Proxy with Yowei Shaw

The case of the writer whose inner narrator will not shut up.

Amanda Montell is very good at telling stories. So good, in fact, she can’t seem to stop telling them — even to herself.

Amanda has what she calls a “Storymaker” in her head: an internal narrator constantly shaping her life into scenes, arcs, jokes, metaphors, and meaning. Most of the time, it’s fun. It makes life feel cinematic. It’s useful for her writing.

But lately, Amanda has been wondering if the Storymaker is doing too much. Is she actually living her life, or narrating it from the outside? 

In this episode, Yowei connects Amanda with Jonathan Adler, a psychologist who studies narrative identity. Together, they investigate inner monologues, memory, meaning-making, theater kids, and whether Amanda can negotiate a different relationship with the voice in her head. 

From the episode: 

— Amanda Montell — author of The Age of Magical Overthinking, Cultish, and Wordslut, and host of the podcasts Magical Overthinkers and Sounds Like a Cult — on Instagram@amanda_montell

— Jonathan Adler — personality psychologist — more about his work: www.jonathan-adler.com

X @JonathanMAdler, Bluesky @jadler.bsky.social, and LinkedIn

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to keep making art when the old way stops working. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

When someone with Alzheimer's gets upset about something that isn't actually happening, it can be easy to dismiss their feelings. But what if we approached those feelings not as problems to get rid of, but mysteries to solve? Psychologist Claudia Drossel unpacks the feelings of people with Alzheimer's and how to decode them to use as a guide to give better care.

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From the episode: 

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Get in touch at [email protected]

The case of the reporter who can't stop fact-checking his mother-in-law.

Brian’s mother-in-law has Alzheimer’s and lives with his family. He loves her. He knows she can’t help misremembering things. And still, when she says something that isn’t true, he corrects her. 

In this episode, Yowei connects Brian with Claudia Drossell, a psychologist who works with caregivers of people with dementia. Together, they investigate the emotional reality of caregiving: grief, resentment, shame, and how to accept his anger so he can protect the time his family has left. 

From the episode: 

— Brian Reed — host of the podcast Question Everything — on Instagram @brihreed, X @BriHReed

— Claudia Drossel — psychology p rofessor at Eastern Michigan University — caregiving resources mentioned in this episode

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or.Jane Doesn't Like Her Dogs for another story about love, caregiving, and resentment.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the bandmates who can't finish their record and don't know why.

Evan and Chris are best friends, bandmates, and creative partners. Years ago, their band The Superweaks was on the verge of breaking out. Then Evan's brother Corey — the band's bassist — died suddenly, and the band never recovered. 

Now they have a record that's almost done. Just a few vocals left. But it's been stuck for years, tangled in grief, burnout, ADHD, resentment, lack of leadership, and silence. 

In this episode, Yowei connects Evan and Chris with Ryan Dusick, founding drummer of Maroon 5 turned therapist, to investigate what happens when a band is also a friendship, a dream, a workplace, and a family system — and what it takes to get unstuck. 

From the episode: 

— The Superweaks — listen to their single "Blindside" and The Superweaks Superweekly Supercast episode where Yowei stumbles into the case — on Instagram @thesuperweaks

— Ryan Dusick — author of Harder to Breathe: A Memoir of Making Maroon, Losing It All, and Finding Recovery, and host of The Harder To Breathe podcast — on Instagram @ryan_michael_dusick

— The Music Industry Therapist Collective: www.musicindustrytherapists.com

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for another story about friendship and miscommunication. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the introvert who keeps waiting for personality puberty to hit.

For most of her life, Yowei saw her introversion as a character flaw to fix. Then Yowei read Unreliable Narrator by comedian Aparna Nancherla and realized she wasn't the only one who felt this way. 

In this episode, Yowei talks introvert-to-introvert with Aparna about self-loathing, performance, the extrovert ideal, Asian woman stereotypes, why “be yourself” is terrible advice, and how to take up space without trying to become someone else.

From the episode:  

— Aparna Nancherla, author of Unreliable Narrator: Me, Myself, and Imposter Syndrome — on Instagram @aparnapkin: www.aparnacomedy.com

— Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a story where Yowei tries to understand the terrifying emotional language known as bro-speak. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the man who can't stop regretting the life he didn’t choose.

Mic Nguyen was supposed to be a doctor. Becoming a doctor meant stability, respect, and making his parents proud.

Instead, Mic became a comedian and advertising creative. He loves his life. But whenever money feels tight or work feels uncertain, the old question comes back: did he mess up by not going to medical school?

In this episode, Yowei connects Mic with regret researcher Amy Summerville to investigate why regret hurts, why our imagined alternate lives can feel so real, and how regret can point less to what we did wrong than to what we still care about.

From the episode: 

— Mic Nguyen — co-host of the podcast Asian Not Asian — on Instagram @nicepantsbro

— Amy Summerville's paper — one of the most cited articles on regret

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Caitlin Lost the Voice In Her Head for another story about trying to live with the person you turned out to be. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the bisexual wife guy who got dumped.

George was married to a woman he loved. Then she came out as bisexual and left the marriage. George is happy for her. But he's also heartbroken, confused, and stuck with questions he doesn’t feel allowed to ask.

In this episode, Yowei connects George with Hanna Rosin, who has lived a version of this story from the other side. Together, they investigate late-in-life queerness, divorce, closure, performative okayness, and how to move forward when you feel like a minor character written out of someone else’s story. 

From the episode:

— Hanna Rosin, host of the podcasts Radio Atlantic and Chutzpod! — on X and Instagram: @hannarosin

New to Proxy? Try Mic Chooses the Wrong Life for a story about when the road not taken won’t leave you alone, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a story about loving someone whose language of connection doesn’t make sense to you.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Become a paid member at proxyhq.org to get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

For as long as she can remember, Nichole Hill has had a complicated relationship with Black history. Then in 2020, she stumbled on a digital archive of pre Civil Rights era Black newspapers and got obsessed with the scandalous stories she found. Our Ancestors Were Messy is her new podcast that explores Black history through the lens of gossip and drama. In this episode, Nichole tells the story of a Victorian era love triangle that rocked the elites of DC. 

From the episode: 

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An Emotions Beat episode about why we suffer alone — and what happens when we don’t.

For years, Jason Yu struggled with skin picking in secret. He didn’t have a name for what was happening. He didn’t know other people dealt with it too. And he felt like if he just had more willpower, he should be able to stop.

Then, after eight years of shame and isolation, Jason found a support group.

In this episode, Yowei talks with Jason about body-focused repetitive behaviors, the strange magic of being understood by strangers, and why support groups can help when friends, family, and even therapy don’t quite reach the lonely center of a problem. Together, they investigate shame, peer support, support group etiquette, red flags, and the radical idea that there may be no one thing that fixes you — but many things that help.

From the episode: 

— Jason Yu — host of the podcast Fidget — on Instagram @fidgetpodcast

— The TLC Foundation —  a resource for body-focused repetitive behaviors

— Jason's book recommendations on. building community — The Art of Gathering and How We Show Up

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Sandy and the Silence for another emotions beat episode about shame, silence, and what changes when people finally say the thing out loud.

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.

Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏

Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw

Visit — proxypodcast.com

Get in touch — [email protected]

Finally, a campaign reveal. Did we get additional funding to hire Kim for more hours? Plus, some updates for what’s in store for Proxy. 

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy, one of the clearest examples of what this show does, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro for a funny investigation into male friendship, bro-speak, and emotional translation.