Sex With Emily

If you’ve never talked about your sex life with your partner before, there’s a good chance they’ll push back. Why? Because most of us go into fight or flight mode when talking about sex: it’s not normalized in our culture, we get defensive, we feel like we’re being criticized. But never fear – you can create a culture of sex communication in your relationship, one talk at a time. Be the change, is what I’m saying.

On today’s hotline show, I take your calls about having a sex talk. Like: telling your wife you want her to massage your prostate. Or telling a partner you want your vanilla sex to be a little spicier. How to relax into oral and give your partner tips to make you scream, and how to tell your partner: “you know what? I need to be seduced a little before we jump into penetration.” If we can talk about sex like we talk about dinner, everyone wins! So take a listen to this episode, and see if your next sex talk isn’t a little bit easier. 

Show Notes:

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Do you always have sex on the the first date? Do you always swipe right on people who aren’t good for you? What are your bad dating habits – and how can you break them?

I asked you to tell me what negative dating patterns you’re trying to change, and you all delivered! On today’s show, I’m addressing your top dating problems so we can solve them together. Having sex too soon, trying to “fix” less-than-ideal partners, fear of asserting yourself, having misaligned expectations, the tendency to audition people for the role of life partner – we’re covering it all, so you can feel empowered with new partners and have an amazing time with existing partners. 

Show Notes:

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When it comes to sex, why was the world set up so that vulva owners are the ones in charge of preventing a pregnancy? That’s the central question of a Twitter thread that went viral in 2018, and on today’s show I’ve got Gabrielle Stanley Blair, the author of that thread – and a forthcoming book, Ejaculate Responsibly – here to talk about it. I’m also joined by anthropologist, author, and my dear friend Dr. Wednesday Martin, to unpack this fascinating topic. 

In a post-Roe world, Gabrielle is calling for a wholesale shift in the way we think about pregnancy prevention: namely, by inviting penis owners and their bodies into the conversation. On today’s show, we talk condoms and sexual pleasure, how society pressures vulva owners to become mothers, how to talk to young men about ejaculating responsibly, why MORE sex ed leads to LESS unwanted pregnancies, and why Gabrielle – mother of six and a Mormon – is passionate about arguing that women’s lives matter, and so does their pleasure. 

One more thing: Can pre-ejaculate, or pre-cum, cause unwanted pregnancy? Pre-ejaculate actually does NOT contain sperm. However, any sperm remaining in the urethra from a previous ejaculation may be carried out with pre-cum which would have a chance of causing a pregnancy.

The solution? Urinate before having sex to flush out any leftover sperm, and, as always, wear a condom!

For more information, visit Teen Health Source.

Show Notes:

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Anxiety, depression and low self-worth all block our sexual pleasure. But on a more fundamental level, they block us from showing up in the world the way we’d like: as confident, happy, sexy people. That’s why I invited my own therapist, Dr. Anadel Barbour, to talk to us through healing those intrusive thoughts. If you’re ready, your internal work starts today. 

On this best-of episode, Dr. Barbour and I discuss EMDR therapy, the four foundations of mindfulness, how to physically move through trauma, healing shame, and how to know if you’re in constant fight or flight. We also touch on sex and pain, and mindfulness in and out of the bedroom. If you’ve ever considered therapy but are on the fence about it, I hope this episode gives you some encouragement – because healing emotional wounds can truly transform your sex life.

Show Notes:

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Ah, weddings. So ceremonial. So floral. After two years of postponements and cancellations, IRL weddings are back – but are all those newlyweds talking about their sex life? They probably should be! 

Married sex is full of tired, toxic cliches that I’m personally ready to bust. We don’t have to settle for absent or boring sex as we grow old together. So on today’s episode, I’m making the case for writing your sex vows before you walk down the aisle, helping you recreate honeymoon sex if you’ve been married for ages, and giving you a lay of the land culturally-speaking on how we’re thinking about sex and relationships now. Plus, I take your questions: how to navigate bisexuality in a straight marriage, what it means if you find yourself jealous at your friend’s weddings and how to bring back the spark…when the spark was a little dim in the first place. 

Show Notes:

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What cultural or religious programming do you have around sex? Even if you didn’t grow up in a church, sexual shame is – in so many ways – the air we breathe. But here’s the reality: you didn’t put those thoughts there. Someone else did. And on today’s show with guest Erin Tillman, we’re calling out those judgmental messages, and choosing the sex messaging that actually serves us. The result? A radically more authentic, more liberated sex life.

As an inclusive dating coach, Erin is no stranger to shame – and she’s heard it all from her clients. Whether it was that one rude thing a partner said that haunted you for years, or a parent that told you masturbation was dirty, shame love to hide in the shadows…and hold you back in the bedroom. So on today’s show, Erin and I talk about how we healed our own sexual shame, dropped performative sex, and got comfortable with the word “no.” You’ll also learn the difference between “no” and “not yet” when it comes to dating, how to make good choices on dating apps, and how to flip your internal shame script.

Show Notes:

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It’s a good time to expand our definition of sex. At the end of the day, sex is play for adults: it’s where we collaborate with another person, creating a momentary world of pleasure and eroticism with them. But so often, we assume that sex equals penetration, and here’s the problem with that: not everyone orgasms during penetration. Not everyone feels erotic during penetration! So let’s make sex more interesting and exploratory, shall we?

On today’s show, I’m talking up all the different types of non-penetrative sex – like mutual masturbation, sensual massage, toys, hand stuff – to help you break out of a conventional sex script, and have sex that’s more tailored to your personality and desires. Because you never have to take penetration off the table entirely…but what would happen if you took it off the table for a little while? (Hint: probably more orgasms.) 

Show Notes:

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How much do you know about your partner’s sexual language? Or your own sexual language? In this best of episode, sex educator, author and licensed therapist Jamye Waxman is here to talk about core erotic blueprints, sexual accelerators and brakes, and the sixth love language: space and freedom. 

Jamye and I talk through the communication skills you need to help your sexual connection thrive, because if resentment is the relationship killer…curiosity is the relationship healer. So in this show, you’ll learn how to turn your communication style from critical to curious, as you and your partner learn who you both are as erotic beings. 

Show Notes:

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Jenny Mollen is the author of City of Likes, a fictional comedy about mommy influencer culture and the intensity of female friendships – especially when one of them is a narcissist. Are they obsessed with each other? Do they want to have sex with each other? And what do you do when someone’s perfectly-curated facade finally cracks? 

Jenny and I met years ago, and I know you’ll love her just as much as I do. Besides being a bestselling author, she’s also an actor, host of the hilarious “Third Wheel with Jenny Mollen” podcast, a mom, and wife to actor Jason Biggs. On this episode, she talks about the personal experiences with social media that inspired her book, why she wants to see a sex therapist, and helps me answer your sex and relationship questions. For example, if you’re in a relationship, is it ok to comment on someone else’s Instagram telling them how attractive they are? Jenny and I give it to you straight. 

Show Notes:

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It’s my strong belief that pleasure is the antidote to fear, now and always. But when it comes to sex, we really can be our own worst enemies: what if my new partner sees me naked, and decides to jet? What if I try out some dirty talk, and my partner laughs at me? What if I approach someone cute…and they say ‘no thank you’?

Fear can be crippling to our sex drive – but it can also be digested and processed. To do that, we can check the facts, we can remember that most things aren’t personal, and we can talk about our fears out loud. (Meditation helps too!) So on today’s best of episode, I’m talking to you all about YOUR sex fears: period sex, sharing a fetish with a new partner, old traumas, fear that you’ll never get over an ex, and much more to help you live YOUR most free, sexually healthy life.

Show Notes:

• The Secret to Better Sex? Talking About It

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