Sex With Emily

So you’ve got a sex fantasy...and you’re ready for it to become reality. That’s great! But let me be the first to tell you: this process is part art, part science. The art? That’s your erotic self. Closing your eyes, imagining hot -- possibly taboo -- scenarios, and taking the time to discover what turns you on. But the science? That’s where we have to get tactical and think with our heads -- as well as our loins.

On today’s Ask Emily show, I take your calls on fantasy and give you practical advice on how to fulfill them. Let’s say your partner has been hinting at a cuckold scenario: how do you go about finding a “third,” and how do you manage expectations for all involved? We get into it. What if you don’t have any fantasies, but you want some? Is there a way to get more creative? Yeahhh there is. Right this way for some sexy self-discovery.

Show Notes:

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I like to think of Lewis Howes and Lisa Bilyeu as leaders in the self-awareness world, especially when it comes to relationships. Both Lewis and Lisa are incredibly successful: she went from housewife to cofounder of a billion-dollar business, he went from picked last for dodgeball to pro athlete, New York Times bestselling author and uber successful podcaster. But here’s the thing: success is empty if you don’t learn to like yourself, and both are intimately familiar with that truth. 

On today’s Best Of episode, I’m pairing these two voices to bring you the most powerful advice on self-love and fulfilling relationships. We hear from Lisa, who tells the story of radically changing her role in her relationship, and Lewis, who tells the story of radically hustling for respect (and getting it) -- only to realize he needed to learn how to respect himself. In this show, you’ll learn how to ask your partner for exactly what you need, how to break the habit of “testing” partners, how to identify the masks you wear for the world, and why sex transforms after you’ve taken the time to understand who you are - and love yourself, no hustle required. 

Find Lewis Howes here:

LewisHowes.com

Instagram @lewishowes

Twitter @lewishowes

TikTok @lewishowes

Find Lisa Bilyeu here:

lisabilyeu.com

Instagram @lisabilyeu

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It’s frustrating but true: sex isn’t a button that we can automatically turn on and off. In fact, “sex” is a catch-all term for arousal, body exploration, play, and erotic collaboration—not simply penetration. So what do you do when you want to get naughty, but your body isn’t on-board? 

On today’s Ask Emily show, we’re taking a look at the body’s response to sex, and figuring out what to do when it shuts down. Say you’ve got a gag reflex around oral: does that mean no blowjobs? Nah - I’ve got a trick for that. How about vaginismus, when the vulva clenches so tightly at penetration, that sex is super painful? I’ve got advice! Finally, let’s talk about your partners: is it kosher to use old toys with a new lover? How do you broach the subject? And when you’re newly married, but the sex has serious problems, where do you turn? At the root of good sex is good communication, and on today’s episode, we challenge everyone to articulate their needs, and listen to their partners.

Show Notes:

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Before we’re experts at anything, we’re all humble beginners. And whether we’re learning how to date, learning how to talk about sex, or learning how to pleasure a partner, it can all seem pretty intimidating — enough to make us second-guess ourselves. “Do they just like me as a friend?” “Am I weird for wanting more lovers?” “Will I teach my child the right things about sex?”

On today’s Ask Emily show, everyone’s looking for clarity in the sexual unknown, starting with: how can I tell if they’re into me? Whether it’s an office crush and you’re trying to figure out if they like you back, or you’re about to go on a date and worried you’ll be friend-zoned, I give you tips to put your best foot forward. How about if it’s a new sexual act, and you don’t know how you feel about it — or if you should even try it? I offer ways to figure out what YOU want…and not just what your lover wants. Finally, sexual evolutions in long-term relationships: what to do when you’re filled with old resentment? Is there a new conversation you could have with your partner? How about when you want to open up…but your nesting partner is scared of you having new lovers? We’re venturing into uncharted sex territory today, but don’t worry—we all come out on the other side, with fresh ways forward.

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Everyone is talking about breathwork these days. But for PleasureMuse Dolly Josette, breath opens an entire world of erotic sensation -- and it’s a world you (yes, you) already possess. So if full-body orgasms sound like fun, you’ll love this conversation, because guess what? Dolly shows us how to visit that pleasure-filled world, all on our own.

Dolly’s been recognized as one of today’s most innovative Sexological Bodyworkers by Cosmopolitan and Hustler Magazines, but more importantly, she helps women and couples navigate their sexual evolution, wake up from numbness, and live more orgasmic lives. In this episode, we cover a ton of ground, including how to hack your nervous system for better sex, how to become a great masturbator, what exactly *is* somatic sex therapy, and why so many people, especially vulva-owners, are trained to numb from the waist down. (Spoiler alert: her clients definitely aren’t numb anymore.) 

Find Dolly online:

pleasuremuse.com

Learn about orgasm vs. climax

Get Dolly's 25-minute Vulva Hug Meditation - use code SEXWITHEMILY for 20% off

Instagram @pleasuremuse

Show Notes:

Find certified sexological bodyworkers in your area at sexologicalbodyworkers.org

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Trust: it’s the glue of relationships, even the more casual ones. Can I trust that this person is safe? That they aren’t going to hurt me? Can I trust myself, that I’ll know how to navigate this situation? These are the questions we all ask ourselves, even if it’s subconscious. Our bodies and brains regularly scan for danger, but when you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, sometimes the red flags just look like flags.

So on today’s Ask Emily show, I take your questions on trust and safety, because as we know, safety is the precursor to hot sex. So what happens when you’re having mind-blowing sex with a partner, but catch them chatting with sex workers online? What happens when you’ve been love-bombed, by someone who isn’t what they seem? Or maybe you’ve had past relationship trauma, and don’t trust new partners to take it slow with you? We get into all of it. Finally: do you trust yourself to facilitate a hookup? Do you trust that you can help a partner heal from sex-negative messaging? These are the questions I’m exploring today, and trust ME: by the end, you’ll walk away with some great tools for sticky situations. 

Show Notes:

Episode: First Date First Orgasm First Threesome

Find out about EMDR therapy at EMDRIA.org

Book: For Yourself By Lonnie Barbach

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You’ve heard this one before: the sexiest quality in the world is confidence. And that’s true...but...it’s not always easy to muster. Confidence is an inside job, but here’s the good news. Once you generate it on your own terms, life - and sex - gets a whole lot easier.

So on today’s Ask Emily show, I’m joined by my dear friend and former co-host Menace from The Woody Show, as we talk confidence, jealousy, Pete Davidson, and self-image. What happens when you adore your partner, but can’t stop thinking about their high body count? Or want to have hot phone sex, but don’t know where to start? We talk through both. How about when you feel too short to find a great partner, or don’t know how to be dominant in bed? We help you think through both. Finally: discovering your partner’s can of delay spray. Our listener wonders whether he’s sleeping with someone else; we think it’s time for open communication.

Find Menace here:

What's New Podcast

The Woody Show

Diego Hot Sauce

Instagram

Twitter

Show Notes:

Try my free Yes, No, Maybe List

We-Vibe Moxie, Bond (Cock Ring) and Touch

Episode: Talk Dirty To Me w/ Joanna Angel

Promescent: Better In Bed

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When you hear the words “pelvic floor,” what comes to mind? A visit to the OB-GYN, maybe? The truth is, the pelvic floor is a hidden superstar of sexual pleasure, for vulva AND penis owners. We all have a pelvic floor, but the problem is, we don’t always know how to take care of it. That changes today because you’re about to hear from the pelvic floor expert herself, Dr. Patricia Wallace.

In this episode I talk to Dr. Wallace about “living your best life in your best body,” and how focusing on the pelvic floor can unlock our feel-good potential. We discuss the intricacies of orgasm because guess what? When you strengthen the pelvic floor, your orgasm contractions get more intense, and tiny muscles you didn’t even know you had amplified your pleasure. We can also heal pain and prolapse through pelvic floor rehab, and vulva owners will find a lot of relief hearing Dr. Wallace's thoughts on aging and hormones. Turns out, you can nurture your hormonal health well into menopause, without scary side effects! Leave it to a doctor to put our minds (and our vulvas, and our penises) at ease.

Find out more about Dr. Wallace here:

pelvichealthwellness.com

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Find out more about Emsella treatments here:

bodybybtl.com

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Sex is play, but certain sex positions feel more like work, right? Whether it’s reverse cowgirl or 69, you might feel a bit awkward...you don’t exactly know what you’re doing...you’re trying not to throw your back out. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep doing the same, safe positions over and over again!

That’s why today’s show is all about helping you experiment, and making the most challenging positions feel smooth and easy -- no physics degree required. Learn how to make reverse cowgirl less confusing and more sexy, how to execute the Kivin Method on a vulva owner, how to 69 without feeling like you’re multitasking, and how to have steamy, sexy shower sex without breaking anything. Plus: we reveal the most-searched sex positions by U.S. state! Pennsylvanians love their oral, and those Texans are pretty dexterous, y’all.

Show Notes:

Episode: The “Bottom” Line On Anal w/ Dr. Evan Goldstein

Try our free Pleasure Planner

Episode: Sex Goals For The Win

Article: How to Master These Awkward Sex Positions

Article: Mind-Blowing Oral Sex in Under 5 Minutes: The Kivin Method

Je Joue Mimi 

Ditto Anal Plug

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Let’s be honest: there are certain myths about sex that are SO common, they seem like truth. Things like: what it means to be wet, what it means to be hard, and what it means if you use a vibrator a lot. But guess what? A ton of the things you and I have both heard about sex aren’t based on science - they’ve just been repeated a lot. So on today’s show, I’m debunking the top sex myths I see and hear, and giving you the actual facts.

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What does it mean about your sexual ability if you’ve had a lot of partners - or conversely, hardly any? We talk about it. How about if you’re not getting wet during sex. Does that mean you’re not turned on? We discuss! Let’s say you use a vibrator a lot - can you get addicted to it? Or my favorite: does having an orgasm mean the sex was good? I tackle both of these. And finally, we face the truth about anal sex, because spoiler alert...it’s not just for gay men.

For more information about or to purchase the products mentioned in this podcast, click below:

Dame: Practice Your Pleasure

Promescent: Better In Bed

Show Notes:

Episode: Lube It Or Leave It

Episode: Kink & Casual Sex w/ Justin Lehmiller 

Episode: Seducing the Booty w/ Alicia Sinclair

B-Vibe: Anal Training Kit & Education Set

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