If we took a survey of the things we don’t like to do, confrontation would come out somewhere near the top. Whether on the job or in our personal lives, most of us struggle with how and when to confront someone. It is not a pleasant experience, and therefore, we often avoid or postpone it.

Confrontation can be one of the most constructive things we can do when it is done at the right time, for the right reason, in the right way.

Let’s talk about what happens when we avoid confrontation. Suppose you and I worked together, and you were doing something that caused me difficulty in some way or another—you were doing something wrong. But instead of bringing it out in the open with you and trying to find a solution, I just let it boil up inside me until what was a small issue became a major stumbling block in my mind.

Now in this hypothetical situation, instead of addressing the issue in a constructive way, I go into gossip and complaining mode about you. I tell another coworker what I don’t like about you. This other person is influenced by what I’ve told her about you, so now, instead of solving the problem, I’ve spread the problem further because I’ve infected someone else with my gossip.

You can see how this could continue to spiral throughout the organization, until we have a major conflict involving not just two people, but several others as well. Has the problem been solved? No, not at all, because the one person who needs to be confronted is the object of gossip and backbiting, and she may not even realize her behavior has caused a problem.

Suppose instead I decided to confront you, and I did it in such a way that there was a possibility you might handle it well. And suppose indeed you do handle it well. Now, you are in a position to correct whatever it is that is causing a problem—or to correct my perception—and you and I have an improved relationship. Nobody else needs to ever know anything about it. By constructive confrontation, we’ve eliminated tons of unnecessary stress and avoided all kinds of unpleasant encounters. Good idea? I think so.

As our story unfolded in part one, Louise, Fran's Christian coworker, is asked to approve an expense account of a senior account rep in her group—Jerry—and Louise knows he has included meals that were not with clients but were with his girlfriend. Louise talks with Fran about this dilemma, and Fran invites her over in the evening for prayer and a search of Scripture so Louise will know what to do. That's where our story left off.

Just as Fran gets her children ready for bed, the doorbell rings, and Louise arrives.

"Whew," Fran says to Louise, "as much as I love them, it's always nice to have the peace and quiet that comes once they're in bed."

"But they're so nice, Fran," Louise says. "They really are nice."

"Thanks, Louise," Fran replies.

"Well, have you given the problem any more thought?" Louise asks.

"Off and on all afternoon," Fran says. "I couldn't come up with a specific verse which I thought gave a specific answer, could you?"

"Well, not exactly," Louise says. "But I know it would be wrong for me to approve the report, since I know Jerry is cheating. That much I know."

"Right, I agree," Fran says. "So now we just have to consider your other options."

"Let's start with prayer," Louise suggests, and they spend considerable time praying together. Both pray for wisdom from above, and Louise again confirms to the Lord that she is willing to do his will no matter what the cost will be to her. Fran prays their minds will be renewed by God's Spirit so they won't think incorrectly, and they will know God's good and perfect will.

"Louise," Fran says, "I suggest we start by listing all the options you have."

"Good idea," Louise agrees, and they get a pad to write on. After some discussion, they come up with only two options:

Turn in the report without Louise's approval on it and see what happens.

Return the report to Jerry and ask him to complete it and turn it in himself.

No longer is any consideration given to approving the report as it is, or lying in any way. They both agree that is not a biblical option.

"Let's think about what will happen in each case," Fran suggests. So, she and Louise write down everything they can think of. Option 1, they decide, is simply postponing the inevitable. The report would come back to Louise for completion, and she'd still be faced with the dilemma. Option 2 would mean a direct confrontation with Jerry and would undoubtedly cause him to be very upset with Louise. And Louise is fearful of retribution on his part. After all, Jerry’s been around a long time and has some pull in the company.

"You know," Louise says, "it's not like Jerry would even miss the $87, Fran. He makes plenty of money. You'd think I was talking about $87,000, the way he acts about this."

"Remember Louise," Fran responds, "money makes people do crazy things—even small amounts of money. That's why Jesus said you can't serve God and Money, with a capital M. It has power over people to cause them to do all kinds of dishonest things, and often totally out of proportion to the amount."

"You know, you're right," Louise says. "I remember last week I was filling out an expense account for myself and I was really tempted to put down a meal I didn't have to pay for. I had to force myself not to do it, because I wanted to pick up $15."

"Oh, it's happened to me many times," Fran says, "and I haven't always done the right thing."

"I guess I can't be too hard on poor Jerry," Louise says. "After all, if it weren't for Jesus, I'm sure I'd do the same thing. And even with Jesus, I'm tempted to cheat for a few measly dollars."

"Yeah, you're right," Fran agrees. "You know, Louise, we didn't pray for Jerry. We should."

And with that, they stop where they are to pray for Jerry, for his salvation, for his family, for Gail, his girlfriend, and for a change of heart to be willing to do the right thing. "I hadn't thought about praying for him," Louise says as they finish.

Let’s discuss is the vindictive, malicious, even vicious coworkers who are openly trying to cause you problems and do you harm.

The first thing you need to understand is these people are in a world of hurt! They won’t admit it, but you can be certain they are miserable. It could be their hostile behavior is caused by the light and salt that emanates from you. You know, Jesus told us men love darkness, and if our lights are shining as they should, we will discover some people not only run from it, they fight it.

Have you really stopped to think about what Peter is telling us when said: To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:21).

The only way you can learn to accept unjust suffering is to constantly remind yourself that by doing so, you have an opportunity to share in Jesus' suffering, which gives you the great privilege of learning to follow in his steps. Think about it: When you are going through tough waters, you feel very close to someone who's been there before you. When you have an opportunity to taste the kind of suffering Jesus drank fully for us, then you know him better. And that in turn brings his resurrection power into our lives.

We've been talking about difficult coworkers, as though the problem is always with the other person and never with us Christians. How I wish that were true, but I know better because I know me! It would do us all good to take a close look and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to us if we're guilty of any of these difficult characteristics in our relationships with our coworkers. Peter wrote our lives should be above reproach so when others try to find something bad to say about us, they have to manufacture it!

I am reminded of what Jesus said to his disciples when they were having difficulty getting along with each other: If you want to be first in my kingdom, you have to be a servant (Matthew 20:26). A servant heart is the sum total of what we've been saying here. As difficult as that is at times, it's much easier than doing it our way. And the benefits we reap are eternal ones. Let's go for it.

Let me ask you, have you ever had to deal with a condescending and arrogant coworker? They talk down to you; they know everything; they're unteachable; they're always right. They're not very easy to endure!

I have a friend who worked in a bank, and she was having trouble getting along with an arrogant-type coworker. After prayer and consideration, she started "Project Love," her name for a planned program on her part to bridge the gap between her and her coworker. First, she invited her to have lunch with her. The coworker was a little surprised, but she accepted. Through this, they got to know each other, and my friend discovered underneath the arrogant attitude was a very insecure, fearful person with many personal problems. Now they've become friends, and this woman has frequently turned to my friend for counsel and help.

Thankfully my friend was willing to submerge her own normal resentment toward this arrogant, prejudicial coworker and extend herself to make a bridge. Jesus taught us to love our enemies, and this is an example of how we put that principle into practice. It's helpful to remember we don't have to like others to love them. Loving them means acting toward them in considerate and loving ways, even though you may not feel it.

Dealing with a domineering coworker

Have you ever worked with someone who tried to manage everyone, including their manager? They're always telling you what to do, and everything in you wants to say, "Hey, you're not the boss around here!”

Jesus told us to humble ourselves, and that's an important lesson for us to learn. Did you ever think we could use these relationships with domineering people to help us learn humility? It is humbling to keep your mouth shut and not bark back. It is even more humbling to take their direction! There may be times when that's the right thing for us to do. God is interested in developing Christ-like characteristics in us, and sometimes he uses unfair and uncomfortable circumstances for that purpose.

Learning humility is how we become more and more transformed into the likeness of Jesus. If God has you in humility school right now, trust him to bring you through, and while you're there, learn your lessons well. Don't rebel and get bitter. Use it as a tool for righteousness. God is so good at doing that for us.

Remember, if a confrontation is called for, our motives have to be carefully examined to make certain we're confronting for the other person's good, not just to vent our frustration.

Have you ever had a problem getting along with someone you work with? Most of us have, and it surely can cause a lot of grief, can't it? I can tell you Christians certainly are not immune to these interpersonal conflicts. We need some biblical principles to guide us. Let's consider the problems that arise when we deal with a negative coworker.

Dealing with a negative coworker

Our worlds are full of negative thinking and talking people. It seems they have nothing good or encouraging to say about anything or anyone. If you've ever had to work closely with a very negative individual (and who hasn't!), you know just how tough it is to be around that person.

This is one of those times when you need lots of compassion, because compassion lengthens your tolerance and helps you think about where the other person is coming from and what's causing them to be so negative. I think without Christ, I'd be negative in this world most of the time.

There are a couple of proverbs which apply here.

A cheerful look brings joy to the heart (Proverbs 15:30). One way to fight the irritation is to keep your own spirits up, and a smile on your face will help do that. Have you learned the secret of smiling?

I know when I'm feeling down, frustrated, or irritated, if I can make myself smile, it starts to change the way I feel. I think God gave us the ability to smile to keep us going in the middle of tough situations. I encourage you to try smiling a lot more.

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up (Proverbs 12:25). Some kind words spoken to that negative person might be the key to getting him or her to open up and share their real feelings with you, and in so doing, you may discover their negative attitude is a cover-up for fear or anxiety. If they can share that with you, it gives you an opportunity to be of help to them. It doesn’t always work that way, but it's worth a try. Give them some kind words, in spite of their negativism.

One warning here. Be careful you don't allow them to bring you down to their negative levels. Fight back by humming choruses to yourself. Quote Scripture to yourself. Change the conversation to something positive. Often, we allow negative people to set the tone and drag everybody else down with them. Guard your own mind against the onslaught of negativism.

I wonder how many of you are in a work environment where there is conflict among coworkers, perhaps even a personal conflict you are facing. It happens quite frequently, and as Christians, we need to be aware of biblical principles in dealing with these difficult coworkers.

Yesterday we were talking about the lazy coworker, who doesn't do his or her share of the work. We pointed out one principle to consider is the extra-mile principle given in Matthew 5.

I can hear some of you saying, "What? Are Christians supposed to be doormats? I don't buy that.” What I find myself and other Christians doing so often is rationalizing and watering down God's principles based on our own reasoning processes and the influence of this world's thinking on us.

We think Jesus taught us to go the extra mile and love our enemies and all that, but he wasn't referring to this type of situation. And we begin to pick and choose our beliefs from Scripture. You know, I've decided if I'm going to make an error in applying God's Word, I'd like to err in favor of going too far rather than not doing enough, for a change.

Now, let me assure you I don't think it's right for people to be lazy. But how other people act and react shouldn't change our commitment to God's principles. Matthew 5 gives principles for dealing with people who are doing the wrong thing; people who are against us, people who cause us problems and difficulties.

I'm not saying we should do the lazy person's work forever, and never say anything. There are times when an open confrontation with the lazy coworker and/or with management is appropriate. Jesus confronted people frequently, but never to vent his own frustrations. He always confronted for their good and benefit, and I think that has to be our guiding principle in determining who and when to confront.

What we must guard against is this build-up of bitterness, which can quickly happen when we're dealing with lazy coworkers. We can't blame bitterness on others. It's our responsibility to keep a root of bitterness from growing within us.

We typically spend eight hours a day on our jobs—with coworkers and peers whom we might never voluntarily choose to spend one-third of our waking hours each week. But there we are—together! And even though we're Christians, we're not immune to the irritations, aggravations, and outright conflicts that can exist between coworkers.

Let's face it: coworkers can get to you! However, these relationships give us opportunities as Christians to demonstrate the power of Christ, to show that his presence makes a real difference in our everyday lives. Some close friends were at my home and several of them were sharing the struggles they are facing on their jobs with coworkers. But in each case, as they shared how God had helped them get along with those coworkers, they told of dying to their own rights and then watching God work miracles in those situations. And in each instance, their ability to deal in a Christ-like way with a difficult coworker has opened a door of witness on their jobs.

In many of those situations, the coworker has not yet changed, and their behavior is extremely difficult. But even when they don't change, God can change us, so we are equipped to handle it properly. Often God just gives us grace to cope, grace to endure, grace to accept, even though the other person never changes. But isn't that just as great a miracle as changing the other person? I think so.

Let's look at one type of difficulty we encounter with coworkers.

Dealing with the lazy coworker

Sometimes we have to work with a person who is lazy, and if we have to pick up his or her slack, we may find ourselves becoming bitter and resentful. And of course, that would show in sarcastic words, angry looks, body language, etc.

In these situations, we need to know whether to confront the situation; to let the work go undone; to go to management; or to do the work for a while.

One principle to consider is we are called to have an extra-mile attitude in our relationships with others. Read Matthew 5 beginning at verse 38 to refresh your memory on how Jesus taught us to go the extra-mile. Of course, this is not the world's solution, and it goes against all our natural reactions. But God may have good reasons for us to go the extra mile and be willing to do what we don't have to do.

I want to emphasize that the purpose of these stories is to help us remember that Jesus is with us all day every day on the job, and he wants to give us comfort, help, guidance, and strength. We must learn to practice his presence. Fran has some conversations with Jesus, which are obviously imaginary but based on Scripture. After all, that’s how Jesus speaks to us—through his Word and his Spirit. So, with that, let's begin our story.

"Fran, you got time for lunch today?" Louise asks as she pokes her head around Fran's door. Louise and Fran have become good friends, and it's great to have a fellow believer on the job to talk to. They meet for lunch once a week to pray for the company and for the people they work with. It has been a wonderful time of fellowship, and they've seen lots of answers to prayer.

But this is not their prayer day, so Fran asks, "Something wrong?"

"Well, kinda," Louise replies. "I just need some advice, but I know how busy you are so..."

"No, let's do it," Fran answers. And with that they head to the cafeteria. Sitting down in a quiet corner, Fran says to Louise, "You look worried. I have a feeling something is bothering you."

"Yeah, you're right," Louise agrees.

After asking God's blessing on the food, Louise says, "Fran, you know how Marilyn made such a point in the staff meeting last week about our expense accounts and what’s allowed and what isn’t, especially as it relates to meals."

"Yeah," Fran replies. "She told me that some people have really taken advantage of that policy."

"Well," Louise says, lowering her voice, "I’m supposed to approve all expense accounts for those in my group before they go to Marilyn, and she made it clear we’re supposed to make certain all the charges are in compliance with company policy. That's what I'm upset about. Jerry is—well—he's lying about his expenses, charging meals to the company that are not business related, and today we had some words about it.” Jerry is the senior account manager in Louise’s group.

"What kind of words?" Fran asks.

"He turned in his expenses with receipts for meals that were not with clients," Louise explains. "So, I gave them back to him with a note about the meals policy, and he calls me in his office, shuts the door and says, 'Since when are you telling me what meals I can charge and what I can’t?'"

Louise lowers her voice further. "I told him these were the new instructions I had received from Marilyn and that it was my responsibility to make sure all charges were accurate. Then he said, 'Well, I've been working for this company for twelve years, and I won’t have someone checking my expense accounts.’”

Louise looks at Fran and shakes her head. "What did you say?" Fran asks.

"I said something like 'Jerry, I'm just following instructions. Marilyn told us to be responsible for these expenses and make sure they’re right. What do you want me to tell her?'"

Louise takes a deep breath. "He threw the report at me and said, 'You just note those meals are client meals.’  Then he gave me names of two clients to put on the report, but I knew it wasn’t true. So, I said, 'Gee, Jerry, I think you must be mistaken.'  And I reminded him they weren’t client meals. He stared at me with a look that could kill, and said, 'You're supposed to do as I direct you to do, so just do it, Louise. Don't make a big deal out of it.'"

"Oh, great," Fran says to Louise, "he really put you in a tough spot. What happened then?"

"Fran, I'm ashamed to tell you, but I didn't have the guts to stand up to him. He is so intimidating," Louise replies. "So, I just took the report and walked out."

Louise is obviously very upset with herself. "Fran, I didn't do the right thing. You know, I just kept thinking about how much I need this job, and I know Jerry. He is politically connected, and I would never win in a fight against him.” Louise puts her fork down and pushes back from the table, very agitated.

"Louise,

I was asked a very interesting question by a woman who had come to hear me speak. She said to me, "Are you a liberated woman?” That question caused me to stop and ask: "What is a liberated woman?” Women's liberation became a much-used term during the last two or three decades, and on this day as we celebrate the freedom we have in our country, it’s a good idea to ask that question again: What is a liberated woman?

For some women, to be liberated means they are free from the control of men, or from the traditional roles that women have been confined to in the past. There are some women who would say a liberated woman is one who is free from the sexual restraints of the past and has sexual freedom. Often liberated women are defined by their status: how far up the ladder they have climbed; how much money they make; how much power they have, assuming the higher you climb, the more you make and the more power you have, the freer you are.

What does that term mean to you: a liberated woman? Are you one? Do you know any? How do you recognize one when you see her?

Let me begin by saying I consider myself a very liberated woman! Indeed I do! I'm liberated, set free, because I've been set free by Jesus Christ. Feminism does not offer me that freedom, no organization can offer me that. No job can offer me that. No amount of money or power can give me freedom. No other person can liberate me. But Jesus has set me free.

I can certainly understand the desire and passion for freedom and liberation that women feel. Everybody wants to be free. And throughout world history we've seen incredible struggles for freedom from slavery, freedom from aggression, freedom from abuse, freedom from discrimination. All of those struggles are understandable and legitimate.

I appreciate the freedom women now have to pursue any career for which they are qualified. It wasn't long ago that many of those opportunities were either denied to women or made extremely difficult.

But my friends, as one who has pioneered some new paths for women, let me tell you that you won't find true, lasting liberation in a career, no matter how good it may be, nor in new role definitions or worldly success or status or money or power. Freedom is found only in Jesus. That is not a trite cliché'; it is truth.

That’s the freedom to celebrate—the freedom that comes in knowing your sins are forgiven and eternity with Christ is sure. I’m a liberated woman! I hope you know the same freedom only Christ can give.

Often what we need to do is re-learn something we’ve already learned! As I start to prepare the programs, I think, "I don't have anything new to say.” And I start to panic because I haven't got a new idea or a new topic to present. But God reminds me repetition is the way we learn. Do you, like me, have to learn and re-learn and re-learn the lessons God wants to teach you? I'm amazed at the patience of our Lord, as I see how slow I am to truly learn and obey all I know.

God will work on one area of my life, and I'll think I've made some progress. Then I look back a few weeks or months later and realize I need to learn again what God has already taught me. How easily I forget; how easily I go back into old habits and wrong ways of thinking.

What I'm learning from all this is I must be prepared to re-learn many times the things I've already learned. I must go back and repeat because repetition is absolutely essential for me. I think of the verse to the old hymn which says, "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it; prone to leave the Lord I love.” Truly "prone to wander" is a good description of me. How about you?

Let me encourage you, if you find yourself in this same dilemma, learn to re-learn. Go back and listen again to what God has already taught you. Do a lot of review. If there were books which spoke to your heart, read them again. If you've heard messages that made an impact on you, listen again and again. Repeat and repeat what you already know.

That's another good reason to keep a journal of the things God is saying to you and what you've been learning from the Bible, so you can go back and re-read those things which you'll otherwise forget. It's a good way to re-learn.

Plan to be a re-learner, so that you're not so prone to wander from the good and basic lessons God has already taught you.