April 05, 2022

People-Pleasing Leaders: An Oxymoron

22 minutes

Do you find it hard to say no to people? Do you struggle to meet people’s needs all the time? Do you often avoid conflict or confrontation?

If you’re answering ‘yes’ to any of these answers – you’re probably a people-pleaser.

It affects so many of us and people-pleasing is a frequent topic in coaching conversations with my clients. But I have found some proven strategies to overcome this tendency, which I will share with you in today’s episode.

Sure, there are also strengths to being a people-pleaser, such as being an advocate and a strong team player. But the weaknesses include taking on too much work, avoiding conflict or negative feedback, and ultimately, becoming resentful.

If you can relate to people-pleasing, then it’s time to tackle its root cause.

I unpack this further in this week's episode of The Manager Track podcast because people-pleasing gets in the way of you reaching your full potential as a leader. But by addressing your people-pleasing tendencies, you will be able to move forward in your work and personal life.

And when it comes to figuring out what to say 'Yes' or 'No' to, I find these questions from Paula Cookson’s ‘The Liberated Self’ to be super powerful:

Are there other people who can do this task?

Do I have time to do this task?

Do I actually have an interest in doing this task?

Do I have the energy to do this task?

Do I feel pressured, or have a fear of angering or disappointing someone else?

Will I resent myself or others if I say ‘yes’ to taking on this task?

— RESOURCES MENTIONED —

‘The Liberated Self’ by Paula Cookson

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By Ramona Shaw

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