Shutdown Fullcast

The Shutdown Fullcast heads to the home of Big Cow himself for our first ever ANIMAL DISASTERS episode. What kind of disasters?

- The kind where someone decides "a gun in a Publix" is a solution

- The kind that involve early 20th century Atlantic City

- The kind where your Dad ends up putting multiple holes in the wall

- The kind where a mascot becomes a serial killer

- Tennessee Volunteers football

And so forth. Somehow, Ryan forgot to bring up Noah at all on this episode! What an idiot. (Please note: this is a slightly shorter episode than usual because we cut out the Q&A portion of the show. You gotta show up in person if you want to learn those secrets, sucker.)

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- Yes, the dings stop eventually

- IT'S WATER POLO CRIMES DAY!

- Psychological profile of hero fugitive Aunt Becky

- Consider Arizona State and stay out of jail, you rich nerds

- Which SEC team best combines Lord of the Rings and paintball?

- Live Brexit updates and analysis

- Our new and forever enemy, the worst brand on earth: Mossimo

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We, the 2019 State Draft GMs, are splitting the country into five teams for very weird reasons. Why are we doing this at all? You ask too many questions! Just like a cop! WE GOT A COP HERE!

- Four teams are good. One is bad. I think you know where Florida ends up

- What's the point of this? How do you win? I'm surprised you think there's an answer, but thank you for trying

- Who'll be the first to pick a state that was already picked?

- What is the state dessert of Missouri?

- More explosive: DK Metcalf or the state of Mississippi's geology itself?

- Which of us is just playing an actual board game the entire time?

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Yup, it's Combine time, but we're gonna talk about comic books so deal with it. TOPICS INCLUDE:

- Jared Lorenzen would dust you

- Vernon Davis vs. The Hulk, who ya got

- To this day, all DC characters are written by 8-year-old boys

- Character risk? Captain America’s old tweets are a red flag

- Which Big 12 team is Galactus?

- Advanced analytics: We already know which X-Man would win the 3-cone drill

- We love our big stupid Thor

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With the signature timeliness only the Shutdown Fullcast can bring, we're here to discuss football's hot new league, the AAF. It's definitely financially stable and you know that because Rick Neuheisel came here from the Pac-12 Network. Everything he touches turns to gold! I'm pretty sure there's some weird Papa John talk on here as well, though that could be true of any Fullcast episode. Ok, have a great day!

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Holly, Spencer, and Jason are joined by Bud Elliott, SB Nation's foremost recruiting expert/lawncare superexpert/State of Florida hypersuper expert. They answer your questions about all of those topics and also get easily distracted, because that's how this show works. 

Topics include:

The hardest positions to evaluate from high school to college

Bud goes in on FSU again

Lawns are just places to store unwanted dads

Chip Kelly wants you to pick a lunch place

Why you should text recruits because the phone is now evil

Scouting Bad Boy Mowers' catalog for five-star recruits

Very hesitant and skeptical Tennessee praise

Chip Kelly doesn't like any of the places you picked for lunch

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You might not have been paying close attention to all the coaching changes in college football over the last couple months, what with bowl games and the playoff and early signing day and the New Year's party you planned that went off the rails because Todd brought Bacardi 151 even though you only asked him to get a couple bottles of wine. Most of us weren't paying attention either, so Jason decided to quiz us as a team to see how many coaching hires we could name. 

But first Ryan made everyone talk about Noah, and then Spencer and Holly wanted to share a story of the new friend they made during Super Bowl week. 

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Hanif Abdurraqib (@NifMuhammad) is an accomplished poet, essayist, and cultural critic who has a new book coming out, Go Ahead in the Rain: Notes to A Tribe Called Quest. He's also from Columbus and an Ohio State fan, so yeah, we made him talk about Craig Krenzel, the Ohio-Florida mirror relationship, and where he was when the Buckeyes lost to Purdue this year. We also talked about children being mean to Tom Brady because it's good when children are mean to Tom Brady. Tell your children to be mean to Tom Brady, please! 

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From frozen pizzas to self-inflicted food poisoning to the saddest French onion soup in the world, you, our listeners, have managed to truly create disasters that didn't even seem possible in your culinary endeavors. (Seriously, how has MORE THAN ONE OF YOU destroyed a microwave by using it as a timer?) We did not hang you out to dry, however, as we have our own failures to share - including Jason's wife burning down an apartment building before she was old enough to go to school. 

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The offseason is upon us, which means it's time for all of us to set goals for ourselves and our teams. Will we achieve them? Probably not, but that will not stop us from doing this all again next year. Go Human Brains! Topics on this episode include:

3:21 - The Fullcast hosts as Pokemon types

4:29 - A tribute to a truly great college football hater

15:41 - Your/Our Offseason Goals!

26:57 - What if Dan Mullen poses nude with a shark?

35:12 - Let’s talk about the White House Burger Spread

48:12 - Ok more of Your Offseason Goals

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