Summary

This episode revolves around the topic of making amends in recovery. Carl shares a personal story about a past wrongdoing and the guilt and remorse he felt. He discusses the importance of making amends to honor loved ones who have passed and shares his own experience of visiting a grave and apologizing. The conversation highlights the power of facing shame and remorse in recovery and the healing that comes from making amends.

June 8 - soberpod.com

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

― Henry David Thoreau

Some of us just need permission to be ourselves. We need to know that it’s okay to show our true selves. Some of us will live all of our lives wearing someone else’s skin while we hide from showing who we really are. Also known as “a quiet desperation.” This act of hiding behind a mask and pretending in every area of our lives is painful. While we numb out and ingest anything to make us feel better (or not at all), we only cause more harm in that process. This only encourages us to hide more and suffer longer. It’s a compounding cyclical and silent desperation. For those needing permission to break down, give up, give in, surrender, let go, and just hurt out loud, consider this reading today your official permission.

Reflections

In what areas of your life do you look for permission? For what do you need permission from others to do, even though you really don’t need anyone’s permission?

Daily Challenge

If you need to cry, cry. You have permission.

June 7

When I share in A.A. meetings, I often joke about falling in love with the guy at 7-Eleven (convenience store). Why? Because I did. When I was using, I was miserable and angry all the time for seemingly just existing and having to wake up and breathe. After a few years of working towards being a better human, I embraced the principle of “brotherly love” and looked towards others with more empathy and compassion than I have ever had in my life up to that point. How did it happen? Listening to others. Taking advice and suggestions. Shuffle off this mortal coil. Discovering and appreciating the little things. Finding gratitude in the birds singing and not wishing them dead for waking me up. Bitterness can rot your soul, and what I began looking for and relying upon was hope.

Reflections

Check your attitude today. Does that person really deserve your venom? Where and what is your focus?

Daily Challenge

Instead of just going about your day all selfishly, why not stop and ask people how their day is going? For reals.

June 6

I don’t know when it happened, but it happened. The landscape of self-help and the Internet turned into a sea of personal fucking coaches and sobriety gurus. At every turn, another one pops up and shouts into the void, “Pick me! I can help you change your life!” And the problem is that some of us fall for this noise. Most of these coaches/gurus are charlatans skilled at taking your money and preying on your desire to get sober or improve your shortcomings. There is no shortcut to self-improvement. You can’t buy it from someone. You can’t give it to someone who needs or wants it. It takes personal dedication and perseverance each day to really improve your life. The people who get it are the people who do it. You know this to be true, and you feel this in your chest every time you try. And it’s hard. Don’t fall for the quick promise of easy sobriety, more money, or tighter abs. It all takes daily effort. And again, it’s hard.

Reflections

How many books or programs have you tried to improve your life? Which ones have actually made an impact?

Daily Challenge

Share your information with others. Let others know what bullshit is and what isn’t. Save someone’s life.

June 5

Nothing is ever as I imagine it. Never. Yet here I sit, imagining another job interview and how it will go. Based on what exactly? Looking at someone’s LinkedIn profile, judging that person on six posts and a profile picture. How lame is that? Already, in my mind, this person has a poor personality. I am not going to get along with them, they are too liberal or conservative, and we simply won’t get along. My chances of getting this job have just significantly diminished! Damn it! But none of what I think or imagine is true. I am often surprised at these little twists of the mind and how they impact my reality. These thoughts can become self-fulfilling when I act upon them in imagined situations. Much like an interview or meeting a group of people that I have pre-judged in my imagination.

Reflections

Do you judge people before meeting them? Do you imagine that you will have a bad time if you attend a function?

Daily Challenge

Next time you imagine the worst, try to turn it around and imagine the best. You’ll be surprised how it goes.

June 4

Relationships can be so tricky in recovery. In men’s meetings, they have many jokes about replacing alcohol and drugs with relationships:

1. The beaver trail leads to wine country;

2. There is a slip under every skirt;

3. She was another bottle with legs;

4. Etc.

I wish I knew what women said about men in recovery, but I am kinda glad that I don’t. The advice thrown out in recovery circles is to stay away from relationships for an entire year. This advice has probably saved more addicts’ and alcoholics’ lives than any other advice given in meetings.

Reflections

Did you have a relationship in your first year of recovery? Are you having one now?

Daily Challenge

Stop whacking it. (Especially if your name is Aaron).

June 3

Everything in moderation. And we mean EVERYTHING! We used to say, “Listen in moderation,” at the end of the introduction on the podcast each week. It was in there for a reason. We addicts and alcoholics are absolutely the worst when it comes to moderation. It doesn’t matter what we do. We always end up doing more than we should to excess, and it usually gets other people’s attention. Our thought process is always, “If one is good, then five are way better.” And that just about sums that up. We can get obsessive about the most basic shit, and we will find ourselves eating a whole cheesecake in one sitting unless there is something more attractive in arms’ reach. We do this with EVERYTHING that can be consumed, smoked, inhaled, injected, eaten, felt, or fucked. Balance is not our strong suit.

Reflections

Where are you lacking balance in your recovery? What are you still taking to the extreme?

Daily Challenge

How can you interrupt these behaviors in the future?

June 2

Do you have a personal code? I have had a few personal codes. My favorite was my “pirate code.” This code allowed me to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and to whom I wanted to do it. Integrity was not part of that code. Actually, the word “integrity” never left my lips before I got sober. I didn’t know what it meant because I didn’t have any. Today, I understand integrity as honesty with non-wavering principles and a sense of virtue and honorableness. I have diverted from these characteristics more than a few times in my sobriety, and it can cause me some real mental anguish when I do feel guilt and the desperate need to atone (make amends). As we acquire integrity, the old codes we lived by won’t be as attractive or practical, and the recovery road gets narrower. Just try to keep your balance.

Reflections

Have you discovered the narrowing road in recovery?

Daily Challenge

Look up the words “principle of integrity Step 5” in google. Happy reading!

June 1 - Buy the book!

Be present. Be here. Now. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it ‘The Present’.” Being in the moment with all your being is the freest you will ever be. No fear for tomorrow and no remorse for the past. Everything that matters is what is right in front of you. When we can put aside our thoughts and focus on the here and now, time slows, experiences are richer, and we can appreciate our time better.

Reflections

How often are you lost in the future or the past?

Daily Challenge

Stop. For the next minute, take some deep long breaths. Inhale and hold for two seconds. Exhale and hold for two seconds. Look around your general area and find an object. Think about how it got there, who made it, what it is made from, how long it has been there, and what might become of that object.