Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: "Besides jeopardizing their psychological and physical health, those who live with narcissists rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts. They often set aside their talents, drives and dreams to spend huge amounts of time and energy at the disposal of the obsessive acquisitiveness of their high level narcissistic partner."

Some individuals who are partnered with high level narcissists grew up with a narcissistic parent. As children they were treated like servants, expected to have full charge of the younger children, even the babies in the family. As early as five years of age, these kids were expected to do the heavy housework, cooking, cleaning, fetching. Narcissistic mom or dad was constantly screaming at these small kids. When the slightest mistake was made or something like the dinner didn't turn out perfectly, the small son or daughter was horribly punished and made to feel ashamed and worthless. As adults these individuals do not develop a healthy sense of self entitlement, a core belief that they are worthwhile, a sense of solid well being. They feel unworthy. 

This is the reason so many of them are attracted to the high level narcissist who is so charming and compelling in the beginning. When the narcissistic partner turns ugly and becomes very demanding, these outrageous behaviors are familiar to the spouse who grew up as the unworthy child of the narcissistic parent.

For some there is a time of awakening, a clear realization that they can no longer remain in this role of servitude. They recognize that they must move forward along their own unique pathway of their authentic self. Individuals who follow their own pathways embrace their creative, evolving selves and find respite, restoration and the fulfillment of their true selves.

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