Dating coach and matchmaker, Carmelia Ray joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:

What holds most people back from finding a great match

How dating has changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place

Virtual speed dating

How to ease into digital dating whether you’re a new couple or living long-distance

How to manage the awkwardness of digital dates

As mentioned on the podcast, check out Carmelia's online dating programs on FirstDate.co. Follow Carmelia on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter.

 

 

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Top Tips for Digital Dating

00:00:05 - 00:05:09

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the sex doctor just podcast. I'm your co host Brandon. Where here with my lovely other? Half Dr Jess how you doing. I'm awesome and even better today. Although she's not in studio. We have celebrity matchmaker car. Melia Ray Cornelia is a matchmaker matchmaker to me. The language. Almost sounds like an anachronism in the digital age. But I know that I've sent clients to you and they've been really thrilled with the results so please tell us what you do with your clients. What is your process? Because I don't think many of us really know what a matchmaker does. Well I if you break down the word I make matches so I in Layman's terms I would make would facilitate introductions between two single people and I mainly work with single professionals. Those at are at a point in their life where they know. They want to take it to the next step. They're single. They're ready and they'd like to find a life partner and how I do that is through an interview process. Getting clear on what they're looking for and then obviously doing what I need to do to introduce them to someone who may already be in my database or like any other matchmaker Through my knees of creativity and networking I will Find that person for them. So they're not having to rely on Swiping for a match there literally depending on me as a matchmaker to make an introduction. It's so interesting because people complain about how awful it is to date online and how tiring it is and what a waste of time it has been disappointed has been and I would think that working with the matchmaker is the antithesis of dating online. Yes and you know I would say that to some degree however there is a not. I want to say compatibility but in terms of the introduction process. We certainly helped to fine tune that and do the work upfront to find a match but yet when people meet in sometimes eats all the things on their list. They don't line up when they meet in person. So you can have everybody on that list but for some reason there. That piece of the puzzle just isn't fitting properly so I don't want to give up your listeners. The false impression that hire a matchmaker is the answer and you will absolutely find someone because we are obviously still dealing with with human beings. He frustration along the way right if somebody when somebody doesn't need someone in their expectations are high. And they're not met that in itself can be very disheartening so there. Are you know bumps in the road even working with a matchmaker? It's it's how you your attitude towards it as well as your expectations and including my...

Since we’re trapped at home in isolation, we decided to record an extra episode this week. We talk about a fight we had yesterday and how stress levels are affecting the way we interact. We also spend some time discussing an unrelated user question: “Do I get a say in my partner’s porn use?”. We explore the difference between setting boundaries and dictating behaviour as well as specific communication prompts you can use to talk to your partner about porn. We also consider whether or not you should change your habits to meet your partner’s needs and concerns.

Please see below for a rough transcript of this podcast. 

Listener Question: "Do you get a say in your partner's porn habits?"

You have a say in terms of having the right to speak up about how you feel. You don’t have a right to dictate how they behave. And why would you want to? If they have a desire to engage in a specific behaviour, why do you want to limit them? This isn't a rhetorical question. Explore your reasonings for wanting to limit their sexual exploration. This may help you to adjust your expectations and/or better communicate your needs and feelings.

Note: If you can’t agree on porn use, it’s likely you’re not sexually compatible. Unless porn is interfering in your daily interactions (e.g. they can’t focus on a conversation or hold a job because they want to run off to their laptop and stroke it), it’s unlikely to be a real problem.

Listener Question: Where is the line between advocating for what I want/setting boundaries and being controlling?

Of course you can tell them if you feel jealous or uncomfortable. And they have a right to express how they feel about using porn (e.g. excited, passionate, entertained). You’re both entitled to your feelings. And you’re also responsible for your own feelings — your partner’s behaviour may affect how you feel, but your emotional response is complex and is influenced by a great number of factors (e.g. your past, sexual values, sexual associations, mood, sleep, previous relationships, your own experiences with porn).

You can ask your partner to take your feelings into consideration and you can ask them to engage in a dialogue about porn. Hopefully they’ll be willing to listen and consider your feelings. This doesn’t mean they have to adjust their behavior to make your feel better; perhaps you need to adjust the way you think to make yourself feel better. Of course, if you’re expressing feelings of vulnerability, I would hope that they’d respond with care, love and reassurance. If, on the other hand, you’re making accusations and directing blame, it’s more likely they’ll respond with defensiveness and/or their own accusations.

Listener Question: What about types of porn? Are some more acceptable than others? What about porn that depicts women as objects?

It’s not uncommon to feel uncomfortable in response to scenes that depict degradation, age play and other taboo sex topics. It’s also not uncommon to be aroused by these scenes. In fact, some people are simultaneously aroused and disgusted. Just because a fantasy makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean that it’s inherently bad — as a fantasy.  When actors consent to perform a degradation scene for example, they’re not personally being degraded; they’re actors playing a role for pay with consent.

Listener Question: Should I try to change if my porn use is upsetting my partner?

I suggest you consider their feelings and think about whether you want to change your habits. If you do something because you feel forced to do so, it’s likely you’ll find yourself frustrated and resentful.

Some changes might be more doable (e.g. don’t watch porn in the living room) while others might feel like a violation of your own sexual rights (e.g. don’t watch porn at all).

You might want to ask yourself why you’re uncomfortable with porn in the first place. Dig deep and don’t make excuses. Do you consider the same moral/personal issues when you look at o...

We’ve been isolating at home in Toronto for 19 days now and we thought we’d share how we’re doing as a couple — what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about some of the conflicting feelings we’re experiencing and brainstorm ways to make sure we’re still feeling connected over the longer term (since this could last a while). We talk about how we respond to unsettling emotions like anxiety and share some ideas for daters who can’t connect in person. Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How We Manage Our Relationship in Isolation

00:00:05 - 00:05:02

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the sex with Dr Jasser. Podcast I'm your co host Brandon. Wear here with my lovely other. Half Dr Jess how are you doing? I'm okay today I'm okay. I haven't been having the greatest week but today I feel a little bit better. I think because the sun is released shining I heard the birds chirping next to our bedroom window. This morning Obviously I'd rather this not be are normal but it is what it you know. It is what it is right now. I know that's annoying thing to say but yeah I'm I'm a little better today than yesterday. How are you dare? I ask there you ask I'm fine. I'm OK frustrated at a bit of anxiety as I'm sure a lot of people do right now also trying to remind myself that a lot of other people have it a whole lot worse than I do. Based on what? I've read happening throughout the US and you know in parts of Canada but more so in the US and feeling a little conflicted over why. I'm feeling this way yet. So weird feeling to be simultaneously grateful because we're lucky to be in a comfortable safe home in Toronto. We don't have to leave the house. We have plenty of groceries. And so you know you're better off than most of the world right now you talk about the US. But if you look at at India folks who are walking hundreds of kilometers and miles to get home with nothing with no possession so you feel lucky but then also you just feel pissy. You know the other morning Kelly. Who produces this podcast? We hopped on a call. And she said how you doing today and I said you know what I feel. Pissy I just feel like I'm in a bad mood and I gotTa Tell. You saying it out loud felt so good because I'm a positive person I don't try and be positive I just. I'm an natural optimist for better or for worse and in some ways it's really great and in some ways. I'm sure it's very frustrating. You know. I- i- overcommit. I ended up being late. I think I have more time than I have. I'm not always realistic. But I am generally just kinda happy like I like my life. I feel very fulfilled. I feel very thankful and and at the same time when you feel that we all the time you feel pressure to always project that and so felt really good to just say no. I'm having a Shitty Day and I was having a Shitty Day. I was feeling frustrated. Like so many of us are right now. I know that we're feeling frustrated. So as weird my point is it's weird to feel pissy and frustrated but also really grateful and I know you had a frustrating day. Today I had a frustrating night. Last night I waited on hold for about two and a half hours to get through an insurance company for something that were trying to recti...

Getting Naked with Tova Leigh: Tova joins Dr. Jess to share her journey as a mother, woman and author of Effed at 40. They discuss:

How she got over her body image issues after birth

How to care less about what other people think

The reconciliation of motherhood and sexuality

The experience of stripping down at a nude spa

The power of nude photoshoots

Her new book: Effed At 40

Follow Tova on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter.

We're very grateful you’re here and we appreciate you. If you would like to support the work we do, check out our affiliate links and use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save on your favourite toys and pleasure tools.

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TL;DR: Getting Naked with Tova Leigh - Motherhood & Body Confidence 

Tova Leigh joins Dr. Jess to talk nudity, motherhood, and the radical act of reclaiming your body — unapologetically.

From naked spa days to pole dancing and body rolls, her journey isn’t about how she looks, it’s about how she feels.

You can be nurturing and kinky, exhausted and erotic. Motherhood doesn’t cancel your sexuality.

When she started questioning monogamy, it wasn’t because something was broken, it was because she got curious.

Whether you’re dancing in the kitchen or tucking in your shirt with confidence, sensual movement and tiny acts of self-permission matter.

Want to reconnect with your body on your terms? Try the We-Vibe Touch for solo play or the Womanizer Duo 2 for deep, indulgent exploration.

Or explore wearable fun with We-Vibe Moxie+ and the ultra-luxe Mini Wand.

Reclaiming Sexuality, Redefining Self

Motherhood often demands everything of you, your time, your body, your bandwidth. And for many, including writer, performer and unapologetic truth-teller Tova Leigh, it also swallows up your sense of self. In this open-hearted and laugh-out-loud episode, Tova joins Dr. Jess to talk about Effed at 40, nudity, pole dancing, and the power of saying “F-it” when society tells you to stay in your lane.

From reclaiming her sexuality through movement (including pole dancing) to confronting internalized shame about her body after three kids (two of whom are twins), Tova shares the deeply personal and universally resonant steps she took to feel sexy, seen, and whole again.

As Tova says, “The day I managed to hump the floor in body rolls was a happy day.” Her joy isn’t rooted in how she looked, but how she felt. And that’s a lesson for all of us.

Body Confidence, Naked Truths & Letting Go

After a series of surgeries, hormonal shifts, and social conditioning that told her to hide, Tova started showing up for herself, and eventually, showing more skin too. Her nude spa experience in Brighton marked a major shift: “In the nude, there’s nothing. You’re so vulnerable, you’re so open, you’re just you.”

Tova discussed how body image isn’t just about how we see ourselves, but how that vision affects our partners and the sex we have. When you hide your body, your partner feels it. When you judge yourself, it sends a message that judgment is the norm, for both of you.

If you’re ready to tune into your body with intention, consider starting with movement for pleasure and connection. Whether it’s a solo floor grind, dancing in your kitchen, or stripping down in safe company, sensual self-awareness can be radical. For extra support, you might explore toys that help you reconnect with your body in a playful way like the We-Vibe Touch or the Womanizer Duo...

Therapist and writer, Jake Ernst, joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:

Strategies for assembling your support team (AKA quaran-team) during this stressful time

Apps that can help you to manage stress, transition and isolation

How to manage being cooped up with your family, partner or roommates

How to cope with difficult personalities and strained relationships in close proximity

Ways to bring yourself back to the present and support others in doing the same

How to recognize and manage signs of stress

Follow Jake on Instagram, Facebook & Twitter. Learn more about Straight Up Health here or by following them on Instagram. As Jake referenced during the episode, consider Calm's 30-Day free trial.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Your Quaran-Team: How to Manage the Stress of COVID-19

00:00:05 - 00:05:06

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Welcome to the sex with Dr. Just podcast I'm your co host Brandon. Wear here with my lovely other half Dr Jess. It's been a little while since we've been together on. The podcast wasn't sure if I was allowed to introduce myself as the CO host. Because you've been M I A. I have a have so much going on right now. I've been on the road all year but I am not on the road. I am in self isolation duo duo isolation right now back in Toronto we have been traveling and upon returning the country. We've been asked to stay in our homes for fourteen days so we are currently on day two of our self isolation my activity count on my apple. Watch is low. Although that's goals for me to keep my steps down mines embarrassingly low. How little I've done my movement. But Hey it's what we need to do. So yeah with this global pandemic. We are staying home. It's pretty disruptive to our schedules Obviously there are a range of stresses that you know we're personally experiencing at this moment so being asked to stay home for fourteen days of course for someone like me who doesn't even want to stay in the same city for fourteen days. I kind of freaked out for a hot second and then I realized that it's very little to ask me. There was a moment I just this fear in your eyes and it passed very quickly when you understood what needed to be done. Why but you were like ISD home. For How long what? Yeah and. It's not warm in Toronto and I try and avoid Toronto for the cool months and very lucky to get to that so I have to say I'm lucky to be home. We live in a fairly small home downtown. Toronto AND MY DAD LIVES WITH US. But because we have been traveling and my dad is high risk. He's seventy seven years old today. Actually we've moved him into a place at the corner and he's also sick so he should be self isolating but he refuses to and that's all other story altogether which is part of why. I'm so stressed today. We'll tell you just from all the things going on exactly. Yeah there's just so much going on. I mean tensions are high in so many different ways and so today. We're bringing on a guest to help us out with some of these tensions to help us figure out how to manage social isolation or what people are calling quarantine and yeah how to get through it with yourself with a partner with loved ones. I have to say obviously like my here with us because I know I ca...

How can equine therapy with horses help couples improve communication? How can horses support survivors of trauma? What is vaginismus and what are some approaches to managing painful sex? Dr. Maha Nasrallah-Babenko joins Jess to answer these questions and more.

Follow Dr. Maha on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

What We Can Learn from Equine Horse Therapy

00:00:05 - 00:05:12

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jasser podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey just a rally your friendly neighborhood sexologist here in Orange County today so just south of Los Angeles. I'm on my own without Brennan but I'm not totally on my own. I am here with psychologist and sex therapist. Dr Maha Nasrallah Benko yes impressed you pronounce it correctly as Rallo Banco actually much more sexy than most people pronounce. It would be pronounced it in your tongue. Nasrallah Benko the way you pronounce his even more sexy than the way out so you are. You're psychologist your sex therapist. You worked worked in lived all over the world you lived in. Beirut Lebanon which is one of my favorite places I've ever visited. You lived in Dubai for awhile. You studied and lived in London England. And now you're here on the west coast and it wasn't New York for a year and a half all right. That's where I met you at the Sexual Health Expo and we'RE GONNA be talking about a number of topics today but I want to begin with this. Eh quine therapy because this is all new to me. Can you tell me what this is? How you got into it and how we can. All you know. Have some takeaways from this therapy with horses? Absolutely and first of all I want to thank you for having me today. I'm really really excited. And I was really glad to see you here. An tenure event I'm a huge fan of yours in case you haven't noticed learn a lot from you even though. I'm an expert quote unquote but I think we are continuously learning and growing and I really really appreciate the information you put out there really. I'm very serious. Thank you A. It's true every event I go do. I am constantly learning. Yeah eat from. Experts and non experts like so always think it's interesting when people say oh. I know all this. How can you know all this? Yeah I studied this all day every day and I feel I mean. I know that I know very little. And Yeah I learned from my clients to just like worrying non-experts horse yeah their insights. I think are often more valuable. Because they're not in their heads. Yeah Same Way. That are so for all of you out there. You are the experts in your absolutely relation. I agree so equine. Therapy or Aucoin. Therapy doesn't matter how you pronounce it. I got into it like a year ago in terms of starting to study it But maybe six months ago or five six months ago or so. I started practicing it Here in Orange County I Dunno I think having a dog we. We had a dog We got a dog two years ago. my husband and I yes. She's adorable I think you having a dog and my love for animals and therapy and all that stuff. I started to kind of think of ways to combine them. I started to do some research and realize that it is a thing already working with animals in therapy so I started A certification on animal assisted psychotherapy.

Award winning sex educator, Tristan Taormino, joins Jess to talk about spanking, gang bangs, eye candy, social justice and mind-effing.

Why you might want to attend Sex Down South this year...

How to reclaim the gang bang

The role of the gang bang “host”

How to discuss rules and boundaries before a group sex experience

Spanking rules and tools

The importance of understanding your core erotic feeling

The benefits of uncovering your elevated erotic feelings

The role of a service top

The appeal of the mind eff

If you purchase tickets to Sex Down South, use code SEXWITHDRJESS for 20% off!

Follow Tristan on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook. Have a listen and check out Tristan’s podcast, Sex Out Loud.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Core Erotic Feeling, Gang-Bangs & Spankings

00:00:05 - 00:05:04

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey Jessica Riley here and today. I am joined by Tristen Tear Amino an award-winning sex. Educator media maker Speaker. She's the author of eight books editor and Co editor of twenty five anthologies and the host of your own podcast. Sex Out loud sex out loud. What do you talk about on sex out loud? You know the show evolved? It's interesting because there's so many sex podcasts right. Sometimes it feels like we're circulating all the Same guests so I think this is my. I'M GONNA go on my eighth year. This my eighth year doing it and I think the focus has become more about gender and sexuality we talk a lot about social justice marginalized communities I like to really mix in voices of you know get like a heavy hitter Janet mock and then have some one that no one's heard of you know someone who doesn't have access to the mainstream media who's doing work kind of on the margins and doing really incredible work so I like to. I like to mix it up between both and then we do questions. Not Every single episode. Do we do questions but people right? Obviously people right to me nonstop with advice questions and they call in. It's interesting because people often don't think about sexuality and social justice but even within our field you can see that there are literally thousands of brilliant folks doing really really genius work In terms of therapy of education in terms of reproductive rights. And they just don't have their voices heard because people meet me and they're like oh my gosh you know you the new Dr Ruth or in Canada the sue. You're the only one doing it and I have to tell them. You know what there are thousands of people who don't have the privilege of having this platform right right and we still thinker like suffering a little bit from being whitewashed and the people who have the most platforms and are talking the most and have the Mike most tend to be white and I feel like a group of people called that out several years ago and I took that call and criticism really seriously and feel like as a white person. It's important for me to acknowledge my white privilege and the privilege. I have in the industry the Privilege. I get with speaking gigs and to really try to push back against you know a panel where they invite me and it's all white people or a conference where they invite me and it's all white speakers so That's become m...

Thank you for tuning in to our podcast about dirty underwear and why we love it! We’re grateful for your curiosity and openness! If you feel like shopping, check out our affiliate partners and use our discount code DRJESSVIP to save when checking out. We appreciate your support!

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TL;DR: Dirty Underwear, Clean Pleasure

Used panties = erotic, empowering & profitable. From kink and scent-play to side hustle fantasies, the resale of worn underwear taps into power, storytelling, and scent-driven desire.

It’s not just about sex. Buying and selling dirty underwear is about being desired on your terms: sweat, scent, discharge and all.

Kink is personal (and political). Whether you’re craving control, connection, taboo, or sensory overload, these fetishes are deeply human, and often healing.

Platforms like Sofia Gray make it safe. Anonymous bios, custom requests, and curated experiences let folks sell (or buy) with comfort, creativity, and clear boundaries.

You don’t need to sell your undies to explore the fantasy. Start solo with body-aware tools like the We-Vibe Touch X or Womanizer Duo 2 and listen to your body’s responses.

Curious about kink or smell play? Learn more in Kinky Tapas: Psychological Kink, Dominance & More.

Want help starting the convo with a partner? Read: How to Talk About Fantasies.

Whether you’re turning on, cashing in, or just listening with curiosity, your pleasure is welcome here.

Why Are People Buying and Selling Used Dirty Underwear?

If you’re into fantasy, sensory stimulation, taboo play or simply making a little side income, selling your underwear might just be your next venture. Our conversation with Lacey Bloom of The Sofia Gray Show pulls back the curtain on the world of used panty marketplaces, where bodily fluids are valued, desire is personalized, and storytelling is sexy currency.

And yes, if you’re curious about joining this niche economy, there’s no shame in profiting from what you’d otherwise toss in the hamper. If you’re more of a buyer than a seller, welcome! Your desire is neither odd nor unusual and you’re far from alone.

Bodily Autonomy Meets Desire

Lacey reminds us that used panty sales are not just about sex, they’re about being desired. They’re about reclaiming pleasure and turning what we’re told to hide, like sweat, discharge, or scent, into sources of pride, power, and play.

Used underwear gives us permission to enjoy the messy, mundane parts of our bodies. And let’s be honest: the vagina is a self-cleaning oven. Discharge is normal. So is sweat. So is curiosity. And so is the erotic charge we might find in these bodily functions, especially when they’ve been so deeply stigmatized.

Kinks, Fantasies & Fetishes Are Personal and Political

As we unpacked on the podcast, our erotic imaginations often thrive in contrast to our day-to-day lives. If you’re powerful at work, you may crave submission. If you’re often objectified, you may want to create your own story and be in control of how your body is received.

Used panty play taps into submission, dominance, smell kinks, erotic humiliation, and nostalgia. Sometimes it’s about fantasy. Sometimes it’s about human connection. And sometimes it’s just about the smell. That doesn’t make you weird, it makes you human.

For a deeper dive into why we get turned on by taboo, check out Kinky Tapas: Psychological Kink, Dominance & More.

How Does It Work on Sofia Gray?

According to Zak Callen,

The toll of intimate partner violence struck close to home this week and with this weighing on her mind, Jess discusses nine strategies for supporting a loved one who is dealing with an abusive partner. This isn’t a private issue, it’s a public health crisis and we have to do more to protect those at risk.

Content warning: I will be talking about violence and the death of someone in my community.

I will be reading some of the details of a recent death, so if you don’t feel comfortable hearing about intimate partner violence and death, please stop this podcast now. This may not be for you.

Last weekend Dr. Amie Harwick, a marriage and family therapist who focused on relationships and sex was killed. She was killed in her home and was found below a third floor balcony with evidence of manual strangulation according to news reports. Her ex has been charged with murder.

According to reports from court documents from 2011 & 2012, her ex choked, suffocated, pushed, kicked, slammed her head into the ground and refused to get help. He pushed her out of a car. He broke into her housing complex, smashed ten picture frames against her door, left 4 dozen flowers taped to her door and left a note warning that things would get worse.

A restraining order was enacted against him. It expired two weeks prior to her death.

I don’t know why restraining orders expire. I’m not an expert in legal protections against violent partners and exes. But my intuition is that they shouldn’t expire.

There is now a petition on change.org called Justice 4 Amie. The creator, suggests that some changes to protect those dealing with a violent or abusive partner begin with:

1. No expiration date or a longer protection term and to not be lifted until victim requests it to be cancelled. (In reference to restraining orders.)

2. Mandatory long-term counselling for the stalker/abuser. If they are deemed a harm to the victim or society, then institutionalization may be ordered.

3. Victims should not have to testify in a courtroom close to their abuser/stalker. There should be an option to live stream in a safe space in a satellite location for the hearing with the judge. It's a traumatic experience that the victim is already dealing with and should not be subjected to it again if they do not feel they can. That is why many abusers get away with their actions: many victims back out of trial due to fear of facing their perpetrator.

Amie ran into this ex at an industry event a few weeks before her death.

According to a friend who is quoted in several news outlets, the ex went ballistic and was abusive and threatening. Amie said she was scared he would show up at her home. She went to the police, but they did not take it seriously.

You may have read headlines about Amie’s death or seen photos of her with celebrity comedian Drew Carey because they also used to date.

I want to read a message from a close mutual friend, Dr. Hernando Chaves that sums up what I’m thinking because I think he says it better than I will right now:

“She did everything she could do to protect herself, and this person still sought her out and was violent toward her,” Chaves said. “That is what people I hope are going to see — not the sensationalism of her dating Drew Carey or being a ‘Hollywood sex therapist’... but that our system is not protecting women.”

I’ve been really anxious since I heard the news. I’m angry. I’m so sad. I’m sad obviously for Amie and her family and loved ones who were closer to her than I was, but I’m also sad that in a world where we take so many precautions to protect the public, we still aren’t doing what it takes to protect those at risk of violence from their partners.

Amie and I had a lot in common. We were supposed to meet on Tuesday in Hollywood. She was so smart. I interviewed her for my podcast a few years ago and she helped me to manage some of my people pleasing tendencies on the air.

Sex writer, Suzannah Weiss, joins Jess to share her personal experience with orgasmic meditation. She discusses:

An alternative view of orgasm

The very specific technique for “orgasmic meditation"

The story of her first time with a stranger

The high she gets from "extended orgasm"

Her favourite sex club

Advice for sex club newbies

Follow Suzannah on Instagram & Twitter.

 

 

 

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Orgasmic Meditation: A First-Hand Report

00:00:05 - 00:05:00

You're listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Hey Hey your friendly neighborhood sexologist here Jessica O'Reilly joining me to talk about orgasmic meditation and extending your orgasms based on personal firsthand experience is sex and relationship writer Susanna Weiss. Thanks for being here. Thank you now. You write about sex all day long you research. Sometimes you go into the trenches and try things out so that you can write from personal and more authentic perspective. How has writing about sex for a living changed the way you feel sexually or your own sex life? It's change everything I guess. It's made me more adventurous. It's made me more confident as I learn about female sexual empowerment. And how like sort of Skewed Toward Pleasure. Our cultures sexual script. Czar it's made me WanNa fight against that and want to like normalized difference sexual scripts other than like intercourse being the main thing And given me lots of new ideas to try my sex life intercourse not being. The main event is a really difficult script to get people to veer away from and oftentimes. I think it's because we talk about trying other things sexually when there is a problem with intercourse but for those of us who maybe get off on or enjoy non intercourse sex as much as or more than we enjoy intercourse itself when I say intercourse. I'm saying you know putting something in your vagina for other people as putting something in your anus. What led you to discover sex beyond intercourse. Well I had always. I always knew that there were other things but I think there was a book I read. That was particularly influential. It was on becoming clitoris by Laurie. Men's and she talks about how patriarchal it is that we have intercourse as the main act and how A quarter of women only a quarter of women consistently orgasm through intercourse She actually argues that it's lower because she thinks people are misreporting Or reporting when they're like having intercourse lake and touching their cleared or something so just made me see how impressive it is. That women are expected to conform to societal ideal that setup by men and so this has led you to try all these different sexual practices including orgasmic meditation now. I've read about orgasmic meditation. But I've never tried it so I understand that it's a practice. That combines the power of meditation with the experience of Orgasm. But because I haven't tried it. Tell me what does it physically entail? It entails Somebody with a vulva and a partner who can be any genital configuration Stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoris for thirteen minutes. And then sort of pressing on it for two minutes which is supposed to like ground.