Yes, it's time again for your favorite gameshow...Answer a few simple questions so you can win big money and prizes! Like a lifetime supply of Toy Oil, or a monkey massage for your cat! Or a "hot balloon ride" which is not quite the same as a "hot air balloon ride" technically.

Come on in, upgrade the smell system in your hole, and try to understand your cat's horrible nature!

This week, we've got a two-fer! That means you get two scenes for the price of one. Or...two half-length scenes for the price of one full-length scene. And there is no price. What in the hell are we doing? THERE IS NO PRICE!

2-HEADED BARRY WHITE

It's our old friend(s?) the 2-headed Barry White Creature, with some tips for wintertime lovin'. You'll learn all about milk calendars, a crow with a cybernetic implant, and "nor-ade" which is neither ade nor other ade.

ACTION THRILLER:

This outline was a lot longer. Like...a lot longer. But we think you'll agree, this is plenty. A disgraced black ops soldier being returned to federal prison by his old adversary. You'll hear about heated owls, the fact that Chopin's butthole didn't make it, and witty banter. So much witty banter.

ENJOY THIS, MOFOs!

Happy New Year, oh friends of the pee. Today, we have a special treat for you. Not like normal weeks when we have a standard treat for you. No way. This week, it's the triumphant return of Sherlock Holmes and his intrepid spaniel in human form, Watson. There's been a murder. I mean, basically, there was a murder. It was near a graveyard. We may have forgotten to establish the actual crime very clearly.

The point is, in that way that only Holmes can, he will solve the mystery that happened on Boulevard Street, or High Street Lane, or something. And the main point is that you will learn which part of the human body is the Vuck. And that is all ye need know.

It's that time again when the calendar people tell you it's time to "buy a new calendar" because last year's calendar "doesn't make any sense this year" and is "no longer accurate." Well, you can be suckers if you want to, and fall for that. But no matter who you are, it's time for New Year's Eve.

It's a time for cooking for those you love, it's a time for tasting the people in your neighborhood, and it's a time for that traditional image of cobras frightening people from shop to shop in the mall. So enjoy Chef Rene and Charlene, and the Gianetti brothers, and please don't drink and drive. And definitely don't drank and blarp. And don't dick and donk. And we will see you in the new year. And by that, we mean that we will almost certainly not see you at all. But, you know, we'll do more of this.

Ok. That's more like it. We put up something that was a total jumble of nonsense during your normal Super Pee Pee Time Time. And not the normal kind of nonsense. So, sorry about that, several people who listened to that and thought we meant it.

And sorry to all the rest of you for listening to THIS! Santa's preparing for his trip on Christmas Eve, but a naughty little boy steals all the presents, like the SteveIsNotHere Playset, and the Sack of Blood, and My Little Hovercraft! What will they do?! It's a chase through the North Pole, and a little boy maybe dying in bubblegum! And other stuff!

Happy holidays to you, and welcome to another evening with Reverend Ben and Donald. This week it's all about the true meaning of Christmas. Learn all the stuff you really need to know, like how sometimes you just have to immediately kill things, and how 'swaddling clothes' are really just a diaper for a cow.

Everything you expect for Christmas is right here. Beef-scented haystacks, shepherds who go to Tall School, Apple Cobra Oil. All of the standard stuff.

And if you are so inclined upon receiving this holiday testimony, stop by twitter and say hi. We won't bite. It's the internet, that's impossible. For now.

Look, you have a secret. You haven't been honest with yourself about something, and...and it's ok. It's ok. You know why? Because it's the holiday season. And we all know that you have been ACHING to see Santa Claus hauled in front of a Senate committee that oversees whatever it is that Santa is. We know it. And now the world knows it. See? See how free you feel now? You want to hear all about Santa's tropical helicopter, and Blitzen's penis reflector. You want to hear discussion of how balls are round boxes that you can't put things in. You want it all.

And we have good news. Your wish? It has come true. It has all finally come true. In this episode. Tell the world. Even tell one person. Tell a dog with it's own iPhone. Tell a bird who isn't interested. Tell them all. It's not too late.

Sometimes we have a plan when we start. We have an outline, characters, or at least some kind of a sense of what we're going for. This was not one of those times. It turned out to make a kind of sense. And if you know us, you do not believe us when we tell you that. And you are RIGHT. It is a river rafting trip that turns into a dead, rude pelican in the service industry.

I guess it's basically the exact plot of The Great Gatsby, except it includes a merit badge for being a loose woman in an aquarium. But other than that.

What do you get when you combine, Thanksgiving dinner, Ted the Life Coach, a family full of thankful people, and a Black Friday sales event from Hal Embry Ford? We don't know, but here it friggin' comes.

There'll be solar stuffing, a camera focused on your renegade parts, a little chowder monster, a cranberry-flavored dead criminal, and so much more. So gather your family together, and take advantage of the fact that they're all together to get the hell away from them for a few minutes. And express your gratitude for karate pants, snow leopards and regular dirt leopards. If you don't, who will?

We've all heard the story of the first Thanksgiving. Well...all of us besides little Joe who wears the snorkel to work. Well, this episode takes us back to just before that, during the long voyage across the sea, when the pilgrims were unsure of what they might find. Sure, they were pretty ready to assume they would have some sort of meal to give thanks eventually. That was weird. But otherwise, just standard 17th century boat ride. Or was it? It was not. OR WAS IT?? (It was not*.)

*Or WAS** it?

**No. In fact, it was not.