Relationship Dish

This week the therapists dish about bidding for connection with their partners and why its so important. What is a bid for connection? Why is it so important? The therapists offer interesting statistics about couples who bid for connection most often and how their relationships tend to be more successful.

They also discuss how bids for connection can get missed and what the consequences are when this happens. Learn how to bid for connection effectively in a way that your partner can receive it. Learn that  bidding effectively- matching your preferred style of bidding with your partner’s preferred style of receiving, actually puts money in your relationship’s “emotional bank account” making you less likely to go into the “red” when navigating difficult times.

It’s a serious week this week- can we really expect a marriage to fulfill all of our needs? Iona realizes that she has allot of needs that she expects Steve to fill and wonders if this is fair to him. Pam dishes about her friend who couldn’t get her needs met from three separate men at the same time!

The therapists realize it’s important to boil down what the truly essential needs are in your relationship. Its also really important to know yourself well so you can share your needs with your partner, after all, he/she can't read your mind!

To complicate things further, the one stop shop changes over time as we grow. The therapists dive on the original function of marriage, amongst other notions and come up with a few great take-aways to try in your own relationship.

The therapists discuss unrealistic expectations in relationships and the importance of moving them into longings so as to minimize anger. Expectations can be toxic and deadly to relationships because they are often unspoken, sometimes untrue and can build and create big feelings and resentment.

Iona talks about her impossible expectations of Steve and how unattainable they really are. Do we expect our partner to act as if they are our mothers- meeting each and every one of our needs perfectly??

The therapists then dive into some great strategies for changing expectations into longings and some other goodies for navigating through these treacherous waters

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Celebrate with us as we dish about the various loving gestures our partners have shown us over the years and how they might have easily gotten missed, had our definition of “love” been too narrow.

Join us  as we strive to better understand and broaden the definition of love and loving gestures in terms of the “love language” they speak, with the ultimate goal of feeling more loved and more open to your partner’s unique ways of showing love.

This episode also encourages the importance of exploring and naming your own preferred “love language,” and then sharing that with your partner to improve communication and together expand your level of intimacy.

Iona discusses her own couples therapy session today.. The big take away from that is wondering if she and Steve really do work as a team. Iona realized that they don't work like a team around many family issues and she doesn't like that one bit! She wonders what Steve's problem solving style really is.

Pam weighs in on her past relationship and what they did to work effectively as a team when raising their daughters. Pam's current partner has a different definition of what a team is and Pam struggles with that. There really are many different styles. The therapists dive into understanding those waters and leave their listeners with some great takeaways- as usual!

I am alive, therefore I dish! Iona talks about her frustration with her hubby for not being on board with hiring a tutor for their daughter. Why is it so much harder to handle when you're not on the same page as your partner when its about your kid?

Pam remembers the success of “bathroom conversations” with her ex husband  when their kids were younger in order to make good decisions about their kids lives. She unpacks those conversations to dissect what made them successful. The therapists then dive on some great strategies for staying close and untriggered when co-parenting- not an easy feat!

This has been a rough week for the therapists in their private lives! Pam, an introvert, gets bitchy with no alone time to recharge her batteries. However,  Pam's man, an extrovert,  gets recharged by being with her! You can imagine how that plays out! 

Boundaries are vital for Pam the introvert when she is overstimulated. Its challenging to be an introvert and a people pleaser too! Pleasing her extrovert partner means being available 24/7 which is really tough for Pam.  Iona's husband is an introvert and Iona longs to hear more from him about his needs. Pam and Iona each learn more about their own partners through each other. The ladies dive into some great strategies for coping and navigating through a relationship with a partner whose style is different from yours.

Iona dishes on her struggles to feel competent living in the shadow of a  super competent husband and how she finds herself deferring  to him and losing her confidence in the mad rush! Its a slippery slope!  It starts off innocently enough but becomes problematic quickly as she loses faith in her own decisions. Pam wonders if she defers to her man in order to ward off a debate with him.  Therapists don't always get it right, that's for sure! The therapists then dive on some great strategies to keep your competency as women while continuing to be open to your partner's influence.

Pam's on fire! She's realizing how much she says to her partner in her relationship that she shouldn't say! “I hate you”- you know, stuff like that! Iona weighs in on the issue with things she's said to her husband when she's feeling upset with him.

How to stop it before it hurts your partner?  Its like getting that drunk friend out of the party before she trashes the house! Timing is everything. The therapists then dive into issues of emotional regulation, front loading information to your partner and lots of other good ideas to get yourself out of this trap before too much damage ensues.