On the contrary to what people believe, you do not stay in a trauma bonded relationship because you're "stupid" or "don't deserve better". You stay because your subconscious mind is activated and creates all of the reasons why you should stay. Here are 3 big reasons that your mind is telling you why it is better for you to stay, than to leave.

Firstly, people stay in these relationships because of a misguided sense of safety. Although the relationship itself feels threatening and anxiety-inducing, cognitive dissonance kicks in, making you believe it's safer to stay than face the unknown aftermath of leaving. Additionally, physiological responses to chronic stress leads to a reliance on the familiarity of the relationship, misinterpreting it as safety.

Secondly, codependency plays a significant role. Subconsciously, we are attracted to people who validate beliefs we hold about ourselves = e.g. if we believe we are not good enough, we end up being attracted to others who mirror this to us. This unhealthy dependency reinforces the toxic cycle, leaving them unable to break free.

Lastly, staying in such relationships is driven by the fear of loss and grief. The longer you invest in the relationship, the harder it becomes to detach, as you have given so much of yourself, hoping for validation and affection in return. Leaving would mean acknowledging the immense loss and accepting the hollow version of yourself created during the relationship.

By becoming aware of these patterns and the impact, you can make empowered choices for your wellbeing. Step out of the relationship, gain awareness, and re-evaluating what truly serves your inner being. Breaking free from the trauma-bonded cycle opens the door to a healthier, fulfilling life.

Support the show

Welcome to Trauma Bonding to Secure Relationships with Dr Sarah — the podcast that helps ambitious individuals and couples heal trauma bonding and toxic relationship cycles to build secure attachments and loving healthy relationships.

Hosted by Dr Sarah, psychologist, relationship strategist, and founder of Heal Trauma Bonding and Relationship Success Lab, this show guides you through practical tools and deep insights on:

✅ Healing from trauma bonding, anxious attachment style, and codependency
✅ Building emotional resilience and secure attachment styles a
✅ Improving communication, empathy, and emotional intimacy
✅ Reclaiming your identity, boundaries, and self-worth
✅ Creating lasting relationship happiness and passion

Whether you're recovering from betrayal, navigating codependency, or simply ready to break free from the past, this podcast gives you the clarity, strength, and strategy to move forward

We hope you got massive value from this episode for your own healing and relationship progress.