The Betchelor

Aleen says this was a good episode but nothing really happened at all. They talk about Garrett and his love for racist memes - Becca still doesn't know. They move onto Colton and how he's a virgin that can't drive. Isn't it cruel that they took him on a boat making sexual conk puns? Aleen finds him boyish. Sami is confused at why sports and football would preclude him from having sex. They theorize that he's gay because guys pretty much only want to have sex. So what's the deal, Colton? This is not to say all of the other guys aren't flawed as they definitely are. Blake, Colorado is not the state with the most sunshine. Jason has nothing to say. All in all, Becca got stuck with a bad lot. Discussing Garrett's beliefs, they talk about the male tendency to reduce a woman's action to a thing women in general do. They wrap up making predictions about the end of the season.

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Jordana and Aleen are joined by Alexis Waters to talk about this and past seasons of the Bachelor. She talks about listing her job as "Aspiring dolphin trainer", how she had to go with a shark costume, and mentions that she wouldn't "boom" anyone on this season. They move onto this season and agree that Jason is the frontrunner. Nobody likes Chris. Jordana thinks he seems like an angry Ben Stiller and/or Eddie, the crazy roommate from friends. Lincoln got sent home, but who cares? Sometimes Bachelorettes have really good style and other times their name is Becca. They wrap up talking about Scallops Girl.

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Sami and Jordana have gotten complaints that they don't actually like the show, but they can't help it if it's objectively bad. They talk about Vegas - is it the perfect place to fall in love or the exact opposite? Sami views Becca's approval of Colton as obligatory. After, they move onto the Wayne Newton portion of the episode. Hopefully, one day we can live in a world where contestants don't have to write songs (or Google Wayne Newton). They talk about Jordan and his preoccupation with his skin care, hair care, and the gym. At 22:39, they play some games including "Shoot, fuck, marry" Jordan, Chris and David. And don't miss: Would you rather have sex with Wayne Newton or Chicken?

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Aleen sits down with Tyler Gilden to discuss this season of the Bachelor. They talk about Garrett (and his questionable likes on Instagram). After they move onto to group dates. Then they talk about Jean Blanc’s massive downward spiral. Finally, they move onto Becca’s blah date with Wills. Don’t miss ample roasting of David. Like, who falls off a bed?

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Aleen debuts on the Betchelor for this season of Bachelorette. She's mainly relieved that no one is saying, “Let’s do the damn thing." She and Jordana discuss Jordan, who may be good looking, but how often does he get a SECOND date? Everyone on the show is officially a climber. The Colton and Tia drama is ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as the faceplant situation with Chicken. Chris talks like a robot. They wrap up going over Becca's likely top 4 and talking shit about Arie.

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Sami and Jordana are joined by Bachelor favorite Corinne Olympios to talk about this season and more. Regarding last night: the group dates are cheesy and the guys are overly dramatic. It all feels like sleep-away camp. And the forced meet ups with former contestants are way too much. They also talk about Corinne’s beef with Taylor and how the producers are milking stories just a bit too much (could it be the lack of breakout talent?). If you’ve ever wanted to know who Corinne was friends with and who she was ready to back stab at a moment’s notice, it’s a must-listen.

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Sami and Jordana sit down with former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman to kick off Becca’s season. They discuss what it’s like to be the lead, and how life changes after the show ends and you have a million new insta followers. They touch on Ashley and Jared’s new relationship, Andi’s old relationships, the pros and cons of going on the show, and if the guys are really getting worse every season or it just seems that way. What’s it really like on the first night? How do you remember everyone’s names? Why does it seem like the contestants only hang out with each other after the season ends? These answers and more on this new episode of the Betchelor.

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Jordana and Sami meet with Bekah M. and Kendall. They talk sororites, eating on location during the Bachelor, and Kendall's love for dead animals. Bekah is wearing the circular earrings that Arie put his fingers through. After, they interview the author of Bachelor Nation who gives them a look behind the scenes of this season (and who can't stand Arie as much as the rest of us).

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Jordana and Aleen discuss the season finale of The Bachelor. Arie and Becca's awkward, silence-ridden end was emphatically undramatic. Aleen felt nothing. Arie's choosing of Lauren proves that exactly what everyone predicted: Arie just wants a 'hot dumb blonde bitch.' The most she ever opened up was her saying, "I want our dogs to meet." Arie's sole criteria appears to be that Lauren is very hot, which she is, but c'mon. Needless to say, they spend the whole episode criticizing Arie because as it turns out, his creepy hands were one of his better traits. Enjoy life with borin' Lauren, Arie- though we hope she turns you down.

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Sami and Aleen discuss the Women Tell All and Fantasy Suites episodes, since rebranded as the “Romantic Overnight Date” episode. Sami quips that the first thing that stood about the Women Tell All episode is that the show was much better without Arie. Aleen then discusses a Betches controversy; Arie blocked @betchesluvthis on Twitter, so the drama is real.

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