Pleasure in the Pause: Midlife Conversations About Menopause, Sex & Pleasure

Are you feeling lonely even though you are busy? Wondering where your friendships went when life got so full? This solo episode explores why friendship in midlife is not a luxury but essential to your health and longevity, and gives you five practical ways to build the connections that will carry you into the next chapter of your life.

In this deeply personal solo episode, Gabriella Espinosa shares the story of gathering friends from across the country at her home in Austin for South by Southwest to celebrate turning 60. That weekend reminded her that connection is everything, and sparked this research backed conversation about friendship, loneliness, and health in midlife. This episode is a reminder that friendship in midlife does not happen by accident. It is something we choose, tend to, and create with intention.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• The Harvard Study of Adult Development discovered how your relationships at age 50 can predict how healthy you will be at age 80.
•  Recent AARP research shows that four in ten US adults age 45 and older report feeling lonely.
•  Why nurturing relationships is as critical to health as eating well and exercising.
• Five practical approaches for building meaningful friendships in midlife.
• How some of Gabriella's most meaningful friendships today started on social media.

If this episode resonated with you, send it to one woman you care about. Not as a forward, but as an act of friendship. That is how we build community, one conversation at a time.

Resources Mentioned:

Harvard Study of Adult Development https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org

AARP Loneliness & Social Connections Study 2025 (primary) https://www.aarp.org/pri/topics/social-leisure/relationships/loneliness-social-connections-2025/

AARP: Instagram | Website 

The Riveter: Instagram: @theriveterco → theriveterco.com

Entreprenistas: Instagram @entreprenistas→ entreprenistas.com

Midlife Collective: Instagram @mlifecollective

Lizzie Bermudez Walk & Talk San Francisco: Instagram @lizziebtv

 Katie Fogarty: Instagram @acertainagepod -> A Certain Age Podcast

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you been told your weight is your problem and that weight loss is the solution? What if everything you have been taught about the number on the scale, diet, and exercise is not just wrong but actively keeping you from becoming weight healthy? In this conversation on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Ashley Koff, registered dietitian and author of the new book Your Best Shot: The Personalized System for Optimal Weight Health, GLP-1 Shot or Not. Ashley shares her own weight health story, from being bullied as a child for her belly to discovering that her body did not have what it needed to run better, and how that revelation changed the entire trajectory of her life and career. 

This conversation covers the four pillars of better nutrition (balance, quantity, timing, and quality), the pizza metaphor for building a personalized plan, and why digestion and hydration are the crust, not the sauce. Because weight health is not about restriction. It is about building a body that has what it needs.

Ashley Koff, RD, is the USA Today bestselling author of Your Best Shot (HarperOne), founder of The Better Nutrition Program (BNP), and a pioneering voice behind the emerging weight health movement. A practitioner and thought-leader with more than 25 years of experience, Ashley has helped redefine how we approach weight, shifting the conversation from weight loss to weight health, a science-based framework focused on metabolic function, hormonal regulation, and sustainable outcomes. Through her work with patients, clinicians, leading brands and companies, and health organizations, Ashley has developed practical systems that translate complex nutrition science into personalized strategies people can actually implement.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Total body weight tells us nothing about health. 
• We all have weight health hormones.
• GLP-1 medications are hormone replacement therapy.
• Your body needs protein spaced throughout the day to actually use it.

If this conversation shifted the way you think about weight, health, and your body, please subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause for more empowering, evidence-based conversations about midlife health and wellness.

CONNECT WITH ASHLEY KOFF:

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you found yourself wondering why your libido has left the bedroom? Or maybe thinking, why does sex feel different now, and why didn't anyone prepare me for this? If you have felt confused, frustrated, disconnected from your body, or quietly worried that midlife and menopause might mean the end of pleasure, this episode is for you. In this conversation on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa welcomes back Dr. Maria Sophocles, board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, menopause specialist, sexual counselor, and author of the new book The Bedroom Gap: Rewrite the Rules and Roles of Sex in Midlife. Together, they explore what is actually happening to women's bodies in midlife and why so many of us were never properly prepared. 

Maria Sophocles is a gynecologist, author and public advocate for women's health. Her mission to close the gendered healthcare gap inspired her viral TED talk and book, The Bedroom Gap, about what happens to sex in midlife. Her efforts to provide access to contraception in New Jersey changed the state’s constitution. Her virtual clinic serves women in eleven US states and internationally. She is currently working on a documentary about sex and menopause.  She is married with four grown children.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why the bedroom gap is about more than just the orgasm gap and includes the difference in expectations, abilities, education, medical support, and cultural scripts between men and women around sex and pleasure.
• The real medical solutions for genitourinary syndrome of menopause symptoms including vaginal estrogen, vaginal prasterone, hyaluronic acid suppositories, and two FDA approved medications for low sexual desire, Addyi and Vyleesi.
• How shame, inherited sexual scripts, and the androcentric model of sex (sex designed for male pleasure) keep women from speaking up about their sexual health concerns to doctors or partners.
• Dr. Sophocles's Five M's framework: mind, meds, medicine, movement, and moisture, a roadmap for women who feel overwhelmed and want to reclaim sexual pleasure.
• Why sexual health is a fifth pillar of longevity, how staying sexually active lowers blood pressure and anxiety, increases lifespan, and combats the epidemic of loneliness.

CONNECT WITH Dr. Maria Sophocles:

Ep 6

TED Talk

Hot Documentary

Instagram

The Bedroom Gap Book

Website

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

If you're a woman in your 50s or 60s who has been doing all the right things, eating well, moving your body, managing stress, and yet you still find yourself wondering if there is more you could be doing to protect your health for the long run, this episode is for you. 

In this conversation on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Dr. Noor Al-Humaidhi, a board-certified family physician, menopause specialist, and founder of Lifestyles by Noor, to build what Gabriella calls the Midlife Vitality Blueprint.

 This is not about living longer. This is about living stronger, with vitality, confidence, and energy for the next 20, 30, even 40 years. Because midlife is not the beginning of decline. It is the beginning of design.

Dr Noor Al-Humaidhi is a Board Certified Family Physician and Menopause Society Certified Practitioner.  She is affectionately known as Dr Noor in the community. She grew up in Kuwait before attending medical school in Dublin, Ireland. She then moved to the UK where she trained in General Practice and started her career. She moved to the Seacoast 7 years ago to be nearer to family and restarted her family practice career after overcoming the hurdles of Board certification here in the US. After her own experience with perimenopause coupled with her difficulty accessing care she founded Lifestyles by Noor. Lifestyles is a midlife wellness destination practice. Her aim is to arm clients with the data that they need to maximize their health span. She has a particular focus on women in perimenopause and menopause who are having difficulty accessing appropriate care to manage their symptoms. Her goal is to educate, empower and help clients feel their best. 

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why lifting heavy weights (40, 50, 60 pounds and beyond) is the single most important lifestyle intervention.
• The essential labs that most doctors don't run.
• How to advocate for hormone therapy after age 60.
• The metabolic syndrome of menopause.
• Why DEXA scans should start at age 35, not 60.

CONNECT WITH Dr. Noor:

Website Personal | Practice

Instagram

Resources:

Estrogen Matters by Avrum Bluming and Carol Tavris

The Menopause Society

Let's Talk Menopause

Quest Diagnostics or LabCorp for labs

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the silence you've been keeping in your relationship is actually one of the most costly things you've ever done? In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized relationship expert Colette Jane Fehr, author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. Together, they explore why so many midlife women silence their needs in relationships, how conflict avoidance quietly erodes intimacy and wellbeing, and what it actually takes to speak your truth in a way that creates deeper connection rather than more distance. If you've ever chosen peace over honesty and wondered why you still feel so alone, this conversation is for you.

Colette Jane Fehr is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized relationship expert. She’s the author of The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love and co-hosts the hit podcasts Insights from the Couch: Real Talk for Women at Midlife and Love Thy Neighbor: The Relationship Show. Her TEDx talk Secrets of a Couples Therapist was selected as a TED Editors’ Pick.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why conflict avoidance is not always silent and can show up as people pleasing, over-explaining, bickering, or emotional withdrawal.
• How early attachment experiences and the nervous system shape our communication patterns in adult relationships.
• What co-regulation is and why it is one of the most powerful tools for calming conflict and deepening connection.
• Colette's method of self-connected communication, speaking from a grounded, honest, compassionate adult self.
• How to build the muscle of speaking up starting with small, low-stakes conversations outside of your romantic relationship.

If this conversation stirred something in you, I want you to take one small action today. Take Colette's free communication style quiz at colettejane fehr.com to discover how you show up in conflict, and pick up her book 

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH COLETTE JANE FEHR:

Purchase The Cost of Quiet: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Substack: www.colettejanefehr.substack.com

Instagram & TikTok: @colettejanefehr

Website: colettejanefehr.com

TEDx talk “Secrets from a Couples Therapist”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the most important love story you nurture this Valentine's Week isn't with a partner, but with yourself? In this conversation on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Amy St. Germain, founder of Oboo, a pleasure-forward wellness brand creating tools designed specifically for midlife bodies. 

This episode is a shame-free exploration of self-pleasure as self-care, the health benefits of vibrators for midlife women, and why desire doesn't disappear as our bodies change. Whether you're navigating dryness, decreased sensitivity, or simply want to reclaim pleasure on your own terms, this conversation reminds you that your body is amazing at every age.

Amy St. Germain is the founder of Oboo, a pleasure-forward wellness brand creating tools and products designed for midlife bodies. What started as her own wake-up call turned into a mission to make intimacy, desire, and self-pleasure feel accessible, practical, and shame-free. Through Oboo's thoughtfully designed products and open, honest conversations, Amy helps women feel more at home in their bodies, laugh a little more about the changes of midlife, and stay open to trying something new. Her approach blends curiosity, humor, and real-life usefulness. Her favorite reminder: desire doesn't disappear in midlife. It just needs better lighting, better language, and better tools.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• 50% of women over 50 stop having sex or being intimate altogether, but we have at least 30 more years to enjoy pleasure.
• Vibrators aren't just for pleasure. They improve blood flow, reduce dryness, support pelvic floor health, and can even reduce hot flashes.
• The "Pleasure Reset" is five minutes of pressure-free self-pleasure with no goal, no performance, just reconnection with your body.
• Better lighting, better language, and better tools are what desire needs in midlife, not fixing something that's broken.
• Pregaming (warming yourself up before partner intimacy) takes the pressure off and allows you to arrive ready and connected.
• Using lubricant makes everything feel better, even if you don't think you need it. Comfort first, then move to the next steps.

Connect with Amy St. Germain:

Website

Instagram

Resources Mentioned:

Blog - The Pleasure Reset (5-minute pressure-free self-pleasure practice)

Kinsey Institute research on self-pleasure and symptom relief

Ep 80 Good Vibes

Ep 64 Communicating with a Partner about Pleasure

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What happens when your child's mental health crisis becomes your entire world and you quietly lose yourself in the process? In this debut episode of Return to Her, a new monthly series on Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with lifestyle host and midlife influencer Lizzie Bermudez for an honest conversation about walking through over three years of her daughter's mental health struggles while putting her own life completely on hold.

Lizzie shares what it felt like to be her daughter's primary caretaker in survival mode, how she navigated the isolation and stigma surrounding mental health, and the turning point when she finally realized the best thing she could do for her daughter was take care of herself. This is a powerful story about caregiving, crisis, and the slow, messy, beautiful journey of coming home to yourself again.

Lizzie is a lifestyle host, podcaster and midlife influencer. She helps women embrace the "middle ages" by sharing tips, tricks, and interviews about looking and feeling your best when it comes to midlife, menopause and empty nesting. Lizzie B's audience knows she doesn't take herself too seriously, and viewers love following her entertaining behind-the-scenes stories on Instagram and TikTok. 

 Lizzie also spent 20-plus years as an Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist and host. During that time, she interviewed everyone from celebrities to CEOs to presidents and developed the skills of storytelling and engaging viewers. 

 If you ask Lizzie her favorite thing about switching from traditional media to digital, she’ll proudly tell you she can say just about whatever the eff she wants and no longer needs a full face of makeup to go on camera.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• When your child struggles with mental health, the isolation is overwhelming. People don't know what to say, so they say nothing.
• DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) gave her family tools and a shared language to navigate emotional regulation and crisis.
• Learning that two things can be true at once expanded her capacity to hold conflicting emotions without judgment.
• Coming home to herself feels like lightness. Waking up smiling again, cortisol releasing, opening to friendships after years of isolation.
• Laughter was medicine. Even in the darkest days, finding one thing to laugh about each day became a survival tool.

If you're in the thick of caregiving and losing yourself, if you're slowly coming back, or if you're still figuring it out—this conversation reminds you that returning to yourself is always possible. Listen now and discover that even after the most intense seasons, lightness and joy can return.

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you ever looked at your long-term partner and wondered: Is this still the connection I want? Who are we now? Can we feel close again? If you've reached midlife and found yourself in a relationship that feels more like roommates than lovers, if the spark has faded and you're not sure how to reignite it, or if you're navigating the dating world again after years away, this episode is for you.

Gabriella Espinosa sits down with Dr. Justin Garcia. Dr. Garcia brings decades of research to answer the questions many midlife women are asking: Why do long-term relationships drift into disconnection? Can desire return after years together? Is it possible to rebuild intimacy when life, hormones, and identity are all shifting at once? And perhaps most importantly: Are we asking romantic partnerships to do something evolution never designed them for?

Dr. Justin R. Garcia is an evolutionary biologist and international authority on the science of sex and relationships. Since 2019, he has served as Executive Director of the world-renowned Kinsey Institute, where he is also a Senior Scientist. He holds an appointment as the Ruth N. Halls Professor in the College of Arts and Sciences at Indiana University and is a Founding Co-Director of Human Sexuality and Health at the IU School of Medicine. An award-winning researcher and educator, Dr. Garcia is the Chief Scientific Advisor to Match, where he provides expertise for the annual Singles in America study. His research focuses on people's romantic and sexual lives throughout the life course, especially on integrative biopsychosocial models of variation in courtship, intimacy, and sexual behavior. He has co-authored over 100 academic articles and book chapters and is co-author of Evolution and Human Sexual Behavior. His latest book, The Intimate Animal: Why We Live for Love, explores the science behind human connection and is available now.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Intimacy Lives in the Shadow of Sex
• Social Monogamy vs. Sexual Monogamy
• Sexual Habituation Is Normal (And Solvable)
• What Keeps Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships
• The Intimacy Crisis Is Real
• Midlife Dating Prioritizes Chemistry AND Compatibility
• Gray Divorce and Renegotiation
• Curiosity Is the Best Tonic for Relationships
• Sexual Satisfaction Increases with Age
• Technology Is a Tool, Not a Replacement

Whether you're in a long-term partnership, newly dating, or choosing singlehood, you'll discover why humans are wired for belonging and how midlife can be the beginning of your real love story.

CONNECT WITH Dr. Justin Garcia:

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Kinsey Institute

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

When you look in the mirror, what's the first story you tell yourself about your body? If you're like most midlife women, that internal dialogue is often rooted in criticism, comparison, and the relentless pressure to "fix" an aging body that was never broken in the first place.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriella Espinosa sits down with registered dietitian and body image coach Deb Benfield to explore how internalized ageism and diet culture keep us disconnected from our bodies—and what it takes to reclaim body trust, pleasure, and freedom in midlife and beyond.

Deb Benfield, M.Ed., RDN, LDN, RYT, is a Registered Dietitian, nutrition therapist, and body image coach with 40 years of experience helping people heal their relationship with food, movement, and their bodies. Her work sits at the intersection of anti-ageism, body liberation, and trauma-informed care—offering a radically compassionate alternative to diet and wellness culture, especially for those in midlife and beyond. After turning 60, Deb began questioning the dominant narratives around aging, vitality, and beauty, and quickly realized how many resources still centered weight loss and youthful appearance as ultimate goals. In response, she created what she couldn’t find: a framework for nourishing the body that honors inner wisdom, prioritizes vitality, and embraces the full spectrum of aging. She’s the author of Unapologetic Aging: How to Mend and Nourish Your Relationship with Your Body, and she offers individual and group coaching to help her clients age unapologetically—on their own terms.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Understanding Your Body Story
• Your Body Is Your Life Partner, Not Your Life's Project
• Internalized Ageism Keeps You Stuck
• Diet Culture Fuels Hypervigilance, Not Health
• Rebuilding Body Trust Through Embodiment
• Redefining Intimacy and Pleasure in Midlife
• GLP-1 Medications: A Complex Decision
• Permission to Stop Apologizing

What if you stopped treating your body like a problem to solve and started honoring it as the life partner it's always been?

This episode is an invitation home—to your body, your pleasure, and your power. If you're ready to step off the diet culture rollercoaster and into a more compassionate, embodied way of living, Deb Benfield's Unapologetic Aging is the companion you need.

CONNECT WITH DEB BENFIELD:

Website: https://www.debrabenfield.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/agingbodyliberation/

Substack: https://substack.com/@debbenfield1

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Are you doing all the "right things" for your menopause symptoms—hormone therapy, nutrition, exercise, stress management—but still not feeling like yourself? 

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, host Gabriela Espinosa welcomes back licensed psychotherapist Ashley Turner for a groundbreaking conversation about psychedelic-assisted therapy and microdosing as complementary support during the menopause transition.

Ashley Turner is a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist, yoga/meditation teacher, and founder of Yoga Psyche Soul, specializing in integrating Eastern spiritual practices with Western psychology (depth, shadow, and somatic psychology, women's mental health) for 25 years. After her own intense menopausal mental health struggles (depression, anxiety, confidence loss, cognitive issues), Ashley explored psychedelic-assisted therapy and psilocybin microdosing. She is completing her psychedelic-assisted therapy certification through the Integrated Psychiatry Institute in Boulder, focusing on psilocybin, ketamine, and MDMA. Ashley created the six-month Metamorphosis program for menopause and recently launched The Portal, a 12-week microdosing and menopause group therapy program with Golden Rule.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Menopause is a developmental phase, not just a medical event. 
• Mental health symptoms during menopause can persist even with optimal lifestyle interventions.
• Psilocybin microdosing creates neuroplasticity and can act as a natural mood stabilizer.
• Psychedelic-assisted therapy is different from microdosing on your own. 
• "No pills without skills" applies to all interventions, including psychedelics.

This week, get curious: educate yourself by watching Ashley's masterclass on Microdosing and Menopause, read one of the books she mentioned (Mycelio-Pause or The Psilocybin Guidebook for Women), or simply journal about what you're experiencing emotionally and psychologically beyond the physical symptoms. Remember, you deserve all the tools available to thrive—not just survive—this transition.

CONNECT WITH ASHLEY TURNER:

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Resources Mentioned:

• Mycelio-Pause: Using Mushrooms in the Menopausal Transition
• The Psilocybin Guidebook for Women by Jennifer Chesak
• Andrew Huberman's podcast on psilocybin and neuroscience
• Golden Rule (female-owned psilocybin microdosing company based in Colorado)
• UK study on microdosing and menopause
• Brian Johnson's live-streamed psilocybin macro dose journey

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.