System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociation

Dr. E interviews Matt Pappas, a survivor coach from BeyondYourPast.com. He explains the difference between therapy and coaching, and shares some of his own survivor history. He explains Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP), and some of how this helps heal the impact of trauma on the brain. They discuss how to know when you are ready for therapy or coaching, and why it’s worth doing even though it can be so daunting. They discuss what survivors need to know about finding a good therapist, and what clinicians need to know about survivors that they didn’t learn in school. While some different types of abuse and statistics about abuse are mentioned, no specific memories or details are discussed.

Taylor processes her stunned response to realizing even she is connecting with the therapist. She explores the experience of learning to trust, learning to stay put, and learning how to discern good help from those who take advantage. She shares about boundaries, and what that means in the context of dissociation and even for a system seeking support online. No abuse content is mentioned or referenced in this episode. There is background noise, as Taylor recorded while she was driving because it is one of the few times she fronts.

John braves walking through the leaves at the park. He shares what he learning from therapy and the husband, about feeling better when your needs are met. He also shares the struggle of long periods of time between sessions, especially the holiday season. The holiday season is referenced in general in the context of our therapist being off for a couple weeks, and he states that the holidays are difficult anyway besides this. He does not expound upon this, nor share any details of why it is difficult. No abuse content or memories are described in this episode.

Emma checks in, continuing to share her struggle with lost time and dissociation and learning about the DID diagnosis. She also shares an emotional story of how this can impact everyday life. This story includes a description of being afraid, experiencing anxiety, and some flashbacks, but no content or abuse memories are given. There is brief mention in passing that this holiday season is stressful and triggering, but nothing else is expanded upon in that reference.

Sasha (with some help from Dr. E and John) talk about what we are learning about alters. They discuss terms like original, host, ANP, fronting, switching, and co-consciousness. They share what they are learning about internal worlds. They also talk about types of alters, like persecutors and protectors, child alters, memory holders, and fictives. A few examples of alter jobs are shared, but no specific abuse memories are shared specifically or in detail.

After some announcements, Sasha and Dr. E interview The Husband! He shares his understanding of DID, and what it was like for him to learn about dissociation. He shares how it impacts his experience of our marriage, how he interacts differently with everyone, and his thoughts on our parenting. We explore about the good and hard parts about DID, and how a stable and safe relationship has been a different experience than in the past. There is a reference to deceased parents, cancer, and a car accident while discussing past acting out before Sasha got on board with the marriage, but no details or abuse descriptions are given.

Emma takes time to ponder therapy and what she has learned so far about the others and dissociation. She mentions hearing the Littles. She shares her experience of losing time. She considers what she would talk about in therapy if she could stay present for her own turn. She references medical trauma with her children, her deceased parents, opioid addiction, and cancer. However, no specifics are given and no abuse history or memories are shared.

Sasha tries to tell a story while John wants to take the littles to the park. The story is about the ongoing saga of trying to get to therapy, and almost hitting a deer on the way. There is a one-time reference to “The Great Spirit” in context of looking up meaning of Native American symbols. The deer experience is used to explain what a flashback is like without having to use any abuse memories to do so. The experience of almost hitting the deer is used as an analogy for the therapeutic process. No specific memories or abuse descriptions are given.

Sasha is back to update our listeners about the upcoming launch of our website and the podcast on iTunes. She gives insight into our relationship with the husband. She gets vulnerable, opening up about how it’s hard when we miss therapy sessions and why it’s hard to make new friends even when you know they are safe. She reveals we do have a runner, who has caused fugue states in the past. No abuse or memories are referenced or disclosed in this episode.

Emma herself speaks up about what her experience of DID is like, and how she writes about it in her journals. She shares about being in therapy, what it’s like to lose time, and how she struggles to understand what is going on. She opens up through her journal, talking specifically about what it’s like to have nightmares and flashbacks. This discussion is very vivid in its experience of what it is like to have nightmares and flashbacks, but no actual memory content or any specific abuse is mentioned.