In this episode, we explore how you can confidently be yourself - even if you’re afraid of what other people may do or think. We discuss how our obsession with niceness and people pleasing is often a problem and share specific tools you can use to overcome it. We also talk about the power and importance of saying no - and the right way to do it so that you can move away from approval seeking and step into bold authenticity with our guest Dr. Aziz Gazipura. 

Dr. Aziz Gazipura is a clinical psychologist and founder of The Center for Social Confidence, which is dedicated to helping others break through their shyness and social anxiety. He is the author of the #1 Amazon best-seller Not Nice: Stop People-Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself. Aziz’s work has helped thousands of people through workshops, coaching, media appearances, and more.Do you struggle with people pleasing and being afraid to say no to people?What’s the difference between being nice and behind kind?A lot of the behaviors that we think are nice often come from fear, obligation, or guilt The opposite of niceness is BOLD AUTHENTICITYNiceness is a way of being that is focused on “damage control”- being in a place of “safety mode” When we are focused on being nice our #1 priority is to focus on avoiding possible danger - making sure everyone is pleased If you didn’t care at all what people thought of you - would couldn’t have any relationships - you would be a sociopath“Nice conditioning” - is a pattern that is conditioned into us from an early age. We’re systemically told not to trust our own desires and to instead “do the right thing” and “be nice” Why we’ve lost the ability to ask “what do I want” and how that is dangerousWhy you should be more selfishExcessive niceness is not benign - it’s coming from a place of fear, insecurity, and feeling threatened - and when you’re constantly in that space you are much more likely to experience symptoms of stress, anxiety, sickness, pain and more - TMS - Tension Mytosis Syndrome - from living in  place of chronic stress First become AWARE that it’s OK to say no and that we need to say noTo retrain from niceness to authenticity - it’s about being uncomfortable and discomfort training You live in a cloud of stories and dramatic fantasies about what will happen when you say no - TEST THE ASSUMPTION and see what happens. Why you should do a “social fitness” “warm up” to get out of your comfort zone. Friendly greetings to strangers is a great strategy for this. It’s like launching into orbit - after a few tries, you reach a breaking point where you “pop” into zero gravity and you’re no longer being held back. Niceness is not serving you, it’s not who you are, it’s a safety pattern.This is how you STOP BEING AFRAID TO BE YOUFind 2 opportunities per week to specifically ask for what you want. Then build that muscle, start asking for things that are edgier and edgier and edgier for you. Homework: Make a fundamental decision that you don’t want to be as nice anymore. Write out a short paragraph about why it’s no longer serving you to be the nice and that you are going to do something different. Homework: Pick one thing - what’s the one thing that will be the easiest for you to do that would benefit you and change your life the most?

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