Social Skills Coaching

What determines whether you hit it off with someone? It’s not circumstantial; rather, it’s a matter of you taking charge and setting the tone to be friendly and open. Most people treat others like strangers and thus won’t become friends. So change that script from the very beginning, put people at ease and let them be comfortable around you.

The first way to set the tone is to speak like friends: topic-wise, tone-wise, and even privacy-wise. People will go along with the tone you set as long as you aren’t outright offensive. A powerful aspect of this is showing emotion as friends do, instead of filtering yourself and putting up a wall for the literal purpose of keeping people insulated at a distance. And stop being so darned literal and serious. A conversation does not have to be about sharing facts, and some comments can be used solely for the purpose of seeing how the other person will react.

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Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends By Patrick King

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/BetterSmallTalk

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Gossip can serve a purpose, such as discussing important matters of food, shelter, and the well-being of the group or tribe. It can also serve no purpose at all and simply act to familiarize people with each other. It doesn’t have to be negative or positive in nature; it just has to fill the air and allow people to interact. Whatever the case, relationships are being formed and cemented on the basis of something we tend to overlook or downplay as negative—simple gossip and chit-chat.

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Read the show notes and/or transcript at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/likability-promo

For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Self-awareness involves thinking about yourself, other people, and all the messages and emotions that are being transmitted. It’s not easy, and it’s certainly not a skill or habit most of us use. But all the knowledge in the world won’t be useful if you think you are using it but lack the awareness to know otherwise.

The Johari Window is our first tool for self-awareness. It acknowledges that in any interaction there are four zones of self-awareness we can possess: open, blind, hidden, and unknown. Often, we think we are on the same page and speaking openly, yet you yourself possess a blind spot. Other times, you are hiding information from others, giving them a blind spot, and sometimes neither of you possess the important or necessary information. These all cause conflict, tension, and the appearance of dishonesty and manipulation. True self-awareness often lies beneath various psychological layers, but it is necessary for true communication that makes people feel safe and open.

Visit our sponsor Let's Get Checked at https://TryLGC.com/NMG and get 20% off your order!

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Visit the podcast on Captivate.fm at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/ImprovePeopleSkills

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Physically, you should seek to warm up by reading out loud before socializing and making sure you exaggerate emotional expressiveness and variation. Read a passage out loud three times and notice the difference in engagement, and you can instantly see the contrast in how you might come across. You should act like a teacher reading to grade school-aged children, and run through the whole gamut of emotions, expressions, and voices. Go over the top. This is meant to warm you up, as well as bring awareness to how lacking in expressiveness you probably are on a normal basis.

An additional way of preparing before conversations is to get your own information and life in order, and this can be done by following a conversation résumé. The purpose is to draw into your past and find what makes you an interesting person, and make sure that is all at the tip of your tongue for easy usage. We often forget what we can bring to a conversation, and this lack of available topics adds a sense of stress and avoidance.

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Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Converstaions, and Make Real Friends By Patrick King

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/BetterSmallTalk

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Crude/crass humor is extremely universal and effective. Specifically, these are called benign moral violations—basically something that is wrong to laugh at but harmless overall. These things are slightly taboo, but perhaps not in a way that matters. This gives us further guidance to stop treating people like strangers if you want to set a tone of friendship and likability.

Visit our sponsor Let's Get Checked at https://TryLGC.com/NMG and get 20% off your order!

Read the show notes and/or transcript at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/likability-promo

For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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When it comes to actual conversations, the value of digging deep can’t be overstated. Digging deep is really the act of forging friendships and building deeper relationships. This is how you move past being an acquaintance and gain access to people’s inner circles. The first means to digging deep is to reveal more details about yourself. Someone has to act first, and it might as well be you. The reality is that you are probably not sharing much while expecting others to pour their hearts out for you. So make a rule of sharing three details in every applicable response. This gives you a greater chance of finding similarities, which are easy to bond over—in particular, share emotions, vulnerabilities, and stories from your life.

Visit our sponsor Let's Get Checked at https://TryLGC.com/NMG and get 20% off your order!

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Visit the podcast on Captivate.fm at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/ImprovePeopleSkills

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We are a social species, and multiple studies confirm this. Lack of social interaction itself is harmful, and for our purposes, lack of substantive social interaction is no better. Gaining the ability and skill to fast-forward through small talk has incredible value for the relationships in your life—old and future. However, before we jump into conversation tactics, it’s helpful to start before we actually meet and greet someone. How can we prepare beforehand to have consistently great small talk and interactions? In many ways, it turns out.

There are a couple of ways we can get ready for small talk and warm up, so to speak. The two approaches are what you might assume: physiologically, and psychologically. Psychological preparation is a matter of getting in the mood to socialize and also becoming used to initiating interaction. This can be done with “ten-second relationships,” which plunge you into the deep end if only for a moment. The idea is to start small and short, with low expectations, and build from there. You’ll eventually see that it’s easy and quite safe—you might even find it to be enjoyable, and frequently want to extend past ten seconds.

Visit our sponsor Let's Get Checked at https://TryLGC.com/NMG and get 20% off your order!

Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Converstaions, and Make Real Friends By Patrick King

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/BetterSmallTalk

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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Charisma and a sense of humor are two pillars of the quality of likability. Often, when we say someone is likable, these traits are what we are referring to; studies have shown that they come about in somewhat unexpected ways.

Charisma is typically something that is relatively undefinable; it’s just a feeling we have about someone’s presence in a room that makes us drawn to them. Surprisingly, charisma has been linked to speed and quickness over presence, accuracy, or positive feelings. It was found that it didn’t necessarily matter what you said, just as long as you were quick about it. Speed and quickness prey on our human sensibilities of being emotion- and perception-driven. Of course, this is the weapon of every conman in existence.

Humor is something that is likewise quite undefinable. We laugh and are not always certain of what tickles our funny bones. Richard Wiseman conducted a study to find the funniest joke in the world, and it ended up being a rather milquetoast “dad joke.” There are three theories of humor that may or may not help explain a likable sense of humor: superiority, relief, and incongruity.

Visit our sponsor Let's Get Checked at https://TryLGC.com/NMG and get 20% off your order!

Read the show notes and/or transcript at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/likability-promo

For a free minibook on conversation tactics, visit Patrick King Consulting at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

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There’s more to do with people skills before we ever open our mouths. It’s about listening and validation, which are somewhat lost arts. Simply put, are you listening in your interactions, or are you simply waiting for your turn to speak? This is an important distinction, as the former creates flowing conversation and the latter creates battling monologues. There are many aspects of listening that are similar to validation, as they are focused on providing a specific positive outcome.

Many times when we try to validate, we are actually worsening the situation by using invalidating statements. These are statements that dismiss or minimize people’s feelings, such as “Oh, you’ll be fine” or “You shouldn’t feel that way!” They feel more prescriptive and try to convince people to see the bright side of things—but that’s not what they are interested in at the moment.

A helpful six-step path to validation is as follows: being present, accurately reflecting emotions, guessing emotions, understanding emotions in context, affirming emotions, and then being honest.

Visit our sponsor Let's Get Checked at https://TryLGC.com/NMG and get 20% off your order!

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Visit the podcast on Captivate.fm at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/ImprovePeopleSkills

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Think Like a Psychologist is about working backward from the person in front of you. You will learn to draw conclusions about people’s emotions, behavior, past experiences, and overall personality and temperament based on small yet important pieces of information. From this analysis, you will gain enormous insight into the people around you, new and old.

You may not be able to read people’s minds, but armed with knowledge about behavioral tendencies, developmental psychology, motivation and personality theories, and nature versus nurture, you will always possess deeper comprehension that others may not even have about themselves. And of course, there is an element of lie detection.

Understanding others is an opening to understanding yourself and self-awareness.

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Think Like a Psychologist: How to Analyze Emotions, Read Body Language and Behavior, Understand Motivations, and Decipher Intentions By Patrick King

Get the audiobook on Audible at https://bit.ly/think-psych

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Understand personality traits, character, emotions, and values through pure observation or simple questions. Analyzing people in a flash - it’s not easy, and it’s not simple. But that’s because you don’t know the tools inside this book. People give us more information than they realize. Learn to decipher all of it to further your goals.

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. emotional and social intelligence. Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

For narration information visit Russell Newton at https://bit.ly/VoW-home

For production information visit Newton Media Group LLC at https://bit.ly/newtonmg