This week we are unpacking our luggage and our biases while we discuss “Humbug”! We’re talking how Mulder is somehow both a weirdo and a normie, Dr. Blockhead’s Gob Bluth energy, Mulder and Scully’s combined sleep schedules, Scully’s magician skills, and how you shouldn’t talk to the FBI unless you have a good zinger. We heap love on Darin Morgan’s love letter to abnormality, advocate for bullying hot people, create and then immediately disband Wart Corner, and take a run through Chekov’s Tabernacle. The conversation is also quickly derailed due to Mulder’s posing, because Google Earth is always takin’ pics.

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This week we head out into the Norwegian sea for “Død Kalm”! We’re talking pirate whale propaganda, whether or not rats are sexy, hurkin’ and splurkin’, and somehow completely miss a violent murder. Our hot young thangs are hot no longer, so we talk about really bad makeup, convenient Norwegian flags, Alex Gansa daring to show his face again, and how much we hate The Notebook. If you suffer from OMSD (Old Man Salt Disease), you may be entitled to financial compensation.

Special note: We had some audio woes this week, so it's a little jerkier than usual, but good news! We got new microphones, so next episode will sound great!

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This week we hunker down for black hole season while we discuss… *checks notes* Oh, that’s right: “Fearful Symmetry”! We’re talking James Bond villain boardrooms, 100% bang rates, how the monster-of-the-week aliens are definitely the B Team, how buff Frohike is, and Kyle XY for some reason. Remember Kyle XY? There’s not a whole lot going on in this one, so we spend a lot of time talking about the first Zoom call ever, charismatic megafauna, and circular joke trains. If anyone is selling a sign that says “SICK AND RESTRICTED”, hit us up.

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This week we are trying not to make too many Das Boot jokes while we discuss “End Game”! We’re talking discount snipers, getting a spray bottle out every time Mulder trusts someone he shouldn’t, the complicated-but-extremely-sexy Skinner/Mulder/Mr. X/Deep Throat polycule, the pettiest reason Mr. X has killed someone, and most importantly, DAD FIGHT. We’re talking Skinner’s Gemini behavior, mean gay aliens, how Mulder would be into Scully screaming at him, and how everyone, even alien clones, know that Mulder can be easily manipulated. Late-night booty calls, horrible dad hugs, and impossible-to-find bonus features are also on the menu.

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This week we set off the Bad Dad alarm while we discuss “Colony”! We’re talking Mulder falling for email schemes, whether or not Skinner is an ass man, and most crucially: the introduction of Scuba Bill (otherwise known as Mulder’s dad)! Some fathers are huge disappointments, so we mop up our tears with Nickelodeon slime and introduce a bevy of new characters: Mulder’s parents, the Alien Bounty Hunter, Samantha(?) and the first of many bald men with glasses who are not Skinner. This episode is a real win for face blindness, everyone.

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This week we are dodging curses while we discuss “Fresh Bones”! We’re talking how questionable 'Marines, Family, Football' is as a motto, how everyone in this episode is freezing to death, Mulder and Mr. X’s steamy car makeout sesh, and Dax Shepard, the Victorian orphan boy who also happens to be an American gravedigger. We blow the conch and unite the crew, scream when a whole-ass man comes out of Scully’s hand, and marvel as Mulder, a nine-and-a-half foot tall man successfully sneaks up on someone. And if you’re wondering, yes of course we talk about David Boreanaz for some reason. We can’t help ourselves.

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This week we are summoning demons in the woods while we discuss “Die Hand Die Verletzt”! We’re talking the superb Umbrella Vibes of this episode, frogs falling from the sky, how embarrassing it is when nobody shows up to your black mass, and the return of two podcast favorites: grunge teens and chanting. We discuss universal kid culture, take a brief detour into ‘Amanda’s Bad Teachers Corner’, fail to recognize Macbeth trivia, and say goodbye to Morgan and Wong (for now). We also come out in favor of emoji hexes, the most authentic of all curses.

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This week we accidentally turn into an anti-tourism ad for Minneapolis while we discuss “Irresistible”! We’re talking whether or not Donnie Pfaster is Minnesota Nice, complain about the aggressive down-hominess in this episode, talk way too much about necrophilia, and ponder who hugs tall people. We marvel at Donnie ending up in a Tom Waits music video, discover teen murderers, and side-eye the wild 1960s housewife that was dropped in here. But remember, as Mulder tells us in this episode: It could happen to you! There might be an evil Donnie Pfaster living in your town!

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This week we are eating fried chicken and analyzing skeletons while we discuss “Aubrey”! We’re debating the merits of Terry O’Quinn, talking about how BJ Morrow is a great pulp detective name, pitching a movie called Built To Kill, and discussing why the Slash Killer is so opposed to Kirk and Spock making out. We propose nicknames for the cast and crew, talk about whether or not Scully should run away with a serial killer, and boggle at inexplicable hiding spots for addresses. We also take a break from talking about generational trauma to talk about Bones. Because of course we do.

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This week we are doing our best to slog through “Excelsis Dei”! We bring our own antagonistic energy to this rancid episode with a legendary argument about Tater Tots vs. Cheese Curds, note how the resident Awful Old Men sound just like Statler and Waldorf, and laugh at Mulder’s lackluster attempt to save a man’s life. We wonder why it is that Mulder got body-snatched in this one and complain about the frankly awful treatment of sexual assault, Asian characters, and elder abuse. This episode even manages to be ghostphobic. All in all, we try and get this one out of the way as quick as we can, but there is one all-time line: Mushrooms taste good on hamburgers, but they don’t raise the dead! So true, Scully. So true.

Content warning: Discussions of sexual assault due to the nature of the episode.

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