“My daughter says she doesn’t like being alone with her thoughts at night… so she plays music to drown them out.”

In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, we explore a powerful listener question from a mum worried about her anxious child using music as a form of avoidance. Is it helpful? Harmful? And what can we do instead? We unpack the fine line between healthy distraction and long-term avoidance - and share tools to help your child build emotional strength, even in the dark.

KEY POINTS

• Avoidance can reinforce anxiety - but sometimes, gentle avoidance is okay
• Music can be an effective short-term tool, but shouldn't become the only coping mechanism
• The risks of long-term distraction at bedtime (poor sleep, more anxiety)
• Strategies to help:
  
  • Essential oils (yes, really—there’s research!)
  • Gratitude practices before sleep
  • Thought downloads/journaling to ease mental clutter
  • Default Mode Network activity and its role in rumination
  • Gradual tolerance toolkit—moving away from music to mindfulness
  • Normalising and validating nighttime anxiety
  • Parental presence and conversations to address the underlying worries

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

 "Sometimes kids feel like they’re swimming with metaphorical sharks. They want to get out of the water—but we know they’re just dolphins. It’s our job to keep them swimming."

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Chatter by Ethan Kross
• Research on essential oils and anxiety (referenced but not directly cited)
• happyfamilies.com.au
• Leave us a voice memo for the podcast here

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

1. Let your child know their racing thoughts at night are normal—and you're there for them.
2. Collaborate on a bedtime plan: gentle music, meditation, or calming scents.
3. Encourage journaling or a “thought download” before bed to externalise internal chaos.
4. Add in a nightly gratitude ritual—simple and connecting.
5. Over time, help your child build tolerance for their thoughts without needing constant distraction.
6. If things remain tough, reach out to a GP or psychologist for professional support.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.