Today we take on the No Stephen Challenge wherein we DETHRONE Kingleheimer Stephen by spending 20 talking about how we’re not going to talk about him! 

Before we kick Stephen to the curb, we use his tragically epic jingle for Normal News. And to really stick it to him, we’re using the segment to talk about feral piss-addicted goat freaks. Take THAT, Stephen!!!!!

And then…squish squish we’re gettin’ a little swampy. We’re talking about the renovations that our Supreme Leader has brought to our country! Thank you! We think the pool looks GREAT with the algae, struggling ducklings, and the peeling paint! We see the vision, king!!! If YOU want to hear more political digests by the one and only Meagan Hatcher-Mays, subscribe to Swamp Person on Substack. 

And we are taking listener feedback for TikTok Digest!!! Should Meagan cover a) marbles or b) potluck/religious psychosis? Write in at [email protected]

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Listen to Stephen’s diss-track episode: Lindy and Meagan Escape Through a Grizzly’s Colon 
• Learn all about the Kayak Dad lore in: It’s Our First Episode!
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

Mood booster

Love, love, love this nonsense!

NIKKI6335 READING THIS IS *OUR* MOOD BOOSTER! I GUESS WE’LL KEEP DOING THE PODCAST!!

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

BAD BOYS BAD BOYS WHATCHA WATCHIN’ DO

Is this you? If so, you’re under arrest!

-Loves Pornography

-Martial Arts?

-No Girlfriend

This week we’re talking all about The Killer™ Wendy Williams under our Whatcha Watchin’ vertical. You should be able to guess what that means: 

🚨 Spoilers Alert + Content Warning! 🚨

We discuss The Murder of Rachel Nickell (33:51 through 33:58), Worst Ex Ever (40:00 through 41:51), and Yogurt Shop Murders (43:41 through 45:02). And The Crash (45:03 through 47:10).

But let’s wind it back – first things first, Tidings! Today, we brush against MHM’s moral edge: Sorry kiddos, ball is hers. To see the art piece known as “BALL IN FERRY”, please go to www.youtube.com/@textmebackpod. And while you’re there, why wouldn’t you be playing Kingleheimer Stephen’s diss track on repeat? Also, we finally render a verdict on Kingleheimer Robert. Tune in to hear the result. 

And Lindy’s tiding: Do YOU know about throuple? Are YOU willing to read paperwork! Congrats, you’re her new marriage counselor!!!!

Plus, MEAGAN HATCHER-MAYS comes with a surprise microsegment she’s calling: ✨DENNIS ✨. Do you know about Dennis? Let us know! Call in at (703) 829-0003 🍑

Would YOU like to buy us a podcast award? Webbys start at $500! Venmo is https://www.venmo.com/u/textmebackpod…something to consider

And last but not least PLEASE tell us if you’re watching the Men’s World Cup and if you know any cute stories about the fellas on the field. Write in at [email protected].

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Listen to the full diss-track episode: Lindy and Meagan Escape Through a Grizzly’s Colon 
• Learn all about the Kayak Dad lore in: It’s Our First Episode!
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

A delightful romp

A highlight of my podcast week. Always makes me laugh!

INDEVELOPMENT READING THESE WORDS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF OUR WEEK!!!! 

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

No point in hiding the ball here…Stephen is back and he is coming out SWINGIN. You literally HAVE to stay tuned through to the end to hear Kingleheimer Stephen drop a diss track that is…well we don’t have words.

But first! It’s Tidings: ESP/N Edition. Meagan tells us all about her baseball adventures! S/O Julio Rodriguez mwah 😘miss you love you!!! If YOU have a Mariners hookup to get a ball signed, you’re legally obligated to tell us, it’s in the fine print and you should KNOW that.  Write in at [email protected]

Tidings melds into...DUN DUN: Judge Meags Lane! She is back and hearing two highly unusual cases. Jurors are being summoned to rule on the perennial question: eagle feather or ghost? Call in with thoughts (703) 829-0003. The second case? Why, it happens to be snake-related, thank you for asking. Judge Meags Lane reviews one (1) piece of critical evidence. JOIN THE DISCORD TO SEE MEGHAN’S WATER-DRINKING HOGNOSE SNAKE. Patreon.com/textmebackpod

And we bring back one of our oldest segments: Low Stakes Advice! We don’t know why your life is the way it is, but we CAN answer small and stupid questions. Thank you to Google Gemini for being absolute trash, our faith in humanity is restored .01%.

Plus, psssst…wanna enjoy our iconic After Darks? Pop on over to the Patreon, babe, we’re waiting for ya! 

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• KAYAK DAD VS SOCIOPATH WHO LITTERS: It’s Our First Episode!
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

Life-sustaining!

Dear Lindy and Meagan,

Thanks to your podcast, I now no longer need antidepressants. In fact, l have almost entirely transcended physical/emotional needs. I started listening when your first episode aired and within a month or two I realized I could wean myself from nearly all other forms of sustenance.

For at least a year now, I have been able to subsist upon only water, air, and my weekly infusion of Vitamin TMB. (I am giving some thought to forgoing water as well. I don't think I need to explain to you that never having to pee ever again would be a priceless reward. Let me know if you think fluids might be a crutch I don't need anymore.)

Please keep making this podcast forever, if only to keep me loosely tethered to this mortal plane. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

With gratitude,

Your Most Devout TextMeBackolyte

MZCRIZ WE ARE WORKING ON DISCOVERING A WAY TO SURVIVE WITHOUT WATER–WHEN WE FIND OUT HOW YOU WILL BE THE FIRST PERSON TO KNOW!

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Meagan is 44 years old! 

If you’re reading this, you should have called in yesterday to wish her a happy birthday. She mighta been busy bc she is treating herself to a cardiac event or two at a sports game. Is it POTS …or (S)PO(R)TS?? 

Plus, we lament the rise and fall of blond-haired white boys. Spoiler Alerts for Alias (2001-2006) and Lost (2004-2010). 

But taking center stage is Judge Meags Lane! We are reviewing three issues for the day:

Issue #1: Is Lindy guilty of being a big ol’ b-word?

-On the bench: Judge Meags Lane

-Defendant: Lindy West, representing herself

-Prosecution: Lindy West

The Facts:

Lindy has to interpret a TSA line in an airport. A lady in front of her forgets she has a belt on and gets booted from the line. Lindy advances within the line. A lady tries to cut in front of Lindy. Lindy has forgotten that this lady is the belt lady and says no cut-sies. 

Issue #2: Should we sentence Patrick Ta to 12 years of hard labor?

-On the bench: Judge Meags Lane. 

-Defendant: Patrick Ta, represented by Meagan Hatcher-Mays

-Prosecution: Meagan Hatcher-Mays

The Facts:

??????

Issue #3: Is Robert a lying liar?

-Overseeing the case: The Textmebackoytes

-Defendant: Jingleheimer Robert, representing himself

-Prosecution: Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays

The Facts:

Robert is charged with heresy in the first degree in suggesting that other podcasts exist. Robert admits on tape that he has listened to and written music for this supposed “other” podcast. 

Tune in to hear the verdicts and sentencing! And if you are in the petit jury of Textmebackolytes on Robert’s case, please call in ASAP or we will send out a subpoena on your ass (703) 829-0003.

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

The Reason Podcasts Were Invented

I have been listening to Text Me Back! since the very first episode and it has only gotten better and more hysterical as it goes along. It is a hilarious beacon of light in these dark times. Thank you Lindy and Meagan for sharing your thoughts with us. Mwah!

ORYX_AND_CAKE THANK YOU FOR BEING ONE OF OUR BEST AND MOST LOYAL FRIENDS IN THESE DARK TIMES–ROBERT TAKE NOTE!!!!

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today, we discuss ending the podcast. We decide…we still like doing this shit! Turns out podcast fun? Podcast helpful? Podcast...hopeful? Even though we didn’t win a Golden Globe, that DOESN’T mean we didn’t deserve a Golden Globe. Maybe next year! If you want us to keep podcasting forever, please give us some yummy yummy affirmations! We live off of your written reviews, your Patreon bucks, and your general accolades. That’s honestly the main reason we’re still here, so THANK YOU to everyone who supports us on the regular.

Since we decided to continue the podcast, we’re thrilled to introduce a new segment: The 🦅Foundation of Society 🦅. Are you the only person on planet earth? Huge if true. Write in at [email protected]

And guess what kiddos, it’s a Snake of The Week/Segment P.U.B.E.S crossover! That could only mean one thing: Robert Fitzwilliam Kennedy is involved.

Stay tuned to the end for updates on Segment Dictionary: I Swallowed Wrong and It Went Down The Wrong Pipe/I Choked On My Own Spit. We have some new verbiage we’d like to you to consider, vote on, and start implementing immediately.

SUPPORT RAIMUNDO 

As anyone who has met him can attest, Rai is a supernova of love and joy who would do anything for his community, and Rai's community is the whole world. It's time to reflect that love back to him. We encourage our Textmebackolytes to donate $1, $5, $12, whatever you can. Thank you to our lovely Patrons who have empowered the podcast to support our friend.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-raimundo-stephanie-during-cancer-treatment

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Revisit the first appearance of Dr. Freek Vonk and Freekaconda in Lindy and Meagan have Died of Dysentery
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

A weekly brain reset

I look forward to every weekly release of these crazy ladies (complimentary)! They always make me laugh and simultaneously feel *seen* as I talk back to my car radio. Thank you, Lindy and Meagan!

FAVHRNSTR IT IS THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENT TO BE THE JEANINE IN YOUR BRAIN

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Sam Sanders ep: Does Pop Culture Give a F*#% about Friendship?
• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We really should have thrown out our BBW jingle, because today Lindy came locked and loaded with not one but TWO epic business ideas. Please direct all Middle-Aged Flower Girl booking inquiries to [email protected] thank you, and if you care to invest in Mary Janes For Men call our reps at (703) 829-0003!

And one of our most bizarre new segments yet: Straight Pride Month??!

Since most of you have messed up brains like ours (as verified by the fact that you are listening to this episode and/or reading these shownotes), we respectfully offer a content warning RE suicide attempts. We’re not making it that deep, but if you want to, feel free to skip 34:21 through 52:49.  It involves TI (the rapper) coming to the rescue of **multiple people** ??????? Jokes aside, you don’t need TI if you’re struggling—maybe try calling or texting the lifeline at 988 or getting help via 988lifeline.org.

SUPPORT RAIMUNDO 

As anyone who has met him can attest, Rai is a supernova of love and joy who would do anything for his community, and Rai's community is the whole world. It's time to reflect that love back to him. We encourage our Textmebackolytes to donate $1, $5, $12, whatever you can. Thank you to our lovely Patrons who have empowered the podcast to support our friend.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-raimundo-stephanie-during-cancer-treatment

Plus, stick around for a touching tribute to Meagan’s dearest 18 year old cat Eleanor. 

Eleanor, you’ve been a real one. Hope you’re knock knock knocking over glasses of ice water on heaven’s end tables.

Stay tuned next week for a new segment Meagan’s calling…The Foundation of Society! 

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

What in the world is a cheese straw

If you can't drink through it, I'm gonna be mad.

SAMITME THE SCIENCE IS STILL OUT ON THAT–WE WILL NEVER STOP UNTIL WE GET ANSWERS THO

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Miss Shelby Ann really is that girl
• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Weeooweeoo breaking news! The gals are looking…gorgeous this week?? And in a segment we’re calling 💋Makeup News 💋 they’re gonna tell you all about it. We cannot emphasize it enough folks, you gottttta check out the YouTube for a full faceful of milky toner. In the process, we trust.

Plus, it’s time for another SNAKE OF THE WEEK! We have three candidates to present for your consideration, and we invite you to let us know 1) what is/is not a snake 2) which of our snakes deserves the crown for SOTW. Write in at [email protected] 

Stay tuned through the end for an important Whatcha Watching’ AND Whatcha Munchin’. And Shannon, we ask again—IS THE WHOLE FAMILY FUNKY OR NAH?

Psssst. Did you catch all THREE of Meagan’s puns this week? Don’t say anything about it or we fear she’ll never speak again.

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

I love this podcast so much

Meagan and Lindy feel like my best friends (for better or worse)

MOLLYYYY B SO SORRY TO REPORT THAT THIS IS TRUE, BESTIE! SORRY BOUT IT :/

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Miss Shelby Ann really is that girl
• Erin Parsons https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1CQXmgV3LL/?mibextid=wwXIfr
• Fave products — Thayer’s milky toner, Huda Beauty under eye corrector
• LUST Lip Glass, POSH pit (is this a real website? who can say??), Velvet Teddy (it’s on sale!), Nars Lip Pencil in CRUELLA, Fenty Hot Chocolit
• Idiot Adventurer Foiled by Snake (GOOD) 
• Man Abandons Exotic Snakes on Hollywood Boulevard (maybe the snakes can be mayor of LA?)
• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week, we step into an important new next phase of 🎀Meagan’s Journey 🎀! 

Oh, you thought it was over after her pilgrimage to Puerto Rico?? Tell me this: Has Meagan smooched any of her Latin Pop SuperEstrellas? Then it’s not over, chica!!! In this new evolution of the journey (🎀🎀Meagan’s Journey: Parte Dos 🎀🎀) you are invited—tell us what Ricky Martin OR Bad Bunny song is rocking your whole cabeza off to space. Tell us all about it in the discord over at patreon.com/textmebackpod.

Also—truly let us know what you’d like to see us use the Patreon money for or else we WILL be going to Kazakhstan! Current ideas in the works: Recording more in person. Live reporting from The Wisconsin Dells…Equipment?

And stay tuned to the end because NEW SEGMENT just dropped and we need a name and probably a theme song. If you think of a more elegant way to say what we’re trying to say, write in at [email protected].  #wrongpipe (?)

Plus did you know that all of our episodes are living full rich lives on Youtube? If that’s your thing, go check us out over at www.youtube.com/@textmebackpod

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Listen to the origin of Meagan’s Whitney Houston stan hubby in Lindy and Meagan are Moockus Grackus  
• Hear us discuss important new vocab word Schlittenfahrt Lindy and Meagan Have a Complicated Relationship with Socks
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

Accolades!

Hello, Snake of the Week is my favorite special segment. Also that one time there was a snake quiz on the best snake news. Everything is horrible except this show.

_ALLISON_ YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW NOT-HORRIBLE THINGS IN THIS WORLD AND WE ARE OBSSSSSSESSSSSED WITH YOU  🐍🐍🐍

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• MEET ROO
• Roo's Part 2: Back in the Habit
• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

TEXT ME BACK is a comedy podcast where Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays spiral about politics, pop culture, dogs, space, friendship, anxiety, Lord of the Rings, and whatever cursed topic is haunting them that week. Along the way, they’ve welcomed brilliant and hilarious guests including Lizz Winstead (The Daily Show), Kelsey McKinney (Normal Gossip), Samantha Irby (We Are Never Meeting in Real Life), Guy Branum (Hacks), collaborators, comedians, political experts, writers, and internet icons for deeply unserious conversations.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Uh oh! Voting rights have been dismantled and now Meagan is vying for crusty stinker of the week! But it’s okay and everything is fine because she has made an important discovery, and it’s something called…“The Marvel Cinematic Universe.” 🚨 Spoiler Alert!!! 🚨 If you have not seen The Avengers (2012) through Avengers: Endgame (2019) and still plan to one day see a move that’s already 7-14 years old, consider yourself warned!!! We’ll even be extra nice and tell you to skip between 15:56 and 17:26 if you don’t want Avengers: Endgame (2019) to be ruined for you. Tell us what character within the Marvel Universe is helping you dissociate! Sounds like something we could get into in the Discord? Join the convo via patreon.com/textmebackpod??? Also, special shoutout to SHANNON and famous kingleheimer husband Stephen for the incredible contribution to our Whatcha Watchin’ vertical.

And next, Lindy was in Phoenix! And boy did she miss the opportunity of a lifetime. Do YOU have any idea what we should be asking about Arizona? Write in at [email protected]! We gotta know what we gotta know!!

And lastly, Meagan gets an email, raising one important question: Darrick…u okay, bud?? 

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Listen to Big Ron betray Lindy in Lindy and Meagan and Big Ron Have a Secret
• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

This podcast makes me happy

Apparently, as a longtime listener, I owe you an accolade, so consider yourself accoladed! I love the podcast so much I named my cat Barry.

PAMSTER206 THANK YOU FOR THIS ACCOLADE SWEETIE WE WILL MARK THIS DOWN AS COMPLETE FOR YOU! A+++ FOR YOU AND BARRY! SEND US A PIC OF BARRY!!!!!

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today, we tide! Sadly, the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico kindly asked Meagan (la Reina Lazy) to put away her ass and return to the Continental United States immediamente, so she is back to report on if she a) kissed Benito or b) kissed Ricky Martin orrrrr secret option c) kissed Billy the Magician. AND we are reaching a muy satisfying conclusion to our lazy river saga, wherein Meagan finds the laziest rio in alllll of Puerto Rico. Sorry in advance to the polo-presenting Americans in our community – your experience is valid!

And back at the ranch, Lindy tells us all about tiny town USA and her Braum’s redemption tour. No more asking the teens behind the counter to defrost the chicken pimiento –  we think you’re gonna like what she ordered. 

NEVER LISTENED TO THE POD BEFORE? HERE IS YOUR STARTER KIT TO BEING BFFS WITH US!

• Meet Kevin in: Lindy and Meagan Need to Talk About Kevin
• Learn why they keep saying BBW in Lindy and Meagan Are Officially BBWs
• Discover the Kayak Dad Lore in: It’s Our First Episode!

WE NEED OUR ACCOLADES! It helps people find the show.

• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Spotify
• ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 stars only please) on Apple Podcasts
• Give us Rave Reviews and Accolades on Apple Podcasts! 

The Only Podcast ?

Text Me Back is, as far as I know, the only podcast. It gets five stars only because I cannot give more. It is excellent and no other podcasts would compare if they did exist. Lindy and Meagan are maybe the funniest people I know. I don't know them but if I did I would probably laugh a lot at their jokes. Their show segments are innovative and beyond compare.

AUDIBLE IS STRANGE AND AWFUL WE’RE DESPERATE FOR THE TEA ON AUDIBLE AND WE ADORE THAT WE PASS YOUR HIGH STANDARDS!!!!!

STUFF TO CHECK OUT:

• Order Lindy’s book!!!! Adult Braces
• NEWSLETTER ME BACK (A FREE WAY TO SUPPORT THE SHOW!)
• Check out SWAMP PERSON 
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Check out our MERCH so we can make MORE merch!! (Patrons get a discount, so check us out at patreon.com/textmebackpod)
• Listen Ad-Free by joining our $12 Patreon tier Freakaconda!
• Subscribe to Lindy’s newsletter butt news!
• Join our Discord! We’re obsessed with these people.

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

If you like this episode and want us to keep making the show forever, please subscribe to our Patreon. This podcast will always be free, but we need your help to produce it -- and if you support our Patreon, you'll get all kinds of goodies in addition to the show itself! Learn more about the different tiers and rewards here: https://www.patreon.com/TextMeBackPod

Also! Please keep in touch with us! You can text OR CALL us at the Best Friend Party Phone: (703) 829-0003.

We're on Instagram at @textmebackpod!

You can email us at [email protected]!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU SO BAD!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

TEXT ME BACK is a production of Lindy West and Meagan Hatcher-Mays, proud members of the BFF Network. Our senior producer is Meagan Hatcher-Mays. Our other senior producer is Lindy West. Our show is produced by Alli Slice.

Our music is by Chief Ahamefule J. Oluo. Diana Bowen is our video and creative advisor. Our digital strategist is Chance Nichols.

You can also follow the podcast on Instagram and TikTok @textmebackpod. And for even more bestie content, follow Lindy and Meagan on Instagram at @thelindywest and @importantmeagan!

⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°✩⋆｡°

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.