The Betchelor

Jordana and Sami discuss the massive amount of Bachelor programming (six hours a week!). Jordana mentions that picking the person to vote off on the Bachelor Winter Games was a bit mean-spirited. Then they talk about the role of race, with several pointed critiques. After, they go over this week’s episode. Arie visits several of the contestants hometowns, and let’s just say: they’re weren’t all for him.

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Jordana and Aleen are joined by Taylor Nolan from the next season of the Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. She’s engaged to Derek. She talks about their relationship and how they met in June and were engaged about two months later. She also expresses how much crazy action was taken out of the Bachelor, including Derek licking her armpit. Taylor also talks about her sobriety and how crazy things could get on location (including Derek’s first night where he got totes blackout). After, they move on to how Arie is cute, but weird nonetheless.

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The contestants head to Paris in a highly-sponsored boat, everyone has intimacy issues, and Arie's love of under-30 women is called out once again, all on this week's episode of the Betchelor. As much as it hurts to think about, Lauren B.'s and Arie's awkward date must be discussed. Is Krystal's voice the only sane thing left? Actually, no... and there goes Jordana's bracket.

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Sami and Aleen talk about this week’s ep of the Bachelor. The gang heads to Ft. Lauderdale, but the contestants don’t seem to realize that those yachts aren’t Arie’s. As Sami puts it, “It’s just a show. When it’s your life, you’ll be going into debt with Arie as he runs out of Instagram endorsements.” The gentle Ft. Lauderdale breeze can’t soothe that kind of brutality. Sami and Aleen also agree they wouldn’t give up caring for their boyfriend’s niece or their Boston Terrier to be on the Bachelor.

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Sami and Aleen cover this week’s episode of The Bachelor. Krystal’s voice is again a target, but her tendency to give speeches consisting of empty inspirational quotes shows that her weird voice is actually one of her better traits. She has issues. Aleen can’t stop cringing when Arie makes his moves, particularly on a certain 22-year-old. They conclude that Bekah actually has more maturity and poise than just about everyone, especially Arie. They wrap things up talking about glam-shaming, the controversial practice of calling people out for being too hot.

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This week on The Betchelor, Jordana and Aleen discuss the fact that Arie thinks with his penis and has eliminated all of the older contestants. They talk about his weird kissing with Bekah M during the wrestling date and how young she is, the awkward Napa date with Lauren S., and Annaliese’s mental breakdown. They play "Shoot, BFF, Party With" with Bibiana, Krystal, and Annaliese and talk about how old is too old to go on The Bachelor.

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On this week’s episode of The Betchelor, Jordana and Aleen discuss Krystal’s annoying voice and creepy hometown date. They talk about Arie pretty woman-ing Bekah M, Annaliese’s absurd bumper car freak-out, and the showdown between Bibiana and Krystal. Finally, they play 'Shoot, BFF, Party With' with Siene, Bibiana, and Chelsea and discuss which of the awkward first dates they’d prefer in real life.

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On their premiere episode for this season, Samantha and Jordana discuss why Arie is a skeevy bachelor. They name their top 5 moments from this episode and discuss this week’s contestants at length. They play Shoot Fuck Marry with Arie, Nick Viall, and DeMario Jackson and discuss how much they’d have to be paid to have ABC air their wedding on national television.

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The Betches discuss thew sea on finale of Bachelor in Paradise, the new Bachelor Arie, and play shoot fuck marry with ridiculous scenarios

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The Betches discuss the remaining couples on Bachelor in Paradise, the fact that Dean is not going to be the next Bachelor, our predictions for who it will be, and answer a listener email about meeting Daniel in person. We play would you rather about Taylor and Ben and Scallops and Jack Stone and end with a round of Shoot Fuck Marry

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