The Courageous Life

How can we more effectively navigate conversations with people who have different values, and beliefs than we do?

Neighbors, community members, co-workers, and family members who care deeply about the same issues, but who have widely different views about them. 

What are the conditions that would be needed in order to have productive conversations? 

What are the intentions, skills and mindsets we need to cultivate? 

Over the next few weeks these are the complex yet practical questions we will explore with Courageous Life guests new and old. 

You'll be exposed to leaders at the forefront of researching, facilitating, and sharing their hard earned wisdom, 

About how to have constructive dialogues, find win-win solutions to our hardest problems, and ultimately build bridges across difference. 

As we move into election season here in the US, these conversations are particularly timely,

But the skills and insights contained within each conversation are also timeless.

Today we’ll begin this powerful mini-series by re-releasing a past episode with Dr. Mylien Duong.

Mylien is Senior Director of Research at The Constructive Dialogue Institute, where they define Constructive dialogue as a form of conversation in which people who have different values, beliefs, and perspectives seek to build new ways to understand and interact with each other, even as they sustain commitments to their own principles and perspectives. 

Mylien helps to build out evidence-based content for having constructive dialogues, and oversees measuring the efficacy and effectiveness of the programming.  So far programming offered by the Institute: 

• Has impacted over 50K learners 
• Is being leveraged by 900+ Institutions 
• Shows that 86% of learners improved communication across difference
• And, 95% of educators recommend their programming

Their work has been featured in Time Magazine, Forbes, The New York Times, Harvard Business Review, Oprah Magazine, Psychology Today and more

In today's conversation: 

• Mylien’s story about how she came to this work
• The 5 principles of Constructive Dialogue that the Institute has established
• The power of curiosity and storytelling in constructive dialogue
• The importance of humility, self-worth, and feeling that you matter
• The power of emotional intelligence and nervous system regulation in navigating hard conversations more effectively

More about Mylien:

Dr. Mylien Duong has deep expertise in developing scalable behavioral interventions. Trained as a clinical psychologist, she was previously a senior research scientist at the Committee for Children, where she led the research to develop a social-emotional learning program for teachers in K-12 schools. Prior to that, she was faculty at the University of Washington, where they conducted federally funded research studies to develop and test behavioral interventions for youth in school and juvenile justice settings. She has received over $17 million in grant funding and published over 40 scientific articles and book chapters. For more: https://constructivedialogue.org/

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are more conversations we think you'll love:

• Dr. Marc Brackett - Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence
• Parker Palmer - Reflections on Living with an Open Heart

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Always do your best.

When I was growing up I heard that a lot.

"Just do your best."

"Leave it all on the field."

Or some similar version of that message.

It seemed like a generally positive and empowering message.

An invitation to show up fully and give it my all.

I was on board.

But what I didn’t realize was that this message was incomplete.

It was missing an important piece.

Today we'll explore what was missing.

The piece, that when leveraged, makes this a much more potent practice.

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• LIVE 6 Week Training in Positive Neuroplasticity with Joshua (begins October 5th, 2024)
• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• The FREE Practice Library

Support the show

One of the most extraordinary manifestations of human potential is:

Our ability to grow and strengthen ourselves in the face of pain, trauma, and those moments where life falls apart.

Today’s guest, Dr. Amrita Sen Mukherjee, has not only studied what contributes to this deeply human capacity for post-traumatic growth but has experienced it first-hand.

In our conversation we’ll dive deep into her story and insights she's gained about what fosters positive psychological change in response to trauma and adversity.

The qualities and conditions that support us in finding the courage to rise again after we fall,

And the potential we have to come back stronger. 

In today’s episode Amrita will share:

• Parts of her own story including facing illness after childbirth, and the many layers of adversity she experienced as both a mother, and a physician with invisible disability.
• Insights into Post-Traumatic Growth and her original research that explored the lived experiences of doctors with invisible disability.
• The conditions that contribute to other people being courageous in the face of significant obstacles.
• Practical skills for creating psychological safety, compassion, and empathy.
• The importance of mattering, and feeling at home in our own skin, and at home on the earth.  
• Practices that support showing ourselves and each other we are valued and that we matter.
• Reflections on the healing power of silence.
• Why humility, curiosity, and the willingness to not know can lead to people feeling seen.

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

The Courageous Journey Toward Wholeness | Parker Palmer
Gentle Power - Shifting the Way We Define True Strength | Dr. Elisabet Lahti

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

A quick note about the conversation today. There were some occasional minor sounds you’ll hear in the background as it wasn’t a perfectly quiet spot during recording which comes with the territory from time to time. We feel it didn’t detract much from the conversation though and are still very excited to share it with you.

More about Amrita:

Dr. Amrita Sen Mukherjee, Co-Chair of the Disabled Doctors Network, challenges the frameworks and biases that society imposes. She invites us to consider the potential for change when we unmask the strengths and abilities of the marginalised and to discover how adversity can enable growth, strength and compassion.  She is a dedicated Wellbeing Expert, Positive Psychology Coach, and accomplished Portfolio GP. Specialising in Posttraumatic Growth and guiding high performing professionals through life transitions, Amrita fosters environments of psychological safety and individual curiosity for personal and team growth. Amrita, conducted groundbreaking research on Posttraumatic Growth in Doctors with Invisible Disability, which was published in the British Journal of Health Psychology. As Co-Chair of the Disabled Doctors Network and EDI Lead at The Joyful Doctor, she actively promotes equality and is a Disability Advocate. She also serves as a Trustee for the Thomas Wall Trust and is the ambassador for Doctors in Distress. A sought-after TEDx speaker, Amrita has shared her expertise on wellbeing and equality across platforms like BBC News, podcasts, webinars, and International Conferences. For more please visit: yourwellbeing.doctor

Thanks for listening!

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In yesterday’s Courageous Life episode with psychologist and author, Dr. Jill Stoddard, we took a deep dive into overcoming self doubt and imposterism.

Part of which reminded me of a powerful practice for transforming stress.

A practice I first learned from Dr. Alia Crum and her team at Stanford’s Mind and Body Lab.

I originally created this practice for the 5-day Transforming Stress Challenge, which features 5 days of guided practices, insights from leading experts, and different tools that can help you change your relationship to stress in a whole host of beneficial ways.

Today we are re-releasing a modified version of this practice.

In it you'll be exposed to Dr. Alia Crum and her growing body of research on the power our mindsets hold to transform our lives, our health, and our performance.

You’ll learn three powerful steps for shifting your mindset on stress.

Rather than push it away, you will be invited to acknowledge, welcome, and utilize your stress in ways that can lead to positive ripple effects in life, on health, and that lead to better performance.

Simply put, this practice can help you to stress better.

Curious to explore this topic further? Check out the full conversation with Dr. Jill Stoddard or the 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge:

• Overcoming Self-Doubt and Imposterism | Dr. Jill Stoddard
• Transforming Stress Challenge

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• LIVE 6 Week Training in Positive Neuroplasticity with Joshua (begins October 5th, 2024)
• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• The FREE Practice Library

Support the show

Today’s guest identifies as a recovered imposter.

For years, she was convinced that the only reason she was accepted into a competitive grad school program was because her father knew the program director.

One thing research shows is that Dr. Jill Stoddard, psychologist, and author of Imposter No More, isn't alone in this.

Deep down, a majority of successful people feel a sense of self doubt and question their professional legitimacy a good amount of the time.

In today’s conversation we’ll dive into Jill’s fascinating and important work around this often relatable experience of Imposterism, including:

• Understanding what it is, why we do it, and how it works
• Why the notion of imposter syndrome is actually a misnomer. 
• We’ll explore some of Jill’s personal stories and experiences of working through her own imposter thoughts and feelings of self-doubt
• What she's learned from personal experiences as well as through her work as a psychologist running an anxiety clinic. 
• How to work with imposterism - Specifically how strengthening psychological flexibility can ultimately be a way to free ourselves from the experience of being constrained by fear, doubt, and uncertainty. 

Today’s episode is one that I think will be deeply relatable for so many. After listening If you know someone who may benefit from it, I would encourage you to share with friends.

If you want to dive deeper into Jill’s work please visit jillstoddard.com or pick up a copy of Imposter No more: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career, wherever books are sold.

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• Letting go of Perfectionism and Finding Happiness | Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar
• Meeting Failure with Curiosity and Compassion | Dr. Amy Edmondson

More about Jill:

Jill Stoddard is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, writer, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. She has authored three books: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Her writing has also appeared in Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. 

Thanks for listening! 

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In the hero's journey, the hero or heroine is called to adventure.

Often in the form of a quest, a challenge, or an adversity.

And often in unexpected ways.

One of the things that’s interesting about the heroes journey is that shortly after the call a helper enters the picture.

A mentor, sage, guide, or a coach who helps the hero to navigate the adventure,
as they strengthen themselves and ultimately transform in ways that allow them to meet their life from a wiser, more skillful, and often more responsive place.

Today, we’re bringing you the next episode in this new adventure on the Courageous Life - inspiring stories from everyday heroes and the helpers who walk beside them.

I am thrilled to share another beautiful helpers conversation, with Liliana Öğün.

Liliana is an Executive & Career Coach with more than 20 years of experience in leadership coaching, career coaching, and communication consulting.

She holds a Master Certified Coach credential from the International Coach Federation.

And since 2010 has been helping leaders across the globe enhance their productivity while maintaining work-life balance.

Through coaching, she empowers her clients to raise their awareness and take personal accountability, leading to transformative changes in their careers and lives. For more on Liliana please visit surfingchange.com

Today, we’ll explore some of Liliana’s journey, including:

• A personal story of her parents' loss of one of their children, and how she and her sister navigated the experience together. She'll share more about what she learned, and how the adversity shaped how she approaches her work today. 
  
  
• How she “walks beside” her clients. Including meeting them with curiosity, unconditional positive regard, and challenging them to realize their potential.
  
  
• Tools and practices that have helped her clients to deepen awareness, and transform their relationship to themselves, and others. 

This conversation was beautiful.  Liliana showed again and again how she embodies the qualities she speaks of, and if you’re looking for practical takeaways, you’ll find she offers those as well.

I hope you enjoy the time with her as much as I did.

Did you find this conversation inspiring? Here are other episodes we think you'll love:

• Building a future starts with feeling seen with Hayley Philander
• Embracing the journey from 'doing' to 'being' with Amy Dong

 Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 
 
 Thanks for listening!

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"It’s very important work to be calm in a storm. To be a center for the people in your life." -Elizabeth Lesser (Courageous Life Episode 112)

So often when storms arise in our life they unleash a variety of feelings:

• Uncertainty
• Fear
• Groundlessness

When these experiences arise the mind will often will enter into a cycle of trying to find ground, often by running through future based scenarios, and planning thinking.

And while planning can be helpful up to a point, if we spend too much time focusing on what if

We can get lost in cycles of worry.

In these moments a helpful practice to find calm, and return to center is to remember that:

The only moment we have is this one.

That, there is no "there".

There's only here.

And to return to the present.

Finding calm again even in the midst of a storm.

Today's practice will offer a clip from yesterday's Courageous Life conversation with Elizabeth Lesser, and a story of my time with Mark Nepo in 2018 where he offered a reminder of this beautiful practice.

Curious to explore this topic further? Check out the full conversations Elizabeth Lesser and Mark Nepo:

• Strong Back, Soft Front: The Practice of a Lifetime | Elizabeth Lesser
• Finding Inner Courage Where it Lives | Mark Nepo

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• LIVE 6 Week Training in Positive Neuroplasticity with Joshua (begins October 5th, 2024)
• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• The FREE Practice Library

Support the show

In the more than forty years since she co-founded Omega Institute—now the world’s largest center for spiritual retreat and personal growth—Elizabeth Lesser has been an intimate witness to the ways in which people weather change and transition. 

In our conversation I shared the question we have been exploring on the show for years.

A question that can serve as a natural companion to the experience of change, and transition we so often face in the many facets of our lives:

When my heart begins to close, how do I open it again?

Her response was that this question, may be the one that she’s explored more than any other in her life. 

Today we’ll explore the practice of opening the heart and mind again when it begins to close.

The conversation is broken into 3 parts:

In part one:

Elizabeth will share insights she’s gained over the years about opening the heart and finding the courage to blossom into who we were meant to be.

In part two:

She'll offer some of her hard-earned wisdom about staying open, curious, and engaged in tough conversations. Whether it be across the political divide or elsewhere.

She'll also share some of her personal story about an experience with her sister that centered around uncovering the depth of their love through the life-and-death experience of a bone marrow transplant. 

Particularly how this experience opened the door for them to engage in a practice of being radically honest with each other. A practice that ultimately transformed them both.

In part three:

We’ll discuss perhaps the most challenging form of opening. 

Relaxing into uncertainty.  Cultivating the ability to let go and relax into the vulnerability of being human. 

And as we wrap up Elizabeth will leave us with a closing thought around why a spiritual practice is so important for the challenging times we are facing now.

Today's conversation is just scratching the surface on these themes. For more, I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy of her beautiful book, Broken Open.

Did you find today's episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity | Mark Nepo
Neuroscience, Spirituality, and the Quest for an Inspired Life | Dr. Lisa Miller

More about Elizabeth:

ELIZABETH LESSER  is the author of several books, including New York Times Bestseller Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow and Marrow: Love, Loss & What Matters Most. She is the cofounder of Omega Institute, recognized internationally for its workshops and conferences in wellness, spirituality, creativity, and social change. In 2011, she gave a popular TED talk called “Take The Other to Lunch,” a call for civility and understanding as we negotiate our differences as human beings. She gave her second TED talk in 2016, about the power of truth-telling. She is also one of Oprah’s Super Soul 100, a collection of a hundred leaders who are using their voices and talent to elevate humanity. Fore more about Elizabeth please visit: Elizabethlesser.org. and for more about the programming and wide variety of offerings at Omega Institute please visit https://www.eomega.org/

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 

Thanks for listening!

Support the show

In the hero's journey, the hero or heroine is called to adventure. 

Often in the form of a quest, a challenge, or an adversity,

And often in unexpected ways.

One of the things that’s interesting about the hero's journey is that shortly after the call a helper enters the picture.

A mentor, sage, guide, or a coach of some sort.

They help the hero:

• Navigate the adventure
• Strengthen themselves
• And ultimately transform in ways that allow them to meet their life from a wiser, more skillful, and more responsive place. 

As we looked at starting a new series featuring everyday heroes, the role of the helper was striking.

And we couldn’t help but think this new series would be incomplete if we didn’t include episodes featuring helpers.

So here we are.

Launching our next episode in this new adventure.

Conversations featuring inspiring stories from everyday heroes and the helpers who walk beside them.

Today I am honored and excited to share another beautiful helpers conversation, with Hayley Philander.

Hayley is a Lawyer who co-founded an organization called IseeU.

On the organization's website they share:

Every morning young women from the Cape Flats face an overwhelming challenge – they wake to a community with some of the highest rates of gangsterism and drug addiction in South Africa. They also face an epidemic of gender based violence alongside a failing education system. It is from this environment that our young women begin to formulate their identity, their sense of potential and their dreams for the future.

IseeU was launched eight years ago and offers a three-year mentorship programme supporting young female students from Grade 10 to 12, who are from the Cape Flats.

The name IseeU was inspired by one of the young women participating in the programme – who shared that she felt seen, for the first time in her life.

Building a future starts with feeling seen.

Today, we’ll explore some of Hayley’s journey in co-founding IseeU, including:

• Growing up in Apartheid South Africa and the story of a mentor who saw her potential, believed in her, and helped her to feel deeply seen. 
• More about the mission of IseeU and the incredible work they are doing
• Tools and practices that have helped young women in their program move from reactivity, to responsiveness, dream about their future and find hope in the face of immense challenges. 

For more on Hayley and ways to get involved and support IseeU please visit iseeu.org.za

Did you find this conversation inspiring? Here are other Heroes and Helpers episodes we think you'll love:

• Becoming your own inner ally with Alfreda McCray
• Embracing the journey from 'doing' to 'being' with Amy Dong

  Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 
  
  Thanks for listening!

Support the show

After work one evening I met a friend who has been navigating big questions about their career and what’s next.

We sat outside and they shared some of their story.

A close friend of theirs, whom they care about and deeply respect

Had called them up 

And offered advice about what to do.

While well intended it completely missed the mark. 

My friend left feeling much worse than they had before. 

Wishing that the advice had never been given. 

Wishing that their friend had been aware that the advice they were giving, while well intended, was really more about their own discomfort with the situation, then truly about helping. 

Have you had this experience? 

Either being on the receiving end? 

Or the giving end of well intended advice that completely misses?

It’s such a common experience as humans. 

When we care, 

when people matter to us, 

there can be a whole host of emotions and desires that arise in these types of moments. 

• A desire to fix
• To solve
• To save
• To advise
• To please

Sometimes these are born out of fear

Sometimes they are born from our lived experience (well this is how I did it so it should work for them).

Or (well this happened to me, so I want to make sure it doesn’t happen to them). 

These are various Expressions of the ego.

Expressions that we can only see when we pay attention closely, when we bring mindful awareness to our inner life in these moments.

Without awareness it’s all too easy to fall into a trap of offering unwanted advice.

Today’s episode will offer ways to not fall into the trap nearly as often

As you are invited into the practice of being real

A practice that can help deepen relationships and foster more meaningful connection in our lives.

Today's episode was in part inspired by a recent Courageous Life conversation with renowned therapist Dr. Jacob Ham.

Curious to explore this topic further? Check out the full conversation with Dr. Ham:

• The Art of Meeting Life with Curiosity, Presence, and Love | Dr. Jacob Ham

Thank you for your practice today.

I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

-Joshua

Want these practices delivered via text?

If you are located in the U.S. text the word COURAGE to 805-430-6801 to join Joshua's text community and you'll get a text once/week with a link directly to the practice.

Looking for more practice opportunities? 

Check out:

• Free Meditation Events - 60 minute gatherings with Joshua held 2x a month over zoom
• The Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge, The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge and the brand NEW Creativity Challenge.
• Past Practicing Courage episodes in the podcast feed
• The FREE Practice Library

Support the show