Reading from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life provides a perspective on this process and how it affects you:

"Those who live closely with a narcissist - wives, husbands, partners, children are required to be false to themselves. They learned in early childhood that it was unsafe to feel and express the full range of their emotions, even to think their own thoughts. "

The high level narcissist always has an agenda for you. He/she knows exactly what he wants from you---to begin with---total compliance, which includes veneration, perfect mirroring, the perfection of your image, the exploitation of your creativity, your perpetual devotion to his grandiose false selves. 

You become the keeper of the high level's secrets, the dirty work that he perpetuates off the public stage---whose whom he has deceived and betrayed and cheated. The high level knows that you will not expose him because in exchange for your silence you are benefiting from the largesse of the lifestyle, your identity as an individual of influence and importance. 

Many partners of the high level narcissist are willing to make this deal. They don't realize at the time that they are giving vital parts of themselves away, diluting their creative energies, exhausting their body/mind systems remaining in the sympathetic fight or flight nervous system, plagued with chronic insomnia, digestive disorders, migraines, anxiety disorders. 

At a point of awakening you recognized that you are embroiled in a non relationship with an abusive, regressed high level narcissist. You have done the research and intuitively know that you can move forward along your pathway of the true original self. Now you focus on the activation of your parasympathetic mode, the relax, rest, calming part of your body/mind system. You put yourself first finally and feel energy building physically, psychologically, mentally, creatively, spiritually. 

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