Parenting Understood

Kevin Seldon spent five years trying to become a father, and when he finally got there — through a difficult pregnancy, a hard birth, and a NICU stay — he had nowhere to turn. That isolation became a podcast (Dad I'd Like to Friend), then a nonprofit (Dads Supporting Dads), and now a book built around the myths he kept hearing from new fathers: that bonding is instant, that there's no room for mistakes, that good parents always put their kids' needs first.

In this conversation, Kevin and Erin dig into care equity — the idea that supporting fathers isn't support taken away from mothers, but a way to lighten a load birthing moms are already carrying alone. They also preview the research study they're conducting together on non-birthing parents.

Where to find Kevin

• @iamkevinseldon on Instagram

• dadssupportingdads.org

• allparentswelcome.org

• The DILF Handbook: Dad I'd Like to Friend to The DILF (Dad I'd Like to... Friend) Handbook and link it to https://dadssupportingdads.org/new-dads-guide/

In this episode, we welcome author Lauren Tetenbaum to discuss her new book, "Millennial Menopause: Preparing for Perimenopause, Menopause, and Life's Next Period." Lauren, a perinatal mental health specialist, shares her motivation for writing the book: a shocking realization of how little she, and many women, knew about this significant life stage.

We delve into common misunderstandings surrounding perimenopause and menopause, emphasizing that symptoms like mood changes, irritability, and brain fog can begin as early as the late 30s and are often dismissed. The conversation highlights the critical need for better education, trusted healthcare providers, and open communication with partners, even dedicating a chapter in the book for men. Lauren stresses the importance of community and destigmatizing menopause, advocating for it to be discussed as openly as pregnancy and motherhood.

In this episode, reproductive mental health expert Dr. Mary Riddle joins us to explore the psychological dimensions of infertility, new parenthood, and donor conception — drawing on both clinical expertise and her own fertility journey.

Dr. Riddle reframes infertility as a genuine psychological crisis, not just a medical one and discusses reasons for dropping out of treatment. She further discusses how partners often grieve differently, and assuming otherwise creates distance. After finally conceiving, parents may face anxious pregnancies and guilt around normal feelings of ambivalence — all of which Dr. Riddle urges parents to normalize and voice.

On postpartum mental health, she covers both depression and the under-recognized postpartum anxiety (affecting 11–21% of new mothers), encouraging parents not to let cultural pressure to appear blissful delay seeking help. Finally, Dr. Riddle advocates for early, open conversations with donor-conceived children.

Resources

• Seleni Institute (seleni.org) — therapy, support groups, and educational resources for individuals and families navigating infertility, postpartum mental health, and all stages of the family-building journey

• American Society for Reproductive Medicine (asrm.org) — mental health provider finder and patient resources

• maryriddle.com — Dr. Riddle's research and practice information (coming soon)

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Agnes K. Simone, a board-certified psychiatrist and founder of Olea Women's Health in the South Bay area of Los Angeles. Dr. Simone specializes in integrative, hormone-informed psychiatric care for women navigating perimenopause, menopause, and midlife — a space she says is deeply underserved.

After training at UCLA's Neuropsychiatric Institute and the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center, Dr. Simone noticed a recurring gap in her practice: women were coming in with new anxiety, mood changes, and cognitive concerns, yet the hormonal connection was frequently being missed. That experience led her to found Olea Women's Health, a boutique practice designed to treat the whole picture — both the psychiatric and hormonal dimensions of midlife.

We discuss what hormone-informed psychiatry actually means, why perimenopause is so often overlooked as a mental health inflection point, and what women deserve to know about the connection between hormones, mood, sleep, and cognition. Dr. Simone brings both clinical rigor and genuine warmth to this conversation, and her core belief is simple: women deserve care that takes their experiences seriously.

In this episode, we speak with the founder of the Seleni Institute, Nitzia Logothetis, a New York City nonprofit devoted to maternal and family mental health, about the invisible emotional toll of infertility and the gaps in women's mental health care.

Founded in 2011, Seleni grew from the conviction that supporting children begins with supporting parents, and from Nitzia's own experience discovering she had no guaranteed parental leave while pregnant and working in a community mental health clinic. Today, Seleni runs a clinic serving up to 120 patients weekly, an online resource hub reaching 30,000 readers monthly, and national clinician trainings on perinatal mental health, grief, infertility, Black maternal mental health, and soon, perimenopause.

The conversation centers on infertility as "disenfranchised grief" — a compounding series of invisible losses that strain relationships and challenge identity, with secondary infertility carrying its own quiet devastation. Nitzia closes with advice for those beginning the journey.

Learn more, request appointments, or explore clinician trainings (including 100 annual scholarships) at seleni.org.

In this episode, Dr. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, discusses the importance of emotional self-awareness, and explains that emotional self-awareness is the ability to identify and label our emotions. This skill is essential for understanding our own emotional states and making informed decisions. He explains that it can lead to improved mental health, stronger relationships, and better decision-making. Emotionally self-aware individuals are better able to manage their emotions, resolve conflict, and build trust with others.

He further describes how the How We Feel app helps users develop emotional self-awareness. The app prompts users to label their emotions and provides feedback on their accuracy. This process helps users to become more aware of their emotional responses to different situations.

Marc is founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. As a researcher for over 20 years, Marc has focused on the role of emotions and emotional intelligence in learning, decision making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance. Most recently, with Pinterest co-founder Ben Silbermann, Marc and his team co-created the Apple award-winning app, HowWeFeel, that was designed to teach emotion skills and enhance well-being.

Marc is the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 4,500 schools across the United States and in other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain. RULER, which has reached over 4 million children, infuses social and emotion learning into the immune system of schools by enhancing how school administrators lead, educators teach, students learn, and families parent.Marc is also the co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a corporate learning firm that develops innovative digital learning systems for emotional intelligence.

For more information on Dr. Brackett please visit:

https://www.marcbrackett.com/

For additional information on the How We Feel app please visit

https://howwefeel.org/

Michelle and Erin recorded a podcast episode discussing emotional exhaustion and burnout in parenting, focusing on the importance of mom friendships and community support. They explored how meaningful connections with other parents can provide validation, reduce stress, and benefit both parents and children, particularly during adolescence when multiple attachment figures become important. The conversation covered practical strategies for building these friendships, including starting small and being patient with the process, while also addressing how digital technology has impacted both parent and child social connections.

We welcome back Dr. Kim Van Dusen to Parenting Understood. Dr. Kim discusses her newly released parenting book centered on creative, play-based strategies for building better behavior and deeper connection with children, primarily targeting parents, caregivers, coaches, and teachers of kids between the ages of 3 and 10. The book weaves together three evidence-based frameworks — including solution-focused therapy and positive behavior interventions — into what the author describes as a "trifecta" for more peaceful, connected parenting. A core message throughout is that children naturally connect and process the world through play rather than through adult-style conversations or lectures, so parents can use small, everyday "micro-play moments" (like turning room-cleaning into a game or using stuffed animals to role-play tough social situations) to navigate everything from sibling conflict to friendship challenges at school. The author draws on her own parenting journey, sharing personal stories about her 12-year-old daughter spontaneously using these techniques with her younger brother during a difficult night, and reflects on the decade-plus it took to write the book — a journey that included cancer treatment and the COVID pandemic. The episode closes with information on where listeners can find the book (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and the author's website) and how to follow her on Instagram.

We are thrilled to be re-airing our episode with Emily Oster on making parenting decisions through data. Emily is a Professor of Economics at Brown University and the author of Expecting Better, Cribsheet, and The Family Firm. She holds a PhD in Economics from Harvard. Prior to being at Brown she was on the faculty at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. Emily's books analyze the data behind choices on parenting and pregnancy. She is also founder and CEO of Parent Data, which provides information for parents, people who want to be parents, or anyone who likes to do their research before making a decision. In this episode, Emilly discussed with us her most recent book, The Family Firm, which takes a data driven approach to help parents think more deliberately about key issues in the elementary school years including sleep, school, health, extra curricular activities and more. Emily presented to us how you can immediately apply frameworks and concepts to utilize the date in your life for making best decisions for your children.

You can find more information on Emily Oster, her books and research, and join her bi-weekly mailing list at emilyoster.net or parentdata.org. You can also connect with Emily via Twitter and Instagram @ProfEmilyOster. To hear Emily and my recent conversation on data driven decision making please visit this link Emily Oster Video. In this video, we discuss how data can (and can't) help us make parenting decisions, and take audience questions.

In today's episode, we are excited to be joined by Melinda Wenner Moyer. Melinda Wenner Moyer is a contributing editor at Scientific American magazine and a regular contributor to The New York Times, Washington Post, and other national magazines and newspapers. She is a faculty member in the Science, Health & Environmental Reporting program at NYU's Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her first book, How To Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes, was published in July 2021 by J.P. Putnam's Sons. We speak with Melinda on her research, publications, and being a mother. We also discuss how she and other journalists can help parents wade through the large amounts of data and information on parenting and child development that is now available.

You can learn more about Melinda and her research, as well as order her book and subscribe to her newsletter at melindawennermoyer.com.