in a quiet setting,  and you start by asking your partner “How would you like me to touch you?” then you’re going to set a timer for 3 minutes and give that touch, give that thing to your partner exactly the way they asked for it, so you’re going to want to use your details here. Then you will ask “How would you like to touch me?” and do the same. Then it’s your partner’s turn to ask the questions.
Each partner is asking those same two questions to each other and you’re getting that perspective, that touch that experience, you’re able to share with your partner exactly what it is that you want and need in that moment, and they have the opportunity to do the same.

Here’s what I think happens with birthday sex.
It’s obviously somebody’s birthday, so they’re getting all the attention on them. Which is probably why so many people look forward to birthday sex. As humans we like to be taken care of, we like to receive the things that we want, so when it’s your birthday, so often that might be the only opportunity that someone is actually asking you exactly what you want. “How is it that you want to celebrate your birthday, what do you want your birthday sex to look like?“
So when you can incorporate more birthday sex type moments and experiences into your life, you’re getting your needs and wants met on a more regular basis.
That doesn’t mean that when actual birthday or anniversary sex happens it’s going to be less exciting, because here’s what else happens, as you start to engage in more sexual encounters, and more deeper connections on a regular basis, your horizons will be expanding, you’re experiencing pleasure on a more frequent level and that is only going to open your mind up to wanting to try new things, to wanting to get that

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