Random Assault Podcast

This week on Random Assault, we discuss how women secretly have all the power in the world, talk about who we think should win the Smash Bros ballot, wonder how candy cigarettes were ever a thing, and discuss how we lost our respective innocence. Also we find out that Kate peed in a sock. Because nothing surprises me in this world anymore.

SEGMENT 1:

- Mitch watched a hot air balloon crash (kinda)

- Iron Sheik documentary

- David will correct us on everything wrong

- Lesbians have all the privilege; those sexist pigs

- KATE PEED IN A SOCK

- Social justice warriors are retards, as usual

SEGMENT 2:

- Candy cigarettes

- Throat singing

- Smash Bros Fighter Ballot Top 10

SEGMENT 3:

- Jokes

- Losing our viriginity

- Sexual Goosebumps books

This week on Random Assault, listener Jesse joins us! He and the gang discusses their first kiss experiences, how Adventure Time has fallen off the wagon, and of course, the greatness that is Fred Durst.

This week on Random Assault, listener Richard "Danger" Colina joins us to talk a whole heck of a lot about Majora's Mask, tell us about Worm, and partake in probably the dumbest gaming trivia quiz you'll ever hear. With a hentai game being the prize. Yup. It's one of those episodes.

SEGMENT 1:

- eHow tutorials are drawn by retards

- Video Games Live

- Rich finally gets to talk about Majora's Mask

SEGMENT 2:

- The Big Retarded Video Game Quiz

- More Mortal Kombat lore

- MKX DLC FTL

- Splatterhouse

SEGMENT 3:

- Miami Vice

- The 80's romanticized

- Worm is good evidently

- More behind-the-scenes nonsense

- Steve Allen the Cokehead

- Miami Vice: AWWWWW SHIIIIIEEEET

- Star Trek: The Next Generation. Again.

This week on Random Assault, David Rhinehart joins us again to talk all about kooky spooky conspiracy theories! We write a Mario movie as made by Spike Lee, we have a quiz to give a lucky listener Hotline Miami 2, and Mitch discovers that Frito Lay is part of the Illuminati! True believers should listen!

SEGMENT 1:

- Alex's man-and-marlin-shaped spacesuit

- The Telltale Collection

- Haitians, voodoo, and Christianity

- Star Trek: The Next Generation is crappy, so says Matt.

- Alex bought a smart TV

- Mario: A Spike Lee Joint

SEGMENT 2:

- We do a quiz show to win copies of of Hotline Miami 2! For fans even!

- ILLUMINATI DORITOS

SEGMENT 3:

- MORE QUIZ SHOW!

This week on Random Assault, Alex is off at PAX East but briefly drops in via crazy future transmissions! Replacing him this week is David Rheinharghdt who discusses with us comics like Multiversity, Zelda (yes again), and the convoluted history of Metal Gear.

This week on a very special Random Assault, we're joined by none other than John Parrish, aka Jax from Mortal Kombat! He discusses working on the original games, and then he and Matt talk fitness for about six hours. Then we mourn Leonard Nimoy (topical as always), talk about how overrated the N64 Zeldas are, and discuss weird PS2 gems.

SEGMENT 1:

- Jax from Mortal Kombat is here and Alex is constantly about to cum

- Health tips from Jax

- He was also a stripper and on Jerry Springer

SEGMENT 2:

- Leonard Nimoy has died

- Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time are kind of overrated

- Older rhythm games before that shit came crashing down

- Weird peripherals

- We miss video stores and the brick and mortar experience

- Weird PS2 games and rarities

This week on Random Assault, listener and awesome fan Lindsey Turner joins us to talk about Mitch busting his back, the trouble of being queer in the south, and old cartoons because clearly we've run out of ideas at this point and we're old.

SEGMENT 1:

- Tabletop Games

- Call of Cthulhu

- Furries and being queer

- Mitch really hurt his back

- He also bought a new 3DS XL

- Borderlands 2

- Alex started watching Attack on Titan, Matt has a conniption

- Mitch watched some of RWBY

- Figmas, Revoltech, and other figurines

SEGMENT 2:

- Alex's life is in shambles

- The ways in which our brains fuck with us

- The Simpsons, The Critic, Mission Hill, DuckTales... WE'RE OLD

- Crude cartoons/stuff we weren't allowed to watch

SEGMENT 3:

- Kate's life is in shambles

- Fighting and how we would fight

- The troubles of being queer in the South

- How to make the sex

- Fuckin' trannies

- How not to offend trannies

- Random Assault ebooks Twitter bot

This week on Random Assault, Alex complains about Dark Souls (meaning he sucks), then he reviews every single permutation of Oldboy (because he's Alex), and he also tells of how he was covered in green applesauce in Florida. It's a very Alex-centric episode. I mean, they ALL are, but this one especially so.

SEGMENT 1:

- Mortal Kombat X

- Dark Souls

- The Lore of Wheel of Fortune

- PAT SAJAK IS THE DEVIL

- Game show creepypastas

SEGMENT 2:

- Alex got slimed at Nickelodeon Studios

- Oldboy

SEGMENT 3:

- Questions

- How to approach a mountain lion

This week on Random Assault, Matt gets a new toy, we answer your questions, and somehow we manage to relate Roman Reigns, Spoony, and criticism as a whole. It's gonna be WACKY!

SEGMENT 1:

- Slide whistle

- Theatrhythm Final Fantasy Curtain Call

- Shout Factory

- Kate's poor asshole

- Getting in trouble with teachers

SEGMENT 2:

- Legend of Zelda Netflix show

- Roman Reigns, Spoony, and criticism

SEGMENT 3:

- Listener questions

- SABAN'S PINOCCHIO

This week on Random Assault, we're joined by superfan and Mitch's childhood friend, AJ! We recap MAGfest, discuss the bullshit around copyright, and AJ tells embarrassing tales of Mitch from the homeland while Matt gets super butthurt about stuff! So it's pretty much a normal show. Except for Mitch ripping off Alex's quiz from a few episodes back, involving Western pop music in North American releases of Japanese music games.