Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

I came across your podcast about a year ago and love your take on non-duality and the crucial piece of allowing the experience to be had rather than using a non-dual conversation to bypass it.

I have a question regarding the 15th February episode where you talk about going in deeper where there is discomfort or anxiety, and in the case of your friend with the anxiety about driving, to drive as much as possible.

Over recent years, I have come to see that there was narcissistic abuse taking place in my family of origin. This discovery, together with exploring where behaviour really comes from, has been both painful and liberating and has shed an entirely new light on my tendency to prioritise pleasing others over my wellbeing.

My parents are separated and now my mum is in her 70s and showing signs of dementia. She is even more emotionally fragile than she has always been. In her world, she knows better than everyone and has to teach them or put them in their place, and she will be vitriolic towards anyone who doesn’t see the world as she does. It has always been this way but now it’s like the filters are gone and it’s expressed much more openly. I can see the innocence in it and yet, it doesn’t make any sense to me to engage with her or spend time with her. It doesn’t feel right to make myself available as an emotional dumping ground, and there’s a jolt to the nervous system when she is aggressive towards me, which then impacts on how I function in my own life.

So my question is, in a case like this, what’s the difference between having boundaries and going in deeper where there’s discomfort? I don’t think you are saying this but sometimes it feels like you are saying that I should spend as much time as I can hanging out with my mum so that I can feel the discomfort. My whole nervous system screams NO to that, and it seems that limiting or perhaps even ceasing contact would make sense for the health of THIS bodymind. Would you say that this is bypassing? Also I know in reality, no one else is coming to sort out care for her and I will have to have some sort of contact with her as part of this process.

Thank you for reading this and I would absolutely love to hear your take on it.

I am trying to break down my fears and understand what is behind then. Maybe due to my upbringing and environmental factors an learned behaviour, it seems I've always compared myself, been too self conscious, low self worth, self critical, etc. But behind it all I think i protect myself from being judged, found out; humiliated. It's all about the presence of others. It is such a strong force that it keeps me from doing stuff for fear of all those very things. I know we are all equal but it doesn't feel like that, or should I say, that is my perception.

Is there such a thing as a healthy ego?: listener question

Thank you so much for the reply to my question in the Podcast "Protection" 2 February.  

It's taken me a while to let your words settle and really start to look deeper into the separate "me" that is still lurking!  Initially my body/mind wanted to reject and ignore what you were saying - there was quite a visceral response in my body - punch to the stomach, anger and annoyance.  So slowly and with a few days in between, I have listened to the episode a few times now over the last week and each time I am to see a little more. 

One part that I have found helpful, is where you said something along the lines of "the whole protection campaign continually maintains the inner psychological belief system" and "how the actual act of avoidance - eg. not going to the social occasion/party, etc in order to protect that self, is providing more evidence that I shouldn't go.  Which in turn reconfirms the belief system, embedding it further."  No wonder we feel like we are in a never ending loop!

So even with fear and anxiety about what might never happen - I now move forward to do the challenging things!