The Courageous Life

When veteran executive coach, professor, and ultra-endurance champion Urs Koenig signed up to be a NATO peacekeeping commander and United Nations peacekeeper in his fifties, he thought he knew a thing or two about leadership.

In his new book Radical Humility he openly shares that what he discovered as he embarked on this journey was a new leadership paradigm. 

One that replaces the top-down, “heroic” leadership of the past,

With a more human-centered approach that views humility as a strength and key to achieving goals in today’s complex world.

Today we will take a deep dive into the topic of humility as we explore:

• Urs stories of facing various challenges, including struggling with academics and getting kicked out of school, and how these moments helped shape his professional trajectory.
• Why humility is a strength, but not a replacement for competence
• An athletic dream of completinga race across America. How it unraveled, and what Urs learned from failure that helped him find the resilience to come back stronger.
• How to stay open and receptive to learning when it’s hard. Including when we:
  •  Receive tough feedback, 
  • When we fail, 
  • And when we experience difficult emotions. 
• Reflections on the intersection of backbone and heart in leadership and how leaders can get better at being tough on results but tender on people. 
• The importance of building thriving relationships and practices that support doing so at work and in our lives.

If you find this conversation intriguing I  would encourage you to check out Radical Humility: Be a Badass Leader and a Good Human, which you can find wherever books are sold. 

More about Urs:

Urs Koenig is a former United Nations military peacekeeper and NATO military peacekeeping commander, a highly accomplished ultraendurance champion, a widely published professor, bestselling author of Radical Humility, and a seasoned executive coach and keynote speaker with more than three decades of experience helping hundreds of leaders and dozens of executive teams unlock new levels of achievement across four continents. 

He is the founder of the Radical Humility Leadership Institute and speaks frequently on the topic of leadership to corporations and associations across the globe. His message of Radical Humility in leadership has inspired teams from across the spectrum, including Amazon, Starbucks, the Society of Human Resource Management, Vistage, the University of Melbourne, and Microsoft. 

He holds a PhD in geography and a Master of Science from the University of Zürich, Switzerland, and an MBA from the Australian Graduate School of Management.  For more, please visit urskoenig.com

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you’ll love

• Meeting Failure with Curiosity and Compassion | Amy Edmondson
• The Transformative Power of Humility | Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren
• Meeting Challenges with Backbone and Heart | Roshi Joan Halifax and Rhonda Magee

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The blank canvas.

The blank page.

The big questions:

• What’s next in my life?
• What do I want to do for work? 
• How do I want to live?

These are familiar moments and seasons of life marked by the unknown.

Often filled with feelings of uncertainty, what’s beautiful about  these moments, and these seasons is that

 They are an invitation into creativity.

But there’s a catch.

To accept the invitation we often need to be able to practice opening. 

Finding ways to relax into uncertainty. What I see as a great superpower for our time. 

When we do, we find possibility. 

Today's recording comes from Day 3 of Unlocking Creativity, our most recent 5-day guided meditation challenge for living well and realizing your unique creative potential.

In this practice you will be exposed to two eye opening insights from Courageous Life conversations with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, and yesterday's guest: leading meditation teacher Kaira Jewel Lingo. Together they will offer inspiration, and ideas for facing the unknown with greater joy, passion, and possibility.

Interested in Unlocking Creativity?

Learn more and sign up here

When you do you will also gain access to our two other guided meditation challenges:

• The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge
• The 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge

Curious to explore this topic further? Check out the full conversation with Kaira Jewel Lingo:

• Lessons for Moving Through Change, Loss, and Disruption | Kaira Jewel Lingo

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Want these practices delivered via text?

If you are located in the U.S. text the word COURAGE to 805-430-6801 to join Joshua's text community and you'll get a text once/week with a link directly to the practice.

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• Past Practicing Courage episodes in the podcast feed
• The FREE Practice Library

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Kaira Jewel Lingo is a mindfulness and meditation teacher with a lifelong interest in blending spirituality and meditation with social justice.

She spent her formative years growing up in an ecumenical Christian community where families practiced a new kind of monasticism and worked with the poor.

When she turned 25 she entered a Buddhist monastery and spent fifteen years living as a nun under the guidance of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.

Today she sees her work teaching Buddhist meditation, mindfulness, and compassion, as a continuation of the Engaged Buddhism she learned from Thich Nhat Hanh,

As well as the work of her parents, inspired by their stories and her dad’s work with Martin Luther King Jr. on desegregating the South.

In our conversation we will take a deep dive into Kaira Jewel’s story of entering the monastery

And the reasons for leaving 25 years later.

The moments she’ll describe are deeply human.

They are examples of those times we find ourselves at a crossroads, uncertain about which path to take.

Kaira Jewel will generously share some of the practices and insights that were most helpful for her as she navigated these moments:

• From finding the strength to be in a place of not knowing
• To sitting in the questions and discerning whether she was making these decisions driven by fear, or pulled by love. 
• To engaging in the practice of finding stillness and listening to her life.

As we explore these themes through Kaira Jewels story we’ll also talk about:

• What she’s learned about transforming the fear that often accompanies uncertainty into hopeful possibility
• Finding the balance between letting go and taking wise action 
• What she learned from her father and Thich Nhat Hanh about opening the heart in the face of some of the most pressing challenges of our time 
• The possibility of fighting for what we care about from a place of love. 

This raw and moving conversation was inspired by themes from her beautiful book:

We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons for Moving Through Change Loss and Disruption, which you can find wherever books are sold.

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• Meeting a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love | Oren Jay Sofer
• Neuroscience, Spirituality, and the Quest for an Inspired Life | Dr. Lisa Miller

More about Kaira Jewel:

Kaira Jewel Lingo is a mindfulness and meditation teacher with a lifelong interest in blending spirituality and meditation with social justice. She began practicing mindfulness in 1997 and at the age of twenty-five she entered a Buddhist monastery and spent fifteen years living as a nun under the guidance of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. She is also a teacher in the Vipassana Insight lineage through Spirit Rock Meditation Center. In addition to writing We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons for Moving through Change, Loss and Disruption, and co-authoring Healing Our Way Home: Black Buddhist Teachings on Ancestors, Joy and Liberation, she is also the editor of Thich Nhat Hanh’s Planting Seeds: Practicing Mindfulness with Children. She teaches and leads retreats internationally, provides spiritual mentoring, and interweaves art, play, nature, racial and earth justice, and embodied mindfulness practice in her teaching. Visit kairajewel.com to learn more.

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There is a beautiful teaching metaphor that comes out of buddhist psychology about 2 darts.

As we move through life we inevitably experience pain.

From minor bumps and scrapes,

To major injury, loss, heartbreak, and catastrophe.

This is the 1st dart.


What’s interesting about pain though is that it can often be accompanied by 

thoughts about the pain:

• “This shouldn’t be happening.”
• “What if this doesn’t end?”
• “There’s something wrong with you." Etc.

These are add ons.

They’re the extras that in moments where we are in pain, can pile on.

Adding to the weight and intensity of the experience.

Turning what is already painful into experiences marked by additional suffering.

These add ons are the 2nd dart.


Within this metaphor though there is a possibility for less suffering.

When we learn to put the second darts down,

to not throw them as much,

or not throw them at all,

we suffer less and we experience more freedom.


Today, we'll look at a simple practice for turning this possibility into a reality which in part was inspired by yesterday's Courageous Life conversation with renowned therapist Dr. Jacob Ham.


Curious to explore this topic further? Check out the full conversation with Dr. Ham:

• The Art of Meeting Life with Curiosity, Presence, and Love | Dr. Jacob Ham

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Want these practices delivered via text?

If you are located in the U.S. text the word COURAGE to 805-430-6801 to join Joshua's text community and you'll get a text once/week with a link directly to the practice.

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• Past Practicing Courage episodes in the podcast feed
• The FREE Practice Library

Support the show

When I first started coaching I was introduced to the idea of:

Meeting the client where they are.

This idea being both a cornerstone of coaching,

And a practice that involves attuning to the person in front of you in such a way that opens up a possibility of working with them wherever they are in their development or growth journey.

While it may sound simple enough, there is a profound depth and precision to meeting someone in this way. 

In part this is because whether it’s a client, a friend, a colleague, a partner, a child, a parent, etc 

There are a myriad of factors that can influence where they are on their path:

• The conversation you've been engaged in with them to that point
• What is arising in them in the moment (thoughts, feelings, sensations)
• What is arising in you
• What is arising in the relationship
• Their past experiences
• Your perceptions, beliefs, biases

The list goes on...

And this practice of attunement is one of the things that today's guest, renowned therapist Dr. Jacob Ham does exceptionally well which you'll hear in, and throughout, our conversation as we dive into a deep exploration of growth, curiosity, love, and the art of living in the present moment. 

Dr. Ham is the Director of the Center for Child Trauma and Resilience and Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai. 

Equal part therapist, speaker, trainer, program developer, Dr. Ham applies an open-hearted, empathic approach to all aspects of his work, ensuring that the needs of patients, audiences, and trainees are prioritized and met in the most meaningful ways. He specializes in using authentic relationships to self and others as paths to healing in trauma and other forms of mental suffering including the self-harm of fear, doubt, loathing and despair. To learn more please visit drjacobham.com

In today’s conversation:

• Dr. Ham's story about how he came to work in the way he does - including his general disillusionment with a lot of traditional approaches and paradigms in therapeutic treatment.
• What is this moment calling for? The role of this question in his work. And how an expertise in trauma and a deep contemplative practice inform his ability to skillfully offer what is needed. 
• The wisdom that can be found in contraction, closing off, and shutting down. 
• Practices for significantly improving communication in relationships.
• How to work with anger in more skillful ways when it arises
• Asking for what you need in relationship and why he thinks this isn’t always such a beneficial practice
• The possibility of responding to hate with love
• Learning to not be so afraid of the pain that comes with growth
• The practice of surrender and embracing the growth process
• And the role loving awareness plays in growth, healing, and his work as a therapist

Of all the interviews we've released on the show I found this to be one of the most moving and profound. It is such an honor to be able to shine a light on the incredible work Dr. Ham is doing in the world. I hope you enjoy the time with him as much as I did.   

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity | Mark Nepo
•  Finding the Courage to Live Without Regrets | Dr. Sunita Puri

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 

Thanks for listening!

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In the hero's journey, the hero or heroine is called to adventure. 

Often in the form of a quest, a challenge, or an adversity,

And often in unexpected ways.

One of the things that’s interesting about the hero's journey is that shortly after the call a helper enters the picture.

A mentor, sage, guide, or a coach of some sort.

They help the hero:

• Navigate the adventure
• Strengthen themselves
• And ultimately transform in ways that allow them to meet their life from a wiser, more skillful, and more responsive place. 

As we looked at starting a new series featuring everyday heroes, the role of the helper was striking.

And we couldn’t help but think this new series would be incomplete if we didn’t include episodes featuring helpers.

So here we are.

Launching our fourth episode in this new adventure on the larger Courageous Life podcast.

Conversations featuring inspiring stories from everyday heroes and the helpers who walk beside them.

Last week we released a helper interview with Executive and Leadership Coach Alfreda McCray where we explored the practice of becoming your own inner ally.

Today, I am honored and excited to share another beautiful helpers conversation, with Amy Dong.

Amy is a therapist who specializes in working with individuals and couples, navigating anxiety, supporting relational health, healing from burnout, reprocessing trauma, and finding steady footing through life’s inevitable twists & turns.

Amy is also a gifted writer.

You can find her beautiful and inspiring work on her substack: 

The Softening

Which she describes as a walk through our internal landscape, a journey with mental health and well-being in long form. 

Personally I subscribe to Amy’s blog and look forward to receiving each new piece as I find her writing a breath of fresh air. 

It offers an invitation to slow down in the midst of the hustle of everyday life, to reflect on what’s truly important, and often leaves me feeling hopeful and energized. I would encourage you to check it out.

Today, we’ll explore:

• The story of a helper who during a particularly challenging point left a deep positive impression on Amy - not in what she did, but rather through her way of being. 
• How she approaches her work, and the ways in which she walks beside her clients. 
• Some of her favorite tools for regulating the nervous system, and finding greater ease as we navigate the 'messy middle' parts of our lives. 
• Reflections about the practice of becoming a better friend to yourself. 

This conversation was deep, heartfelt, and also offered a number of practical takeaways. 

I hope you enjoy the time with Amy as much as I did. 

Did you find this conversation inspiring? Here are other episodes we think you'll love:

• Becoming your own inner ally with Alfreda McCray
• Curiosity, trust, and inner wisdom with Shandra Lamotte

 Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 
 
 Thanks for listening!

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Why can it be so difficult to receive? 

Whether it’s something small like a compliment,

Or something bigger, like receiving help when we are in some form of pain or distress. 

While the response can vary of course, 

For many of us the instinct  can often be:

• To brush off the compliment 
• To minimize the recognition
• To turn down the help 

Essentially to close off in one form or another. 

And there are a whole host of reasons why this might happen.

From the way we’re raised,

To:

• Expectations or cultural norms that have to do with identity, the workplace, etc
• Fears of being perceived as weak, of not being liked, or not fitting in.

The list goes on.

This past week as I was engaged in a discussion around receiving (and the difficulty with it) with my long time collaborator Matt Donner.

And in the process was reminded of a past Courageous Life conversation with Dr. Kelly McGonigal where we explored self-compassion.

In particular, challenging the popular forms of self-compassion practice that so often focus on 

Going off by yourself and doing your self compassion practice, 

Alone. 

Don't get me wrong, individual practices like self-compassion meditation or journaling can certainly be helpful, but they are also somewhat limiting and incomplete. 

The limits of these practices can be seen when we start to consider important practice questions like:

What about self-compassion that looks like opening to and receiving help when you’re in pain?

What about allowing others to carry some of the weight that you’ve been shouldering on your own?

What about self-compassion that is found in relationship and community?

And that involves taking the risk to be vulnerable,

And to receive?

Becoming a better friend to ourselves isn't always done in isolation. 

It can include engaging in the powerful practice of opening to

And receiving help,

Rather than closing off to it.

So today this is what we will explore and you will have the opportunity to hear directly from Kelly McGonigal in a moving clip from our conversation, about how this not only benefits us, but how it can be a gift to those offering their help.

Curious to explore this topic further? Here are some conversations on the podcast we think you'll love:

• Courage, Hope, and Human Transformation | Dr. Kelly McGonigal

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Want these practices delivered via text?

If you are located in the U.S. text the word COURAGE to 805-430-6801 to join Joshua's text community and you'll get a text once/week with a link directly to the practice.

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• Past Practicing Courage episodes in the podcast feed
• The FREE Practice Library

Support the Show.

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When you hear the word provoke what do you think of?

What about the word provocative?

For many (including myself)

This idea, of provocation, often holds a negative connotation.

Look it up in the dictionary and you’ll even see one definition that reads:

Purposefully stirring up a fight.

But as you can imagine there’s a very different form of provocation. 

One that when harnessed can:

• stimulate curiosity, 
• open us to new perspectives and outside-the-box ideas, 
• and one that ultimately invites  us to see our work, relationships, and the world we live in with fresh eyes. 

It’s a thrill to have Dr. Robert Biswas-Deiner on the show today as we explore this alternative form of provocation and fresh thought-provoking ideas inspired by his latest book: Positive Provocation: 25 Questions to Elevate Your Coaching Practice.


In today’s episode:

• Robert’s story about how he came to be doing the work he is engaged in today as a coach, trainer, researcher, and author. Including making a very tough decision to drop out of graduate school. 
• The details surrounding an invitation Robert received to be The Provocateur for an international coaching conference.
• How he defines Positive Provocation and what key elements support doing it well, both at work and in life.
• What he calls the 90 degree view - a sweet spot for inviting people into curiosity, and rethinking conventional ideas.
• Intriguing stories from coaching sessions, that offer insight into what he’s learned about the art of challenging people effectively.
• How to stay open to being positively provoked, including the importance of cultivating intellectual humility.
• How research on the psychology of hospitality ties into being a positive provocateur.

If you found today’s conversation interesting, I would encourage you to check out Robert’s new book, Positive Provocation where you can learn more about this approach, and see how he puts it into practice.

Did you find today’s conversation inspiring? Here are other episodes we think you’ll love:

• Practicing the Art of Principled Rebellion | Dr. Todd Kashdan
• Gentle Power: Shifting the Way We Define True Strength | Dr. Elisabet Lahti

More about Robert:

Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is widely known as the “Indiana Jones of Positive Psychology” because his research has taken him to such far-flung places as Greenland, India, Kenya, and Israel. He is a leading authority on strengths, culture, courage, and happiness and known for his pioneering work in the application of positive psychology to coaching. Robert has authored more than 60 peer-reviewed academic articles and chapters, two of which are “citation classics” (cited more than 1,000 times each). Dr. Biswas-Diener has authored eight books, including the New York Times Best Seller, The Upside of Your Dark Side. For more about Robert please visit robertdiener.com, and if you’re a coach looking for more details on Robert’s coach trainings and classes check out positiveacorn.com

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

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Dr. Jessica Tracy is the Director of the Emotion and Self Lab at the University of British Columbia, and someone I have been looking forward to interviewing for a long time.

Back in 2016 she published a book titled: Take Pride: Why the Deadliest Sin Holds the Secret to Human Success.

The title grabbed my attention.

Largely because the form of pride that I have seen more often discussed is hubris. 

Which shows its face in different ways:

• An overinflated ego
• Peacocking
• Flaunting success 
• Dominance and instilling fear as a leader, etc.

This hubristic side is well known, but what Jessica’s work shows is that pride has another face. 

One that is essential for helping us become our best, brightest selves. 

In the right doses and the right contexts, pride has been proven to boost creativity, motivate altruism, and confer power and prestige on those who display it. Today we’ll dive deep into this, covering hubristic pride, but also really exploring this less often discussed form of pride. 

What she calls authentic pride.

Which when harnessed may just hold the secret to success.

In today’s episode:

• How to cultivate authentic pride, including practices of getting quiet, listening to your life, and asking big questions about who you want to be and become
• Key differences between hubristic and authentic pride
• Intriguing findings that Jessica and her team have discovered about pride, both it’s drawbacks, and surprising benefits in life, at work, and in relationships
• Dominance and prestige - two leadership styles that manifest from hubristic and authentic pride and the impact each style has on teams, and organizations
• Why authentic pride can be a catalyst for creativity, innovation, and thriving organizational cultures
• The connection between pride and grit - how experiencing authentic pride can be the fuel for perseverance toward very long term goals
• How cultivating authentic pride can be a path to living well

I hope you enjoy the conversation with Jessica as much as I did!


Did you find this conversation inspiring? Here are other episodes we think you'll love:

• The Transformative Power of Humility | Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren
• Neuroscience, Spirituality, and the Quest for an Inspired Life | Dr. Lisa Miller

More about Jessica: 

Dr. Jessica Tracy is a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada, where she also directs the Emotion and Self Lab. Her research focuses on emotions and emotion expression, and especially on the self-conscious emotions of pride and shame. She has published over 80 journal articles, and her groundbreaking work on pride has been covered by hundreds of media outlets, including ABC’s Good Morning America, NPR’s All Things Considered, the New York Times, the Economist, and Scientific American. 

Enjoying the show? Please share with friends, and rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 


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At the end of each day we do a mental scan, reviewing our experiences from that day.

When people do this, they often find:

• The moments where they moved outside of their comfort zone
• The moments where they pushed themselves
• And the moments where they were courageous

Are often the moments that they end up being most proud of.

Additionally, leading courage researcher, Dr. Jim Detert asserts that when looking back on life its acts of courage that are often associated with greater fulfillment, meaning, and positive legacy.

Today I am going to offer a practice that will invite you to explore a simple process for intentionally increasing the capacity to be with discomfort, and how practicing this in low stakes moments can help strengthen your mind, body, and skillset to help unlock courage in moments that matter.

All practices can be found for free in The Practice Library.

Access the library here: https://www.practicingcourage.com/join-library

Interested in taking a deeper dive into practices that support greater calm, clarity, courage, and meaningful connection?

In an effort to create a delightful and seamless on-demand practice experience we created The Practice Pass, an annual membership that gives you access to all of this dynamic original content including both live and on-demand learning experiences.

If you sign up up for the Practice Pass you’ll receive:

Existing on-demand meditation challenges:

• Unlocking Creativity: A 5-Day Challenge
•  The Practicing Courage Challenge
• The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge
• 3 live challenges each year. 

Future topics for 2024 include: Navigating Transitions, and Finding Purpose.

Learn more and register for the pass here: https://www.practicingcourage.com/signup-practice-pass

Curious to explore this topic further? Here are some conversations on the podcast we think you'll love:

• Courage is Developed Through Practice | Dr. Jim Detert
• Lessons in Hope, Courage, and Human Transformation | Dr. Kelly McGonigal
• Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness | Emily Esfahani Smith

Till next time,
-Joshua

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