Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

What I have realised is that up to know and all my life is this huge separation of me from others self blame and self discomfort. Wishing I was one of my friends (growing up). I've just labelled myself all my life. I am this, I am sensitive, its my upbringing, I was lonely, I wasn't the popular one, she, hated attention, wanting to fit in. It goes on and on.  Feeling I am abnormal,  that i have a problem, I can't do this or attend that and standing out like a sore thumb for fear of humiliation, ny secret being revealed.  Family and friends pitying me. This great importance of what i am. All of this concerns I, ME, SELF hugely and that's why it's such a huge issue in my life because I am looking for a reason, someone or thing to blame for my behaviour... like divorces parents, an anxious mum, so this is why I am the way I am. I an convinced I'm stuck with all of this. By removing ME removes blame and reason. It is very hard to do but I cam see its the answer.

Just reflecting on connection being a biological imperative to ensure survival as a newborn.

Could this tie in with why as we mature we replace the secure attachment needed from our primary caregivers by trying to secure the experience of being ?

My sister has recently 'gaslit' me more than once and has now 'ghosted' me.  She did pull me in originally ... until I stepped back and realised.

But now there's silence because she won't talk to me, saying it stresses her out.

So I feel stuck.  Yes, I did want something from this other person - and now I must not.  

Am I looking for where "I am" doing this (or have done this) in some area of my life please?  

I just wanted to let you know that the Energy Course was brilliant how much it has opened up and deepened my curiosity and inquiry into "Who am I".  Thank you so much for your wonderful guidance and help in opening up the cracks, enabling me to see so much more.

My question relates initially to Day 28 "Takeaways" video and then secondly to the Podcast question from 30th January regarding Energy and Capacity.

You spoke about social situations and the use of alcohol as a coping tool in the Day 28 video.  What if "avoidance" instead of alcohol is used to cope?  For example, making social situations as something to avoid - easier to not go than cope with fear, humiliation, anxiety, etc.

This is an area in my life that I have been looking more and more at recently.  I see myself going to some social occasions now - but there still appears to be a lot of thinking and physical symptoms around them.  Some occasions I just find myself not attending - this is then followed with shame, lack, remorse - why can't I just go, what is there to fear, dreading the next one.

And then I listened to today's podcast (30 Jan) regarding Energy and Capacity.  Brilliant question and answer!  Near the end, what I took from it was, that there is no capacity at all to be with an experience, when all energy is used to protect and try and keep in place "that version of myself".  Why do I need to protect "that version of myself"?  I'm curious now?  What's in it for the "ME"?

I'm going a little round in circles with the being movement and the document. I found great value in creating the document and identifying negative self beliefs that were under the surface and creating I am statements. However something is holding me back from speaking the document each day as it feels like "doing" being. When I am connected to my being, it feels like nothing else is required.  I would love your input on this as I can see people have enormous value from this , however I want to be careful it does not play into securing the ego and identity. 

A little while back you mentioned Human Design (which I know very little about), and it made me wonder how a system like that can fit with the understanding you talk about here. I would have thought trying to fit our experience into some system would only take us several steps further away from reality. But maybe I misconstrued what you were saying in the first place, or else there's something I'm not seeing (very likely) that renders such systems helpful even in this understanding. Is it possible you could enlarge upon this, please?

Was wondering about the connection between capacity & energy? 

Is there a certain amount of energy that is in the body-mind and is distributed/needed for different tasks and processes. And in body mind fortresses were built through conditioning, shocks, trauma ets. with closed doors on which is written STOP PAINFUL - DO NOT ENTER. And energy is spent to keep those doors closed & protected and nothing is left for capacity.

Totally on board with oneness in the moment of all that is true being intelligence in action and any separation coming from conditioning beliefs generating by lack or fear. What I can’t get my head around is are we saying that if there is no reality that life is an illusion because all those experiences of oneness are momentary then disappear? This leaves me feeling wobbly…