This week we are avoiding telekinetic children in alleyways while we discuss “Born Again”! To nobody’s surprise, we try on some horrendous New Yahk accents, discover portable fax machines are a thing, and discuss the unfortunate truth that hypno-regression therapy is a multi-level marketing scheme. We talk about why giraffes don’t go to heaven, puzzle over why Mrs. Tony is perpetually doing up her robe, and inaugurate the (long overdue) Enhance That Image Watch! We fawn over Shrimp Tie in this thriving Blazer Watch and discover that absolutely everyone was a lesbian in the 90s. Most importantly of all: Ben Franklin returns, and this time, it’s personal.

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This week we are slathering ourselves with yellow bile and hanging out under escalators while we discuss “Tooms”! We complain about how gross and sweaty Tooms is, welcome back Mister Smokestacks and pour one out for our former favorite boss Scott Blevins (RIP) while we introduce new boss Skinner! We cleanse our palates with some good Mulder quips, laugh at bad sandwich evidence, and continue to be unable to stop talking about Bones. To our delight, we start making our first Vince Gilligan parallels, point out our first verified Flirt Alert (TM), and start counting off, because whenever Mulder takes a stand it’s only a matter of time before he starts yelling about genetic mutants. Sump pump that dump, girl!

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This week we are headed to the prehistoric-bug-infested forest of Washington state to discuss “Darkness Falls”! We’re talking Mulder’s purposely-dramatic slideshow presentations, how goo-touching actually comes in handy this week, and why the cabin crew should just settle down and form a D&D party. We discuss embarrassing Hazmat protocols, gush over the impeccable forest vibes, and debate who would be the ideal person to smoke weed with Mulder. We make fun of Mulder’s overabundance of trust, the HORRIFIC real-life brain-eating parasite mentioned in this episode, and, most importantly, at long last, we get to the Scully jacket. That’s right. The Scully Jacket. And remember: what happens in slime year stays in slime year.

P.S. Please send in Season 1 questions by May 23rd! This is your last chance!

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This week we are strapping on our mountain gear and heading to Montana to discuss “Shapes”! We’re talking the terror of the vverevvolf, the scariest (read: cutest) mountain lion, and our career move to being extras in westerns. We note the Peak X-Files Vibes, how Scully’s never heard of the creeps before, and for some reason cannot stop talking about Bones. This is a rough week for Mulder quips, so we fill time with talking about how 90s and present-day Gillian Anderson are completely different people. Most importantly, we launch our fundraising drive for Spirit Halloween masks with nowhere to go 11 months out of the year. Please, keep the plight of the rubber masks from Party City in your hearts.

P.S. Remember to submit your Season 1 questions by May 23rd!

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This week we are donning our Sunday best and heading down to the tent revival to discuss “Miracle Man”! We both prove time and again that we are not biblical scholars, do our fair share of dunking on kid actors, lament the fact that Mulder is so obviously an easy mark for grifters, and note Scully’s surprising love of horror movies. We make fun of the Very Subtle Jesus imagery, the ugliest house of all time, and Fox Mulder: Paranormal Hipster. We have some complaints about the focus of the episode, but at least we get our new favorite character: Judge Hamish Purdy. And remember: watch out for tricks of the devil.

P.S. Please submit Season 1 questions by May 23rd!

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This week we are tearing up our apartments looking for surveillance equipment while we discuss “E.B.E.”! We’re talking that tasty paranoia, the Deep Throat Lore Drop, and the introduction of the Lone Gunmen! We laugh at Mulder faceplanting, Scully’s responsible snack choices, and Mulder’s ugliest tie to date. We posit a Mulder and Lone Gunmen game night, probably offend Jerry Hardin with our awful Deep Throat voices, and marvel at the Doctor Who set that accidentally got slipped into this episode. And, most of all, we remember that immortal Deep Throat line: Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.

P.S. Please submit Season 1 questions to us by May 23rd!

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This week we are stopping at a gas station for some salamander jerky before we hit the road with “Young at Heart”! We’re talking flirty handwriting experts, the danger of misdirected air kisses, and advocating for DC statehood. We make fun of salamander hands, score some theme music for the most 90’s man alive (Reg-gie!), puzzle over the incredibly dramatic Gregorian chanting in the background, and marvel at the muddiest field we’ve ever seen before. We discuss whether this episode really holds up these days (spoiler: it doesn’t), but hey. Even if it’s not the best episode, we’ll always have trapper hats.

P.S. Please send in Season 1 questions by May 23rd!

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This week we are trying to cover up our ill-advised tattoos while we discuss “Lazarus”! We’re talking how embarrassing it is when your Bonnie-and-Clyde thing is only one-sided, how you shouldn’t wear jeans in the house, evil Bible salesmen, and buckwild audio detective work. We check in on Jack Willis on the campaign trail, check out Rat Forum.com to deal with the very real epidemic of rats smoking, and eulogize poor Old Man Jenkins’s insulin cart. Just remember, if you need to be dramatic about your breakup, just wander into an empty room and mutter “Baby baby baby…” It works every time.

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This week we are stroking webs and tossing pheromones all over the place to discuss “Gender Bender”! We’re talking great set design, how cool it would be to change bodies at will, how much of a hussy Jehosophat is, how disgusting it is to slather apple sauce all over dead bodies, and why Mulder is always touching goo. On the serious side, we have some beef with the episode's regressive gender politics, light homophobia, heavy transphobia, and the absolutely baffling narrative logic. Listeners beware as Amanda threatens to delete everyone’s social media. Also, please look up HR Giger’s art.

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This week we are thrown for a loop at the drastically different tone of “Beyond the Sea”, but we make enough time to gush over Brad Dourif. We’re talking the excellent direction and lighting cues, Gillian Anderson’s fantastic acting, the Zodiac vibes, the interesting flipping of the standard “Mulder = Believer, Scully = Skeptic” formula, fancasting Boggs in Rectify, and petitioning Fox to let Amanda ADR all of Boggs’ lines for the 30th-anniversary DVD release. We go into a Foucault spiral, as you do, make fun of Mulder’s ringtone, and have trouble pronouncing Raleigh. Sorry, North Carolina.

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