August 17, 2021

Stop Feeling Responsible For How Other People Feel

18 minutes

I got a question for you... How do you feel when someone else is having a negative emotional reaction because of something you did or said?

If you feel guilty and responsible for how they feel then this episode is for YOU!

I often talk about emotional responsibility which means not to blame others for how we feel because our feelings are created by our own thoughts (not by other people or outside events!).

I know... this might be totally new to you and you might have a range of objections and questions pop up in your head right now. I get it!

Just stick with me.

Assume I'm right (and research from neuroscience to psychology is with me on this), then it's also true that you do not create other people's feelings.

But by the same token, you do not create other people’s thoughts.

Have you ever noticed, for example, that you can say something the exact same way to two different people and they both react differently? That’s because they are having different thoughts.

For many of us, the idea that we're responsible for our own feelings and that they are created by our own thoughts completely goes against the emotional model we adopted when we grew up.

But that old emotional model is incorrect. And not only that, but it is also at the root cause of people-pleasing and a range of ineffective leadership behaviors.

Think of sugarcoating feedback, avoiding tough conversations, saying no to requests, dishonest communication, and the list goes on.

When you take emotional responsibility for yourself but not for others, you are so much more present, more true to yourself, more effective and so much more compassionate with others.

Listen to this episode to see how this one shift in your thinking can unlock a whole new level of leadership effectiveness for you and change the way you show up in relationships at work and in your personal life.

-- RESOURCES MENTIONED --

Ted Talk by Lisa Feldman Barrett

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By Ramona Shaw

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